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How young is too young...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

attend a funeral....

Mrs Ms Nan passed away last night and our son has asked if he can go the funeral, he's 10 though and personally I admire him for wanting to attending but when I was 11, my dad died and my mum told me I was too you to go the funeral.

Personally I think he should be allowed to go if he wants to, but some of her side of the family have frowned about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most definitely let him go. Good on him for wanting to pay his respects personally

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it depends on him as an individual really and you and his mother are better placed than anyone to answer that question.

Do you think your Son can handle the emotions involved with a funeral? Was he very close to his great-nan for it to affect him badly?

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By *ensualfire88Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Personally, i think ten is too young.

My ex-wife took our son to his great grandparents' funeral at that age, and it had quite an effect on him.

He was, and is, very mature for his age, but he just wasnt ready for it.

Everyone needs to make their own call on stuff like this, there is no right or wrong answer, but i would urge caution - it's quite a grown up thing for a child to take in, and there will (naturally) be a lot of adults who are emotional at the ceremony. It's not something children are used to seeing, and it can be confusing.upsetting for them.

Just my 2p worth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well he obviously knows what's happened, so one wonders what exactly he needs to be kept from, unless its some sort of open casket?

I personally think it's fine, children needs to learn about death at some point!

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By *r n mrs swingCouple
over a year ago

pontefract

my sons 7 and if this happened to his nan and he asked to go id let him x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he's mature enough to ask, he's old enough to go. It would be such a shame to deny him his last chance to say goodbye to his greatgran and he may regret not going later in life, far better to attend and be sad that not go and wish you had.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

He is very mature for his age and has been kept in the picture with his great nans illness, he was quite close with her too which is why I think he should go, until he does attend we cant say how its going to effect him, we've just told him what to expect at the funeral so he can prepare himself and not be confused or shocked (sudden bursts of crying by adults) by anything that may happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Please if hes asked to then let him go

I was 10 when my dad died I was not allowed to go to the funeral by my mum because I was too young

I have held that against her to this day

I realise that the family member isn't as close as a parent but if hes asked then please let him xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

mally...am sorry to hear of your family's loss

Mally Junior has asked to go, so you should allow him to go and say his goodbyes.

You and Mrs M need to be ready to answer any difficult questions he may well ask during the day.

Good luck with it all and my best wishes to you all x

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By *exeteraWoman
over a year ago

Bridgend

As parents you would know him better than anyone else. He's asked to go and I don't think that 10 is too young to attend. It's an emotional time and it may very well be the emotional release he needs to cope with the loss and of course you'll both be with him to support him through the service etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

death is a hard lesson to learn and one that should be learned at a young age, the same reason we have encoraged our daughter to have pets and when they die its a hard time but it is a fact of life, letting him go and say godbye is a good thing at any age

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Death is part of life, and you cant escape it. It is still seen as taboo although I don't see why.

My daughters were 3 and 7 when their brother died and they attended his funeral.

Children have to realise loved ones pass away. Your son asked to go - you should let him!

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By *prite128Woman
over a year ago

maidstone

id agree it depends on your son, but the important thing is he has actually asked..you havent said he must. I think its important you acknowledge that with him and discuss what might happen. Often the scariest thing is seeing your own parents upset, sometimes for the first time ...but the key is preparation.

funerals, memorials, resting places etc etc are all important points and places of both closure and a link with the person who has died.

theres lots of good stuff on line about preparing kids for funerals but as parents you'll know him best and will know what he may need, both before, during and after the service.

if you think you or your wife might be particularly upset and be concerned about that, is there another person close to him who could also support him and exlain whats going on.

hugs xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

thanks very much for all your comments, will speak with him tonight as we have the date for the funeral now.

hugs to you all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My son was 5 when his dad died and I didn't let him attend the funeral, he still hasn't forgiven me for not letting him go.

He asked but at 5 I deemed him too young, he was allowed to stand at the gate with a friend as the cortege passed and I took him over to the graveside after all the others had gone which I though was enough for any 5 year old. Obviously I was wrong and he still to this day says I should have let him attend.

Warn your son about emotions being expressed and how it affects others but I'd let him go.

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By *ickmealloverWoman
over a year ago

a very plush appartment off junt 7 M5

why exclude him

he will have to face grief and loss in his life and to shelter him from such emotions wont do him any favours IMHO

sorry to hear about your sad loss xxx

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By *ishful.thinkingWoman
over a year ago

east london

My daughters 11 and has been to about 6 funerals (masses and burials) from her Great Grand Mothers, an another childs and various family friends. Shes also been to the Funeral Home on numerous occasions while we pay our respects to the families. Only on one occasion did she opt to remain in the car and that was mainly due to the weather. Know a lot of this exposure is as a result of our cultural background where it is acceptable and largely expected that the children will be present. At my Grand Mothers funeral all the younger grand children and great grand children were included in the service in some small way.

To date she hasn't shown any signs that any of this has upset her other than on the day itself but this to me is part of the grieving process.

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By *stwoCouple
over a year ago

anywhere

definitely let him go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/05/10 22:06:16]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a tough call.

Personally I would talk to him about it, give an idea on how the day will go, explain it will be boring and upsetting, but let him make the final decision.

There is a chance he will regret going, but also a chance he may turn his hurt into hatred towards you for stopping him going.

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