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I need to snap out of this and fast!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Please bear with me, as this does not happen very often, thank goodness!

It is driving me nuts, as I cannot get my soon-to-be ex-colleague out of my head!!!

To me, he is an untouchable, being a colleague in the same team as well as having a long term girlfriend.

I have never flirted with him (or anyone else that I had worked with, except for my ex-hubby), at work or at social functions since he joined our team over 2 years ago.

I decided to tell him how I feel about him now that he is leaving, in the form of a card that does not leave much to the imagination, as in the message I am trying to convey.

Just wish he would say "no thanks" after receiving my card so that I can move on.

However, being a nice gent, he probably did not want to hurt my feelings or did not know what to say, and I can't help but think I may have a chance, even if it is a very tiny one.

I know this is stupid and irrational.

However, in some ways, I am enjoying the ride while it lasts, as it reminds me I still have a heart capable of skipping a beat or two somewhere.

There is another card, an anonymous Valentine's card, as I had wanted to send him one for the past 2 years and did not have the courage to do so.

I believe I have done what I can to let him know how I feel about him, and have revealed the cards closest to me.

I just have to let fate takes its course.

Only two and half weeks to go before he is gone (he has to give 3 months notice), hopefully, normality will return soon afterwards.

Thanks for listening.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I hope you feel better for getting that off your chest.

He could be ignoring it as he is embarrassed and faithful to his partner. To paraphrase you, feelings are stupid and irrational and it's nice to know you suffer them as much as the rest of us.

My Buddhist nun friend always reminds me that everything is temporary. This too will pass.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I am a bit confused. You have said this week that you wouldn't play with attached people, and yet you are attempting to entice an attached man as you have a crush on him.

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

i think it is an awful thing to do ..to send that kind of message to someone that you know is in a relationship already

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I am a bit confused. You have said this week that you wouldn't play with attached people, and yet you are attempting to entice an attached man as you have a crush on him."

Hmmm, I hadn't seen that. Ah well, we all have human failings and inconsistencies and it's good to admit to them and learn from the insight we gain about ourselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't see it as confusing just double standards and self before others but its not uncommon on here there many disingenuous people in the pursuit of what they want with scant regard to the debris and heartache it could cause to others.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Yup, that makes me a hypocrite, I know.

However, I cannot let him leave without telling him how I feel about him.

He does not have to do anything, and I would not expect him to do anything behind his girlfriend's back, and I would not want him to cheat on her either.

He knows I am interested in him, should he find himself single in the future.

Who knows what the future may bring?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry but this is not just irrational but also selfish and not something you should air on a public forum .

He is attached and you are actively trying to get his affection !

Not good , and not going to win you any friends or respect on here .

Poor choice and a regrettable post .

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Yup, that makes me a hypocrite, I know.

However, I cannot let him leave without telling him how I feel about him.

He does not have to do anything, and I would not expect him to do anything behind his girlfriend's back, and I would not want him to cheat on her either.

He knows I am interested in him, should he find himself single in the future.

Who knows what the future may bring? "

Why can't you let him leave without telling him? Surely you have done that with the explicit card?

I would be very careful about sexual harassment - he is still a work colleague.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's great. Good for you. Lay it out. Nothing to loose.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yup, that makes me a hypocrite, I know.

However, I cannot let him leave without telling him how I feel about him.

He does not have to do anything, and I would not expect him to do anything behind his girlfriend's back, and I would not want him to cheat on her either.

He knows I am interested in him, should he find himself single in the future.

Who knows what the future may bring? "

That's not true though as you said in your original post that you said "Just wish he would say "no thanks" after receiving my card so that I can move on" you are obviously waiting for an answer one way or another and you are clearly trying to entice him away from his partner. This just looks like back peddling after your original comment after reading reactions. Its very two faced and selfish but not at all surprising.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Yes it is selfish, however, I do not believe in living a life full of regrets.

Nothing ventured nothing gained.

I do not want to break up his relationship, just letting him know I am available should he finds himself at a loose end.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"He does not have to do anything, and I would not expect him to do anything behind his girlfriend's back, and I would not want him to cheat on her either."

What do you want of the man then? What is the point of telling him anything if you don't expect him to do anything with the information?

I understand wanting to tell someone, anyone, what you are feeling and how it is tormenting you. It gets too much, sometimes, keeping everything to yourself. The forums are good for that sort of thing at that moment. However, they are not so good when people then give you their _iew. That is the nature of an open forum though.

I hope the questions and comments help to clarify your conflicts of feelings about what you want and need.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yup, that makes me a hypocrite, I know.

However, I cannot let him leave without telling him how I feel about him.

He does not have to do anything, and I would not expect him to do anything behind his girlfriend's back, and I would not want him to cheat on her either.

He knows I am interested in him, should he find himself single in the future.

Who knows what the future may bring?

That's not true though as you said in your original post that you said "Just wish he would say "no thanks" after receiving my card so that I can move on" you are obviously waiting for an answer one way or another and you are clearly trying to entice him away from his partner. This just looks like back peddling after your original comment after reading reactions. Its very two faced and selfish but not at all surprising. "

.

Think what you may, as I don't really care.

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol


"

.

Think what you may, as I don't really care. "

i think that is essentially the problem !

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


""He does not have to do anything, and I would not expect him to do anything behind his girlfriend's back, and I would not want him to cheat on her either."

What do you want of the man then? What is the point of telling him anything if you don't expect him to do anything with the information?

I understand wanting to tell someone, anyone, what you are feeling and how it is tormenting you. It gets too much, sometimes, keeping everything to yourself. The forums are good for that sort of thing at that moment. However, they are not so good when people then give you their _iew. That is the nature of an open forum though.

I hope the questions and comments help to clarify your conflicts of feelings about what you want and need.

"

.

I know, and thanks for your concern. Been here long enough to grow a thick skin.

I guess I do not do things by half, it is all or nothing, and against conventional wisdom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

.

Think what you may, as I don't really care.

i think that is essentially the problem !"

Indeed , it would perhaps be best for the op to forget about this thread , and leave it before digging herself any deeper .

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

.

Think what you may, as I don't really care.

i think that is essentially the problem !"

.

That was directed at a specific person.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

.

Think what you may, as I don't really care.

i think that is essentially the problem !

Indeed , it would perhaps be best for the op to forget about this thread , and leave it before digging herself any deeper .

"

.

Nothing to dig, except for those with a hidden agenda.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

.

Think what you may, as I don't really care.

i think that is essentially the problem !

Indeed , it would perhaps be best for the op to forget about this thread , and leave it before digging herself any deeper .

.

Nothing to dig, except for those with a hidden agenda. "

Just trying to help op ... Tomorrow is another day and if this thread goes further down the road , the way it's going you may regret it .

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By *heekychappy1121Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Better to live life with no regrets than be thinking what if! I am sure every1 can relate to that in some way!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i think it is an awful thing to do ..to send that kind of message to someone that you know is in a relationship already"

I have to agree...

The reason you've heard nothing from him, is that he's probably feeling a little uncomfortable with what you did, I know I would be!

Each to their own and all that...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Better to live life with no regrets than be thinking what if! I am sure every1 can relate to that in some way! "

agreed

dont worry be happy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Better to live life with no regrets than be thinking what if! I am sure every1 can relate to that in some way! "

I agree! However, I also think mutual respect for those around you is important!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Has no one ever sent an anonymous Valentine's card to someone they fancy in the past? Someone who is not free and single?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Has no one ever sent an anonymous Valentine's card to someone they fancy in the past? Someone who is not free and single? "

No, It would make the person uncomfortable and upset his partner. If i was in a relationship I wouldn't want to receive unsolicited cards from anyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Has no one ever sent an anonymous Valentine's card to someone they fancy in the past? Someone who is not free and single? "

I've never made any kind of a pass at someone I've known to be in a relationship, no. Nor would I.

I'm not judging you, just saying it's not something I would do. I'd consider it extremely disrespectful if i was the wife/partner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Has no one ever sent an anonymous Valentine's card to someone they fancy in the past? Someone who is not free and single?

I've never made any kind of a pass at someone I've known to be in a relationship, no. Nor would I.

I'm not judging you, just saying it's not something I would do. I'd consider it extremely disrespectful if i was the wife/partner."

Or in fact the person receiving the card...

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Has no one ever sent an anonymous Valentine's card to someone they fancy in the past? Someone who is not free and single? "

Not if I've known they weren't free and single.

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

what have valentines cards got to do with this ?

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Has no one ever sent an anonymous Valentine's card to someone they fancy in the past? Someone who is not free and single? "

I'll just mention workplace sexual harassment again.

This would be a second inappropriate card and unlikely to be truly anonymous if it is meant to let him know how you feel.

Think of your career and your work reputation before doing something that could cost you your livelihood.

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ


"Has no one ever sent an anonymous Valentine's card to someone they fancy in the past? Someone who is not free and single? "

I have received one whilst in a long term relationship, and yes, it did make me feel uncomfortable.

I had not known that this young lady (22) had the hots for me but luckily she disappeared off the scene when my feelings weren't reciprocated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ha.

Seeking approval to justify actions. Rallying support.

It won't be happy ever after with this. More like phew - I escaped a fate worse than death.

But we are all different.

I'm happy in my own skin n luckily don't need strangers to agree with my every move in order to function.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i think it is an awful thing to do ..to send that kind of message to someone that you know is in a relationship already"

I totally agree and to me it also seems a very desperate and childish thing to do. Sending notes telling boys they fancied them is what I remember some silly immature girls doing in school! Plus he's still a work colleague, hardly professional, even if he is leaving

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By *r Mahogany70Man
over a year ago

Leicester


"

I totally agree and to me it also seems a very desperate and childish thing to do. Sending notes telling boys they fancied them is what I remember some silly immature girls doing in school! Plus he's still a work colleague, hardly professional, even if he is leaving "

Have to say I had to have a quick check of OP's age

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I need to snap out of this fast...

Your answer Pearl was written by your own hand.

All the best but leave well alone now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I need to snap out of this fast...

Your answer Pearl was written by your own hand.

All the best but leave well alone now. "

OP I have been that soon to be ex colleague. Worked with a married guy who developed a "crush" on me & sent me flowers, left chocs on my desk, sent me endless emails. I found it very uncomfortable & tackled him about it.

I think, as others have said, leave well alone . He's leaving for good soon & then you can move on. You may even feel a sense of relief.

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