FabSwingers.com forum: magic pussy

By *odareyou OP Man
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

I know magicians say the hand is faster than the eye, well I think my mums cat is David Blaine Copperfield rolled into one,

The cat has been poorly vet prescribed some tabllets at tthe vets the vet held the cat mouth opened tablet in cat swallowed,, I held cat mouth opened loud hiss growl several scratches later I think plan b so tablet wrapped in a tasty morsel of meat cat opens mouth purrs eats morsel of meat, I think yey thats the way ,, tthen I find the tablet on the settee, how the fu#k did that happen meats eaten tablet not and I didn t see it spit,??

Anybody want to offer advice, or should I book her on britains got talent?

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I know magicians say the hand is faster than the eye, well I think my mums cat is David Blaine Copperfield rolled into one,

Anybody want to offer advice, or should I book her on britains got talent? "

Oh they're so good at that!! You have to learn how to get the tablet on the back of the tongue so the only way is down!!

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By *oveleylegsMan
over a year ago

manchester

Crush it and mix into the kitty kat, they never know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Large towel.....wrap said cat in towel tightly to avoid claws.....sit down with cat on lap....open mouth, put tablet to back of throat and holding the mouth open push the tablet further down gently with a finger or pen but if pen be very careful, then close mouth and massage the throat with head pointed up to encourage the swallow reflex.

If the cat is still in the room when you unwrap it then give it a food treat.....good luck dogs are easier btw

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By *odareyou OP Man
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

"Large towel.....wrap said cat in towel tightly to avoid claws.....sit down with cat on lap....open mouth, put tablet to back of throat and holding the mouth open push the tablet further down gently with a finger or pen but if pen be very careful, then close mouth and massage the throat with head pointed up to encourage the swallow reflex.

If the cat is still in the room when you unwrap it then give it a food treat.....good luck dogs are easier btw

Tried the towel I think shes related to Houdini as well as David blaine,

so I m putting up a meet request about 8 this evening and the next four days so any vets (thats not a mistype for tvts

) that would like to be wined and fed a meaty morsel,,

or just to sit and have a chat with my mum ( she ll regale you with lots of embarrassing stories about me

,) please get in touch,,

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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago

Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you)

If the cat is still in the room when you unwrap it then give it a food treat.....good luck dogs are easier btw

Tried the towel I think shes related to Houdini as well as David blaine,

so I m putting up a meet request about 8 this evening and the next four days so any vets (thats not a mistype for tvts

) that would like to be wined and fed a meaty morsel,,

or just to sit and have a chat with my mum ( she ll regale you with lots of embarrassing stories about me

,) please get in touch,, "

Maybe try a bit of something naughty....ice cream or butter that she is not normally allowed and crush it in...only a teaspoon though because it is naughty food but she might just lick it all up....we have got a cat with a thyroid problem so I have to medicate his twice a day but I have got used to just opening him up and ramming it in now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a really funny story doing the rounds a few yrs ago about giving a cat tablets,google and see if it comes up

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By *uro anchorMan
over a year ago

Coventry

have the cat put down and get a new one that works...

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By *odareyou OP Man
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

"have the cat put down and get a new one that works...

I ll send mum and the cat your best wishes,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

cut out the oriface and slit her throat, put hte tablet straight in and stitch it back up.

admittedly, this plan of attack very rarely works first time. lol

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By *uro anchorMan
over a year ago

Coventry

"cut out the oriface and slit her throat, put hte tablet straight in and stitch it back up.

admittedly, this plan of attack very rarely works first time. lol"

there you go dont have to put it down now..

but make sure that the knife is sharp you dont want the cat to get stressed..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread is a bit fucking misleading I was expecting a dove to fly out of at least one pussy hole in this thread!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ive heard of a vet that puts tablet on the end of a straw - sucks it and positions in held open mouth - and then blows the pill down the throat

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By *oddyWoman
over a year ago

between havant and chichester

Giving Cats Pills

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a

baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and

gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat

opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm

and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from

foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand.

Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold

mouth shut for a count of 10.

4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call

spouse from garden.

5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and

rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head

firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down

ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

6. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make

note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered

figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

7. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just

visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force

cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

8. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water

to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from

carpet with cold water and soap.

9. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in

cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open

with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

10. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold

compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw

T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

11. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize

to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last

pill from foil wrap.

12. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to

leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's

mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece

of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat

to wash pill down.

13. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor

stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop

by furniture shop on way home to order new table.

14. Arrange for vet to make a housecall.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Giving Cats Pills

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a

baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and

gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat

opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm

and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from

foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand.

Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold

mouth shut for a count of 10.

4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call

spouse from garden.

5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and

rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head

firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down

ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

6. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make

note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered

figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

7. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just

visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force

cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

8. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water

to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from

carpet with cold water and soap.

9. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in

cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open

with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

10. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold

compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw

T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

11. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize

to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last

pill from foil wrap.

12. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to

leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's

mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece

of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat

to wash pill down.

13. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor

stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop

by furniture shop on way home to order new table.

14. Arrange for vet to make a housecall.

Haha, love it.

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By *odareyou OP Man
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

"Giving Cats Pills

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a

baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and

gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat

opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm

and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from

foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand.

Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold

mouth shut for a count of 10.

4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call

spouse from garden.

5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and

rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head

firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down

ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

6. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make

note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered

figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

7. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just

visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force

cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

8. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water

to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from

carpet with cold water and soap.

9. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in

cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open

with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

10. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold

compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw

T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

11. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize

to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last

pill from foil wrap.

12. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to

leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's

mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece

of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat

to wash pill down.

13. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor

stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop

by furniture shop on way home to order new table.

14. Arrange for vet to make a housecall.

Well thats just about the size of it,!! Instead of spying on me you could have helped,!! :- D

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