FabSwingers.com forum: Family law

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So, since me an the ex parted ways she has been very petty about my time with my son, I'm allowed Friday, Saturday, Sunday every other week, and half hour calls or txts between 6.30-7.00 pm on each Wednesday an every other Sunday, now the solicitors have charged me £500 so far, with that, there's been two letters sent, 4 recieved, a couple of txts/emails and phone calls! So at this rate it's going to be astronomical, so I'm stopping the too an throwing of silly letters and paying the £215 for court proceedings to kick off, but I'm planning on defending myself?? What do you guys think?

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Get the book Fathers Matter and read that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Get the book Fathers Matter and read that.

Will be sure to look it up! Thankyou! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Join families need fathers

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I can understand needing set times for you to have your son but set times for a phone call? How silly is that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sadly women seem to think they can control contact. I (Mrs) have half the week with my son and my ex has the other. But your situation is unfortunately so common.

Your doing the right thing go to court and get proper access!

Good luck.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Good luck...I hope you get it sorted xx

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

",........... but I'm planning on defending myself?? What do you guys think?

Have you been charged with any offence?

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

The sad fact is people use kids as weapons I see it everyday and usually it's the father that's getting the raw deal....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm all for set times! But the 11 day gab between seeing him is defiantly effecting our bond, I can feel it, I just want more times inbetween, I wouldn't want 50/50 as he has brothers and sisters with his mum, so I'm aware he should be with them, but a extra night for tea or a extra daytime n the other weekend is all I want, it's just all very unnecessary!! I'm just worried about representing myself!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends entirely on the circumstances of your relationship breakdown, the ex's view and of course your sons feelings.

Without a broad understanding of the whole situation from both sides I can't really advise, but I wish you good luck and hope it works out in the best interests of your boy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

",........... but I'm planning on defending myself?? What do you guys think?

Have you been charged with any offence?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try getting her to go to mediation. The mediator will help her see sense and get you to both agree to what you are happy with.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Try getting her to go to mediation. The mediator will help her see sense and get you to both agree to what you are happy with.

. "

Yeah, I suggested that to my solicitor, but she explained that she still wouldn't have to stick to it any ways, so the Court route would be inevitable in the future!!

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

",........... but I'm planning on defending myself?? What do you guys think?

Have you been charged with any offence?

No"

So why the need for defence?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The sad fact is people use kids as weapons I see it everyday and usually it's the father that's getting the raw deal...."

Cheeky, you just said one cotton pickin mouthful there. Totally agree!

My lad is now 23 and we're as close as two people can be, but when my first marriage ended and he was only 9, my ex saw fit to use every opportunity to use him to hurt me, totally forgetting that she was hurting him too.

There's always two sides of course. I'm

Not blameless, I think. But I know my son didn't deserve that.

To the OP: best of luck

Joe

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Sorry! I mean representing myself!!

I'm always on the bloody defence!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Try getting her to go to mediation. The mediator will help her see sense and get you to both agree to what you are happy with.

Yeah, I suggested that to my solicitor, but she explained that she still wouldn't have to stick to it any ways, so the Court route would be inevitable in the future!! "

Perhaps so. But the mediator may have a canny way of making her think she got what she wanted and therefore she might not want to change it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm all for set times! But the 11 day gab between seeing him is defiantly effecting our bond, I can feel it, I just want more times inbetween, I wouldn't want 50/50 as he has brothers and sisters with his mum, so I'm aware he should be with them, but a extra night for tea or a extra daytime n the other weekend is all I want, it's just all very unnecessary!! I'm just worried about representing myself!

You always have the option of consulting a McKenzie friend for the legal points.

Good luck & stay strong...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

",........... but I'm planning on defending myself?? What do you guys think?

Have you been charged with any offence?

So why the need for defence?"

Family courts are a mind field xx

Families need fathers are a great source of self help. From forums to speak to similar people.. to actual legal advice.

Cali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be careful what you do it may get even worse for you the judge will always pick the mother over the father. I have my daughter every other weekend and throughout the school holidays so not to bad. If I went through the courts I only be allowed see my daughter in day out centre

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I just hope the person who makes the decision realises that going so long with out seeing my son is too much! He loves seeing me! We have the best times!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get a parental responsibility from the court, too many people use kids as weapons.

My daughter wanted to see her dad, he doesn't , reckons I will do a better job on her at least your child will see you fought

Best of luck.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Get a parental responsibility from the court, too many people use kids as weapons.

My daughter wanted to see her dad, he doesn't , reckons I will do a better job on her at least your child will see you fought

Best of luck.

I have parental responsibility already!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Get a parental responsibility from the court, too many people use kids as weapons.

My daughter wanted to see her dad, he doesn't , reckons I will do a better job on her at least your child will see you fought

Best of luck.

I have parental responsibility already! Oh that's good!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just hope the person who makes the decision realises that going so long with out seeing my son is too much! He loves seeing me! We have the best times!!

I'm in bloody tears here. I sincerely - sincerely - hope you get the result you need.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"I just hope the person who makes the decision realises that going so long with out seeing my son is too much! He loves seeing me! We have the best times!!

I'm in bloody tears here. I sincerely - sincerely - hope you get the result you need. "

Aww come here have a hug

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I just hope the person who makes the decision realises that going so long with out seeing my son is too much! He loves seeing me! We have the best times!!

I'm in bloody tears here. I sincerely - sincerely - hope you get the result you need. "

If the guys a human being then it'll be cool, there has to be justice sometimes, surely it's about a balance! An right now the balance is lob sided! So its gotta be better hasn't it!

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Remember kids grow up and have their own mind...I've never been in the mind set to use kids a weapons....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Remember kids grow up and have their own mind...I've never been in the mind set to use kids a weapons...."

He's 6 now, an I hate not seeing him! I stayed 12 months longer than I should of because I knew she would do this!! But all I did was prelong the inevitable I guess!! Hindsight eh!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for your help guys, will keep you lot posted x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you was already married when the child was born you already have legal custody over the child not the mother.

If you have a home suitable for the child and they want to stay then the mother has to take you to court for custody. That's if there is no history of violence or other issues.

At least that was the law 18 years ago. I brought my son up as a single dad.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We was never married, and no disrespect, I think it's changed considerably over the last 18 years!!

It's something I will follow up nether or less! Cheers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try to get her to mediation, even if she refuses, you can say YOU tried. It will stand you in good stead at court. You are at least seen to be trying.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Try to get her to mediation, even if she refuses, you can say YOU tried. It will stand you in good stead at court. You are at least seen to be trying."

My next job!! Worth a shot!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We was never married, and no disrespect, I think it's changed considerably over the last 18 years!!

It's something I will follow up nether or less! Cheers"
as an unmarried couple she will be calling the shots. I found things was simple with the wife but not my ex G/F I had to please the court with security gates and anything she asked for.

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By *etLips4youWoman
over a year ago

Cornwall

If I have your sons age right at 6 and you are named on birth certificate then you already have parental rights. What you are looking for contact which she is already giving you. This is where it gets tricky. Mediation would be simplest route but isn't law binding if you fall out etc. Going court will introduce cafcass who will act on behalf of your son. They will talk to him about what he wants and present it the judge. What his ruling is depends on whether in mean time you both come to a resolution on contact/finances cause they will attempt a more formal mediation. Costly and time consuming. My solicitor estimated with court costs etc 4-6k.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love to see a father being passionate over their child... Op I really hope you get the results you want ...

My ex hasn't seen or been in contact with my toddlers for over six months, this is not because I have stopped him, it's because he can't have me, so he takes it out on our children.. More fool him because he is missing out so so much..

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By *tupidityDictatesWoman
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

I self represented in family law court (and kicked arse too), I'm just about to represent my brother too. If you need to pick some brains then feel free to message me.

My advice on an open forum without knowing much detail is to always be one step ahead, stick to the facts, appear to be cooperative and considerate of your exs wants at all times (whilst backing this up with what is actually in your childs best interest, in a very polite round about way) and be prepared to answer and *prove* anything and everything.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

",........... but I'm planning on defending myself?? What do you guys think?

Have you been charged with any offence?

So why the need for defence?"

So the man got his words wrong, is there any need for you to be so pedantic when he is asking for advice especially as it looks like you didn't even have any advice to offer.

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By *illwill69uMan
over a year ago

moston

"Sorry! I mean representing myself!!

I'm always on the bloody defence!

There is a very old legal truism:

Any person who represents themselves has a fool for a client.

It is very true, even if you are legally trained because of your closeness to the case you will not have the objectivity required to give yourself the best representation. Get help!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really hoping and wishing you get the outcome you want its never easy when a child is involved good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Van damme I have been through all of this with my children . Have the csa become involved yet. Look at a website called dead beat dads association . Before the people kick off about the websites name it's not as it sounds it gives excellent advice for poor fathers when the mother's behave this way usually out of petty spite. I think that stopping a good father from seeing his children is a form of child abuse and should be treated that way . My heart goes out to you mate and I know how you feel trust me. Pm if you wish to have a little chat I may have somethings to help you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Van damme I have been through all of this with my children . Have the csa become involved yet. Look at a website called dead beat dads association . Before the people kick off about the websites name it's not as it sounds it gives excellent advice for poor fathers when the mother's behave this way usually out of petty spite. I think that stopping a good father from seeing his children is a form of child abuse and should be treated that way . My heart goes out to you mate and I know how you feel trust me. Pm if you wish to have a little chat I may have somethings to help you "

Cheers pal! I may just call upon that!

Did you represent yourself?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

And no the CSA are not involved yet, no doubt it won't be long tho, but I'm not fussed, I do pay for him, so weather that be straight to her or through CSA, it makes no odds, it's all just very uneccesary an silly! Like you said, she is just trying to get at me though our son, and it's PETTY beyond belief!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wish my kids see their dad this much !

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Wish my kids see their dad this much !"

What?? You think I see him enough??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well actually the csa make up inflated figures of over 300% and can put a deduction of earnings order on your wages even though that is an unlawful process . They are not government they are a run for profit company and have ccjs listed against them. The world truly isn't as it seems I have many websites for you to check out on topics like this it's very eye opening

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

IM going through this too. If you want some advice PM me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wish my kids see their dad this much !

What?? You think I see him enough??

It's a lot more than mine do and I have had to work hard to get this much ! Once every other sat night mine go

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"IM going through this too. If you want some advice PM me"

Are you representing yourself?? X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But yes I think that's plenty the whole weekend it's loads ! You get one she gets one and of you want see them in week then try arrange that pick them up from school etc

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Wish my kids see their dad this much !

What?? You think I see him enough??

It's a lot more than mine do and I have had to work hard to get this much ! Once every other sat night mine go "

Does he want them more?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"But yes I think that's plenty the whole weekend it's loads ! You get one she gets one and of you want see them in week then try arrange that pick them up from school etc"

Yes! That's what I want! The full weekend an a couple of extra hours through the week, going 11 days without seeing him is crazy, I'm shocked that you can agree with what she's doing!!

Actually!!!! Do you know her??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But yes I think that's plenty the whole weekend it's loads ! You get one she gets one and of you want see them in week then try arrange that pick them up from school etc

Yes! That's what I want! The full weekend an a couple of extra hours through the week, going 11 days without seeing him is crazy, I'm shocked that you can agree with what she's doing!!

Actually!!!! Do you know her??

I think every other weekend is great !!

Dunno why the need for court

Take it you tried mediation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wish my kids see their dad this much !

What?? You think I see him enough??

It's a lot more than mine do and I have had to work hard to get this much ! Once every other sat night mine go

Does he want them more? "

He does not want them at all

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"But yes I think that's plenty the whole weekend it's loads ! You get one she gets one and of you want see them in week then try arrange that pick them up from school etc

Yes! That's what I want! The full weekend an a couple of extra hours through the week, going 11 days without seeing him is crazy, I'm shocked that you can agree with what she's doing!!

Actually!!!! Do you know her??

I think every other weekend is great !!

Dunno why the need for court

Take it you tried mediation "

Well everyone to there own, but it's not enough for me or him, if she didn't have 2 other children to somebody else then I'd be fighting to have him 50/50, but I wouldn't seperate him from his brother and sister for that long!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your explanation is perfectly reasonable, the court WILL recognise that, and the efforts you have made. My brother represented himself in just the same circumstances. He got virtually everything he wanted, just shuffled some hours around. It was obvious she was being awkward, he even heard her own solicitor tell her as such. Be calm, pleasant, logical and your best intentions for your boy will win the day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

better to cut an under the table deal with ex ? family law is weighted against men and change in routine sure but you haven't given up so are sure to see more of your children in time i hope, as a law friend might say going to court is just a situations failure seeking more failure. Justices can be very unfair. Litigation in person though possible is hard. google google google

all the best mate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The sad fact is people use kids as weapons I see it everyday and usually it's the father that's getting the raw deal...."

sorry, nothing personal but it's not the father that gets the raw deal. it's the kids

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

No idea on family law but all the best for both you and your son x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can understand needing set times for you to have your son but set times for a phone call? How silly is that"

I used to have a set time to call my son.

So I wasn't interrupting tea time or ringing him to close to bedtime as he was a bugger to calm down and get settled for bed but that's depending on the age of the child I suppose.

Luckily his mum has grown up and stopped with all the childish games now so seeing him is never a problem.

I'd deffinately say join families need fathers to.

Good luck and hope it gets sorted.

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By *wesome ChauffeurMan
over a year ago

Saffron Walden, Essex

"But yes I think that's plenty the whole weekend it's loads ! You get one she gets one and of you want see them in week then try arrange that pick them up from school etc

Yes! That's what I want! The full weekend an a couple of extra hours through the week, going 11 days without seeing him is crazy, I'm shocked that you can agree with what she's doing!!

Actually!!!! Do you know her??

I think every other weekend is great !!

Dunno why the need for court

Take it you tried mediation

Hi How old is your son? I have represented my self on 3 occasion I have brought up 2 boys with special beaviour needs and a girl from 2005 to date I had to leave my second wife as a result and commitment to my children who were of the wall and being emotional abused when lived with mother. Courts are reasonable in my view and if you go in all blazing you get nothing. Go in show the Judge you are reasonable and above all its about the child not brownie points against the ex the judge will look and see you are being reasonable. Access once a fortnight is not unreasonable even if there are other sibling your son lives with. If you wish to email personally for a chat you are welcome to

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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago

solihull

"Try getting her to go to mediation. The mediator will help her see sense and get you to both agree to what you are happy with.

Yeah, I suggested that to my solicitor, but she explained that she still wouldn't have to stick to it any ways, so the Court jo route would be inevitable in the future!! "

And sorry to point this out but our experience is tbat if you go to court, she still doez not have to stick to what the court says. If she brwaks a court order she will never be penalised. Keep fighting, keep all the paperwork to show your son when hes adult that you tried, and good luck.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"The sad fact is people use kids as weapons I see it everyday and usually it's the father that's getting the raw deal...."

"Funny" thing I've noticed. If the man shows an interest in the child the mother does all she can to prevent contact, yet if he shows no interest they beg and plead for the fathers to acknowledge the child.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"I can understand needing set times for you to have your son but set times for a phone call? How silly is that

I used to have a set time to call my son.

So I wasn't interrupting tea time or ringing him to close to bedtime as he was a bugger to calm down and get settled for bed but that's depending on the age of the child I suppose.

I am guessing any father would realise there were times when best not to call, but inbetween those times I find it sad that a mother will dictate when you can call.

It is after all both of the parents who made the baby and it must be beneficial for the child to know his dad is still here and wants to contact him/her to see how their day went.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the child is old enough, buy them a cheap mobile phone, I know it has worked.

Then you can contact them. ( providing the mother agrees) I can imagine some wouldn't, but a Christmas or birthday present perhaps

Her

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

My ex partner took his ex to court to resolve some issues with access with his two girls

as expensive as it was his solicitor ran rings around her solicitor. He would not have been able to do that had he represented himself in court. His solicitor prepared us for every eventuality. some we had not even thought of.

It cost him several thousand pounds but that court order was gold dust. Any time she tried to deviate he was able to remind her of it's contents, which were fair to both parties.

Solicitors leave emotions behind and deal with the law and the welfare of the child which at the end of the day should be everyone's concerns.

Pay the solicitor .....

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

"Try getting her to go to mediation. The mediator will help her see sense and get you to both agree to what you are happy with.

Yeah, I suggested that to my solicitor, but she explained that she still wouldn't have to stick to it any ways, so the Court jo route would be inevitable in the future!!

Id she breaks a court order there are repercussions..a court order is worth its weight in gold...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So, since me an the ex parted ways she has been very petty about my time with my son, I'm allowed Friday, Saturday, Sunday every other week, and half hour calls or txts between 6.30-7.00 pm on each Wednesday an every other Sunday, now the solicitors have charged me £500 so far, with that, there's been two letters sent, 4 recieved, a couple of txts/emails and phone calls! So at this rate it's going to be astronomical, so I'm stopping the too an throwing of silly letters and paying the £215 for court proceedings to kick off, but I'm planning on defending myself?? What do you guys think?

Good luck!!

It would appear that your ex views your son as her property and is trying to separate you from him. It is an expensive business though going through the courts so best get yourself to be fully up on family law.

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By *wesome ChauffeurMan
over a year ago

Saffron Walden, Essex

I still stand by what I have experienced with 3 ex wives and 6 children. The courts & Judges are Human they like to be and seen all parties are reasonable. Solicitors yeh are good do there job but all you are is a case number and they get paid or in a case law bleed the funds of some if they see pound signs lol and it costs thousands. In my opinion and personal experience and forward planning go to court yourself you can even get the courts clerks to help you fill in forms etc requesting a hearing of what you are looking/wanting. Always be reasonable think if you was being ask the same question would you think it fair reasonable. One word of warning. If you going and filled in papers for directions or ruling for access don't then at the same hearing ask for money, the lawn mover or kitchen sink. Be very precise and bullet point of what you are requesting the judge to consider again that word reasonable. Good luck One thought and experience I was asking my ex from July/August about arrangement for the christmas yeh same old no no no or dont know anyway I went to court 5 weeks before christmas got a hearing the judge said I been more than reasonable showed messages of texts requests and letters of my requests I was looking for my first Christmas day or Boxing Day. Well I got a shock I was awarded From christmas Eve 17.00 till 18.00 Boxing day then to topit all I was awarded New year day night until the 2nd as well so be warned the judges are fair but yes doesnt alway go to the outcome people wish for but what a result the ex was left open mouthed. Never raise your voice keep calm and let the ex mouth run away in court and awe so many do believe me I have been to court with many friends in support. oh and female friends and I am afraid to say the gents let the side down and go the wrong way about it sometimes. Be reasonable try to put all in writing take it all to court show the Judge. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Your explanation is perfectly reasonable, the court WILL recognise that, and the efforts you have made. My brother represented himself in just the same circumstances. He got virtually everything he wanted, just shuffled some hours around. It was obvious she was being awkward, he even heard her own solicitor tell her as such. Be calm, pleasant, logical and your best intentions for your boy will win the day."

Thankyou, that's more of the advice I was after!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Try getting her to go to mediation. The mediator will help her see sense and get you to both agree to what you are happy with.

Yeah, I suggested that to my solicitor, but she explained that she still wouldn't have to stick to it any ways, so the Court jo route would be inevitable in the future!!

If she doesn't stick by it can the police be called?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If the child is old enough, buy them a cheap mobile phone, I know it has worked.

Then you can contact them. ( providing the mother agrees) I can imagine some wouldn't, but a Christmas or birthday present perhaps

Her"

He is 6, so I bought him a ipad to play on, and this is what is used for txts and facetimes!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A number of points to think about, pm me if you wish.

It is perfectly permissible to represent yourself in Court. Indeed many, many fathers are now doing so, whether through choice or necessity.

I understand that you will not be required to pay the other sides costs, nor can you claim from them.

Be thoroughly prepared beforehand, be very brief and to the point in any written submission, little or no narrative or emotion, and in speaking at Court. Always be positive and helpful.

The Judge will be very understanding of your position as a Litigant in Person and be helpful in guiding you as to what he needs. Less so of your role as a father but that's just the way it is.

Remember that Family proceedings are private, any release of information outside of Court may well be a Contempt of Court.

Families Need Fathers has an excellent website, free to read, but for a very reasonable annual subscription, much more assistance. Your local area group may even have someone able and willing to act as a McKenzie friend in Court. If not you are able to choose your own. Read up on this it is very worthwhile and the Court will always allow you to have one.

A Court Order in Family Proceedings isn't always worth the paper it's written on. If the other party refuses to comply with it, there is very little the Court will actually do about that.

re CAFCASS. IF they get involved, and it sounds like they will, be very very careful with them. Keep them on board.

Around 2009 or so an All Party Parliamentary Committee ruled they were not fit for purpose. With very good reason(s).

At all times be realistic and don't get your hopes up.

What you currently have, and get, is actually very good in the known circumstances however hard you feel it may be. You would do exceedingly well to do any better.

It is very hard work and more often than not ends in a wholly different outcome as to what you expect or think is even fair.

Good luck to you and your lad.

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By *winky!!Woman
over a year ago

carmarthen

Do you provide the phone?

as a mother who left an abusive husband found it difficult when my kids had communication in a "safe home"

the phone was on for one hour a day

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A number of points to think about, pm me if you wish.

It is perfectly permissible to represent yourself in Court. Indeed many, many fathers are now doing so, whether through choice or necessity.

I understand that you will not be

required to pay the other sides costs, nor can you claim from them.

Be thoroughly prepared beforehand, be very brief and to the point in any written submission, little or no narrative or emotion, and in speaking at Court. Always be positive and helpful.

The Judge will be very understanding of your position as a Litigant in Person and be helpful in guiding you as to what he needs. Less so of your role as a father but that's just the way it is.

Remember that Family proceedings are private, any release of information outside of Court may well be a Contempt of Court.

A Court Order in Family Proceedings isn't always worth the paper it's written on. If the other party refuses to comply with it, there is very little the Court will actually do about that.

re CAFCASS. IF they get involved, and it sounds like they will, be very very careful with them. Keep them on board.

Around 2009 or so an All Party Parliamentary Committee ruled they were not fit for purpose. With very good reason(s).

At all times be realistic and don't get your hopes up.

What you currently have, and get, is actually very good in the known circumstances however hard you feel it may be. You would do exceedingly well to do any better.

It is very hard work and more often than not ends in a wholly different outcome as to what you expect or think is even fair.

Good luck to you and your lad.

Thankyou, I will defiantly be intouch!! I approximate the advice

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By *rsFine-MrBallsCouple
over a year ago

markinch

Been there, done it , got the t.shirt , 11,000 grand thru courts, over 7 years , 1 year after its settled my bambino lives with me, ya dancer lol. Im in scotland . Any help i can provide bud feel free too ask , theres alot of mis info from postings in here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Good luck!!

That's exactly how she see's him, the way she treats him compared to her other two is unreal! The other two are very much for there dad and would move with him tomorrow, so she is trying to destroy any kind of bond we have!!

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

It's a long time ago now but I remember what your going threw only to well an for me in the end it was my son who put his mum right. She tride stopping all access but my lad being the star he is used to sneak round to see me after school and before any 1 says how wrong that is let me assure you it was far from my idea an im hardly going to shut the door in his face now am I. Anyway 1 day he had come round to see me an when leaving his mum must have been spying an seen him leave she marched him back banged on my door an before I could say a word gave me a load of abuse threatening me with police an all kinds then my lad piped up mum I came round on my own to see my dad an I want to keep seeing him if you wont let me then I want to go back home an live with my dad........a grown man really did cry that day an guess what she never got in our way again hes 25 now an no longer just my son he's my very best friend an me his.........chin up mate things will work out 1 way or anther

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

[Removed by poster at 13/03/14 21:11:57]

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Been there, done it , got the t.shirt , 11,000 grand thru courts, over 7 years , 1 year after its settled my bambino lives with me, ya dancer lol. Im in scotland . Any help i can provide bud feel free too ask , theres alot of mis info from postings in here.

This

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's a long time ago now but I remember what your going threw only to well an for me in the end it was my son who put his mum right. She tride stopping all access but my lad being the star he is used to sneak round to see me after school and before any 1 says how wrong that is let me assure you it was far from my idea an im hardly going to shut the door in his face now am I. Anyway 1 day he had come round to see me an when leaving his mum must have been spying an seen him leave she marched him back banged on my door an before I could say a word gave me a load of abuse threatening me with police an all kinds then my lad piped up mum I came round on my own to see my dad an I want to keep seeing him if you wont let me then I want to go back home an live with my dad........a grown man really did cry that day an guess what she never got in our way again hes 25 now an no longer just my son he's my very best friend an me his.........chin up mate things will work out 1 way or anther"

My eyes are filling up, this exactly whAt I want, unfortunatly we are ten miles apart and she is smothering him so much he already it becoming a bit mard with it, an it's upsetting, in the end I know it will be fine, cos he will not be 6 forever, but these years I don't want to miss! So even tho these next few months are going to be difficult It's going to be well worth it and I will be calling on some of you to pick your brains, thanks guys, x

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Mine was writing it now thought about it in a while but your thread brought it back to mind an well hoped it might make you feel better even tho its highly personal. Dowt there's much more I can do to help but my mail box is open in the stratest of ways if you get me. Best of luck fella its a long slow rd

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Cheers pal, means a lot!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I have your sons age right at 6 and you are named on birth certificate then you already have parental rights. What you are looking for contact which she is already giving you. This is where it gets tricky. Mediation would be simplest route but isn't law binding if you fall out etc. Going court will introduce cafcass who will act on behalf of your son. They will talk to him about what he wants and present it the judge. What his ruling is depends on whether in mean time you both come to a resolution on contact/finances cause they will attempt a more formal mediation. Costly and time consuming. My solicitor estimated with court costs etc 4-6k.

My daughters bf has a little girl with an ex and she makes up all sorts of excuses and lies for him not to see her, spent thousands on solicitors and court fees for nothing as she agrees to what the court say and it doesn't last. It's hot worse now she's a new bf and pregnant again. Problem is that the little girl is only 3 yrs old so difficult to ask her what she wants. Cafcass were involved too but overall the mother rules and the court system does nothing to her if she flouts the law and blocks access

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Try getting her to go to mediation. The mediator will help her see sense and get you to both agree to what you are happy with.

Yeah, I suggested that to my solicitor, but she explained that she still wouldn't have to stick to it any ways, so the Court jo route would be inevitable in the future!!

If she doesn't stick by it can the police be called?

No they can't as they do nothing

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By *angbanginguysMan
over a year ago

huddersfield

To all u guys who r having problems getting access to ur kids iv been there with the mother from hell nd I beat her shes will do anything now dont use solicitors if uv been given access in familey court nd they have refused or breached it they know the court wont do anything so reapply to court for resedencey and for the mother to be imprisoned for contemped of court the courts dont like it if they are treated with contemped u have to apply for this, when her solicitor realises what u r doing they will tell to do as she is told or she will go to prison I have no oroblems now,any guy who wants help im my profile nd il help any guy what the mums do is not right

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