FabSwingers.com forum: Monster Raving Loonies

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The Monster Raving Loony Party is still alive & kicking

they'll be fielding up to 50 candidates across the country at this years general election.

Nutty Farrquha Perigrine Parker is contesting Welwyn Hatfield, Howling 'Laud' Hope will stand in Witney against David Cameron and Lord Toby Jug will take on Diane Abbott in Hackney North and Stoke Newington.

Among their 98 election proposals is a change to the way we vote in elections.

The loonies question why voters mark a cross in the box, as that normally means "that's wrong". They propose a tick.

"Putting a cross next to someone's name on the ballot paper is as good as writing 'monumental c--k up' next to their name," according to the manifesto.

The Official Monster Raving Loony Party was founded in 1982 by the late Screaming Lord Sutch.

This election the Loonies propose a knighthood for Ozzy Osborne, sending the UK's traffic wardens to Iraq to give tickets to US tanks and a minimum of two nuclear war drills a day, "to keep the nation on its toes".

Under a Loonie administration, government whips will only be used if a politician has been really bad.

"Minor offences should receive the political slipper."

On transport, they propose "dedicated pogo stick lanes on routes to centres of work" and allowing hovercrafts on all terrain, "meaning they can spread out, take short cuts and go on water etc".

"As they are inflatable, being hit by one will be less painful."

BA flight attendants will face new laws ordering them to cheer up.

The party also proposes creating 13th month, "to get all those little things out of the way, the things you just never had time to do, like take out the trash, vote in a general election, learn Latin".

My vote has been secured