FabSwingers.com forum: Leaving someone for good

By *homasP80 OP Man
over a year ago

Linwood

Hi there,

I'm sure there must be people on here who have got sick of there relationship and feel it's going no-where or the love has gone etc.

My main question is has anyone just got up (got all there belongings)and left there partner without any warning/notice/pre-cursor and if so what drove you to leave etc.

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By *ightkitty4uWoman
over a year ago

Epsom

Not the same but I left a flat share like this....

Felt good as I was sharing with a bitch.... thankfully I had no repercussions..

Good luck

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"Hi there,

I'm sure there must be people on here who have got sick of there relationship and feel it's going no-where or the love has gone etc.

My main question is has anyone just got up (got all there belongings)and left there partner without any warning/notice/pre-cursor and if so what drove you to leave etc.

I would imagine that it was a dignified way to end a failing relationship, very sad but nonetheless dignified.

I can imagine it is hurt that drives some of the child like behaviours but their own dignity and self respect is worth more than sniping & grandstanding.

but hey..... what would I know.

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

I came home after staying the night at my friend's parents home when we were doing an early morning Sunday paper shift for them and told my husband I was leaving. I'd been thinking of it for years but we'd not spoken about it and he was totally shocked and distraught. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, even though I'd been dying to leave...I don't regret it, but think maybe I could have done something different as he isn't a bad man, I just no longer loved him and wasn't cut out for monogamy anyway.

On the plus side, he's just celebrated his 10th wedding anniversary with the 2nd Mrs Caz and I'm happily shagging all and sundry on Fab whenever I can

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

I did with my first husband I just went back to my parents house best thing I ever did as he left us with no money and so we had to eat at my mums he never bothered imo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi there,

I'm sure there must be people on here who have got sick of there relationship and feel it's going no-where or the love has gone etc.

My main question is has anyone just got up (got all there belongings)and left there partner without any warning/notice/pre-cursor and if so what drove you to leave etc.

I would imagine that it was a dignified way to end a failing relationship, very sad but nonetheless dignified.

Not if that person abandoned their children at the same time, like one member of my family.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"Hi there,

I'm sure there must be people on here who have got sick of there relationship and feel it's going no-where or the love has gone etc.

My main question is has anyone just got up (got all there belongings)and left there partner without any warning/notice/pre-cursor and if so what drove you to leave etc.

I would imagine that it was a dignified way to end a failing relationship, very sad but nonetheless dignified.

Not if that person abandoned their children at the same time, like one member of my family."

Sure, I was taking the 'someone' literally.

A family, a different matter

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I've thought about it but couldn't do it. I found FAB instead...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I left because on 2 separate occasions my children had to defend me from his violence

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Packed my exes stuff and made him leave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had an argument with my hubby one evening next morning by 8 am I had packed and gone. 7 years later still the best thing for both of us I could have done and now we get on great.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not personally but my ex hubby did it to me never seen him since. ive been granted a divorce on grounds of abandonment. If you ask me it pure cowardess and inexcusable

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By *otsoSnowWhiteWoman
over a year ago

My Ice Castle! South Wales

I wish that is what I had done instead of verbally cheating as there was no sex involved with the other person and hurting my ex husband. I'll admit I was weak and took the cowards way. Break it so it couldn't ever be fixed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi there,

I'm sure there must be people on here who have got sick of there relationship and feel it's going no-where or the love has gone etc.

My main question is has anyone just got up (got all there belongings)and left there partner without any warning/notice/pre-cursor and if so what drove you to leave etc.

I would imagine that it was a dignified way to end a failing relationship, very sad but nonetheless dignified.

Not if that person abandoned their children at the same time, like one member of my family."

I did although my kids were 15 20 and 22 at the time. I spoke to them and they understood it was the best thing all round.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I should have left years before I did. I left with nothing but my clothes and photographs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I should have left years before I did. I left with nothing but my clothes and photographs "

I left with my clothes car and 27p

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've thought about it but couldn't do it. I found FAB instead..."

Thats really honest...

Long life ahead..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I left because on 2 separate occasions my children had to defend me from his violence"

xxxxxxxxx

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By *exycleanerWoman
over a year ago

pontefract

my husband going off and having an affair

without warning totally devastated me

he didnt go without sex ever so it wasnt that and after committing adultery divorced me ,i not deserve that x

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

when I left my husband he didn't want me and my young daughter to have the flat

someone told me all my possesions were chucked outside and then he gave up the tenancy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tak to your partner before you make decision, let them know how you feel.

You still might be able to fix things or they might even feel the same.

Either way communication is important.

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By *Kgirl80Woman
over a year ago

South Coast

"Tak to your partner before you make decision, let them know how you feel.

You still might be able to fix things or they might even feel the same.

Either way communication is important.

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By *homasP80 OP Man
over a year ago

Linwood

The thing is despite me and my male parnter Having talks etc i don't feel very convinced that we have a "nice"/"fun" relationship.

I've said to him everyday in the last 3 years feels like groundhog day.

We sit watch emerdale, corrie, eastenders etc.

Oh I should add he sits and drinks 2 bottles of red wine EVERY day and goes through almost a pack of fags a day. Doesnt go past the front door the whole weekend.

He's turned into a hermit during the weekend.

The only times we go out is during our birthdays.

Anybody have any thoughts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tak to your partner before you make decision, let them know how you feel.

You still might be able to fix things or they might even feel the same.

Either way communication is important.

I gave my ex hubby three chances over five years. In the end I just had enough. He was the one who was most distraught in the end and regretted not making more effort but enough was enough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The thing is despite me and my male parnter Having talks etc i don't feel very convinced that we have a "nice"/"fun" relationship.

I've said to him everyday in the last 3 years feels like groundhog day.

We sit watch emerdale, corrie, eastenders etc.

Oh I should add he sits and drinks 2 bottles of red wine EVERY day and goes through almost a pack of fags a day. Doesnt go past the front door the whole weekend.

He's turned into a hermit during the weekend.

The only times we go out is during our birthdays.

Anybody have any thoughts

you don't sound as if you're happy in this relationship and sorry to hear that. You need to talk to him, ask him how he feels. Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP definitely sounds like you both need to have a proper talk. Is his job very demanding ? Is that why he wants to stay in at the weekend.

At the end of the day you only live once. If you're not happy something needs to change.

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By *homasP80 OP Man
over a year ago

Linwood

"OP definitely sounds like you both need to have a proper talk. Is his job very demanding ? Is that why he wants to stay in at the weekend.

At the end of the day you only live once. If you're not happy something needs to change.

Yes, he works at managment level.

But even at that you'd still think my parnter would like to go out for a change of scenery, even if it was once a month.

We have talked about this, bit it seems as if it's went in one ear and out the other.

I've seen him take 2 whole weeks off and not cross the door. Happy just to sit watch tv, drink 2 bottles of wine a every day and a pack of fags during his 2 weeks off. oh what an exciting life that is, NOT.

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By *1ckeyMan
over a year ago

Camberley

"The thing is despite me and my male parnter Having talks etc i don't feel very convinced that we have a "nice"/"fun" relationship.

I've said to him everyday in the last 3 years feels like groundhog day.

We sit watch emerdale, corrie, eastenders etc.

Oh I should add he sits and drinks 2 bottles of red wine EVERY day and goes through almost a pack of fags a day. Doesnt go past the front door the whole weekend.

He's turned into a hermit during the weekend.

The only times we go out is during our birthdays.

Anybody have any thoughts

set fire to his chair

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its always a tough choice even more so with children involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The thing is despite me and my male parnter Having talks etc i don't feel very convinced that we have a "nice"/"fun" relationship.

I've said to him everyday in the last 3 years feels like groundhog day.

We sit watch emerdale, corrie, eastenders etc.

Oh I should add he sits and drinks 2 bottles of red wine EVERY day and goes through almost a pack of fags a day. Doesnt go past the front door the whole weekend.

He's turned into a hermit during the weekend.

The only times we go out is during our birthdays.

Anybody have any thoughts

Drinking to that extent is a symptom on its own of stress-related depression, especially if he's in a position of some authority. Sounds as if he may be hiding from the world whenever he can; no good to either of you.

Think it's time he sought some proper help. Then, you can both see if the person you're with is the one you want to be with.

I know cos I went through a version of this. Though not the fags! Good luck xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He sounds a bit depressed to me.

Talk to him. With a bit of communication and support you might both be happier.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi there,

I'm sure there must be people on here who have got sick of there relationship and feel it's going no-where or the love has gone etc.

My main question is has anyone just got up (got all there belongings)and left there partner without any warning/notice/pre-cursor and if so what drove you to leave etc.

That would be very sad, and I imagine guilt would haunt you for the rest of your life.

communication is the key to everything.

Unless of course you are in an abusive relationship, and the only way to get safety is to do a runner.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Thomas: arrange a day out and tell him about it the night before as a fait accompli. If he's excited and keen to go out on a day trip, all to the good. If he doesn't...you can draw your own conclusions.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"I've thought about it but couldn't do it. I found FAB instead...

Thats really honest...

Long life ahead..

I hope so. YOLO and all that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The thing is despite me and my male parnter Having talks etc i don't feel very convinced that we have a "nice"/"fun" relationship.

I've said to him everyday in the last 3 years feels like groundhog day.

We sit watch emerdale, corrie, eastenders etc.

Oh I should add he sits and drinks 2 bottles of red wine EVERY day and goes through almost a pack of fags a day. Doesnt go past the front door the whole weekend.

He's turned into a hermit during the weekend.

The only times we go out is during our birthdays.

Anybody have any thoughts

That's why I split with my ex boyfriend, the same thing every week though his huge weight was the turning point and what spurred me on to leave. 6 months later he met someone and 6 months after that, they married and are still together 10 yrs later so for him, its probably the best thing I could have done

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I should have left years before I did. I left with nothing but my clothes and photographs "

I told him I was leaving, he never thought I would. Left with my kids, clothes, photos, glass ornaments the girls had bought for my birthdays and my dignity...all in the back of a Ford transit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi Thomas, just been reading your posts.

Your boyfriend doesn't have any problems, while he can afford his drink, and fags, and whilst you enable him to do what he wants, why should he change, he has you, a sexy young man, according to your verifications.

You love him, although you don't like his behaviour, remember when you first met, he had great eyes, a sexy smile and nice bum, he made you happy, and you wanted him.

He hasn't changed, you have, he drinks because of stress and insecurity, he knows you are unhappy, but he doesn't know what to do to make you happy. so he keeps his head down,

You want more, so are cheating on him to get sex, you are lying to him, and you feel unhappy, that's your choice.

If you do love him, of course you can fix things, or at least give it a go.

Find a job that challenges you, that you enjoy, set some goals that can be measured, ie, money, or a new qualification, keep busy and get motivated, when you turn the focus away from your boyfriend and on to you, all of a sudden you will feel happier, more secure and content, that's when love can work.

Treat your boyfriend like a dog,

Reward any good behaviour, ie, when he makes you laff or smile, talk to him, hold his hand, cuddle him, have sex,

when he pisses you off, ignore him, walk away, go for a walk, but don't argue, or fight, don't give him attention for upsetting you.

Its called positive re enforcement.

Whats happened in the past you cant fix, let it go, don't dwell on what happened yesterday. Its gone.

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own.

No apologies, no excuses,

No one lean on, rely on, or blame.

The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it.

This is the day your life really begins.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I left really suddenly. With hindsight I'd have done it all differently, I still feel guilty for the way I ended a 17 year marriage

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I should have left years before I did. I left with nothing but my clothes and photographs

I told him I was leaving, he never thought I would. Left with my kids, clothes, photos, glass ornaments the girls had bought for my birthdays and my dignity...all in the back of a Ford transit. "

Gosh, your clothes fitted in a transit???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I should have left years before I did. I left with nothing but my clothes and photographs

I told him I was leaving, he never thought I would. Left with my kids, clothes, photos, glass ornaments the girls had bought for my birthdays and my dignity...all in the back of a Ford transit.

Gosh, your clothes fitted in a transit???

Don't forget the contents of a dungeon too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For the sake of my daughter I gave my ex three chances.

He didn't realise for 2 years how he buggered it up.

I paid the price of a selfish man, never again.

For the sake of kids it is healthy to be apart than witness bad feeling.

Well that's my deep and meaningful of the day done lol

Nette

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tak to your partner before you make decision, let them know how you feel.

You still might be able to fix things or they might even feel the same.

Either way communication is important.

For the majority that would be the sensible approach, however were violence is an issue it could prove fatal. If I would have took that approach 25 yrs ago when I left a violent partner I would have been dead. I arranged new accommodation and a new job behind his back. Hide some clothes in a train station locker, went out to get milk and never went back. I am one of the lucky ones. I survived

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Tak to your partner before you make decision, let them know how you feel.

You still might be able to fix things or they might even feel the same.

Either way communication is important.

I gave my ex hubby three chances over five years. In the end I just had enough. He was the one who was most distraught in the end and regretted not making more effort but enough was enough. "

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I should have left years before I did. I left with nothing but my clothes and photographs

I told him I was leaving, he never thought I would. Left with my kids, clothes, photos, glass ornaments the girls had bought for my birthdays and my dignity...all in the back of a Ford transit.

Gosh, your clothes fitted in a transit???

Yes

took the clothes and shoes I really wore, left two double wardrobes of clothes behind. Sad to think at the time all my worldly goods fit in the back of a transit!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tak to your partner before you make decision, let them know how you feel.

You still might be able to fix things or they might even feel the same.

Either way communication is important.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I should have left years before I did. I left with nothing but my clothes and photographs

I told him I was leaving, he never thought I would. Left with my kids, clothes, photos, glass ornaments the girls had bought for my birthdays and my dignity...all in the back of a Ford transit.

Gosh, your clothes fitted in a transit???

Don't forget the contents of a dungeon too

Didn't have it then, I was a good girl!

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By *inky booCouple
over a year ago

Belfast

Have a mate,his missus told him to take the dogs to work one day as she was having the decorators in,so off he goes dogs and all returns that evening house cleared, dear john letter,devastated then angry,next week jackpot on the lotto,claimed it in the sons name never looked back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I should have left years before I did. I left with nothing but my clothes and photographs

I told him I was leaving, he never thought I would. Left with my kids, clothes, photos, glass ornaments the girls had bought for my birthdays and my dignity...all in the back of a Ford transit.

Gosh, your clothes fitted in a transit???

Yes

took the clothes and shoes I really wore, left two double wardrobes of clothes behind. Sad to think at the time all my worldly goods fit in the back of a transit!"

Mine just about filled up a suitcase,including photos. Lost all my important documents except my passport. I wasn't allowed to buy myself clothes. His new gf is rinsing him now lol must be killing him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I walked out on my 2nd wife on Boxing Day 10 years ago. Without the best thing I ever did.

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