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Does dominance always seek to demean??

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By *risky_Mare OP   Woman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Do men who feel they are dominant, alpha, always need to demean their women?? Is it a drive within them??

Do they find themselves wanting to 'gain the upper hand' for the sake of it? Impose their will and see what will be tolerated?? Always push boundaries?

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I can't speak for Dominant men but as a Dominant woman I only seek to demean a sub when it's something they enjoy or as punishment.

D/s is supposed to be rewarding for everyone involved.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Not always in my experience and anyone that came to try and dominate me in such a way would be told where to go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/04/14 21:55:05]

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By *nigmatic1Woman
over a year ago

A seaside town near you!

I'd like to meet someone who could actually dominate me!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I certainly enjoy the concept of power and the potential to demean, however Im conscious that this must be within defined parameters and entirely cooperative.

The key I suppose is finding someone who wants to be demeaned a bit?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's something between the two of them to be honest.. A true dominant will always respect his sub will he not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't find it demeaning at all.

Sexy - yes

Horny - VERY

More-ish - most definitely!

Sara x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fine line between domination and being overbearing and superior which wouldn't work I think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 03/04/14 21:55:05]"

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"I'd like to meet someone who could actually dominate me!! "

If you don't want them to then they won't be able to.

Taking control from someone not giving it willingly is abuse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Complex to analyse. Wonderful to exercise

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford


"Do men who feel they are dominant, alpha, always need to demean their women?? Is it a drive within them??

Do they find themselves wanting to 'gain the upper hand' for the sake of it? Impose their will and see what will be tolerated?? Always push boundaries?"

No. Also; being "Alpha" and dominance do not always go hand in hand. I have met far too many "dominants" who are insecure, mysogynistic beta-types.

(I class myself as neither of the above by the way).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do men who feel they are dominant, alpha, always need to demean their women

Do they find themselves wanting to 'gain the upper hand' for the sake of it?"

Yeah. It does to those who haven't got a fucking clue what it means to be Dom.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"Do men who feel they are dominant, alpha, always need to demean their women

Do they find themselves wanting to 'gain the upper hand' for the sake of it?

Yeah. It does to those who haven't got a fucking clue what it means to be Dom.

"

^ this. Dumbinants.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The first person to teach me anything about domination completely blew away every misconception I ever had. They taught me It is not about degradation and humiliation but about giving the person what they want. Even if they don't know it themselves. If that involves humiliation then so be it.

Most people haven't got a clue

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do men who feel they are dominant, alpha, always need to demean their women

Do they find themselves wanting to 'gain the upper hand' for the sake of it?

Yeah. It does to those who haven't got a fucking clue what it means to be Dom.

"

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By *nigmatic1Woman
over a year ago

A seaside town near you!


"I'd like to meet someone who could actually dominate me!!

If you don't want them to then they won't be able to.

Taking control from someone not giving it willingly is abuse."

It's something that's always intrigued me and also something that I think I might enjoy but haven't met anyone that I could trust enough

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

I seem to be accidently dom and the last thing I would want to do is demean or take advantage x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do men who feel they are dominant, alpha, always need to demean their women

Do they find themselves wanting to 'gain the upper hand' for the sake of it?

Yeah. It does to those who haven't got a fucking clue what it means to be Dom.

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Those types aren't dominants they are just bullies!

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"I'd like to meet someone who could actually dominate me!!

If you don't want them to then they won't be able to.

Taking control from someone not giving it willingly is abuse.

It's something that's always intrigued me and also something that I think I might enjoy but haven't met anyone that I could trust enough "

Ah, that I understand. It does need a lot of trust.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I should have added, it doesn't necessarily mean degradation unless that is what is wanted

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By *nigmatic1Woman
over a year ago

A seaside town near you!


"I'd like to meet someone who could actually dominate me!!

If you don't want them to then they won't be able to.

Taking control from someone not giving it willingly is abuse.

It's something that's always intrigued me and also something that I think I might enjoy but haven't met anyone that I could trust enough

Ah, that I understand. It does need a lot of trust."

I live in hope

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do men who feel they are dominant, alpha, always need to demean their women?? Is it a drive within them??

Do they find themselves wanting to 'gain the upper hand' for the sake of it? Impose their will and see what will be tolerated?? Always push boundaries?"

What you describe is more commonly knows as a bully you get male ones and female ones imposing your will hasn't much to do dominating just belittling people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The sub has the power, they must be able to trust their partner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can't speak for Dominant men but as a Dominant woman I only seek to demean a sub when it's something they enjoy or as punishment.

D/s is supposed to be rewarding for everyone involved."

exactly in the true nature of the dom sub dynamic this is the foundation to it. Its the only way i engage in dom sub acts. Not to undermine the person and beyond their boundaries.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do men who feel they are dominant, alpha, always need to demean their women?? Is it a drive within them??

Do they find themselves wanting to 'gain the upper hand' for the sake of it? Impose their will and see what will be tolerated?? Always push boundaries?"

No. All this bull about how a Dominant takes what they want from a sub, without the sub, what is the Dominant? The Dominant is also giving the sub what they need.

A Dominant may help lead the sub into doing things the sub wouldn't otherwise do due to lack of confidence or low self esteem.

And nobody should push boundaries. If a boundary has been set, it is a limit. If a sub says they want to explore or try something, it is no longer a boundary. All of this boundary pushing nonsense annoys me. My only boundaries are the 3 Ps and if anyone dared to push those I would ensure my local community knew they were not to be trusted.

crystal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

True dominance is when the "sub" truly trusts the dom and willingly hands over their power... Ergo, the sub holds the power...

I've not met a true dom yet that doesn't want to just over power and demean me....

Here's hoping..... x

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By *nigmatic1Woman
over a year ago

A seaside town near you!

I've chatted to doms and to be honest their manner and the way they spoke to me was off putting as if I was expected to succumb straight away! I'm a strong person and a bit of a control freak myself but have no interest in becoming a domme...I want someone to take the control away without any demeaning behaviour!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sub and Dom relationships still require seduction.

Trust is very very sexy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lay my last penny by the time this thread ends, its the Dom beats the Sub, and she is weak and a mug

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By *issyyourbadWoman
over a year ago

Dorset

Yet to find a true Dom on here

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By *nigmatic1Woman
over a year ago

A seaside town near you!


"Yet to find a true Dom on here "

What is a true dom?

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

This "the sub holds the power" thing is nonsense as far as I am concerned.

The power the sub has is to stop proceedings and take back control. The Dom (me) can also halt proceedings and decline to take control.

The Dominant has the control, because that's the point. Both parties have the right to say no.

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By *issyyourbadWoman
over a year ago

Dorset

One who knows what kink is about and that a sub can hand over that power so the Dom can do what he wants but the sub knows they are safe equal pleasure

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford


"This "the sub holds the power" thing is nonsense as far as I am concerned.

The power the sub has is to stop proceedings and take back control......."

Or not to submit in the first place - which was the point, I think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yet to find a true Dom on here

What is a true dom?"

A twue Dom is someone who sends a cock pick demanding you become their bitch and learn to suck it like a whore.

Not all Dominants can Dominate anyone and everyone like how not all subs can submit to just anyone. We're all wired in different ways and what makes someone feel compelled to submit differs from one person to the next.

And the sub does not hold all the power. What is the sub without the Dominant?

If submission is a gift, then what is Dominance?

crystal

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"Yet to find a true Dom on here "

To be fair, it's not primarily a D/s or BDSM site. There are some experienced Dom(me)s but most have no interest in that side of sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This "the sub holds the power" thing is nonsense as far as I am concerned.

The power the sub has is to stop proceedings and take back control.......

Or not to submit in the first place - which was the point, I think. "

And the Dominant can choose to stop too We are all human and capable of free will.

crystal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All is done consensually. Dom/mmes dont go about demeaning . It is a two way thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This "the sub holds the power" thing is nonsense as far as I am concerned.

The power the sub has is to stop proceedings and take back control. The Dom (me) can also halt proceedings and decline to take control.

The Dominant has the control, because that's the point. Both parties have the right to say no."

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"This "the sub holds the power" thing is nonsense as far as I am concerned.

The power the sub has is to stop proceedings and take back control.......

Or not to submit in the first place - which was the point, I think. "

It goes both ways though. It takes two people (as a minimum) to make D/s work.

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford


"

If submission is a gift, then what is Dominance?

crystal "

A chore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Domination starts in the brain - without stimulation of the brain nothing works.

But try explaining that to the many 50 Shades of Yawns readers...

The misconception of Domination started a long time ago with first films..where the sub just does all.. Real life isn't like that... Naughty and Relaxed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

If submission is a gift, then what is Dominance?

crystal

A chore. "

I'll swap Domming for doing the dishes

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"The sub has the power, they must be able to trust their partner"

It takes trust on the part of the Dom(me) too.

It's necessary to trust the sub to communicate honestly with you. You need to be sure they aren't going to run to the police with assault allegations when everything was consensual.

Again it works both ways.

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By *athylacyTV/TS
over a year ago

Maidstone


"Do men who feel they are dominant, alpha, always need to demean their women?? Is it a drive within them??

Do they find themselves wanting to 'gain the upper hand' for the sake of it? Impose their will and see what will be tolerated?? Always push boundaries?"

I like to be controlled, used and abused by a Dom man...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've chatted to doms and to be honest their manner and the way they spoke to me was off putting as if I was expected to succumb straight away! I'm a strong person and a bit of a control freak myself but have no interest in becoming a domme...I want someone to take the control away without any demeaning behaviour! "

This.....I have blocked many who immediately thought it was ok to call me a Slut and command me to give them my number and send them naked pics after just screw messages on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like a naturally dominant man who knows how much to give. Not a man who calls himself a Dom and gets off on the power and pain he inflicts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sub Dom is a partnership, yin and yang, without one you can't have the other so to say one definitely has the upper hand is codswallop. It is about trust and seduction, coercion and stimulating the senses of mind body and imagination.

If it is done right it is damn exhausting for the dominant one. Especially mentally

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"I've chatted to doms and to be honest their manner and the way they spoke to me was off putting as if I was expected to succumb straight away! I'm a strong person and a bit of a control freak myself but have no interest in becoming a domme...I want someone to take the control away without any demeaning behaviour!

This.....I have blocked many who immediately thought it was ok to call me a Slut and command me to give them my number and send them naked pics after just screw messages on here "

Those weren't Doms, they were idiots.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've chatted to doms and to be honest their manner and the way they spoke to me was off putting as if I was expected to succumb straight away! I'm a strong person and a bit of a control freak myself but have no interest in becoming a domme...I want someone to take the control away without any demeaning behaviour!

This.....I have blocked many who immediately thought it was ok to call me a Slut and command me to give them my number and send them naked pics after just screw messages on here

Those weren't Doms, they were idiots."

That's what I told them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've chatted to doms and to be honest their manner and the way they spoke to me was off putting as if I was expected to succumb straight away! I'm a strong person and a bit of a control freak myself but have no interest in becoming a domme...I want someone to take the control away without any demeaning behaviour!

This.....I have blocked many who immediately thought it was ok to call me a Slut and command me to give them my number and send them naked pics after just screw messages on here

Those weren't Doms, they were idiots.

That's what I told them "
Proberly second page in of 50 shades.

Her

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By *my-blackTV/TS
over a year ago

Poole

A lot of sensible posts in this thread from people who know what they are talking about.

My tuppence worth :-

1. 9 out of 10 on here who think they are dom dont have a clue.

2. D/s is about respect actually and trust, the Dom has to earn the right for the sub to submit to them and trust them, there is mutual trust and respect there.

3. 95% is not actually about penetrative sex, its mainly in the head, and the "mental orgasm" can be far more amazing than a basic shag and last for a long time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A dom can be as abusive, demeaning and evil as he/she wants…………as long as it's consensual.

The only rules to what a dom is, are the rules agreed upon between those involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A dom can be as abusive, demeaning and evil as he/she wants…………as long as it's consensual.

The only rules to what a dom is, are the rules agreed upon between those involved."

Evil? hmmmm no not my idea of fun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've chatted to doms and to be honest their manner and the way they spoke to me was off putting as if I was expected to succumb straight away! I'm a strong person and a bit of a control freak myself but have no interest in becoming a domme...I want someone to take the control away without any demeaning behaviour!

This.....I have blocked many who immediately thought it was ok to call me a Slut and command me to give them my number and send them naked pics after just screw messages on here

Those weren't Doms, they were idiots.

That's what I told them Proberly second page in of 50 shades.

Her"

Haha I am proud to say that I have never read it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For us it isn't

In terms of the everyday relationship, I am assertive but considerate. Far from dominant.

in the bedroom, I am definately dominant.

Always liked to be in control bedroom wise but never aggressively dominant.

JN reacts so well to it tho and I have found myself being more and more turned on by those reactions, so it has become part of 'us' in the bedroom.

Only with him tho.

Knowing when to be dominant and when to be affectionate and loving is the key for us.

I don't pertain to be 'a dom' by any stretch of the imagination but more boundaries have been pushed in the last 12 months than they have in the last 20 odd years

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By *my-blackTV/TS
over a year ago

Poole


"I've chatted to doms and to be honest their manner and the way they spoke to me was off putting as if I was expected to succumb straight away! I'm a strong person and a bit of a control freak myself but have no interest in becoming a domme...I want someone to take the control away without any demeaning behaviour!

This.....I have blocked many who immediately thought it was ok to call me a Slut and command me to give them my number and send them naked pics after just screw messages on here

Those weren't Doms, they were idiots.

That's what I told them Proberly second page in of 50 shades.

Her"

I have never ever called my sub a slut and never will, why should I. Neither would I expect naked pictures just like that, there is a psycological build up, 3 days of foreplay first

These peeps just dont have a clue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A dom can be as abusive, demeaning and evil as he/she wants…………as long as it's consensual.

The only rules to what a dom is, are the rules agreed upon between those involved."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've chatted to doms and to be honest their manner and the way they spoke to me was off putting as if I was expected to succumb straight away! I'm a strong person and a bit of a control freak myself but have no interest in becoming a domme...I want someone to take the control away without any demeaning behaviour!

This.....I have blocked many who immediately thought it was ok to call me a Slut and command me to give them my number and send them naked pics after just screw messages on here

Those weren't Doms, they were idiots.

That's what I told them Proberly second page in of 50 shades.

Her

Haha I am proud to say that I have never read it "
lol me either, they got that far and thought " oh I'm a Dom lol

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"A dom can be as abusive, demeaning and evil as he/she wants…………as long as it's consensual.

"

I've been asked to castrate a man. Do you think doing that would be acceptable because he consented to it?

Legally it's not possible to consent to abuse.

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By *nigmatic1Woman
over a year ago

A seaside town near you!

I learnt a big lesson on here...don't use an email address that contains your name when talking to a psychotic dom! He searched me, came up with my address, googled my house and said he was going to send me a collar! FFS talk about scaring someone to death!

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By *issyyourbadWoman
over a year ago

Dorset


"A lot of sensible posts in this thread from people who know what they are talking about.

My tuppence worth :-

1. 9 out of 10 on here who think they are dom dont have a clue.

2. D/s is about respect actually and trust, the Dom has to earn the right for the sub to submit to them and trust them, there is mutual trust and respect there.

3. 95% is not actually about penetrative sex, its mainly in the head, and the "mental orgasm" can be far more amazing than a basic shag and last for a long time.

Very true

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I learnt a big lesson on here...don't use an email address that contains your name when talking to a psychotic dom! He searched me, came up with my address, googled my house and said he was going to send me a collar! FFS talk about scaring someone to death! "

Why dose this type of wannabe dom fail to understand that you need to meet in person, explore the dynamic between you, and begin to build trust way before you can engage in a sub/dom relationship

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By *nigmatic1Woman
over a year ago

A seaside town near you!


"I learnt a big lesson on here...don't use an email address that contains your name when talking to a psychotic dom! He searched me, came up with my address, googled my house and said he was going to send me a collar! FFS talk about scaring someone to death!

Why dose this type of wannabe dom fail to understand that you need to meet in person, explore the dynamic between you, and begin to build trust way before you can engage in a sub/dom relationship "

Exactly! As much as I am really intrigued by the d/s thing...guys like him really put me off!!

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By *my-blackTV/TS
over a year ago

Poole


"I learnt a big lesson on here...don't use an email address that contains your name when talking to a psychotic dom! He searched me, came up with my address, googled my house and said he was going to send me a collar! FFS talk about scaring someone to death!

Why dose this type of wannabe dom fail to understand that you need to meet in person, explore the dynamic between you, and begin to build trust way before you can engage in a sub/dom relationship "

Because they think being a dom is easy, call a sub a slut and they drop to their knees in front of you dont they? Yeah right. Fine way to get a yuck foo from me if anyone tries that, and several have.

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

I will play at being Domme or sub, I know I'm playing as I don't get the true D/s dynamic...for me, it's a bit of fun but if you held a (metaphorical) gun to my head I'd say I'm more sub, or at least that's the play I get more of a kick from

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By *issyyourbadWoman
over a year ago

Dorset

My master knows exactly what buttons to press always has me doing tasks before a meet and can have me on a sexual high for days

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No

What you describe is not what we know as dom/sub, just manipulative and arrogant.

Whilst their are a lot of wanna be's out there, any one demeaning and/or playing silly mind games is just that; demeaning and a player

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By *my-blackTV/TS
over a year ago

Poole


"No

What you describe is not what we know as dom/sub, just manipulative and arrogant.

Whilst their are a lot of wanna be's out there, any one demeaning and/or playing silly mind games is just that; demeaning and a player "

The mind games are fun but they have to be rewarding fun and stimulating ones.

Not disturbed, wierd ones, and the one an earlier poster said about a bloke searching out her address, that is completely and utterly wrong in every way. it would freak me out and she has my heartfelt sympathy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dominance and submissiveness is very subjective it means different things to different people, Nette is 100% my equal in everyday life, She is strong willed and knows her own mind and i respect her greatly for it but sexually she is submissive to me because she chose that path and trusts me not to cause her pain simply for my own gratification.

If she was even to hint that she thought i was bullying her or that i was trying to tell her to do something she didnt agree with or want would be the day i am shamed, we are equals walking the same road together.

Zen

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd like to meet someone who could actually dominate me!!

If you don't want them to then they won't be able to.

Taking control from someone not giving it willingly is abuse.

It's something that's always intrigued me and also something that I think I might enjoy but haven't met anyone that I could trust enough "

Let me take you for a spin on my Bird (top speed just shy of 180) and see if you trust me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dominance leads to providence. I find it takes the upmost respect to enter the arena of dom/sub play/relationship. For me the after care is just as important as the intense play session. There is so much more to it than degradation and a slap on the arse. It takes time to build a trusting partnership and nobody should feel degraded. The feeling of complete trust and implicit responsibility is an honour!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd like to meet someone who could actually dominate me!!

If you don't want them to then they won't be able to.

Taking control from someone not giving it willingly is abuse.

It's something that's always intrigued me and also something that I think I might enjoy but haven't met anyone that I could trust enough

Let me take you for a spin on my Bird (top speed just shy of 180) and see if you trust me "

is that all, ive had speeding tickets bigger than that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A dom can be as abusive, demeaning and evil as he/she wants…………as long as it's consensual.

I've been asked to castrate a man. Do you think doing that would be acceptable because he consented to it?

Legally it's not possible to consent to abuse."

Consent has to come from all those involved. It's not a one way street. Obviously, you would not consent to doing something you felt was not for you.

It may not be legal to consent to abuse, yet many do.

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By *nigmatic1Woman
over a year ago

A seaside town near you!


"I'd like to meet someone who could actually dominate me!!

If you don't want them to then they won't be able to.

Taking control from someone not giving it willingly is abuse.

It's something that's always intrigued me and also something that I think I might enjoy but haven't met anyone that I could trust enough

Let me take you for a spin on my Bird (top speed just shy of 180) and see if you trust me "

My ex had a bike...I've still got my bike gear and loved it...we did a 3200 mile trip around Europe to raise money for terminally ill kids so no being on your bike won't scare me Hahahah

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By *my-blackTV/TS
over a year ago

Poole


"I'd like to meet someone who could actually dominate me!!

If you don't want them to then they won't be able to.

Taking control from someone not giving it willingly is abuse.

It's something that's always intrigued me and also something that I think I might enjoy but haven't met anyone that I could trust enough

Let me take you for a spin on my Bird (top speed just shy of 180) and see if you trust me

My ex had a bike...I've still got my bike gear and loved it...we did a 3200 mile trip around Europe to raise money for terminally ill kids so no being on your bike won't scare me Hahahah "

Depends on how bad a rider he is

(only joking, btw, im sure he is an excellent rider).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd like to meet someone who could actually dominate me!!

If you don't want them to then they won't be able to.

Taking control from someone not giving it willingly is abuse.

It's something that's always intrigued me and also something that I think I might enjoy but haven't met anyone that I could trust enough

Let me take you for a spin on my Bird (top speed just shy of 180) and see if you trust me

My ex had a bike...I've still got my bike gear and loved it...we did a 3200 mile trip around Europe to raise money for terminally ill kids so no being on your bike won't scare me Hahahah "

It wasn't about scaring, it was a question of trust. As you know it's a 2 way thing when you only have 2 wheels beneath you.

A nervous passenger in a car is mildly annoying, on a bike it can be fatal

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By *risky_Mare OP   Woman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"

Always liked to be in control bedroom wise but never aggressively dominant.

JN reacts so well to it tho and I have found myself being more and more turned on by those reactions, so it has become part of 'us' in the bedroom.

"

Yes it is more this kind of 'genesis' of the dynamic I was wondering about - some declare it's about what the sub wants, but if it is truly about dominance, the D would have to be taking the initiative to my mind. To what end?? Even if a lot of subs actively want the kind of demeaning treatment often described, it is demeaning. I am wondering if it is innately part of the deal - one so seldom hears from people saying that a D/s relationship resulted entirely in OTHER kinds of dynamic evolving.

A lot of people seem to talk as if it is choosing a role to play, a set of skills to learn, which is not really what I am trying to understand more about. I am more interested in the kind of dynamics that evolve naturally and where they come from, what kind of psyche drives give rise to the dominant ones.

In any kind of dance the follower has to follow willingly, of course, but the lead sets the direction. I'm wondering if they always lead to the same place - if that is an innate part of the drive for the dominant male.

Thanks for all the input so far anyway.

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By *nigmatic1Woman
over a year ago

A seaside town near you!


"I'd like to meet someone who could actually dominate me!!

If you don't want them to then they won't be able to.

Taking control from someone not giving it willingly is abuse.

It's something that's always intrigued me and also something that I think I might enjoy but haven't met anyone that I could trust enough

Let me take you for a spin on my Bird (top speed just shy of 180) and see if you trust me

My ex had a bike...I've still got my bike gear and loved it...we did a 3200 mile trip around Europe to raise money for terminally ill kids so no being on your bike won't scare me Hahahah

It wasn't about scaring, it was a question of trust. As you know it's a 2 way thing when you only have 2 wheels beneath you.

A nervous passenger in a car is mildly annoying, on a bike it can be fatal "

Yes it can but I'm not nervous on a bike unless he's a total loony and I need to carry loo roll!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

2. D/s is about respect actually and trust, the Dom has to earn the right for the sub to submit to them and trust them, there is mutual trust and respect there.

"

this is exactly why my fab id is what it is. it's taken me a long time to find the right Dom for me, and he took the time to learn a lot about me and let me learn about him. it's definitely about earning trust and respect. both ways.

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By *nigmatic1Woman
over a year ago

A seaside town near you!


"

2. D/s is about respect actually and trust, the Dom has to earn the right for the sub to submit to them and trust them, there is mutual trust and respect there.

this is exactly why my fab id is what it is. it's taken me a long time to find the right Dom for me, and he took the time to learn a lot about me and let me learn about him. it's definitely about earning trust and respect. both ways. "

Lucky you!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

2. D/s is about respect actually and trust, the Dom has to earn the right for the sub to submit to them and trust them, there is mutual trust and respect there.

this is exactly why my fab id is what it is. it's taken me a long time to find the right Dom for me, and he took the time to learn a lot about me and let me learn about him. it's definitely about earning trust and respect. both ways.

Lucky you!!!!"

it was blind bloody luck actually. i had stopped looking for a Dom and shortly after heard little bits about him from other people and then he emailed me. you'll find the one for you but when one gets demanding before you agree to be their sub just remember

sbnys

sub but not your sub

good luck hun

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"A dom can be as abusive, demeaning and evil as he/she wants…………as long as it's consensual.

I've been asked to castrate a man. Do you think doing that would be acceptable because he consented to it?

Legally it's not possible to consent to abuse.

Consent has to come from all those involved. It's not a one way street. Obviously, you would not consent to doing something you felt was not for you.

It may not be legal to consent to abuse, yet many do."

My point is that a Dom(me) can't do absolutely anything, and be as abusive and evil as they like, as long as it's consensual.

There are limits. Some call it sanity, some call it risk awareness, some call it basic common sense

The law will not protect anyone being as abusive and evil as they like even when consent was given.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This "the sub holds the power" thing is nonsense as far as I am concerned.

The power the sub has is to stop proceedings and take back control. The Dom (me) can also halt proceedings and decline to take control.

The Dominant has the control, because that's the point. Both parties have the right to say no."

I agree with you and tried to argue this with a man on another thread about D/S and he was adamant that the sub holds the power

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do men who feel they are dominant, alpha, always need to demean their women?? Is it a drive within them??

Do they find themselves wanting to 'gain the upper hand' for the sake of it? Impose their will and see what will be tolerated?? Always push boundaries?"

The answer has to be no as the use of the word "Always" gives no room for any other answer. The interesting part of all this is the use of the word Always.

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By *risky_Mare OP   Woman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"

The answer has to be no as the use of the word "Always" gives no room for any other answer. The interesting part of all this is the use of the word Always. "

Ok, but that begs the question where if not there? If a woman has no desire to be collared, restrained, put on her knees etc then where else can she be taken?

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Surely 1s the sub reaches the limits an stops play the dom is no longer the dom if you get my meaning. The sub gives the power to be dommed 1s its taken back end of story or play no ????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd like to meet someone who could actually dominate me!! "

Found one person I'd actually let do this!!! The transition is not always so easy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think it's something between the two of them to be honest.. A true dominant will always respect his sub will he not "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to be dominated and controlled by a male and find enjoyment from being demeaned and humiliated.

Saying that a lot of men do not respect limits or boundaries and use the excuse of being dom as a free ticket to abuse women however they want.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to be dominant but yet always need to know limits but then also like to be dominated to.

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester


"I like to be dominated and controlled by a male and find enjoyment from being demeaned and humiliated.

Saying that a lot of men do not respect limits or boundaries and use the excuse of being dom as a free ticket to abuse women however they want. "

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

To those people claiming that the sub has all the power, consider this...

Many years ago I had a session with a new sub. When I told him to strip I saw he had a large scar on his spine. I questioned him about it to find he'd had major spinal surgery that he'd neglected to mention. Given that we'd been talking about a corporal punishment session I wasn't amused.

He was instructed to get dressed again and sent home.

If anyone can explain how he had all the power in that session, I'd love to hear it.

As pointed out, a Dominant has just as much right to say no as a sub. And subs can set limits but not dictate what happens within sessions, so to say they have all the power is incorrect.

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester


"To those people claiming that the sub has all the power, consider this...

Many years ago I had a session with a new sub. When I told him to strip I saw he had a large scar on his spine. I questioned him about it to find he'd had major spinal surgery that he'd neglected to mention. Given that we'd been talking about a corporal punishment session I wasn't amused.

He was instructed to get dressed again and sent home.

If anyone can explain how he had all the power in that session, I'd love to hear it.

As pointed out, a Dominant has just as much right to say no as a sub. And subs can set limits but not dictate what happens within sessions, so to say they have all the power is incorrect."

No offense ment. Not really my bag just my understanding an as they say you don't ask an all that

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By *risky_Mare OP   Woman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

So to reiterate my question - has anyone experiences a natural d/s relationship that did not develop any kind of demeaning treatment??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A natural trusted D/S relationship would not be demeaning, its consensual.

Her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i like women with an alpha side

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By *atasha_DavidCouple
over a year ago

Slough


"So to reiterate my question - has anyone experiences a natural d/s relationship that did not develop any kind of demeaning treatment??"

Yes thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

is it not possible to dominate without demeaning?

dont we do that with our children all the time?

a sens eof a natural hierarchy?

not taking away someones self worth yet letting them know they arent on the same level as yourself?

of course, its entirely possible.

however, in a sexual D/s relationship, i suppose each party has to come to an agreement what they want to take from it

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By *issyyourbadWoman
over a year ago

Dorset

My d's relationship is never demeaning mutual pleasure

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By *atasha_DavidCouple
over a year ago

Slough

To the OP:

How do these dominant men demean women? What do you mean by the word?

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By *risky_Mare OP   Woman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"To the OP:

How do these dominant men demean women? What do you mean by the word?"

I mean slapping, hair pulling, calling names, demanding they go on their knees or are collared etc, or further into bdsm. Even if this kind of treatment *IS* desired by the sub, a great turn on for her, and and done with total respect, it is still intrinsicly demeaning treatment.

It seems to be the only type of sexual behaviour that is ever described on here of such d/s relationships - but everyone who says 'no, it's not like that for us' never describes what actually *IS* taking place!!

If anyone would prefer to PM me I would still be interested to hear.

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By *risky_Mare OP   Woman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"is it not possible to dominate without demeaning?

dont we do that with our children all the time?

a sens eof a natural hierarchy?

not taking away someones self worth yet letting them know they arent on the same level as yourself?

"

Exactly. I'm not even suggesting that the behaviour described does diminish self worth - if you want to be treated like that it would affirm it I guess. I am not suggesting there is ANYTHING wrong with how most of these relationships seem to pan out, just asking if anyone has experienced anything different.

As I said before I am into a kind of horse whispering that is all about establishing a willingness to follow a lead of dominance, finding a sweet spot, and then gradually doing more and more with that, increasing the range of behaviours asked for/given without losing the sweetness, the unbroken chain of 'yes' responses. There are striking parallels in the dynamic.

But as I say within that scenario the whole deal becomes less and less demeaning, less so even than 'normal' partnerships, so it just does not compute to me.

The example of children is similar - the relationship does not give rise to demeaning behaviour, it is not intrinsic to human dominance it would seem, so why should a sexual dominance be qualitatively different??

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By *atasha_DavidCouple
over a year ago

Slough


"

It seems to be the only type of sexual behaviour that is ever described on here of such d/s relationships - but everyone who says 'no, it's not like that for us' never describes what actually *IS* taking place!!

If anyone would prefer to PM me I would still be interested to hear."

If everybody did what some talk about on here then we would be living in Caligula's Rome.

What is taking place? Nothing very striking. D/s is simply a label applied to a relationship style and it is a fairly generic label at best. In essence the balance of power and responsibility within such relationships is not completely even. As a dominant you get to make the decisions, but you are also responsible for the consequences of those decisions. In many relationships it might be seen to resemble a traditional marriage from days gone by. How this is adapted to take in current day economics and social mores is for each partnership to decide or develop over time.

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