FabSwingers.com forum: Fathers rights

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A new debate, fathers rights as bought up in my CSA debate

I have found as recently separated I as a father have next to no rights as I'm not primary career for my children but would love to have my girls more often,,, she won't allow it

Please discuss your views and please be nice

Be good to get all points

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm guessing nobody cares about fathers right????

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Maybe after you other thread people don't want to answer as you don't like the ones given on there....what if they said something you didn't like here either.

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

I lived with my ex for 5 years who when he decided he wanted his girls to come and live with him full time, went to court - and won.

If you are not happy with your exes 'permission' for you to see your kids, seek legal advice.

I also saw your thread on csa payments..if you have this serious beef with your ex then you really do need to seek resolution...

The forum may not be the best place to get advice...

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By *ingjayMan
over a year ago

exeter

I am sole carer for my two daughters, my youngest was 10 months when we split, I get how some women can and do decide not to let the other parent see them bit it's only out of immature jealousy and the feeling 'I look after them all the time why should they just pick em up and drop em off and go and live their life ect ect' trust me I been there, it takes a lot of talking, a lot of sitting down and an understanding between both parents, unfortunately you are dealing with a woman, they can be arseholes and think they doing everything right.... "Because I'm the mum it doesn't matter what I do, what everyone else thinks is right, I am the mum whatever decision I make IS right" that's what they think, just try and keep working on her, try and convince her stopping you seeing them is the wrong decision and break the stubbornness down, failing that....... Jeremy Kyle show

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

"I am sole carer for my two daughters, my youngest was 10 months when we split, I get how some women can and do decide not to let the other parent see them bit it's only out of immature jealousy and the feeling 'I look after them all the time why should they just pick em up and drop em off and go and live their life ect ect' trust me I been there, it takes a lot of talking, a lot of sitting down and an understanding between both parents, unfortunately you are dealing with a woman, they can be arseholes and think they doing everything right.... "Because I'm the mum it doesn't matter what I do, what everyone else thinks is right, I am the mum whatever decision I make IS right" that's what they think, just try and keep working on her, try and convince her stopping you seeing them is the wrong decision and break the stubbornness down, failing that....... Jeremy Kyle show"

No generalisations there....

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By *irtydanMan
over a year ago

Blackpool

your right you have no rights

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mother or Father, married or not, both parents have a responsibility to make sure their child is safe and well looked after.

If you don't mind saying how old are your kids? You say you want to see them more but she wont allow it. Alot of the time it can come across as saying no out of spite but I wouldn't want someone who wasnt there day to day disputing the routine that my children have. Especially during the week when there is homework, tea, baths and bed ready for school in the morning. It can take ages to fix a broken routine and can cause issues with children's behavior.

If an absent parent feels they have no rights over their children then contact a solicitor who will advise correctly.

A few years ago I as a mother was told I had no right to go to my home collect my child an leave. Was rubbish I could have ne"kidnapped" my child and at the same time there was nothing stopping the dad doing the same!

You probably have more rights than u think. People just go on hearsay and assume they have none

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By *ingjayMan
over a year ago

exeter

No generalisations there...."

Correct all observations!!!! I have met many many many many single mothers since my first was born, I am not basing it on opinions or generalizing, I am basing it all on what I see women are like!!! Worse is when you get two together that bounce off each other and encourage each other to play games and keep telling each other they are doing the right thing, trust me I have seen it,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just because that is what you have experienced it's a tad judgmental to assume that is all mothers. I agree it happens and its wrong but cases like those will not be the majority

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By *imply_SensualMan
over a year ago

warrington

Depending on the age of children, the routine, school life, activities etc if often overlooked and the decision to see the children more is often in the interests of the absent parent because they want to spend time their children.

It can be a tough decision, but you have to consider the kind of upheaval and impact that occur for the children if they are uprooting a few times a aweek. Where you live in relation to them will also be a factor. I a lucky in that I am only about 2 miles away, when my lot were at school, it was an equal distance to mine as well as their mums, so they were able to come here for tea, and I would drop them back with their mum in time to settle for the evening. It meant I saw a lot of them still, even though they only stayed here at weekends.

You have to give very careful consideration to it all, but the main factor is the best interests of the children, not you or their mother.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't seen the other thread...

What makes a mother a primary carer?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And something I'm unsure if it was you that said it or someone else

a few absent parents want to see their children more as it brings down maintenance payments. occasionally it can mean very little to actually spend that time with their children they just want to be difficult!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have no problem with my ex,,,, just after people's opinions,,, so why are you attacking me,, seems to be the same trouble makers!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

And would love to know my rights, yes there are a few problems but hey that's life,,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And something I'm unsure if it was you that said it or someone else

I'm not attacking you. I'm asking a question before I answer you OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have no problem with my ex,,,, just after people's opinions,,, so why are you attacking me,, seems to be the same trouble makers!!!"

I see noone on here has attacked you.

You wanted opinions u got them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I love my kids and would love to spend more time with them, I never saw my kids at Christmas, or New Years!! Not my choice as she would not allow it,,, I want them more often not just Saturday nights cos she has to work,, but I accept it and I'm happy that I do get to spend at least some time with them, there are some that are not aloud to see their kids out of immature spite,,,,

Would be great to see more men only reply to this thread instead of just the ladies point of view!!

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"I have no problem with my ex,,,, just after people's opinions,,, so why are you attacking me,, seems to be the same trouble makers!!!

I see noone on here has attacked you.

You wanted opinions u got them. "

sometime some only want the 'there there' its all ok opinions..

hey bloody ho

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry I just had to laugh. In one post you say you have no problems and the next you do.

If you want to know where you stand a solicitor will be the only person who can advise you correctly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why are women being made out to be the bad ones?

There are single mothers and fathers and not all are the same! Some will be good and others will be bad

This is so judgemental! Don't judge all, on the actions of one!

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

Would be great to see more men only reply to this thread instead of just the ladies point of view!!"

okie dokie..

it fecks me off no end that some males and females use their children when estranged as weapons in the ongoing war twixt each other..

kids are only going to be further hurt and damaged by such behaviour..

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By *ayandess1Couple
over a year ago

bridgwater

I have a son I haven't been able to see for 11 years. But. Fab is a place I come to for fun and to take a break from daily life. So I won't comment further. X

good luck to you.

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

No generalisations there....

oh so now we are two together not just ALL women

NOT ALL women behave like this...not all men are decent fathers who want to contribute time and or money (since it seems the hot topic of the day) to their children

I have met many men who are complete and utter arseholes when it comes to their kids but I don't tar all men with the same brush..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I love my kids and would love to spend more time with them, I never saw my kids at Christmas, or New Years!! Not my choice as she would not allow it,,, I want them more often not just Saturday nights cos she has to work,, but I accept it and I'm happy that I do get to spend at least some time with them, there are some that are not aloud to see their kids out of immature spite,,,,

Would be great to see more men only reply to this thread instead of just the ladies point of view!!"

Okay OP ignore me then. I have some experience but if you're not willing to answer a simple question then proceed to attack peoples perfectly reasonable replies above then I think the initial problem you have is you - your attitude. I completely disagree with any parent being treated unfairly, but maybe you are "one of those fathers " that chooses to moan about his ex than actually attempt to make a proper resolution.

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

Would be great to see more men only reply to this thread instead of just the ladies point of view!!"

Consult a solicitor to get more agreeable access...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Sorry sandcx it's hard to put in text,, no I have no problem with her in general but yes there are issues to be resolved, different but in some eyes the same! Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP - I guess if you cannot agree access arrangements between yourselves then you would have to seek legal advice. Many solicitors offer an hour for free.

Your split was recent , emotions will be running high. Hopefully when things settle your ex will relax more about when you can see yr children.

Even though I'm female, I do actually agree that father's very often lose the fight for custody & sometimes it doesn't seem fair. However a judge often has to go on , who was the primary carer at the time of the split.

Plus when your children are older they will make their own choices.

Most single mothers & fathers I know are very reasonable people who put their children first . Don't stick to hard & fast rules re access - just what is best for the children. Go to parents evenings together , kids school events etc etc. As long as they always come first , the rest should slot into place.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry sandcx it's hard to put in text,, no I have no problem with her in general but yes there are issues to be resolved, different but in some eyes the same! Lol"

Ill repeat what someone has repeated if the pair of u can't reach a mutually acceptable arrangement then a solicitor is the only way forward. But you may find she will dig her heels in further

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A new debate, fathers rights as bought up in my CSA debate

I have found as recently separated I as a father have next to no rights as I'm not primary career for my children but would love to have my girls more often,,, she won't allow it

Please discuss your views and please be nice

Be good to get all points"

if she is stopping you from seeing them very often then take her to court.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Court worries me as it prolongs things and possibly hurts all involved for longer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Court worries me as it prolongs things and possibly hurts all involved for longer"

Court can be a nasty place but I doubt it would get that far. I assume you would get mediation first

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you for all your comments btw

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By *ingjayMan
over a year ago

exeter

Would be great to see more men only reply to this thread instead of just the ladies point of view!!"

I gave mine, sadly e men will attack it, womenare incapable of looking at themselves, and certainly cannot agree when they're wrong, keep pushed ng through courts, if you can't afford it, try mediation, there are plenty of free centres around,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would be great to see more men only reply to this thread instead of just the ladies point of view!!

I can fully admit when I am wrong thank you. And the only time I have ever been in this situation it was court ordered that there be no contact from him. Should I have let it lie and allow him to not support his child the only way he was allowed by court! I do not like the way you are implying that it is women that are always calling the shots and demanding and out for all they could get! Some can be I.agree but certainly not all!

For the most part I didn't receive a penny and when I did it was 10 pound a month and certainly not regularly I just left it with CSA and when.I did receive a payment it meant I could treat him

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By *ingjayMan
over a year ago

exeter

We''re not talked n about from m your point of view, a father that abandons his kids, this is from the pount of view of a father who is trying to see his kids, you cannot begin to understand as the ne ur not a father two I'm presuming you have custody of your children and three you're not being denies the right to see your kids, unless you are someone who stops their father from seeing them then you can explain why to this poor guy, but I'm betting he doesn't need to hear it, he either has to try mediation or he needs to turn nasty, with courts ect,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dads get treated like second class citizens a lot of the time, especially in the eyes of the law but good/bad parenting doesn't care about gender because there are amazing and terrible cases on either side.

I'm a single dad and live with my daughter - when she was 8 and came to live with me and my wife I had to go to court to get "parental responsibility" as I was not married to her mother at any point and the dad has no rights at all unless you fight for them.

Fast forward a few more years and my daughter goes back to live with her mum and I separate from my wife.

Then three years ago my daughters mother kicked her out, said if I didn't have her she would go in care, because she "didn't want to deal with her anymore".

I was more than happy to have her come to me but she is so messed up because of her mum and has abandonment issues and feels worthless because her mum didn't want her any more, and has another younger daughter now who she spoils and doesn't hide the fact.

She was supposed to be coming to see her this weekend gone but yet again she let her down. This is a regular thing.

So yes I do care about fathers rights, because mothers can be just as absent and heartless as people try to make out dads are usually, when they are not under the same roof.

Sorry for waffling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

kingway- sorry im on my phone and if posts too long won't let me quote without writing in middle of it.

As said in one of my posts I have been in the situation where I have been prevented from seeing my child. I was a young mum my first child a few months old and having the person you once loved telling you you cent see your child rips every bit of you apart! Months I only see him at odd weekends having to drive 2 hours there and the same back. My mum had to take him to the door because I couldn't say goodbye! Every time I saw him I had my heart ripped out again. Im not going to lie I considered not seeing him because I couldn't cope with the days in tears after! Im glad I ignored myself! I know him frustrating it can be on both sides of the table!

I used to get messages saying I was keeping him from his dad etc when I would have loved it to be amicable.

Iv also seen mothers who are spiteful using children as pawns and iv seen an equal number of men throw a paddy that they don't get it all their own way.

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By *uietlykinkymeWoman
over a year ago

kinky land

Before questioning the rights of the father. Question the rights of the child.

Both parents SHOULD go all out to achieve that but whilst the argument of 'my rights' looms the child is lost in the selfish thinking of the individual parents :-\

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Before questioning the rights of the father. Question the rights of the child.

Both parents SHOULD go all out to achieve that but whilst the argument of 'my rights' looms the child is lost in the selfish thinking of the individual parents :-\"

That's what I was trying to say in my very clumsy way. A child can be very emotionally fragile and a breakup can have long lasting effects even without the whole tug of war.

My parents split when I was four and I thought it was my fault for many many years so made sure my daughter knew it was not hers.

I was convinced right up to my mum's death a couple of years ago that one day my mum and dad might get back together, even though my mum had been remarried and then widowed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Before questioning the rights of the father. Question the rights of the child.

Both parents SHOULD go all out to achieve that but whilst the argument of 'my rights' looms the child is lost in the selfish thinking of the individual parents :-\"

The first thing I said both parents have a responsibility to that child to make sure they are safe and well looked after. Anything after that becomes a personal battle between the parents where ultimately one person suffers and that is the child

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