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dead beat ex's

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

As a single dad of 3 kids i look forward to the weekend when my kids go to see their mum but she is constantly letting the kids down with some excuse or another, how does anyone else deal with this as the kids still wanna see their mum.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

It is so sad to read that parents let down their kids in this way, they must get so excited and then have their excitement dashed.

Always be the better person and internalise how you feel about her and enjoy the great time with your children.

all the best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have it sometimes too, and once the kids get all upset and start with the disappointed attitude towards me I subtly ask them who it is they're angry with amd as its dad I just say then don't show me you're angry show him. Make him know how let down you feel. It is slowly feeding through but I also don't put him down to the kids as they will come to their own conclusion given time

By doing this the number of times he let's them down has decreased. Hope you find your solution too xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As much as she let's them down its not a good idea to put her down to them.. They will realise later on how she treated them... I know that you can only make so many excuses for her but the extra time you spend with them will be worth it in the end X Molly

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It is so sad to read that parents let down their kids in this way, they must get so excited and then have their excitement dashed.

Always be the better person and internalise how you feel about her and enjoy the great time with your children.

all the best "

The hardest part is listening to them talk about her and having to remind them its their mum their slagging off

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have it sometimes too, and once the kids get all upset and start with the disappointed attitude towards me I subtly ask them who it is they're angry with amd as its dad I just say then don't show me you're angry show him. Make him know how let down you feel. It is slowly feeding through but I also don't put him down to the kids as they will come to their own conclusion given time

By doing this the number of times he let's them down has decreased. Hope you find your solution too xx"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"As much as she let's them down its not a good idea to put her down to them.. They will realise later on how she treated them... I know that you can only make so many excuses for her but the extra time you spend with them will be worth it in the end X Molly "

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


"It is so sad to read that parents let down their kids in this way, they must get so excited and then have their excitement dashed.

Always be the better person and internalise how you feel about her and enjoy the great time with your children.

all the best

The hardest part is listening to them talk about her and having to remind them its their mum their slagging off "

I bet but you will be right to give them guidance there and be the better person

Over time, they will have their authentic moment with their mum and let her know the hurt.

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By *nfieldishCouple
over a year ago

Enfield

I once went to meet my dad on a Saturday morning pushing my little brother in his push chair... I remember it being a cold winters morning....

Dad never showed up... I waited for 2 hours past the allotted time then pushed on home....

Cried like a baby when I got home..

45 years ago...

Still a massive memory for me...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It is so sad to read that parents let down their kids in this way, they must get so excited and then have their excitement dashed.

Always be the better person and internalise how you feel about her and enjoy the great time with your children.

all the best

The hardest part is listening to them talk about her and having to remind them its their mum their slagging off

I bet but you will be right to give them guidance there and be the better person

Over time, they will have their authentic moment with their mum and let her know the hurt."

Even now they say they don't want to go when she finally does have them but i have to make them explain to her why they feel like that!

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By *nfieldishCouple
over a year ago

Enfield


" I once went to meet my dad on a Saturday morning pushing my little brother in his push chair... I remember it being a cold winters morning....

Dad never showed up... I waited for 2 hours past the allotted time then pushed on home....

Cried like a baby when I got home..

45 years ago...

Still a massive memory for me...

"

David... Not sue

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It is so sad to read that parents let down their kids in this way, they must get so excited and then have their excitement dashed.

Always be the better person and internalise how you feel about her and enjoy the great time with your children.

all the best

The hardest part is listening to them talk about her and having to remind them its their mum their slagging off "

it is hard, largely because in no small part you agree with them. the thing is, they need to bent their frustrations. they're kids but they're human and have emotions the same as adults without the coping skills that we have. let them vent and then ask, ' did you get it all out? right, infuriating as it is this is the situation and we are all frustrated but she is your mum and i'd rather you fight talk about her using the terms.......' teach them to vent constructively and maybe have a family round table to talk about how they feel and how they should let her know. good luck, hun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As much as she let's them down its not a good idea to put her down to them.. They will realise later on how she treated them... I know that you can only make so many excuses for her but the extra time you spend with them will be worth it in the end X Molly "

I agree that it's never good to put the other partner down, but if you don't help the children realise that it is not your fault that they cannot see the other parent, you are effectively putting yourself up for blame.... Which is not fair to you, and is not helping them....

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" I once went to meet my dad on a Saturday morning pushing my little brother in his push chair... I remember it being a cold winters morning....

Dad never showed up... I waited for 2 hours past the allotted time then pushed on home....

Cried like a baby when I got home..

45 years ago...

Still a massive memory for me...

"

I can imagine that must have been heartbreaking x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It is so sad to read that parents let down their kids in this way, they must get so excited and then have their excitement dashed.

Always be the better person and internalise how you feel about her and enjoy the great time with your children.

all the best

The hardest part is listening to them talk about her and having to remind them its their mum their slagging off

it is hard, largely because in no small part you agree with them. the thing is, they need to bent their frustrations. they're kids but they're human and have emotions the same as adults without the coping skills that we have. let them vent and then ask, ' did you get it all out? right, infuriating as it is this is the situation and we are all frustrated but she is your mum and i'd rather you fight talk about her using the terms.......' teach them to vent constructively and maybe have a family round table to talk about how they feel and how they should let her know. good luck, hun. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

((((hugs)))) for you n your kids x

Just a suggestion x get them to have a plan b instead of dwelling on it x

Then say to her that there time is precious too n it's unbearable to live with there upset so give them the time they deserve x

I haven't been in your position but my oh is an absent father for health reasons x all the best x

X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It is so sad to read that parents let down their kids in this way, they must get so excited and then have their excitement dashed.

Always be the better person and internalise how you feel about her and enjoy the great time with your children.

all the best

The hardest part is listening to them talk about her and having to remind them its their mum their slagging off

it is hard, largely because in no small part you agree with them. the thing is, they need to bent their frustrations. they're kids but they're human and have emotions the same as adults without the coping skills that we have. let them vent and then ask, ' did you get it all out? right, infuriating as it is this is the situation and we are all frustrated but she is your mum and i'd rather you fight talk about her using the terms.......' teach them to vent constructively and maybe have a family round table to talk about how they feel and how they should let her know. good luck, hun. "

This is great advice, no idea how old your children are but encouraging them to talk about how they feel in a constructive way will hopefully benefit them as the grow up. Being honest about our emotions with the people who matter is never easy but it is far healthier than bottling it up and letting it fester.

Good luck x

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By *lassyandadventurousMan
over a year ago

England and Wales

keep up the good work mate

and you women should be queing up to fuck such a nice bloke lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a single dad of 3 kids i look forward to the weekend when my kids go to see their mum but she is constantly letting the kids down with some excuse or another, how does anyone else deal with this as the kids still wanna see their mum."

This happens far too often, I was lucky and never had this problem with my ex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"keep up the good work mate

and you women should be queing up to fuck such a nice bloke lol"

*chuckles at that *

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By *lassyandadventurousMan
over a year ago

England and Wales

the bloke deserves some help girls....chat him up x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to bite your tongue I'm afraid as such for the kids sake.

My daughter was let down many a time, you have to let them see it for themselves, she was sat in her coat and shoes, he never appeared, I took her out, just a macdonalds and the park, I run round that park all day, determined to make her laugh.

She is now 14 and her attitude towards has changed, for the worst.

However I have never said a bad word about him to her, nor stop her seeing him.

In a few years time she may take off to see him, but that will always be her choice.

I'm afraid its the parent bringing them up left to pick the pieces up.

Enjoy them she is missing out, and will be left with regret not you.

Her

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"((((hugs)))) for you n your kids x

Just a suggestion x get them to have a plan b instead of dwelling on it x

Then say to her that there time is precious too n it's unbearable to live with there upset so give them the time they deserve x

I haven't been in your position but my oh is an absent father for health reasons x all the best x

X "

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By *adyA01Woman
over a year ago

Wellington

They will make up their own minds as they get older. I have a slightly different situation. My ex and I used to share my kids 50/50. He lived next door for a while so that it was easy for the kids, the kids used to run from one house to the other, and we would often all sit and have meals together. He also has a girlfriend and she has 2 daughters, she seemed fine with the situation and was friendly. Unfortunately the situation changed for the worst when they moved in together, they found a house in my village, but overnight I was not welcome across the doorstep! My kids are 10 and 13 and now through their choice they now spend about 70% of their time with me. The girlfriend is a bully and a control freak, and my ex doesn't seem to be able to stand up to her for his kids

. I have warned him he is on his way to losing them completely and that they are already showing him how they feel, but he won't do anything about it! He seems to be blind to her behaviour as she is different when he is there. Even his own mother has told him what she is like but he won't listen. I don't slag him off or even her to my children, all I can do is be there for them. It is heartbreaking as I want to shake some sense into him and as for her, a dark alley and a baseball bat seems like a nice idea. I get so angry and frustrated for them. It will be his loss one day! Stick with it and just be there for your kids x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"keep up the good work mate

and you women should be queing up to fuck such a nice bloke lol"

Haha i like it!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"keep up the good work mate

and you women should be queing up to fuck such a nice bloke lol

*chuckles at that *

"

Haha i thought you'd laugh ya little minx lol

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I had the same problem with my ex. One important thing is not to 'slag off' the other parent to the children. Let them make their own minds up and be there as a genuine and compassionate listener when they need it.

My daughter eventually worked out what a waste of space her dad was by 16. She's 32 now and doesn't miss him at all. Probably as I was always there for her, and still am.

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

It's a tough one I'm in a similar situation. My ex only lives round the corner yet he only sees my daughter for less than 24 hours per fortnight. He's let her down massively for the past 7 years and will always side with his new wife who seems to enjoy belittling a child. I just let her cry and rant and rave and call him whatever she likes but never slag him off to her. I validate her feelings towards him because she has the right to be angry and then distract her with something's else.

In the end it's his loss. I have the most beautiful, gifted, talented daughter who will make something of her life without his help and eventually he will lose her completely as he is close to it already. She is 13 now and will shortly vote with her feet herself by simply not going!!

Good luck and just keep being there for them

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I had the same problem with my ex. One important thing is not to 'slag off' the other parent to the children. Let them make their own minds up and be there as a genuine and compassionate listener when they need it.

My daughter eventually worked out what a waste of space her dad was by 16. She's 32 now and doesn't miss him at all. Probably as I was always there for her, and still am."

I think it seems half expected of absent fathers but i just can't comprehend how a mum can be so lacklustre towards their children, afterall she carried all of them for nine months at a time so should feel some maternal bond xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"keep up the good work mate

and you women should be queing up to fuck such a nice bloke lol

*chuckles at that *

Haha i thought you'd laugh ya little minx lol"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had the same problem with my ex. One important thing is not to 'slag off' the other parent to the children. Let them make their own minds up and be there as a genuine and compassionate listener when they need it.

My daughter eventually worked out what a waste of space her dad was by 16. She's 32 now and doesn't miss him at all. Probably as I was always there for her, and still am.

I think it seems half expected of absent fathers but i just can't comprehend how a mum can be so lacklustre towards their children, afterall she carried all of them for nine months at a time so should feel some maternal bond xxx"

some women just don't feel maternal feelings. my mother didn't to any of her 7. it happens, unfortunately.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"I have it sometimes too, and once the kids get all upset and start with the disappointed attitude towards me I subtly ask them who it is they're angry with amd as its dad I just say then don't show me you're angry show him. Make him know how let down you feel. It is slowly feeding through but I also don't put him down to the kids as they will come to their own conclusion given time

By doing this the number of times he let's them down has decreased. Hope you find your solution too xx"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I certainly don't complain at all the extra time i get but im fed up of picking up the peices x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read some of the other posts and this is not directed at any person,

Your children pick up on the animosity that you show towards your ex.

They then take your side, as they already have lost one parent and don't want to lose another

They then can start saying they don't want to go as it upsets the parent with care.

But all those letters they write, phone calls and texts are kept by the ex , to show the kids at a later stage of life , why they did not see them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

reading stuff like this makes me glad im a sole parent..

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

I read some of the other posts and this is not directed at any person,

Your children pick up on the animosity that you show towards your ex.

They then take your side, as they already have lost one parent and don't want to lose another

They then can start saying they don't want to go as it upsets the parent with care.

But all those letters they write, phone calls and texts are kept by the ex , to show the kids at a later stage of life , why they did not see them.

They are more than encouraged to see their mum its their opinions that have been formed from her absenteeism that make them feel that way!

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I read some of the other posts and this is not directed at any person,

Your children pick up on the animosity that you show towards your ex.

They then take your side, as they already have lost one parent and don't want to lose another

They then can start saying they don't want to go as it upsets the parent with care.

But all those letters they write, phone calls and texts are kept by the ex , to show the kids at a later stage of life , why they did not see them.

They are more than encouraged to see their mum its their opinions that have been formed from her absenteeism that make them feel that way!

"

That was not directed at you it was just a generalisation . You are very lucky to have your kids as I have custody of my eldest and have done sincehe was 9 months old, he is now nearly 16

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had the same problem with my ex. One important thing is not to 'slag off' the other parent to the children. Let them make their own minds up and be there as a genuine and compassionate listener when they need it.

My daughter eventually worked out what a waste of space her dad was by 16. She's 32 now and doesn't miss him at all. Probably as I was always there for her, and still am.

I think it seems half expected of absent fathers but i just can't comprehend how a mum can be so lacklustre towards their children, afterall she carried all of them for nine months at a time so should feel some maternal bond xxx

some women just don't feel maternal feelings. my mother didn't to any of her 7. it happens, unfortunately. "

I've lost count of the times I've heard people say 'how can a mother just walk away.' I've been hearing it for twenty years now and it still riles me.

As a father I can't understand how ANYONE can just walk away from their kids.

My wife walked away when my first daughter was 16 months. I was in the navy at the time. Shore based.

A very long story very short but I had another daughter through carelessness with another girl who turned out to be a nightmare.

I got custody of that daughter too.

Both mothers have been a pain and neither has paid a penny in support.

My advice is to never say a bad word against your ex. I never made excuses for mine but I did suggest that they probably had their reasons for their behaviour but assured the girls it wouldn't be because of them.

Now they are 22 & 18 they thank me for being unbiased and can see their mums as they really are.

I wish you all the best. It's not easy for any single parent.

Take care though. A single male parent seems to attract so many women with an agenda!! I had quite a few marriage proposals in those early years. Proven good dad with house and job. Hmmm

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

I read some of the other posts and this is not directed at any person,

Your children pick up on the animosity that you show towards your ex.

They then take your side, as they already have lost one parent and don't want to lose another

They then can start saying they don't want to go as it upsets the parent with care.

But all those letters they write, phone calls and texts are kept by the ex , to show the kids at a later stage of life , why they did not see them.

They are more than encouraged to see their mum its their opinions that have been formed from her absenteeism that make them feel that way!

That was not directed at you it was just a generalisation . You are very lucky to have your kids as I have custody of my eldest and have done sincehe was 9

months old, he is now nearly 16 "

I have a 16 year old step daughter who wasn't allowed to come to me because her mum would rather her go in care than live with the only Dad she ever knew!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I read some of the other posts and this is not directed at any person,

Your children pick up on the animosity that you show towards your ex.

They then take your side, as they already have lost one parent and don't want to lose another

They then can start saying they don't want to go as it upsets the parent with care.

But all those letters they write, phone calls and texts are kept by the ex , to show the kids at a later stage of life , why they did not see them.

They are more than encouraged to see their mum its their opinions that have been formed from her absenteeism that make them feel that way!

That was not directed at you it was just a generalisation . You are very lucky to have your kids as I have custody of my eldest and have done sincehe was 9

months old, he is now nearly 16

I have a 16 year old step daughter who wasn't allowed to come to me because her mum would rather her go in care than live with the only Dad she ever knew!"

Are you still in touch with her?

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By *0hnnyBrav0Man
over a year ago

Great Wyrley


"As a single dad of 3 kids i look forward to the weekend when my kids go to see their mum but she is constantly letting the kids down with some excuse or another, how does anyone else deal with this as the kids still wanna see their mum."

my ex has custardy of my daughter and I get access every weekend. That was decided 8 years ago in court.

since then the only weekend I havent had my daughter is when she has gone away on holiday with her mum.

I never miss a weekend and never have a babysitter I arrange my life around it.

if I let her down she will remember it forever.

you dont get remembered for the 100 good things you have done, only the 1 bad thing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"As a single dad of 3 kids i look forward to the weekend when my kids go to see their mum but she is constantly letting the kids down with some excuse or another, how does anyone else deal with this as the kids still wanna see their mum.

my ex has custardy of my daughter and I get access every weekend. That was decided 8 years ago in court.

since then the only weekend I havent had my daughter is when she has gone away on holiday with her mum.

I never miss a weekend and never have a babysitter I arrange my life around it.

if I let her down she will remember it forever.

you dont get remembered for the 100 good things you have done, only the 1 bad thing."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been through this and its heartbreaking to deal with. My ex used to get d*unk and would be d*unk when we dropped child off. So we couldn't leave child with ex. Even on Christmas day. You just have to give them extra love and cuddles. The ex's dont seem to realise that the child will remember when they are older.

You just keep being a great parent. Your Kids will remember that when they are grown up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a single dad of 3 kids i look forward to the weekend when my kids go to see their mum but she is constantly letting the kids down with some excuse or another, how does anyone else deal with this as the kids still wanna see their mum.

my ex has custardy of my daughter and I get access every weekend. That was decided 8 years ago in court.

since then the only weekend I havent had my daughter is when she has gone away on holiday with her mum.

I never miss a weekend and never have a babysitter I arrange my life around it.

if I let her down she will remember it forever.

you dont get remembered for the 100 good things you have done, only the 1 bad thing."

if only all ex partners were as happy with the arrangements as you are

Male or female there really isn't any excuse to let kids down.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have been through this and its heartbreaking to deal with. My ex used to get d*unk and would be d*unk when we dropped child off. So we couldn't leave child with ex. Even on Christmas day. You just have to give them extra love and cuddles. The ex's dont seem to realise that the child will remember when they are older.

You just keep being a great parent. Your Kids will remember that when they are grown up.

"

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