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Argue and clear the air or silent treatment?

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By *pecifically1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Hull

I am interested to know how everyone deals with disagreements?

Someone very close to me has done a few things recently which have upset me. I have tried to discuss it with them to try and resolve whether my understanding of the situation is flawed or if my upset is justified.

However I am now getting the silent treatment which really pisses me off...

How do you all deal with something - would you rather give or receive the silent treatment or have a discussion which may become heated and clear the air?

Interested to hear both male and female perspectives?

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

silent treatment achieves nothing ...the problem aint gonna vanish

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By *pecifically1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Hull


"silent treatment achieves nothing ...the problem aint gonna vanish "

My thoughts exactly but a lot of people use this tactic to avoid confrontation....

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Talk or die if you're dealing with me!

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By *aul4nylonsMan
over a year ago

Cheadle

women are from venus, en are from mars, and transvestites are from Transylvania, so you need an interpreter to find out your answer sweet pea, xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People handle things differently and quite a lot do not like confrontation.

While communication is clearly the right thing to do, they may have felt ambushed or guilt/shame. I find it's best to let them know that you want to talk about it and that it is important then give them a little time.

The silent treatment doesn't do anyone any good, it's just hiding from the issue.

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By *pecifically1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Hull


"women are from venus, en are from mars, and transvestites are from Transylvania, so you need an interpreter to find out your answer sweet pea, xxx "

is that a sit on the fence then ? lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends in how bad the situation is.

If it's something normal/minor;

a) Talk and clear the air there and there

or if they've done something really bad;

b) Tell them they've upset me, why I'm feeling like that and then explain that I need to not talk to them for a few days until I can calm myself down.

I've always said if someone majorly pisses me off I need about 48 hours to get my logical head back on rather than just emotional rage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/01/14 15:26:07]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 22/01/14 15:26:07]"

I was thinking the exact same thing.

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By *pecifically1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Hull


"It depends in how bad the situation is.

If it's something normal/minor;

a) Talk and clear the air there and there

or if they've done something really bad;

b) Tell them they've upset me, why I'm feeling like that and then explain that I need to not talk to them for a few days until I can calm myself down.

I've always said if someone majorly pisses me off I need about 48 hours to get my logical head back on rather than just emotional rage.

"

That is probably good advice...Thankyou..I am raging at the moment because I can't get any resolution

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By *aul4nylonsMan
over a year ago

Cheadle


"women are from venus, en are from mars, and transvestites are from Transylvania, so you need an interpreter to find out your answer sweet pea, xxx

is that a sit on the fence then ? lol "

Oh goodness me no sugar, I have lots of opinions but try to keep them to myself as sometimes people in the forum can misconstrue what I am trying to say, xxx

Happy to put my male twopenceworth in if you really want, xxx

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By *pecifically1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Hull


"women are from venus, en are from mars, and transvestites are from Transylvania, so you need an interpreter to find out your answer sweet pea, xxx

is that a sit on the fence then ? lol

Oh goodness me no sugar, I have lots of opinions but try to keep them to myself as sometimes people in the forum can misconstrue what I am trying to say, xxx

Happy to put my male twopenceworth in if you really want, xxx "

I am genuinely interested to understand if there are m/f difference on this so yes your input would be great

It isn't just a whingy 'he pissed me off' thread...

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By *uietlykinkymeWoman
over a year ago

kinky land

Argue if it clears the air. Otherwise i fall back to 'have nothing nice to say, say nowt'.

Arguing for the sake of arguing. Well i have 8 very long texts i just send on auto pilot now when a certain someone starts. It gets the same old argument out of the way & saves me having to type them . It also shuts them up

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

Clear the air every time.

Life is way too short for that silent shit.

My friend Mark (who is a ninja) always says 'Never go to bed on an argument'.

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By *aul4nylonsMan
over a year ago

Cheadle

Well, here goes, deep breath.......you say this is someone very close to you??? I would suggest by his reaction that either he thinks you're not as close as you think or that he knows he is in the wrong and is trying to bide the time to let things cool down and to see if he can come up with any excuses, some men can be so childish when it comes to communication and especially if they think they have done something wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It depends in how bad the situation is.

If it's something normal/minor;

a) Talk and clear the air there and there

or if they've done something really bad;

b) Tell them they've upset me, why I'm feeling like that and then explain that I need to not talk to them for a few days until I can calm myself down.

I've always said if someone majorly pisses me off I need about 48 hours to get my logical head back on rather than just emotional rage.

That is probably good advice...Thankyou..I am raging at the moment because I can't get any resolution"

Not a problem. I'm everyone's resident agony aunt, so if you fancy a rant feel free to get in touch for some neutral perspective

Though, I'd definitely say if you're raging just wait a few days until you can think more rationally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Talk clear the air and if the other people want to be childish and not tack about it then that's fine with me, they can have my silent treatment for the rest of our lives

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By *pecifically1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Hull


"Well, here goes, deep breath.......you say this is someone very close to you??? I would suggest by his reaction that either he thinks you're not as close as you think or that he knows he is in the wrong and is trying to bide the time to let things cool down and to see if he can come up with any excuses, some men can be so childish when it comes to communication and especially if they think they have done something wrong."

Interesting! Yes we are as close as I think that isn't in question - we are in a Ds relationship but I hadn't considered your second point...Thank you ....and nice to see that you appreciate men can be childish (tongue in cheek)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/01/14 15:40:12]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I need time to think clearly before I deal with things,that may mean im giving someone the silent treatment until im ready to deal with the issue,its not worth trying to talk to me until im ready to discuss things anyway

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By *pecifically1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Hull


"I need time to think clearly before I deal with things,that may mean im giving someone the silent treatment until im ready to deal with the issue,its not worth trying to talk to me until im ready to discuss things anyway "

may I ask if this is the male or female posting??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am a Man so therefore will always be right, theres no point arguing or trying to discuss a disagreement unless the above fact is understood and agreed with..Simple innit

Gary (Suicide is painless)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I need time to think clearly before I deal with things,that may mean im giving someone the silent treatment until im ready to deal with the issue,its not worth trying to talk to me until im ready to discuss things anyway

may I ask if this is the male or female posting??"

Female

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By *pecifically1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Hull


"I need time to think clearly before I deal with things,that may mean im giving someone the silent treatment until im ready to deal with the issue,its not worth trying to talk to me until im ready to discuss things anyway

may I ask if this is the male or female posting??

Female"

Thankyou - that is really interesting...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I need time to think clearly before I deal with things,that may mean im giving someone the silent treatment until im ready to deal with the issue,its not worth trying to talk to me until im ready to discuss things anyway

may I ask if this is the male or female posting??

Female

Thankyou - that is really interesting..."

That is me down to a T. I need time to calm down and think about what the problem is what I want to resolve etc.

And if I have an issue with things people have said i tend to bite my.tongue until they really over step the mark then god help them I can have a really vicious tongue

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By *ScotsmanMan
over a year ago

ayrshire

buy a gun just in case?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Clear the air, preferably without a argument.. Everytime X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have to argue it out, I can't sleep on an argument

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Discuss it but few people accept feedback with maturity in my opinion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I learned it was better to keep my mouth shut and not appear to have an opinion on anything because I would always be wrong.

I'd prefer to talk about stuff and get it resolved. Don't like the silent treatment.

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By *wiftieeMan
over a year ago

near Glasgow

I would have to admit to going down the silent treatment road from time to time.

But as I'm not usually 'backward at coming forward' I treat it as a way of indicating to the other person that I'm really upset/annoyed.

As far as resolving a situation is concerned, I don't think arguing achieves a lot, it's a matter of cool-headed chat and discussion that wins the day. But sadly, some people struggle with 'straight talking' and run a mile to avoid confrontation, which resolves nothing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't like the silent treatment, or going to bed on it.

I am rather vocal on things, I will admit if I'm wrong, but get a bit fiesty at times if I'm right and not being heard.

A great believer in agree to disagree.

But laying down mute is not me.

Nette

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

silent treatment, unless its my husband or son, they are the only two people i realy trust to tell things too.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"I am interested to know how everyone deals with disagreements?

Someone very close to me has done a few things recently which have upset me. I have tried to discuss it with them to try and resolve whether my understanding of the situation is flawed or if my upset is justified.

However I am now getting the silent treatment which really pisses me off...

How do you all deal with something - would you rather give or receive the silent treatment or have a discussion which may become heated and clear the air?

Interested to hear both male and female perspectives?"

I haven't read all responses but take it from me the 'silent treatment' only comes from juveniles and is passive agression.

If someone can't speak about something for a while or they need to work their thoughts through before speaking they should let you know .... in the meantime things should carry on as normal.

Some people take a long time to grow up.

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By *an and wifeyCouple
over a year ago

n lincs

We used to do the silent treatment but then you start to resent each other. Definitely better to argue it out clear the air then kiss and make up. You will feel so much better and know exactly where you stand

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

While I can see that after an argument a period of quiet contemplation is often beneficial I find that if silences are allowed to become extended any misunderstandings and disagreements can start to fester and become way more of a difficulty to put right.

Easier to say than do but cool headed and calm discussion achieves more in the end.....going "in the huff" helps nobody.....

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