FabSwingers.com forum: worst joke ever?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What's the worst joke you've been told or continue to tell..

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh

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By *aul.J.JMan
over a year ago

Sedgley

What do you call an alligator in a vest????

an investigator. .....I'll get me coat!!

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

how does a woman turn a gay man straight?? shit in the her fanny , . the end. . . sorry he did say awful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two parrots talking on a perch.

"Here, can you smell fish"

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By *smCouple
over a year ago

Liskeard

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says

to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe

you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've got a legless dog called woodbine, I have to take him out for a drag!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i was given a wind up radio for christmas,when i switched it on it called me fat and said my mum was easy

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By *bony in IvoryCouple
over a year ago

Black&White Utopia

What do you call a Donkey with 3 legs?

Wonkey!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats black and white and red?

A nun rolling down some concrete steps.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Two cows in a field. One says to the other "what do you reckon about this mad cow desease?"

Cow replies "Doesnt effect me....I'm a helicopter!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

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By *iverpool LoverMan
over a year ago

liverpool

What do you call a fly without wings?

Walk

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

Whats black and white and red?

A nun rolling down some concrete steps."

What's black, white, red and can't turn round in corridors?

A nun with a javelin through her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do u call a deer with no eyes?

No idea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

Breathe, idiot! BREATHE!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?... A carrot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do u call a deer with no eyes?

No idea"

What do you call a dear with no eyes or legs?

Still no idea..!!

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

. .see the old guy on gogglebox..see if he had magots crawling out his nose and floods of ear wax piling up on his shoulders . . . .Thats your mum that is

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By *hortieWoman
over a year ago

Northampton

whats yellow and goes 'cheep cheep'? a chinese prostitute

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a man walks into a bar

ouch

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

cadbury are launching a new bubble chocolate bar but just in the far east and the orient. . . i think its a Chinese whispa

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By *edonistic needsWoman
over a year ago

sexton

Why was Snow White thrown out of Disney land ?

She was found sat on Pinocchio s face shouting lie you bastard lie

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By *ichaelangelaCouple
over a year ago

notts

"What do u call a deer with no eyes?

No idea

What do you call a dear with no eyes or legs?

Still no idea..!!

what do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and its havin a shag??

still no fucking idea

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By *ichaelangelaCouple
over a year ago

notts

what do you call a boomerang that dont come back ??

a stick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do you call an alligator in a vest????

an investigator. .....I'll get me coat!!

Is it wrong that this 1 actually made me giggle?!

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

Two goldfish in a tank.

First one turns to the other and says "You drive, and I'll fire the gun!"

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By *rymeplsMan
over a year ago

manchester

Whats red and sits in a tree? A sanitry owl

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By *smCouple
over a year ago

Liskeard

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,

which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate

very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him. .

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

What's black and white and sits on a wall?

Humpty baseball boot!

(So daft it's been cracking me up for 30 yrs haha!)

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By *enithWoman
over a year ago

closer than you think

2 eggs in a saucepan of boiling water, egg 1: "blimey it's hot in here"

egg 2: "wait till you get out, they smash your head in!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's red and wrapped in paper ?

Abortion of chips

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats got two legs and bleeds a lot

half a dog

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo??

A wooly jumper

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know someone who talks like an owl.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mommy wats that betwen your legs

its where daddy hit me with the axe

good shot he got you right in the cunt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know someone who talks like an owl. "

Who ?

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By *ushandkittyCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

Apparently the guy who invented Chinese whispers has died............................. Pass it on!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know someone who talks like an owl.

Who ?"

Oh dear I wondered who'd ask first lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know someone who talks like an owl.

Who ?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the man wear a bowler hat ?

Because he'd look funny wearing a bowl of soup.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dogs got no nose.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 nuns in a bath, 1 says wheres the soap, the other 1 says, yeah it dose dosent it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's green and dangerous?

A frog with a flick knife!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Dam.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to the shop and said"can I have some credit for my phone",the guy said "Why? you didn't make it

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By *nfieldishCouple
over a year ago

Enfield

"My dogs got no nose. "

How does he smell?

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By *hynewguy2012Man
over a year ago

dartford

The guy that wrote " the hokey y " song died last month.

it took us 6 hours too bury him.

left leg in ..left leg out.

In out and you shake it all about

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My dogs got no nose.

How does he smell?"

Awful.

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

My wife said " she wanted a night to remember,!"

So I bought her a memory foam mattress,,

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By *nfieldishCouple
over a year ago

Enfield

"My dogs got no nose.

How does he smell?

Awful. "

Boom tish....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the sweetie go to school?

Because he wanted to be a Smartie.

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By *hynewguy2012Man
over a year ago

dartford

My wife wanted something left on the drive that went from nought to 200 in under 60 seconds for her birthday.

Imagine her surprise when she opened the door and found a set of bathroom scales.

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By *ibbyhunterCouple
over a year ago

keighley

what do you call a donkey withh three leg?...... a wonky.

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By *ibanditMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

The one about the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's brown and sticky

A stick

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

see the old woman that sits next to the old man on gogglebox ..if she had worms comin out of her eyes and smelt of stale piss . . .Thats your dad that is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a septic cat ? ...'Puss' ;p

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By *atinbootsTV/TS
over a year ago

Market Rasen

[Removed by poster at 18/04/14 12:15:02]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A woman and a duck walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Where'd you get the pig."

The woman says, "That's not a pig, that's a duck."

He says, "I was talking to the duck."

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By *lappyMan
over a year ago

Manchester

What do you call cheese that's not yours ????

( in mexican accent ) Nancho cheese

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's the worst joke you've been told or continue to tell..

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh"
David Moyes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did one traffic light say to the other?

Don't look. I'm changing.

....perverts aren't they!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sausage and egg in a pan

The sausage said " God its hot in here "

The egg said " Fucking hell a talking sausage

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By *bony in IvoryCouple
over a year ago

Black&White Utopia

Horse walks into a bar , trots up to the bar ... Barman looks at him and asks " why the long face" ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Horse walks into a bar , trots up to the bar ... Barman looks at him and asks " why the long face" ?

"
A bear walks it the bar and says " Could I have a pint of .................................... beer

The barman says ." Why the big pause ( paws ) see what I did there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do electricians drive?

...Voltswagon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What days do eggs hate?

Fry days

What do you call a mischievous egg?

A practical yolker

How do eggs leave the motorway?

By using the eggs it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats black and white and red?

A nun rolling down some concrete steps.

What's black, white, red and can't turn round in corridors?

A nun with a javelin through her"

Whats black white and read ? A newspaper

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An octopus walks into a bar and sees a band playing in the corner, composed of those bar-room heroes, the Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman. He walks up and says “I’m the best musician in the world. I can play any instrument you like”. So the English guy goes “Alright then. Play this” and hands him a guitar. The octopus plays it better than Jimi Hendrix, better than Chuck Berry, better than anyone and hands him back the guitar. The Irishman says “Okay, how about this?” and shows him to the piano. The octopus sits down and plays it like never before – Better than Jerry Lee Lewis and Elton John. The best pianist ever. Finally, a Scotsman says “Alright, let’s see ya play this then” and hands him a set of bagpipes. The octopus looks at them and fumbles with them. Couple more minutes and he’s still struggling and there’s no sound coming out. Couple more minutes and still nothing so the Scotsman says “Oh, so can you not play it then?” And the octopus says “Play it? I’m gonna fuck her when I get her pyjamas off”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What wobbles in the sky?

A jellycopter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Three strings walk into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve strings here!"

They go outside and one of the strings messes up his hair and ties himself up. He walks back inside and the barman says, "Aren't you one of those strings I just got rid of?"

The string says, "I'm a frayed knot!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A young man walks into a bar and asks for 5 shots of tequila.

The barman says 5, are you celebrating something?

Young man replies with yes, I've just had my first blowjob.

Barman says congratulations, have one on me aswell

Young man says no its ok mate, if 5 don't get rid of the taste, nothing will

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By *uud 4-funMan
over a year ago

Dartford

Ok here's one:

Why are pirates called 'pirates'?

Coz they Aaaaarrrrrrr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two flys playing football badly in a saucer. One fly says to the other " we better improve quickly because next week we are playing in the cup."

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

what do you call a stationary rutting blind deer with no ears ...... anything you like .. it cant hear you

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

what do you call a fly with no wings or legs...... a raisin

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two lions walking on the front in Skegness, one turns to the other and says "it's quiet here for a bank holiday "!

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

see the skin that forms on the top of a cup of coffee and the brown stains that run down the cup all sticky and smelly . . .Thats you that is

x X X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a fly with no wings ?

A walk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The lady next door is seeing james bond every niht i hear her screeming roger moore

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The lady next door is seeing james bond every niht i hear her screeming roger moore"

You got a day job right???

lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The lady next door is seeing james bond every niht i hear her screeming roger moore

You got a day job right???

lol"

Wel this is the worst joke hisnt it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"what do you call a stationary rutting blind deer with no ears ...... anything you like .. it cant hear you"

Still no idea?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's 6 inches long and starts with a p?

.... A shit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

White horse walks into a bar. The barman says "hey, we have a whiskey named after you!"

The horse scratches his head and replies "you have a whiskey named Eric?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Strainge i had a dreem last niht i eat a giant marsh melow and woke up this morning and my pilow had gon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jesus on the cross called to his disciples and whispered "Don't eat my easter eggs I'll be back!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you see the AA man?

Standing next to his little yellow AA van?

He was looking down to the ground, shaking his head from side to side.....

Rubbing his forehead....

he really didn't look happy at all....

As I drove past him, I thought to myself -

"Now there's a man heading for a breakdown"...............

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've not read all the jokes so if this is on already my apologies.

Right here we go..............

What's the difference between a Buffalo and a Bison??

You can't wash your hands in a Buffalo!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole at Easter?

A hot cross bunny.

Jesus goes in to a hotel on good Friday, puts 3 nails down on the counter and says "can you put me up for the night?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

V LOVES telling this one.

2 ols playing pool.

one pots the white

stands up and says 'twohitstoyouuuu'

the other turns round from the bar and says 'twohitstowhooooo?'

you have to tell the punchline like an owl hooting lol.

she finds it extremely entertaining lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think we should make up some Fab Christmas crackers.

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By *lanwoodMan
over a year ago

Alton

Two fish in a goldfish bowl. What's the name of the one in front?

Bob.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I saw guy walking round and round the cemetery carrying a headstone

I thought " Hey up hes lost the plot

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By *wiggy2112Woman
over a year ago

some where in Yorkshire

"I know someone who talks like an owl. "

this had me in fits if laughter ....so much so i couldn't wait to say it to a friend

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

"see the skin that forms on the top of a cup of coffee and the brown stains that run down the cup all sticky and smelly . . .Thats you that is

x X X"

That's your mum that's is

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You know like a broken saucer with all chips round the edge......that's your satellite dish that is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the two peanuts walking down the street? ...

..... One was a salted

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

guy walks into bakers. .. .excuse me sir can i help you?. .?.

yesa meringue & is that a doughnut?

no sir your not wrong& that is indeed a doughnut

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?

Full!

Sorry... Fav joke forever though!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why was six afraid of seven?

...because seven eight nine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Heard about the Homosexual Sparrow..Flew upside down for a Lark

Or the Homosexual Vicar...20 Revs a minute

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They're all great!

What goes ring, ring, AAARGHHH?

David Blunkett answering the iron.

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By *ev-PMan
over a year ago

Hampshire

Loving these

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day

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By *ave_diamondMan
over a year ago

Rhyd-y-foel

whats the smelliest thing in the world?

.... a kippers fanny!

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

whats even smellier than the smelliest thing in the world. . . .

a dead kippers fanny .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I recently went to a funeral of a friend who had drowned at sea after falling off his boat.

I picked a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt; it is what he would have wanted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Homosexual gardener..... Up to his neck in peat !

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By *yphoon1Man
over a year ago

Man with a 1000 rabbits up his bum?

Warren

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 fish in a tank, one says to the other'any idea how to drive this thing'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,

which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate

very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him. .

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis."

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By *exywheelsCouple
over a year ago

inverness

Clippity Clop

Bang

Clippity Clop

Amish drive by shooting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stopped overnight in an hotel and for tea had a bowl of the best soup we had ever tasted.

So impressed were we that we arranged to have a swinger party there and invited 20 of our cuckold friends.

For tea we all ordered this fantastic soup but upon tasting it was horrid and nothing like before.

Just goes to show...too many cucks spoil the broth

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By *irtyminkyMan
over a year ago

norwich

Stevie wonder got a cheese grater for his birthday. Said it was the most horrific book he'd read ....... Never have sex with a retarded dwarf. It is not big or clever

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not saying he thick but he spent 5hours staring at a bottle of juice because it had concentrate .printed on the label

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By *hynewguy2012Man
over a year ago

dartford

I farted in a packed lift today.

That's wrong on so many levels.

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By *hynewguy2012Man
over a year ago

dartford

"Clippity Clop

Clippity Clop

Bang

Clippity Clop

Amish drive by shooting."

Lmao that must be the winner! !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dwarfs and Midgets have very little in common.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jonathan Ross has just been arrested for taking a food mixer out of argos without paying .He was quoted as saying . " It was a whisk I willing to take .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what do you get if you cross a donkey with an onion?

a piece of ass that'l bring a tear to your eye

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