FabSwingers.com forum: Hard times trying to fit back into civi life after 24 years in the army

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I didn't think it was going to be this hard fitting back in to normal life after 24 years in the army. First time I've ever felt so low and alone in life.

Anyone any advice? Don't know which way to turn at the moment or where t go to get help

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

hello,

first off thank you for serving our country!!! army to civvie life is hard....I've seen many go through the change however it does get easier...If you need some support contact one of the various charities that are dotted about and they will point you in the right direction with support...I really hope you find your feet

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I guess it's a lot less structured than the forces and you might feel a sense of losing control. Don't Panic! Recognizing there is a problem is a first step. Be organised in your day to day life but don't stress if things don't go right. Roll with the flow....civvie street can be chaotic, random, people promise things like builders coming round then just don't turn up, so be aware that people won't listen. Professional help is probably needed, some form of counselling. Talk to us on here too. Good luck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you working or are you taking time out from work, if you do not have a daily routine then go and look at volunteering for an organization it will give you a sense of purpose and help you make friends in civvy life, good luck xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't think it was going to be this hard fitting back in to normal life after 24 years in the army. First time I've ever felt so low and alone in life.

Anyone any advice? Don't know which way to turn at the moment or where t go to get help"

a lot of mental health services now have specialist services for veterans...talk to your gp about what's in your local area...

my dad had similar issues when he left the navy after 24 years-the british legion helped him a lot and I think Help for Heroes are supposed to be very good...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks I under stand what your saying and think its time to get some help. Did think family would help but just laugh when I said I was finding it hard.

Fitting in is what I've found hard and making friends. I like friends on here and chat then they just don't answer my messages or just delete them with ok any reason. Don't seem to have anything in common with people.

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By *mma_j_cdTV/TS
over a year ago

chester

Try joining a gym or sports club where you will be surrounded by people with a common interest. Good luck with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's bound to be hard after being in the forces for such a long time. Like others have said, contact the British Legion & Help for Heroes. Hopefully they'll put you in contact with others who've been in a similar position.

Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to be able to go up from there.

Most important thing is talking & not keeping your feelings hidden.

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By *moothies.Couple
over a year ago

Woodthorpe

speak to your GP before you get too low to be bothered. having a focus to get out of the house is good too, a walk or run in the sunshine if nothing else. doing everything online makes it too easy to isolate yourself you need to be around real people too.

I know a man who goes to one of the help for hero's places and he's made some good friends and found it helpful. the break while he's there is good for him too, but he's also found writing helps him with things he's seen that are hard for the rest of us to comprehend. Lx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is hard my friend I have been out as long as you have been in and for the first few years I drifted around without any purpose. The support wasn't around for my generation of soldier then, but it is now so use it thats what it is there for.

It is a big leap jumping from a full support network to civvy life knowing there is no one to watch your back as it were. But you will get there. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks a lot of good advice and I thank you for it.

I joined a gym 2 weeks ago still finding my feet there.

I work on a market stall so I get to chat a lot but only for a minute or two.

I work around the country and only in a place for a few days at a time. ( don't think this helps)

Been thinking about joining the TA

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks been out two years now and its only over the past few months that has been bad. Since a very good friend from the army took his own life.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

its difficult....Im an ex army wife and even i found it hard when i came out of it all and went back into normal street...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mate, as an Ex Sapper, 22 yrs consider what your old RSM would have said.

Build a Bridge...get the fuck over it!

However, given the recent tour tempo and intensity. Have you contacted Saffa or RBL?

Lot of help out there, apply the same principles to Civvies as you did your Army Career. Improvise Adapt, Overcome!

Civvies are not the same, they cant and don't understand how we tick. We have to change and adapt. It's tough but it can be done.

Take it easy.

REspect

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

British Legion and or talk to your local TA about being a trainer. It's a hard habit to kick cold turkey one of my friends has been out over 10 years And still struggles

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By *extoysareusCouple
over a year ago

kinky heaven

I thought the army trained you to adapt in different situations.

Anyway civvy street is there to help ex forces.and of course rbl for any welfare needs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am still in the ghetto army. You should be on your feet soon just get a nice women or find a hobby.

thanks for helping us anyway

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By *extoysareusCouple
over a year ago

kinky heaven

"Thanks been out two years now and its only over the past few months that has been bad. Since a very good friend from the army took his own life. "

Well you really don't want to go down that route, speak to a doctor, go to the gym etc.

Its an amazing world out there and tbh you are free to do anything you want now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dad was lucky.. retrained in something he loved computer engineering but landed a job in security for the mpgs...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you cant let go of your past you should maybe try the reserves. Its not just a drinking club for weekend warriors now. Far more integrated and more likely to go on tour. Or even try the cadets. They would have someone with your experience in a shot.

I did ten yrs regular leaving.twenty years ago last month.

If I could I would go back in a heartbeat....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As some one said ' thanks for serving our country'. You performed one of the hardest jobs anyone could do, and have probably seen violence few can imagine. It can't be easy. Please seek help and advice to adjust, and don't think you have to do it alone. Often that is where the real problems start.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Look up the Buddy Buddy scheme. They are a new setup there to assist people in your situation. Based in Wales But rapidly expanding. It's a scheme ran by ex-service guys for ex-service guys. They're there for chats and advice. I know several of the lads also throw in a cpl of hours a week just to simply pop round and have a social chinwag. Sometimes it's all that's needed to let you know you're not alone. Bonus is all the guys you'll meet within the group have been there and done it so they'll completely know where you're coming from. Give them a try

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I live in wales but didn't know about the group, but sounds interesting will go and look up the group.

Thanks mate.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I would like to thank everyone that have posted on my post or messages me with their kind advice and support.

A very very big thank you to you all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As some one said ' thanks for serving our country'. You performed one of the hardest jobs anyone could do, and have probably seen violence few can imagine. It can't be easy. Please seek help and advice to adjust, and don't think you have to do it alone. Often that is where the real problems start. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I live in wales but didn't know about the group, but sounds interesting will go and look up the group.

Thanks mate.

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By *its_n_piecesCouple
over a year ago

there's always help and advice on offer from folk who have experienced or are experiencing the same thing at the royal british legion. this system has helped countless people through the tough times of re-adjustment following a career in the services.

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By *amBam minus Pebbles21p3Man
over a year ago

Hampton Court/Belfast

Dude 22 1/2 years in the mob here. Things are pants out here but so were some in the mob.

Take all opportunities by the horns and make most of it. Loads of military help sites out there.

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By *illwill69uMan
over a year ago

moston

"Thanks I under stand what your saying and think its time to get some help. Did think family would help but just laugh when I said I was finding it hard.

Hello you!

Not going to comment about your family other than to say as you have just lost one and your relations will not understand this unless they too have served.

However as for making friends, maybe you are looking in the wrong places...

From my experience (I'm out 32 years in November), you will find that there are people out there who will gravitate to you. You will find lots of mates in the biking community if you have a bike licence (if you don't I would advise passing a bike test) join a rally club, you will find like minded souls.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

good luck to you

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By *ot in nottsMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Saffa is one of top rated but there's more organisations that help the transfer to civvy life. Not the easiest transition matey. Differant pace of life. There's always private sector security/ bodyguard/merc. Depends what life you want now left. Its the mind that takes longer to leave.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks everyone for your kind advice and support.

I'm sure if I hadn't put this post up this morning I would not have got on the phone to get some help. I have done so now and the road to recovery and building a bridge to get over it are now in place.

Thank you all very much.

Bike out Sunday for a good ride, always feel free on my bike

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

On the seafront in Brighton there are several army types who provide 'army' style keep fit training. What about that? Or start a paintballing business, get into kids parties and corporate team building doo-dah days.

Like I mentioned earlier, non forces life is much less structured an there's little back up and no easily identifiable chain of command. But you've been trained to be resilient and opportunistic, so adapt those skills and training. Do what you're good at.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks everyone for your kind advice and support.

Thank you all very much.

Bike out Sunday for a good ride, always feel free on my bike

really glad you did...best wishes for the future

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't think it was going to be this hard fitting back in to normal life after 24 years in the army. "

Kudos bro!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks I under stand what your saying and think its time to get some help. Did think family would help but just laugh when I said I was finding it hard.

Your family just laugh when you tell them you find it hard, I would have thought they would have been your support, anyway I came out in 88 after 12 years and the first thing I did was find work, I took on a shit job but it kept me busy an occupied until something better came along, and touch wood I have never been out of work since I did have a break while setting up my own business,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not sure what Mob you were in, but my mob hold meetings for ex soldiers from our Reg once a month where we meet in town for a few drinks and a bit banter, and there is always good advice on hand, get in touch with friends from your unit and try what we do, we have an ave of 50 turn up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks a lot of good advice and I thank you for it.

I joined a gym 2 weeks ago still finding my feet there.

I work on a market stall so I get to chat a lot but only for a minute or two.

I work around the country and only in a place for a few days at a time. ( don't think this helps)

Been thinking about joining the TA

Joining the TA is a good idea. It's the halfway house between the regs and civvy life. You will be welcomed in the TA as they don't need to send you on basic so you will pretty much be up and running.

It's what I did when I left the regs.

Chin up mate and if things get too bad PM me and we can go for a beer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I thought the army trained you to adapt in different situations.

Anyway civvy street is there to help ex forces.and of course rbl for any welfare needs"

But they don't train you for life back in civics street, once you last day is served it bye and that's it

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By *horstrollMan
over a year ago

Caprona

"Thanks a lot of good advice and I thank you for it.

I joined a gym 2 weeks ago still finding my feet there.

I work on a market stall so I get to chat a lot but only for a minute or two.

I work around the country and only in a place for a few days at a time. ( don't think this helps)

Been thinking about joining the TA

It's what I did when I left the regs.

Chin up mate and if things get too bad PM me and we can go for a beer

I met a jock i knew as a sprog, who joined the army reserve TA whatever you want to call it. He almost went to the legion until the local sgt phoned him. After a year, he qualifies for quite a few grand just for turning up. Money for old rope, plus you can pass on your wisdom to others.

Ssafa do help, they helped my friend when his daughter was ill.

join arrse some pish taking there but it is for serving and exserving.

Sans Peur

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks everyone for your kind advice and support.

Thank you all very much.

Bike out Sunday for a good ride, always feel free on my bike

good to hear. Pob lwc!

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Looking after your mental health is top priority. Youve lost a friend and a way of life, which is a lot to adjust to. Physical exercise helps your mental health, so stay with it. And look at what interests you have that can be pursued with others. Some on fab want a fuck, others can be friends long term - if your messages get ignored, that is a reflection on them, and what they need. Take things easily, no major pressures but ensure that what you are doing is supporting you. Good luck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't think it was going to be this hard fitting back in to normal life after 24 years in the army. First time I've ever felt so low and alone in life.

Anyone any advice? Don't know which way to turn at the moment or where t go to get help"

Best advice is to try and keep in weekly contact with the people you served with and meet up every month or so and talk about things. I know personally and with many others its been a godsend as in the past you have always supported each other. Knowing you are going to see mates at the end of the month gives you light at the end of a tunnel and brings a little sanity to your world.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Loads of very good advice going in witch I'm going to take on

So far I've called someone to talk about things. So glade I did.

Went and did fitness last night. Used the Olympic swimming pool here in Swansea, stone me a length was 100 meters could only do 10 lol

To do

Get cruiser out and go for a ride.

See about joining TA

Set up a meeting group with regs and ex from my old unit. Love this idea thanks

I have a job self employed chilli farmer with my brother stop laughing you lot. Lol

Very big thank you to you all

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By *illwill69uMan
over a year ago

moston

"Loads of very good advice going in witch I'm going to take on

So far I've called someone to talk about things. So glade I did.

Went and did fitness last night. Used the Olympic swimming pool here in Swansea, stone me a length was 100 meters could only do 10 lol

To do

Get cruiser out and go for a ride.

See about joining TA

Set up a meeting group with regs and ex from my old unit. Love this idea thanks

I have a job self employed chilli farmer with my brother stop laughing you lot. Lol

Very big thank you to you all

Dont forget to find your local rally club and join.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Also, don't forget to treat yourself to some great sex, as this is also very good for our whole well being.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't think it was going to be this hard fitting back in to normal life after 24 years in the army. First time I've ever felt so low and alone in life.

Anyone any advice? Don't know which way to turn at the moment or where t go to get help"

it's a hard transition, I spent 20 years in the US Army and when I came out life has changed so much. coming from the point of being highly respected by those above you and below you. gives you a certain confidence not known in civilian life. the camaraderie, esprit de corps

, and the trust you have put into your friends. all of this comes from a direct result of the training and sacrifice you put into each other. honor that commitment, Be damn proud of what you've done for your country and the sacrifices you've given. if you need help contact your service provider. in the United States we have Veterans Affairs, I am sure the UK has something similar. are you can always contact me. above all. I would like to thank you, from one soldier to another. your sacrifice has not been in vain. give yourself some time, relax and enjoy the fact that you're safe. Hu,Ya my friend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't think it was going to be this hard fitting back in to normal life after 24 years in the army. First time I've ever felt so low and alone in life.

Anyone any advice? Don't know which way to turn at the moment or where t go to get help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I probably shouldn't say this (might be breaking employment law lol) but whenever I inter_iew and someone says they are ex military they always go straight to the top of the list

Punctual

Hard working

Smart

Reliable

Disciplined

Can deal with stressful situations

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By *horstrollMan
over a year ago

Caprona

"I probably shouldn't say this (might be breaking employment law lol) but whenever I inter_iew and someone says they are ex military they always go straight to the top of the list

Punctual

Hard working

Smart

Reliable

Disciplined

Can deal with stressful situations"

bugger employment law

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I probably shouldn't say this (might be breaking employment law lol) but whenever I inter_iew and someone says they are ex military they always go straight to the top of the list

Punctual

Hard working

Smart

Reliable

Disciplined

Can deal with stressful situations

bugger employment law

WELL SAID!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Like to thank everyone for their kind support and advice.

Went to speck to someone on Monday, my old army pardra was a big help

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

And, of course, you're used to standing to attention for long periods of time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's nice to see all this support for our forces all over the world! Thanks forum members for supporting a good friend of mine through a low point xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hope things are ticking along now.

I'm an former Sapper myself, was pretty tough when I first left, got myself into a fair bit of trouble and if wasn't for a certain local police officer and an understanding judge I would've been behind bars a few years ago.

Thankfully, I soon managed to get myself on track, best think I ever did was to see a psychologist. I spent a while just basically unloading everything that I had bottled up and life started to click back into place.

I joined sports clubs and am a member of the local gym where I have made new mates and can chat for hours to them which is always good.

The majority of military people seem to gravitate to jobs in transport so you always bump into people you'll have things in common with.

Maybe you could try and get a ticket for this years Army v Navy match at Twickenham. Always manage to bump into people I haven't seen for years.

Hope you're well anyway!

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