FabSwingers.com forum: Shaking a womans hand

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I was recently chatting to a girl in a café, and as I was getting ready to leave and saying goodbye, she extended her hand for me to shake. I did so, but for me this has never felt quite right for some reason, maybe I'm being old fashioned but I've always seen a handshake as something two men do, and it feels incredibly formal and even a little cold to do such a thing with a woman - is there a more suitable alternative? Obviously a kiss on the cheek or even a hug might be a little TOO intimate with anyone less than a known friendly acquaintance, but handshakes still seem too business like?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/02/14 17:06:34]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yeah id have found that strange too. Only time i've ever shaken someones hand is at the start and end of a job interview.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe in the past gents kissed ladies hands to greet and shook other men's hands. Maybe we need a return of chivalry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Speaking from a female

Perspective ... Maybe she wanted to keep personal Space between you.

She could be shy Or alternatively not interested

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

The double handed touch is nice - take the hand offered as if to shake, lightly cover the back of the hand with the other hand for a moment, quick squeeze and release. Friendlier but not forward.

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

At work I wouldnt think twice about it, but in a cafe it would seem a bit strange I think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

high five maybe or fist bump

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's nice. It shows affection and warmth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do at the end of something formal.

Her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol I meant the double handed touch showed affection and warmth

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Speaking from a female

Perspective ... Maybe she wanted to keep personal Space between you.

She could be shy Or alternatively not interested "

It was friendly conversation, there was nothing more for her to be 'interested' in, so doubt it was any form of polite barrier.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was taught to lightly place my hand under the lady's hand with my thumb looped over. Then wait to see if the lady squeezed or gently raised her hand. a raise would signal a gentle kiss required.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

have you checked she didnt nick ya ring or watch while shaking ya Hand

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"That's nice. It shows affection and warmth. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's nice. It shows affection and warmth. "

i see hand shakes as cold and formal.. creating a barrier that prevents intimacy and from someone entering your 'personal space' as you'd be at arms length

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think it depends on how you're brought up and your culture. My son shakes hands with everyone he meets for the first time when introduced and when taking his leave of them man or woman but my daughter doesn't, this is partly something he's learned from us and partly because a lot of his friends come from cultures where a handshake is the norm.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I'm terrible for this.

I'm quite reserved and not very tactile with people I am not intimate (and don't intend to be intimate) with.

Until recently I didn't even hug family much, never mind friends, so casual acquaintances or strangers, well, just no.

My background is also in male dominated environments, both education and work, so shaking hands is quite familiar to me.

I'm actively practising hugging people and it's gradually getting easier but it's still tough sometimes.

I have a huge area of personal space and get quite antsy and on edge with people in it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The double handed touch is nice - take the hand offered as if to shake, lightly cover the back of the hand with the other hand for a moment, quick squeeze and release. Friendlier but not forward."

Dead right !! Quaint without being too forward

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i thought you had met someone with parkinsons lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i thought you had met someone with parkinsons lol"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"That's nice. It shows affection and warmth.

i see hand shakes as cold and formal.. creating a barrier that prevents intimacy and from someone entering your 'personal space' as you'd be at arms length"

I heard the handshake originated in more hostile times as way for men to show each other they meant no harm, by shaking hands to prove neither was holding a weapon.

As you say though, it does come across as very cold when done with a woman, like saying 'our relationship is strictly business - not friendly, not romantic - business'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shake me cock...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i thought you had met someone with parkinsons lol"

Thats just taking the Michael

see what i did there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't mind shaking hands, nothing wrong with that - it's 2014, after all........................as long as I know where it's been!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't mind shaking hands, nothing wrong with that - it's 2014, after all........................as long as I know where it's been!!

"
Hopefully not billingsgate market

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A peck on the cheek would seem more appropriate if its not a formal situation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

she could have been a he....tv maybe

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Erm, why is it different shaking a woman's hand? It's a very low-level everyday sexist thing to treat it as different and odd. If you would have had a handshake with a male in the same position then it should be the same for a woman. Just as opening doors is polite for everyone.

If she offers a hand you return it with a hand. If she offered a kiss and it felt too intimate how would you feel?

Handshakes aren't the same for all cultures though and where I live no man will shake a woman's hand in case she is menstruating.

I shake hands, hug and kiss depending on the situation and relationship. So even in some very formal work situations the greeting will be a kiss as I am in the kissing circle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I have met men for the first time, I always offer my hand first and motion for a peck on the cheek. Sort of breaks the ice I think. Then upon leaving, it's a peck on the cheek and usually a handshake or a hug. I don't think it's too formal, but showing respect for the other person.

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

I take a woman offering a handshake as saying. 'Don't go for a kiss'.

That's not to say there'll never be a kiss but a handshake is the boundary for now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a handshake is the perfect way to be friendly without invading someone personal space, which we all hate until we are aware of who it is thats coming into it.

after the meeting, however, if it is of that ilk, then something more intimate may be called for, a peck as said.

if its all business, however, handshake all the way, that said, its the way you shake rather than the shake itself.

no one is saying you have to grab her hand and rattle her fillings loose lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A peck on the cheek would seem more appropriate if its not a formal situation "

You can actually get hung for that!!

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By *coobyroo218Couple
over a year ago

Guernsey

I hate shaking a womans hand, its quite common these days for women to come onto a building site and be introduced and then shaking hands.

Trouble is I have to be careful, so as not to squeeze too tightly, never been a limp wristed namby pamby hand shaker.

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"A peck on the cheek would seem more appropriate if its not a formal situation

You can actually get hung for that!!

If a woman is expecting a peck on the cheek she'll usually position herself closer than for a handshake.

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By *tupidityDictatesWoman
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

For me a hand shake is a respect thing.

There's not much more awkward than saying good bye to someone and feeling rude to just walk away but feeling that a kiss/hug is inappropriate.

They don't need to be cold or formal, I find that most handshakes are warm and friendly but maybe thats just the way I do them and who I do them with

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By *aula.ceciliaWoman
over a year ago

Cheltenham

I often have situations where a handshake is more expropriate than the peck on cheek,, and a woman should offer her hand with fingers horizontal so that the gentleman can take her fingers only and gentle squeeze.

I am surprised that some of you do not know this!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did etiquette lessons at school (yes, it was that kind of school!) If it's a formal meeting/parting with a woman you haven't met before, you should take her hand, hold lightly for a moment and release, but not shake as you would a man.

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

I shake hands with men every day....and never think anything of it...I absolutely cannot bear the limp lettuce. The guy who doesn't know HOW to shake hands with a woman

Think mans hand but smaller...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was recently chatting to a girl in a café, and as I was getting ready to leave and saying goodbye, she extended her hand for me to shake. I did so, but for me this has never felt quite right for some reason, maybe I'm being old fashioned but I've always seen a handshake as something two men do, and it feels incredibly formal and even a little cold to do such a thing with a woman - is there a more suitable alternative? Obviously a kiss on the cheek or even a hug might be a little TOO intimate with anyone less than a known friendly acquaintance, but handshakes still seem too business like?"

I agree I feel very awkward shaking a lady's hand.I also give firm handshakes and feel awkward doing to a woman.

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

In some jobs you shake so many hands it becomes a habit. There are formal handshakes for the people you don't know or need to show respect for... and there are the friendly handshakes for colleagues you haven't seen for a while and so on.

Sometimes at work and socially, the handshake can be the precursor for the hug... checking the reaction to physical contact.

I wouldn't think twice about shaking someone's hand, if they offered it, after sharing a coffee... and I would hope they wouldn't think twice if I extended my hand to them.

Thinking about it.... if they did react strangely or the confidence wasn't in the handshake, I may be left having second thoughts about them.

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