FabSwingers.com forum: Self Esteem. Hows yours?

By *emmefatale OP Woman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Good? Shit? What's self esteem?

Does this site help or just make things worse?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Self esteem comes from within.

If you rely on other people they will knock it down as quick as they build it up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no doubt for many women on here the site will do wonders for it and equally for many men it makes them question themselves.

Its not a sin to require a boost from seeing a boost to your self esteem though as long as you don't fall victim to dubious flattery.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I've got high self esteem....it's taken me years to get to where it is...It gets knocked. Bounced around a bit time to time but I just carry on....compliments I have on here I take with a pinch of salt but it's nice to receive compliments from time to time...

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

Much better than it used to be.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

my self esteem is intact and this site does not influence it in the slightest. I avoid like the plague any of the popularity threads as I don't need anything from them.

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By *emmefatale OP Woman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"Much better than it used to be. "
So would you say being on here has helped?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think mine is a bit shit. I'm okay with those i've known and gotten to know. With new individuals i'm a bit reserved.

...this site has it's ups and downs. Sometimes it does bother me. And at one point it really did and had me down in the dumps. But, i've learnt my lesson from that and now i am who i am and don't worry too much about what others think.

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

"Much better than it used to be. So would you say being on here has helped?"

In some ways yes but taken together with other changed I've made in my life.

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

. .i take my own selfys ,i thought that was the whole idea &to have a teem is just fucking cheating

x X X

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

"I think mine is a bit shit. I'm okay with those i've known and gotten to know. With new individuals i'm a bit reserved.

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By *emmefatale OP Woman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"I think mine is a bit shit. I'm okay with those i've known and gotten to know. With new individuals i'm a bit reserved.

I think there's a difference between self esteem and frustration but often the two can overlap on here. The frustration can be relentless and can impact on self esteem. If you can separate the two I think it helps. "
Thats very true, but I tend to think also if your self esteem is brittle, being on here can have quite a detrimental effect on some.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine is on the up. Taking a break from here was good for me at the time and coming back has helped. I haven't met anyone [yet] and I only have two men on my friends list but they're both priceless

I enjoy the banter on here plus I also chat to a few outside my filters from the Forums and that's been a help too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

mine is up down left right, god damn roller coaster.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

More fragile than it was. Need to sort it out again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine used to be really low, improved after my divorce and definitely helped being on here although I've been having a hard time the last couple of weeks for some reason.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its all about confidence in ones self..............

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By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago

from a town near you

mines fine wether im on here or not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont rely on validation from anyone... esp on here!!!!

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

"I think mine is a bit shit. I'm okay with those i've known and gotten to know. With new individuals i'm a bit reserved.

I think there's a difference between self esteem and frustration but often the two can overlap on here. The frustration can be relentless and can impact on self esteem. If you can separate the two I think it helps. Thats very true, but I tend to think also if your self esteem is brittle, being on here can have quite a detrimental effect on some.

Very true. Just because its no strings doesn't necessarily mean it's without feeling and I think many people forget that. It's much easier to tell someone to take it on the chin and move on than it is to be on the receiving end day in day out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After last night mine is sky high, now how much I'm going to put it down to me just being brilliant and how much I'm going to put down to walking round London with a ballon and badge saying 50 I haven't quite worked out yet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've got great self esteem, I think I'm fcukin great, im the dogs bollox me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"More fragile than it was. Need to sort it out again

My self esteem is not really determined by anything to do with this site. It is all to do with how I feel about myself. At the moment I have things in my life to address that are affecting how self assured I feel. If I deal with them well, my self esteem will recover

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm rather esteemed at the moment

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"After last night mine is sky high, now how much I'm going to put it down to me just being brilliant and how much I'm going to put down to walking round London with a ballon and badge saying 50 I haven't quite worked out yet

Did you enjoy yourself then?

I'm complex and that goes for my self-esteem. Fab doesn't affect my confidence or self-esteem.

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By *emmefatale OP Woman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"I'm rather esteemed at the moment

"
Take more water with it.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

When I meet someone for sex my self esteem is higher than it normally is. I'm quite self confident and self reliant. I sometimes get a feeling of 'what if?' when I see men with bigger cocks or couples on here swinging together. A twinge....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pretty poor if I'm honest but I hide to well with a facade of bullshit.

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

bit up and down at mo but if I want to take up offers would be ok im sure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine is alwais high as of the weights I do and things x.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Decent. Could be better. Could be a lot worse.

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By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham

Being pissed off is not the same as low self esteem, some people require professional help building their self esteem, sadly, where, and who offers help can make all the difference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you have healthy self-esteem, your beliefs about yourself will generally be positive. You may experience difficult times in your life, but you will generally be able to deal with these without them having too much of a long-term negative impact on you."

S'me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My self esteem is allright. If I wasnt self confident I wouldn't have the nerve to be on Fab. I was very insecure about my body and my sexuality in my marriage so that was bad for my self esteem. Since Im on Fab I've gained more confidence about my body by taking pictures, dressing up or down lol and by expressing myself sexually and by sexperimenting But nobody can give you self confidence if deep down you feel bad about yourself....and visa versa!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have rubbish self esteem and sometimes this site makes me feel worse. But then loads of things in life make me feel worse. It's crap having no self esteem.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have rubbish self esteem and sometimes this site makes me feel worse. But then loads of things in life make me feel worse. It's crap having no self esteem.

"
just perved your pics. Hot, hot! Girl you rock! Luv the Bass guitar pics! But as I said in my post before you: nobody can actually make you feel better about yourself but you! And nobody should be able to make you feel worse either...but we all know it happens....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends. sometimes it's at rock bottom sometimes it's high up there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's up and down. When you send out messages and don't get a reply or get turned down it drops but when you do get a positive reply which leads somewhere it sky rockets, so for every down you get a much better high.

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By *hyllyphyllyMan
over a year ago

Bradford

My self esteem is shot to pieces.

That's all I'm going to say on the matter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The site, like real life, builds you up and knocks you down. The latter happens less because I know I'm a good person and treat others with respect. I know there are some arsehats on here. They don't define me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Actually. I may have misread the original post or understood it wrong.

Generally, outside of fab. I've always got my chin up, i get along with everybody and maybe i am rather confident in my day to day things and positive in my approach to things. I mean, when interacting with people face to face i can usually suss them out and can kind of tell who is being genuine and who is not. Not too worried as to how they may judge me, because that is just me and they'd have to accept me for who i am. And i'd like to think i'm a nice guy.

Now, on fab. My self esteem is a bit of a pickle. Not sure how it is to be honest - yeah, maybe i am a bit of a nice guy in life. But, that's just how i am. Yeah, certain comments did used to affect me before when i initially joined the site and more months down the line. They did affect my confidence on the site and how i looked at things on here. However, i never let anything that happened on the site bother me outside of fab. It just wasn't worth it.

Now, i'm just enjoying the site being me and doing my own thing on here. Not sure if i'm rubbing off against people the wrong way or if people do generally like me on here. But, i have made good friends and hope i make more. Maybe my outlook for the site has changed over the years i've been here. Which i think is a good thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine was good before I joined here and hasn't changed since but I am not partial to being spoon fed bullshit I would rather leave that to others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a very confident person in many ways and always been a 'glass is half full' kinda guy, but agree that this site can make you feel not to good about yourself at times. Then you find someone with nice manners and enjoys laughter - then the world is good again.

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By *ctaviusStuntMan
over a year ago

plymouth

haha self ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Earlier I was on too form.

At the moment it's shattered to a million pieces.

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

Stable,

Into every life a little rain must fall,

And,

it's not all about me.

Those two thoughts,keep my self esteem,on an even keel.

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

fine and dandy !

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Good? Shit? What's self esteem?

Does this site help or just make things worse?

It depends on the aspect of myself under consideration.

In terms of my intelligence, determination, capability etc. I have got plenty of self esteem. I think I am a nice person too.

if you mean physically, in terms of body image then I go through phases of very low self esteem and phases of accepting myself.

This site harms my self-esteem if I let it. It does not boost my confidence or inflate my ego in any way.

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

not meaning to be intrusive but why would this site harm your self esteem ?

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

[Removed by poster at 23/03/14 04:24:27]

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"not meaning to be intrusive but why would this site harm your self esteem ?"

Ok, being brutally honest, in lots of ways, if I let it.

Some examples...

Frequent messages sucking up but knowing that they're just saying what they think is going to get them a fuck. It can make you jaded and it can be difficult to take any compliment at face value. The insults stick but the compliments get dismissed as them just wanting to get laid.

Knowing that for a lot of guys "any hole is a goal" so not being sure they are actually interested in you rather than just wanting to get their dick wet.

Messages and forum posts that make it clear they think women are pieces of meat here for their entertainment and not worth anything more.

Daily forum posts emphasising all the standards which women are supposed to live up to and all the ways in which average women don't measure up. BBW threads which always end up being hate-fests even if they start out positive (plus all the associated rude comments about "skinny" women), threads about fabulous celeb bodies, threads telling us we aren't sexy if we haven't got a gap between our thighs or a "bikini bridge" or whatever, the "I love/hate (physical attribute)" or "which is better (attribute 1) or (attribute 2)" threads that always have negative comments about some. In an "I like big boobs" thread a while ago, someone posted that very large breasts are gross and disgusting. It's easy to be hurt by comments like those, even amidst a lot of flattery. Disgusting? Gross? A physical attribute I can't change? Gee thanks. Threads about, for example, loving round bottoms are just another reminder of yet another way I don't qualify as attractive or sexy.

All the comments about women "punching above their weight" and women who wouldn't get a second look in "real life" getting meets. It can make you wonder if they're looking at you thinking, she's a minger but a fuck's a fuck.

Comments along the lines of "I'd fuck her but she's not good enough to date".

I can't be sure anyone who shows an interest is actually interested in anything more than me having the right holes. How anyone can find that a boost to their self-esteem is beyond me.

I take the compliments with a huge pinch of salt and try not to let the criticism and detailing of my failings bother me. Sometimes it takes more work than others. And sometimes it does get to me.

The worst comments result in my blocking the poster, avoiding their future threads and trying to totally ignore their posts.

I am what I am and I'm not changing for anyone but it can be hard to ignore so many comments about how I just don't measure up.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Sorry that's so long, it's complicated and difficult to explain.

As a person, I like myself. However, I'm frequently told and reminded on the fora that I am not attractive or sexy.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

PS no messages telling me I am attractive please. I won't believe you anyway. This is not an opportunity to ingratiate yourself.

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

it does make sense what you say VV ....stay true to who you are though and try to not let others penetrate so deeply ...you will never please everyone ...no one will !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"it does make sense what you say VV ....stay true to who you are though and try to not let others penetrate so deeply ...you will never please everyone ...no one will !"

I thought most were here to be penetrated

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

dirty dick ....dont wipe it on the curtains this time !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"dirty dick ....dont wipe it on the curtains this time !!"

Ok the cushion will do

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"it does make sense what you say VV ....stay true to who you are though and try to not let others penetrate so deeply ...you will never please everyone ...no one will !"

It can get to a point where it's difficult to believe you please anyone, other than by having boobs and the right holes.

I tend to take a break at those times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am positive person and have been most of my life and will not let others get me down .. I am what I am .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Overall I (SP) am pretty good

Tho I could do with taking the X outta them clothing labels, I know where I'm at 'most of the time' and think it is unrealistic to ask for more than that.

JN is getting there, that's just a matter of time - time that will allow him to grow into himself and lose some of petty insecurities that youth throws at us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My self esteem is mostly good.

Taken a bit of a battering lately due to some problems off site ...

Being on here becomes more a frustration than an esteem builder

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"not meaning to be intrusive but why would this site harm your self esteem ?"

When I send someone/ couple face pics and they don't reply again it doesn't bother me because I think we'll it could be me or sam they don't fancy and each to their own.

The thing that gets me down are the forums. Some people are harsh.

Going to chameleons sometimes gets me down as well. When I go to regular pubs I get lots of attention but when I go there it's none.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"not meaning to be intrusive but why would this site harm your self esteem ?

When I send someone/ couple face pics and they don't reply again it doesn't bother me because I think we'll it could be me or sam they don't fancy and each to their own.

The thing that gets me down are the forums. Some people are harsh.

Going to chameleons sometimes gets me down as well. When I go to regular pubs I get lots of attention but when I go there it's none."

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