FabSwingers.com forum: is honesty the best policy?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We recently winked a local couple who had 1 picture. They messaged back with more pictures but after we both had a look we decided that they weren't for us and not our type, not enough physical attraction. We messaged back saying thanks for the pictures but unfortunately they where not our type.

Our question is would you rather, receive a no thank you or just see your message read and deleted?

Your thoughts?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

many say they can deal with honest feedback... a lot can't.

you see that in business with 360degree feedback

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Both work for me. The message is clear in both. I would message back personally but I'm not inundated with messages

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

No problem at all if somebody mailed me and said they were not interested - after all we cannot be loved/liked/fancied etc by everybody.

I would prefer feedback as it provides clarity. But that is just me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We recently winked a local couple who had 1 picture. They messaged back with more pictures but after we both had a look we decided that they weren't for us and not our type, not enough physical attraction. We messaged back saying thanks for the pictures but unfortunately they where not our type.

Our question is would you rather, receive a no thank you or just see your message read and deleted?

Your thoughts?"

It depends!

If the bizzies ask. Did you throw that rock through harry the twats lounge window you always lie and say no. Honesty would get you nicked if you did and nobody saw you did it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A simple no thank you is always good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our question is would you rather, receive a no thank you or just see your message read and deleted?

Your thoughts?"

we have done the same and feel really bad when there is no attraction. but saying no thanks is by far the best for all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i would rather they say that they dont think i am their type.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think honesty is always the best policy. If another couple isn't into us, if they say so, it's no biggie and vice verse, we hope that by being honest but polite that other couples wouldn't take offence either.

We did get a message from a couple once after we sent them face pics saying they were only interested in the female and I thought 'ok, yeah, honesty is good but maybe not THAT specifically honest'

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By *ucky1Man
over a year ago

a straightjacket

I'd rather know I wasn't someones type than not getting any reply or feedback. As long as they didn't say I was a fat, hairy, ugly old tw@t then I could handle rejection

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Always for me, no point fannying around wasting time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i would rather they say that they dont think i am their type."

Which is what we did. We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings so its a catch 22.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think honesty is always the best policy. If another couple isn't into us, if they say so, it's no biggie and vice verse, we hope that by being honest but polite that other couples wouldn't take offence either.

We did get a message from a couple once after we sent them face pics saying they were only interested in the female and I thought 'ok, yeah, honesty is good but maybe not THAT specifically honest'

"
that made me choke on my tea!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The best for us is no reply and that we are blocked .

Perfect

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I would prefer a message back saying politely no thank you.

That is what I do to other too in that situation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll let you know when I get turned down.

To be honest, either way is fine as the end result is the same. I guess it's nice if they've taken the time to reply but I can't say it would upset me in any way if they don't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Always for me, no point fannying around wasting time. "

Agreed, but there is no need to be hurtful a polite not my type reply is appropriate.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We did get a message from a couple once after we sent them face pics saying they were only interested in the female and I thought 'ok, yeah, honesty is good but maybe not THAT specifically honest'

We sometimes find it easier to meet singles as its easier to find single guys that mrs Kink fancies or females we both fancy. We have both taken one for the team in the past and agreed that we wouldn't go down that route again.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"Always for me, no point fannying around wasting time.

Agreed, but there is no need to be hurtful a polite not my type reply is appropriate. "
I concur, but it can also depend on the circumstances, I do my thing that works for me, I am not concerned with what works for others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We did get a message from a couple once after we sent them face pics saying they were only interested in the female and I thought 'ok, yeah, honesty is good but maybe not THAT specifically honest'

that made me choke on my tea!

Me too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No problem at all if somebody mailed me and said they were not interested - after all we cannot be loved/liked/fancied etc by everybody.

I would prefer feedback as it provides clarity. But that is just me.

On balance I prefer the feedback too especially if I need to learn something. But understand completely if someone prefers to delete.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No problem at all if somebody mailed me and said they were not interested - after all we cannot be loved/liked/fancied etc by everybody.

I would prefer feedback as it provides clarity. But that is just me.

It does for us too but do understand the 'no reply'

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We once sent the "not for us" reply and where told that we where arrogant and rude and up ourselves. They then blocked us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We once sent the "not for us" reply and where told that we where arrogant and rude and up ourselves. They then blocked us."

Been lucky enough not to have that happen (yet)

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

"We once sent the "not for us" reply and where told that we where arrogant and rude and up ourselves. They then blocked us."

This happens a lot, I see it as their problem though handling polite rejection and I'm still happy that I'm comfortable with the way I behaved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I much prefer a "not our type" statement compared with delete and block. I always wish them well. There is no excuse for rudeness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always prefer a "No thanks", and I do get a lot of them!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We once sent the "not for us" reply and where told that we where arrogant and rude and up ourselves. They then blocked us.

Been lucky enough not to have that happen (yet) "

We felt annoyed that we couldn't message back and defend ourselves

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We once sent the "not for us" reply and where told that we where arrogant and rude and up ourselves. They then blocked us.

Been lucky enough not to have that happen (yet) "

We felt annoyed that we couldn't message back and defend ourselves

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We once sent the "not for us" reply and where told that we where arrogant and rude and up ourselves. They then blocked us.

Been lucky enough not to have that happen (yet)

We felt annoyed that we couldn't message back and defend ourselves"

I think that's why some people do it, so it feels like they've won.

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By *dub67Man
over a year ago

glasgow

Honesty is the best way forward. And a polite thanks but no thanks

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By *spot50Man
over a year ago

rochester

Our question is would you rather, receive a no

thank you or just see your message read and

deleted?

Your thoughts?"

I prefer a no thanks and move on, but I've been told lots of women get abuse when they do that, both ways you know where you stand lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We once sent the "not for us" reply and where told that we where arrogant and rude and up ourselves. They then blocked us.

Been lucky enough not to have that happen (yet)

We felt annoyed that we couldn't message back and defend ourselves"

So infuriating

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"We once sent the "not for us" reply and where told that we where arrogant and rude and up ourselves. They then blocked us.

Been lucky enough not to have that happen (yet)

We felt annoyed that we couldn't message back and defend ourselves"

why would you want to, you said no thanks to them and they reacted and blocked.

better to leave it there and move on.

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

Depends on how honest they are being....a thanks but no thanks is enough for us, we don't need a list of reasons why they are not interested.

Yes we once had that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We once sent the "not for us" reply and where told that we where arrogant and rude and up ourselves. They then blocked us.

Been lucky enough not to have that happen (yet)

We felt annoyed that we couldn't message back and defend ourselves"

Which is what happens when others delete and block rather than say "no thanks" Q.E.D.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A simple no thank you is always good

??????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to be polite and send a thanks for the interest but not what im looking for /not my type kind of messages.

And I've had some very nice replies accepting the rejection gracefully.

Iv also had some people who feel they need to know why im not interested, make nasty comments, tell me im not their type anyway , and iv had some that just moove on.

Each to their own as they say. Personally I just feel better in myself being polite but honest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends, if its someone uve had a conversation with and then decided they, aren't for you... It's nice to get a no thankyou, rather than be left in the dark. That's pretty rude.

On the other hand have sent a polite no thankyou, and been told were up our own arses. It's a no win situation I think. Everyone is different, and I guess do what they feel works for them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who wants to engage in a defending ourselves conversation ?

So you get a no thanks and then say back , but why not ?

Because you are not physically attractive to us .

But we are not ugly , and others like us .

We'll we don't and don't see why we have to labour this point .

Why go into all this ?

If they are not for you , block and all that nonsense is avoidable and move on !

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By *obbyCock36Man
over a year ago

Bournemouth

personally a no thanks message indicates people with manners and a brain to me. perhaps I have manners and a brain.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once received a sorry not out type kind of message, and she concluded by thanking me and enclosed 5 pictures of herself as a thank you for contacting her in the first place...Not sure if that was just being nice or vanity

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I once received a sorry not out type kind of message, and she concluded by thanking me and enclosed 5 pictures of herself as a thank you for contacting her in the first place...Not sure if that was just being nice or vanity

Or a" look what you could have won" bullseye style

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or a" look what you could have won" bullseye style

Just vanity then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"personally a no thanks message indicates people with manners and a brain to me. perhaps I have manners and a brain."

Perhaps...

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By *0shadesOfFilthMan
over a year ago

nearby

People who say 'no' usually say, 'no thanks'

That's enough for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try to be honest but nice with it and we genuinely do prefer people to just say they don't fancy us. Nobody is universally attractive, that's just silly!

Only once back-fired when I was asked why it was a no by a chap.

I said to the chap that they weren't our type.

I was asked why not?

Wasn't sure there was even an answer to that so I said it was just personal preference.

He went ape "how the f can you not fancy my wife"

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Polite not what I'm looking for and good luck if they matched what I was looking for, delete and ignore if they don't!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would prefere them to say no sorry not what we are looking for.least you know where you stand then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Try to be honest but nice with it and we genuinely do prefer people to just say they don't fancy us. Nobody is universally attractive, that's just silly!

Only once back-fired when I was asked why it was a no by a chap.

I said to the chap that they weren't our type.

I was asked why not?

Wasn't sure there was even an answer to that so I said it was just personal preference.

He went ape "how the f can you not fancy my wife"

Some have serious issues.

in all fairness a no is a no dont matter how you dress it up.

however a quick message no thanks always sets it straight.

but also for the ladies having 100 plus emails a night is it really possible for them to reply....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Try to be honest but nice with it and we genuinely do prefer people to just say they don't fancy us. Nobody is universally attractive, that's just silly!

Only once back-fired when I was asked why it was a no by a chap.

I said to the chap that they weren't our type.

I was asked why not?

Wasn't sure there was even an answer to that so I said it was just personal preference.

He went ape "how the f can you not fancy my wife"

Its not a nice situation at all its a case for a white lie.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We prefer a 'no thanks' mail. No need for any explanation from them as to why not. We reply thanks for letting us know.

But no reply is the same thing so....

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"No problem at all if somebody mailed me and said they were not interested - after all we cannot be loved/liked/fancied etc by everybody.

I would prefer feedback as it provides clarity. But that is just me.

Yes, clarity preferred.

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