FabSwingers.com forum: Single for a reason?

By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Ok, this is probably going to be a contentious post so I'll clarify that it's not intended to be insulting and it's not aimed at anyone in particular. It's just a thought, for discussion. I'm not saying anything is, or isn't the case. It's a question so feel free to agree with it or disagree with it, and share your thoughts.

And please note, I am single too...

I've noticed a lot lately that most of the guys that appeal to me on here are married, (I'm saying guys because I am primarily looking for guys. The same may be true of women but I don't know). Then there's that saying that the best ones are taken.

So, for those of us who don't meet married people, are we destined to mostly miss out on the "best ones"? Can they be the "best ones" if they are cheating? Are many/most of the single ones single for a reason, (other than wanting to be single and choosing to be)?

Are single people shooting themselves in the foot if they won't meet married people?

If I'm honest, although I want to be single, I am probably also single for a reason.

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

OK, less contentious that I thought

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/02/14 16:04:33]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think its a great post actually.

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

Being the 'best' is purely one persons perspective.

What one person calls the best another person may not..

As long as you are happy with what you are getting then it's cool

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But to answer the question, i believe i am single for about 50 reasons.

I dont enjoy being single all the time, i enjoy the company of someone and being able to love someone is something i want to feel again.

Am i missing out on something by not meeting married men? Nah.. no one deserves a cheater. So in my eyes married men on here who are playing away are far from the best. Sex isnt everything to me.

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Being the 'best' is purely one persons perspective.

What one person calls the best another person may not..

As long as you are happy with what you are getting then it's cool

Ah, but what if you feel you're restricting yourself to second best? What if you lust from afar over the married guys you won't, for whatever reason, meet?

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

"Being the 'best' is purely one persons perspective.

What one person calls the best another person may not..

As long as you are happy with what you are getting then it's cool

Ah, but what if you feel you're restricting yourself to second best? What if you lust from afar over the married guys you won't, for whatever reason, meet?"

Then that is your choice..our choices very often have consequences..it is a case of deciding what the priority is..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends how open minded people are. I would never meet a married man knowingly, on or off the site.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I'm single....and probably the best guy on here....though isn't it the exception to the rule, that proves the rule? :D

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Well I'm single....and probably the best guy on here....though isn't it the exception to the rule, that proves the rule? :D"

If you were the best guy on here then you wouldn't be a couple of hundred miles away from me

Purely from my perspective though! lol

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By *eedelightsWoman
over a year ago

London

I dont enjoy being single its just worked that way. I try to stay clear of married men ,thats just my preference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I'm single due to the fact that I've not had the opportunity for a long time to be in a relationship with someone I felt truly attracted to, so I suspect there may well be more than a few women who are available for the same reason.

Having said that though, its understandable that many of the most attractive members of either sex won't be on the market for long, chances are that they'll find someone they want to become a couple with amongst the myriad offers they'll receive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I'm single....and probably the best guy on here....though isn't it the exception to the rule, that proves the rule? :D

If you were the best guy on here then you wouldn't be a couple of hundred miles away from me

Purely from my perspective though! lol"

Yeah good point! I would like to formally retract my last statement!

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

There is a lot in there and I don't think it's contentious at all and I hope what I say won't be _iewed as inflammatory either.

I think people are single for a reason, whether it is a positive choice is another matter. How they manifest their singleness often dictates how they are treated.

I think married men (as I am straight) can be appealing because they know how to behave with a woman. They often present with something to say and I have rarely had a message from one that is just "wanna fuck" (no question mark).

I also think that the forums often show appalling double standards slating married men and feting married women on here.

My _iew is that everyone has a reason for being on here and being single doesn't mean your reason is any more valid or noble than any other group on here. For the unknowing partner the cheating isn't just the sex that their husband/wife is having without their knowledge but the communication with others and the being on here.

We happily communicate with married people on here all the time. We might even meet them at socials and enjoy their company. We might stop short of having sex with them but for their spouse the meeting and chatting is probably enough to upset them.

I prefer to know if people are married so that I can make a choice that is right for me. I admit to having been the other woman when younger and to having been cheated on. I prefer to meet single men but I do talk to an awful of of married men and women on here and have met some socially.

I also know married men outwith Fab who have full permission to play alone, have healthy, happy and strong marriages but who can't find anyone to play with as they are judged as cheating.

Whether they are the best people to meet is neither here nor there. The best person is the one that you are happy to meet with and they are happy to meet you.

What I will say is that I always find it annoying that the blame is always levelled at the "other woman". Both parties in the marriage need to take responsibility for what is happening in their marriage.

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Well I'm single....and probably the best guy on here....though isn't it the exception to the rule, that proves the rule? :D

If you were the best guy on here then you wouldn't be a couple of hundred miles away from me

Purely from my perspective though! lol

Yeah good point! I would like to formally retract my last statement!

Someone more local to you might agree with it entirely though

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I've been the other woman too, when I was younger. It never worked out well for me, which is one of the reasons I avoid married men now.

Been there, tried that, learned from it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I'm single....and probably the best guy on here....though isn't it the exception to the rule, that proves the rule? :D

If you were the best guy on here then you wouldn't be a couple of hundred miles away from me

Purely from my perspective though! lol

Yeah good point! I would like to formally retract my last statement!

Someone more local to you might agree with it entirely though

Yeah maybe, we can but live in hope!

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"But to answer the question, i believe i am single for about 50 reasons.

I dont enjoy being single all the time, i enjoy the company of someone and being able to love someone is something i want to feel again.

Am i missing out on something by not meeting married men? Nah.. no one deserves a cheater. So in my eyes married men on here who are playing away are far from the best. Sex isnt everything to me."

Spent a large part of my life sharing my bed with one person or another. Never really had much space for myself and I know I am difficult to live with mainly because I love my own space. I have found that, generally, the men in my life have defaulted to telling me what to do and how to do it. I am not saying that they were bullies. Mostly it was that they cared. But I loathe that. Even if what I'm doing is a mistake, I want to do things MY way.

So for that reason I love being single 100%. I never miss company. I'm not a big one for cuddles. I'm fine just seeing people casually.

So, rather than thinking I'm missing out on the best, I feel that I am not the 'best' a guy could find as I need to be single and don't need anyone else in my life.

It's taken me a long time to work that out.

I do not see it as a failing. More as, finally, I know myself and have accepted who I am. And I really do like myself. I'm a good person. Just not a couple kind of person.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It may also be part of the 'grass is always greener' process, whereby something being somewhat unavailable increases its attraction for someone. We can unconsciously alter our perceptions of something, after the fact, based on what we subsequently learn about it. Eg, we see a guy's profile, quite like him - maybe rate him 6/10, then learn he's married, and ... outside of our conscious thought processes ... increase his rating to an 8 or 9/10. We will often deny that we ever had a different earlier impression, sometimes from ourselves.

I think that's part of what could be at work here.

The characteristics make someone great marriage material may be totally different to those that make a great reliable fuck buddy of course. For a shag, we don't need someone who could devote his/her life to us, have complementary skill sets etc.

What we do know is that some of the married men may be flawed to some extent. Their mate selecting abilities may be subpar, they may be weak in the face of challenge or adversity, they may be unable to fully authentic with a partner, preventing deeper intimacy etc. OK, the most physically attractive, financially sound people may find it easier to get hooked, and the physical features may be attractive to shag as well as marriage seekers, but these are people who may not be that well rounded as people, aware of their own flaws, but limited in their motivation for their own personal development, seeking instead to go for sexual gratification instead.

This is not a character assassination of those who are married and having sex on the side, merely an observation that may likely apply to some of them. In a healthy world, we'd all be honest, psychologically balanced, healthy and happy - we're not at that place just now.

Now, where's my next shag ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But to answer the question, i believe i am single for about 50 reasons.

I dont enjoy being single all the time, i enjoy the company of someone and being able to love someone is something i want to feel again.

Am i missing out on something by not meeting married men? Nah.. no one deserves a cheater. So in my eyes married men on here who are playing away are far from the best. Sex isnt everything to me.

So for that reason I love being single 100%. I never miss company. I'm not a big one for cuddles. I'm fine just seeing people casually.

So, rather than thinking I'm missing out on the best, I feel that I am not the 'best' a guy could find as I need to be single and don't need anyone else in my life.

It's taken me a long time to work that out.

I do not see it as a failing. More as, finally, I know myself and have accepted who I am. And I really do like myself. I'm a good person. Just not a couple kind of person. "

That is exactly how I am. I'm not a full-time couple-type person either.

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

..how very dare you....im only single because im totally impossible to live with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pros and cons I think to a married man.

If it just a one to one you are after, go back to the beginning, if he cheats on his beloved wife, you will be no different.

Doubtful of overnight stays.

Snatched time and waiting for him to call.

On the other hand, if you want something at arms length he will be ideal.

And you will proberly get the best sex you have ever had.

Nette.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"It may also be part of the 'grass is always greener' process, whereby something being somewhat unavailable increases its attraction for someone. We can unconsciously alter our perceptions of something, after the fact, based on what we subsequently learn about it. Eg, we see a guy's profile, quite like him - maybe rate him 6/10, then learn he's married, and ... outside of our conscious thought processes ... increase his rating to an 8 or 9/10. We will often deny that we ever had a different earlier impression, sometimes from ourselves.

I think that's part of what could be at work here.

Now, where's my next shag ..."

Great post.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am not the best and I don't want to be the best. I am simply me no better than anyone not less than anyone. I don't look for the best girl. I only look for my match. The person that is in the same wave length as me. The person that complements me and when being with her I feel accomplished and fulfilled. I will never compare her to others and class her as better or less. She is special cause she earned her place in my heart.

I did meet a cpl of marriex women. May be I shouldn't but they were far from being better than the single girls I met. I have been married for 4 years. Was I a better fuck at the time? I dont think so. was I a better person? May be yes in the sense of the common well being of the society but not if I were cheating.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Some very eloquent and well thought out posts. It's nice to see things running this way rather than a free for all.

I think there is such a wide range of people and individual tastes it is probably impossible to have anything other than an individual outlook

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Very good points/post. It is extremely hard to find anyone 'eligible' in my peer group, and as you say, those who look best **on the surface** may well be taken, but that does not mean they are better people.

On the contrary, I think those who have suffered and achieved personal growth are probably the 'better' ones, they're just not quite so obvious maybe. I avoid married men mostly, I just feel life could become too complex if feelings developed on either side.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Yes, well put. A lot of the apparently better men I know are a total mismatch for me anyway, I just don't fit into the box made for the kind of woman they would expect me to be, I'd be a square peg in a round hole (actually more a round peg in a square hole I think!!) Sometimes I can hear it in messages, I know they are imagining something I am not, and I know it won't work.

Even if I am meeting someone casually, it's nice to be wanted because of exactly who and what I am, and to want someone in the same way.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Even if I am meeting someone casually, it's nice to be wanted because of exactly who and what I am, and to want someone in the same way."

Yes! I want a good time not an adequate or worse than that time. Finding a match that works at the brain and physical level is important to me.

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By *otTheReal01Man
over a year ago

London

"Finding a match that works at the brain and physical level is important to me."

Same here. I get on really well with my regular FWB but she and I would never end up as a couple. And that's perfect for both of us.

And remember - every person is someone's "crazy ex".

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Even if I am meeting someone casually, it's nice to be wanted because of exactly who and what I am, and to want someone in the same way.

Yes! I want a good time not an adequate or worse than that time. Finding a match that works at the brain and physical level is important to me.

Important enough that if someone matches but happens to be married, you'd overlook the married part?

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Even if I am meeting someone casually, it's nice to be wanted because of exactly who and what I am, and to want someone in the same way.

Yes! I want a good time not an adequate or worse than that time. Finding a match that works at the brain and physical level is important to me.

Important enough that if someone matches but happens to be married, you'd overlook the married part?"

I don't know. All the married men that chat to me know that I will give them a grilling, analyse their reasons for being here, suggest ways to improve their marriage and by then they have usually forgotten they contacted me for sex. I have never overlooked the married part. Even men saying they are single get asked if they are married or attached.

Honestly, I don't know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes! I want a good time not an adequate or worse than that time. Finding a match that works at the brain and physical level is important to me.

And that is of course why its so important to write a good profile, post eye catching pictures and try to make the best forum contributions you can, as you're bascially sending up smoke signals that hopefully your ideal (or at least good) match will be able to see.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Yes! I want a good time not an adequate or worse than that time. Finding a match that works at the brain and physical level is important to me.

My smoke signals don't seem to work that well. I am good at repelling all boarders though.

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I honestly dread to think what sort of person would be attracted to my forum posts.

I am now considering leaving the forum!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am single cos I am a serial shagger and get bored of 1 woman lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well, obviously you have to try and show the best of yourself...I give wonderful warm cuddles

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I honestly dread to think what sort of person would be attracted to my forum posts.

I am now considering leaving the forum!

"
I've never taken the forums seriously, I had a meet with a lovely guy when I posted I wanted to meet a furry. I hasten to add he wasntva furry

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Well, obviously you have to try and show the best of yourself...I give wonderful warm cuddles

I'm sure ShagTonight would enjoy them!

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I honestly dread to think what sort of person would be attracted to my forum posts.

I am now considering leaving the forum!

I've never taken the forums seriously, I had a meet with a lovely guy when I posted I wanted to meet a furry. I hasten to add he wasntva furry

I was supposed to meet a furry from another site a while ago but he got back together with his gf before it happened. Shame as he has the most gorgeous husky suit and I *really* wanted to molest him in it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well, obviously you have to try and show the best of yourself...I give wonderful warm cuddles

I'm sure ShagTonight would enjoy them!

"
No I wouldnt as I am straight lol.

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

I don't meet married guys for the simple reason that I can`t acom at home so I prefer a man who can, also I don't want to be the one to take stolen moments, sitting waiting for the call etc, I want someone who can spend the night with me, the whole blooming weekend if we feel like it. I also do not want to be the one getting phone calls or text from someone`s irate wife or partner wondering who the hell I am.

Personally I never worry about who I might of missed out on, I just know that I have enjoyed the ones I have already met and hopefully will choose just as wisely in the future

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have long said that people wjo are unsuccessful with the opposite sex in the real world are unlikely to find this site an easy hunting ground.

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By *1ckeyMan
over a year ago

Camberley

Well, I'm married, cheating and certainly not the best. I drifted on here over a year ago, after being cheated on, and I suppose the banter keeps me here. That part is fun. I don't have sex with my wife, we just cuddle, its all she wants now. We have become best friends. I don't cheat often, but once is too many! Judge me, but only if you are totally innocent

. I prefer club meets, and just a nice chat with someone new can be fun. Someone already said sex isnt everything, buy I'm not old enough to give up yet.

I don't force myself on anyone, and will be totally open about why I am here.

Growing old disgracefully...

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Well, I'm married, cheating and certainly not the best. I drifted on here over a year ago, after being cheated on, and I suppose the banter keeps me here. That part is fun. I don't have sex with my wife, we just cuddle, its all she wants now. We have become best friends. I don't cheat often, but once is too many! Judge me, but only if you are totally innocent

. I prefer club meets, and just a nice chat with someone new can be fun. Someone already said sex isnt everything, buy I'm not old enough to give up yet.

I don't force myself on anyone, and will be totally open about why I am here.

Growing old disgracefully..."

Very brave of you to be the married person to post on this thread. I welcome your honesty and perspective.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am not the best and I don't want to be the best. I am simply me no better than anyone not less than anyone. I don't look for the best girl. I only look for my match. The person that is in the same wave length as me. The person that complements me and when being with her I feel accomplished and fulfilled. I will never compare her to others and class her as better or less. She is special cause she earned her place in my heart.

... "

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

. I prefer club meets, and just a nice chat with someone new can be fun. Someone already said sex isnt everything, buy I'm not old enough to give up yet.

I don't force myself on anyone, and will be totally open about why I am here.

Growing old disgracefully..."

I would never pass judgement on anyone, I have a friend whose partner is very ill and they want siad partner to still meet and have a sexually active life outside of their marriage, we are all here for different reasons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even if I am meeting someone casually, it's nice to be wanted because of exactly who and what I am, and to want someone in the same way.

Yes! I want a good time not an adequate or worse than that time. Finding a match that works at the brain and physical level is important to me.

Important enough that if someone matches but happens to be married, you'd overlook the married part?"

I had sex a couple times here with married women. I met them because I wanted to have sex with them. I don't overlook but I am not in a position to make judgement about them and call anyone a cheater. They have their own reason and they are adult enough to take responsibilty for what they do. I don't agree with cheating, I wouldn't cheat if I were married but who I am to judge them?. In the same time I would prefer a single woman when am looking . No hassle no remors and no bad conscience about their partners who might be in an emotional pain while am having fun with their wife. The last woman I met I was trying to be a friend and adivised her to work on her relationship.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I'm single for the simple fact no one is mad enough to have me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always want the best of both worlds x

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I'm single for the simple fact no one is mad enough to have me

I think that might also factor in my situation too

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

"I'm single for the simple fact no one is mad enough to have me

I think that might also factor in my situation too

So if someone approached you to be a couple would you?

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I'm single for the simple fact no one is mad enough to have me

I think that might also factor in my situation too

So if someone approached you to be a couple would you?"

I'm open to the idea of a FB or FWB, with the right person but an actual couple couple, fuck no!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm single for the simple fact no one is mad enough to have me

And me

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush

"I'm single for the simple fact no one is mad enough to have me

And me

Don't forget your spotty arse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm single for the simple fact no one is mad enough to have me

And me

Don't forget your spotty arse

And hairy toes

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I am very clear that I am/ will be single and happy. My preference is not to meet married people, with or withour permisssion.

I would never consider becoming a FWB or dating a swinger.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I don't meet married guys for the simple reason that I can`t acom at home so I prefer a man who can, also I don't want to be the one to take stolen moments, sitting waiting for the call etc, I want someone who can spend the night with me, the whole blooming weekend if we feel like it. I also do not want to be the one getting phone calls or text from someone`s irate wife or partner wondering who the hell I am.

Goodness yes, it just isn't really worth it. And I prefer to meet evenings - the daytime thing always seems a bit sordid to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i came out of a relationship for many reasons in june last year and the main reason was "i wanted out"

call be selfish fine but when you have early stages of cancer and been told recently that you aren't going to convince (99.9% i wont) It changes my life and my _iew

but no i never look at married men and think WOW i wish but hes taken NOOOOO!!!

my best friend has been married now a while and has a lovely daughter yes we was together 27 years ago and we remained friends BUT hes married and off limits

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Obviously im the best you have never had but apart from that obvious point if you fancy a married man or one in a relationship of any kind YOU will always be second best, the bit on the side

Sensible Simon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Obviously im the best you have never had but apart from that obvious point if you fancy a married man or one in a relationship of any kind YOU will always be second best, the bit on the side

Sensible Simon

I don't understand how she'd be 'second best'. Surely if the guy's wife/ girlfriend was 'first best' he wouldn't be looking elsewhere?

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By * times sexyCouple
over a year ago

Staffs

"There is a lot in there and I don't think it's contentious at all and I hope what I say won't be _iewed as inflammatory either.

I think people are single for a reason, whether it is a positive choice is another matter. How they manifest their singleness often dictates how they are treated.

I also think that the forums often show appalling double standards slating married men and feting married women on here.

I also know married men outwith Fab who have full permission to play alone, have healthy, happy and strong marriages but who can't find anyone to play with as they are judged as cheating.

Whether they are the best people to meet is neither here nor there. The best person is the one that you are happy to meet with and they are happy to meet you.

At last a woman speaking complete sense nice one and well done, about time too. Most of the women in here have double standards cvome fitted as standard most even treble, If by definition you are a swinger you arent supposed to be looking for a "Loving relationship on here" So if its just sex you are after (unless you spend all your life camming, posting or pontificating about others in the forums)if a guy is up front and says he is married whats your problem, its sex, he has been honest with you, he aint gonna fall for you hes got a wife, Shouldnt that be your perfect situation for you, Yiou cant have it both ways, if its sex take it here when you can if you want a luvvy dovvy relationship ge yourself onto Match.com .

There you go , thats what you call contentious !!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I call it uninformed

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By *1ckeyMan
over a year ago

Camberley

I see both points of _iew, I posted earlier because this was the first thread on this topic that didn't look like it was going to end up in a bun fight, and it hasn't.

I don't think this site is about just sex, clearly that's a central theme, but I am on a couple of other sites with forums, and other topics besides the forum's main aims are discussed. Besides which, attraction and interest goes well beyond the sexual.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I met and fell in love with a married man when he came into a shop I was working in and brought a tie many moons ago....We had an affair and it came out it devastated me and got a lot if shit from the wife....while having sex with a married man not an affair I really cannot deal with the aftermath of an angry wife should she find out...I would rather meet a single man that does not dictate when we can meet or tell me I can't text between such and such and I can't wear perfume etc...that's just me but I can understand why married men come on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok, this is probably going to be a contentious post so I'll clarify that it's not intended to be insulting and it's not aimed at anyone in particular. It's just a thought, for discussion. I'm not saying anything is, or isn't the case. It's a question so feel free to agree with it or disagree with it, and share your thoughts.

And please note, I am single too...

Are single people shooting themselves in the foot if they won't meet married people?

If I'm honest, although I want to be single, I am probably also single for a reason."

depends what you mean by best ones? are you basing that on looks? because someone who is on here cheating on their partner isn't the type of guy I would want so I wouldn't class them as the best ones

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

And please note, I am single too...

Are single people shooting themselves in the foot if they won't meet married people?

If I'm honest, although I want to be single, I am probably also single for a reason.

depends what you mean by best ones? are you basing that on looks? because someone who is on here cheating on their partner isn't the type of guy I would want so I wouldn't class them as the best ones "

No, I'm not just meaning in terms of looks. I mean in terms of personality, attitude, and everything else which makes people attractive to others.

As mentioned above, the people who appeal most to me are also likely to appeal to many, many others and are therefore more likely to have partners.

I've turned down so many married men, and avoided contacting numerous others, whom I have been extremely attracted to simply on the grounds that they are married.

I feel that sort of attraction to single men on here far, far less often.

And every time I turn down a married man, who I might well play with in a club without having a clue he's married, I wonder about it. It's not me cheating after all. And if he's not meeting me he'll meet others so I'm not even saving his partner from the potential heartache of finding out.

Then again, that is rather splitting hairs. I really am in two minds about it. I do know that if I didn't turn down men with partners, I'd have a lot more meets with men I am strongly attracted to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I won't meet married or attached people ... yes I know we all have reasons for being on here but I won't be party to causing anyones misery or adding to the deceit.

Im single because I can't date - thats my reason

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I suppose the question boils down to is it inevitable that I'll find fewer singles attractive than those who are attached, on the basis that the attached people may be attached because they have better looks/personality/social skill/general all-round attractiveness whereas the singles might be more likely to be single because they are less appealing for some reason?

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"I suppose the question boils down to is it inevitable that I'll find fewer singles attractive than those who are attached, on the basis that the attached people may be attached because they have better looks/personality/social skill/general all-round attractiveness whereas the singles might be more likely to be single because they are less appealing for some reason?"

I wouldn't say that's true there are plenty of lovely people that are single

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Generally I'd tend to agree with this, though of course there'll always be people who are single due to simply having not met the right partner yet, having just come out of a relationship etc (and I seem to come across a whole load of the latter).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

toilet seat down

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I honestly dont know how that can be thought.I didnt become more attractive when I was seeing people lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd also say this sounds like ur looking for some form of stable partner.I've pointed out many times I dont think this is the best place for that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I honestly dont know how that can be thought.I didnt become more attractive when I was seeing people lol"

Forbidden Fruit?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is an interesting study on attached men and how they become more attractive to some women just because another woman is with them.

I remember reading it.. and thinking I can well believe that.

In the study they sent guys out alone without a wedding ring.. and again with one..The guys were approached more when they wore the rings.. it was interesting x

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I'd also say this sounds like ur looking for some form of stable partner.I've pointed out many times I dont think this is the best place for that."

No, absolutely not.

I just find I fancy more married men on here and I'm wondering why.

In fact if I were looking for a partner there would be no question about whether to meet married men. I wouldn't because they couldn't be what I wanted.

Since I only want good sex with men I find attractive then married men could be a viable proposition. It could be more likely to avoid the complication of them wanting more than I am happy to give.

I do need to like, and be attracted to, the people I fuck though. I'm never going to be able to think anyone will do because it's just sex.

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I wouldn't say that's true there are plenty of lovely people that are single

I agree and I'm not saying it's all single people that I mean, at all. The balance for me, on here, does seem to be that I am attracted to a lot more married men than single men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is an interesting study on attached men and how they become more attractive to some women just because another woman is with them.

I remember reading it.. and thinking I can well believe that.

In the study they sent guys out alone without a wedding ring.. and again with one..The guys were approached more when they wore the rings.. it was interesting x "

Like some sort of seal of approval maybe? - as if to say 'this guy is attractive enough to partner with, by virtue of the fact he has a partner'?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is an interesting study on attached men and how they become more attractive to some women just because another woman is with them.

I remember reading it.. and thinking I can well believe that.

In the study they sent guys out alone without a wedding ring.. and again with one..The guys were approached more when they wore the rings.. it was interesting x

Like some sort of seal of approval maybe? - as if to say 'this guy is attractive enough to partner with, by virtue of the fact he has a partner'?"

and what if his partner is an absolute fucking munter

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I honestly dont know how that can be thought.I didnt become more attractive when I was seeing people lol"

You could be one of the singles who are not single because of being socially inept, unattractive or whatever.

I'm not saying all single people must be single for reasons other than their own choice.

There do seem to be quite a few singles on here because they can't meet people in the real world, with the result that whatever puts people off in the real world puts people off here too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is an interesting study on attached men and how they become more attractive to some women just because another woman is with them.

I remember reading it.. and thinking I can well believe that.

In the study they sent guys out alone without a wedding ring.. and again with one..The guys were approached more when they wore the rings.. it was interesting x

Like some sort of seal of approval maybe? - as if to say 'this guy is attractive enough to partner with, by virtue of the fact he has a partner'?

and what if his partner is an absolute fucking munter

Maybe HE doesn't think she's a munter?

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"There is an interesting study on attached men and how they become more attractive to some women just because another woman is with them.

I remember reading it.. and thinking I can well believe that.

In the study they sent guys out alone without a wedding ring.. and again with one..The guys were approached more when they wore the rings.. it was interesting x

Like some sort of seal of approval maybe? - as if to say 'this guy is attractive enough to partner with, by virtue of the fact he has a partner'?

and what if his partner is an absolute fucking munter

S/he may have a lovely personality. Or a trust fund.

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I honestly dont know how that can be thought.I didnt become more attractive when I was seeing people lol

Forbidden Fruit? "

Possibly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was also thinking women might see married men as more wanted as single men. I don't personally, I see them as having problems I don't really want to get involved in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I honestly dont know how that can be thought.I didnt become more attractive when I was seeing people lol

You could be one of the singles who are not single because of being socially inept, unattractive or whatever.

I'm not saying all single people must be single for reasons other than their own choice.

There do seem to be quite a few singles on here because they can't meet people in the real world, with the result that whatever puts people off in the real world puts people off here too."

ur saying on here......but there are myriads of other sites where singles meet, and a few of us singles are most likely on them, so I dont get why theyd be less attractive than marrieds.

the internet has changed the dating scene and the sex scene, financial aspects have changed them also.The fact is people are finding it easier to not meet people in real life before committing to meeting them in the flesh...saves time,effort and money, so for most of it, its got nothing to do with not being able to meet people in real life through a socializing ability.

finally, theres a limit to what marrieds can do anyway...most can only manage a daytime fuck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is a lot in there and I don't think it's contentious at all and I hope what I say won't be _iewed as inflammatory either.

I think people are single for a reason, whether it is a positive choice is another matter. How they manifest their singleness often dictates how they are treated.

I also think that the forums often show appalling double standards slating married men and feting married women on here.

I also know married men outwith Fab who have full permission to play alone, have healthy, happy and strong marriages but who can't find anyone to play with as they are judged as cheating.

Whether they are the best people to meet is neither here nor there. The best person is the one that you are happy to meet with and they are happy to meet you.

Very well said indeed! It is the deception that the cuckolded (let's use that word in it's original meaning!) partner nearly always finds the most hurtful and destructive. And so talking on here, going in chat rooms etc behind their back, is just as damaging as actually having sex.

My husband & I both have profiles on here, we both have access to each others, and we tell each other everything. We're still exploring our boundaries ie: he definitely gets pleasure from me going with other guys, whereas I'm still working out what I feel re him doing the same. But that's ok by him. Bottom line is: we love & respect each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

going by some of the men i have met, i would think that the nicer ones are married, and if they are having a bit on the side they are going to be happier. where as you would expect single men to maybe not be so easy to get on with, divorced men likely to be a bit bitter and you wonder why their marriage didnt work out, was it them, or their partner, or both.

thats just going by the men i have met on sites like these, not everyones like that. lots of people are single for good reason and happier than married people, for good reasons.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

The bottom line, for me, is that I do what feels right for me and that causes no knowing harm to another.

I have met men on here who have sworn blind they are single. After a few meets it turns out that they are married. One told such a spectacular lie but was still shocked when I said I wanted nothing more to do with him.

There are a lot of married people on here. There are single people on here. We know what they tell us about themselves.

My original post on this thread is about the hypocrisy some show about married people and I stand by that. We don't know what is happening in their lives and therefore not in a position to pass judgment. We are in a position to know what is happening in our own lives and respond on that basis.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a couple of extremely attractive single regular partners. They are single from choice and have never been married

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And please note, I am single too...

Are single people shooting themselves in the foot if they won't meet married people?

If I'm honest, although I want to be single, I am probably also single for a reason."

It's a good post. I'm married so am cheating. I have met married men but they havent been local not that that makes it right, it doesnn't. But I am here for the company and connection and obviously if sex is offered then i won't turn it down. But I would now prefer to meet single men as it's easier for both. Ideally would like a regular guy, and I'm hoping that I've found him. if you want to meet a married man maybe try it once socially, if you feel uncomfortable then you don't need to do it again. Good luck

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"The bottom line, for me, is that I do what feels right for me and that causes no knowing harm to another.

There are a lot of married people on here. There are single people on here. We know what they tell us about themselves.

I'm not judging married people for being here. I don't meet them because I think I shouldn't. How I actually feel is complicated so I just stick to "shouldn't" and don't. Even if it's not wrong for me, it's wrong for someone.

I do wish I found more singles and fewer marrieds seriously attractive though.

The post was about me wondering why I do seem to fancy more married men than single men and if there's anything in the common comment that "the best ones are taken".

I think cheating is wrong, basically, though there can be many aspects to the whys and wherefores. But I'm not cheating and what everyone else does is their decision.

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By *1ckeyMan
over a year ago

Camberley

I wouldn't say that's true there are plenty of lovely people that are single

I agree, I see single as a choice, not a result, not a failure. Some stay single, others through a death of a loved one, some seperate...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm single because I want to be...... And it suits me down to a tee

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I was married I looked and touched a bit....it was a difficult situation however I do understand why some married people are on here...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im single.....because when ive been in long term relationship,or even short term ive fucked it up,quite simple!

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By *ustcutieWoman
over a year ago

edinburgh

"I'm single because I want to be...... And it suits me down to a tee

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You just haven't found your mr perfect yet, when you do all others will pale in comparison and you will wonder what you ever saw in those that you admired before xx best wishes

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

[Removed by poster at 09/02/14 02:34:06]

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I'll point out that I did ask in my original post if many/most single people are single for a reason other than wanting to be. I didn't say all singles.

I completely acknowledge some people are single absolutely through choice and am definitely not suggesting all single people are single for reasons other than personal choice.

I'm also single and I choose to be single. I've had long term relationships in the past (8 and 7 years). However, it's so long since I was interested in a relationship I can't say for certain I'm single only through choice.

I hope that makes sense.

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By *tressfreeMan
over a year ago

Northampton

I'm single because I chose to be. I guess I've become selfish as a result and enjoy deciding when I need or want company. It works for me.

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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"You just haven't found your mr perfect yet, when you do all others will pale in comparison and you will wonder what you ever saw in those that you admired before xx best wishes "

Awww thank you. I'm not convinced a perfect person for me exists but it's a lovely idea and sentiment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm single because I havent found anyone stupid enough to take me again but I plan on spending this time making myself a better person anyway.

I'm fairly confident I could if I wanted to and from the same vein, don't feel I'm only available because I'm not top quality goods.

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By *tressfreeMan
over a year ago

Northampton

The sad thing is that even the government seem to think single is an affliction and should be discouraged.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im single because split with husband (27yr relationship) last march

Now im staying single through choice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm single for the simple fact no one is mad enough to have me

I'm single cause I'm too mad for others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/02/14 03:02:46]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that if there is such a thing as a "best one" they'll be here with their partner or not at all. :P

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