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CSA payments

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Just a question concerning maintenance payments and what peoples thoughts are on the subject, as a father who regularly makes his payments weekly a recent thread on this site confirmed one of my worst fears,, do they really get spent on the children?? And why do CSA say they can't police what it's spent on!

I realise this could be a touchy subject so please play nice!!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Unless the child is neglected and walking around in rags then I am guessing whatever CSA is coming is spent on living costs for the child

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

IF the CSA say that, it's because they can't.

If the idea is that they should, how would they go about it? Follow every recipient 24x7 in case they buy a bottle of wine or 20 fags?

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

As a single mother to one toddler and I recieve a maintenance payment every week on a Friday. It's not a huge amount. Do I immediately take that money and go to get things for my son?

No I don't. Because I get him things as and when he needs it with any money I have coming into the house.

I had this argument with my ex for a while. He wanted me (instead of giving me the money each week) to do him a list of what was needed. Bloody ridiculous. He thought that maintenance was just for nappies and clothes. Apparently kids don't need money for food, heating, hair cuts, etc etc etc etc! The list is endless.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

A recent thread on here stated that she was gonna buy a vibe with her ex husbands maintenance payments, then claimed she was joking,, that sort of thing is my fear!! That payments aren't going where they should! I have no problems paying them tho like thousands of separated perents

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"IF the CSA say that, it's because they can't.

If the idea is that they should, how would they go about it? Follow every recipient 24x7 in case they buy a bottle of wine or 20 fags?"

Exactly, I may well treat myself to a bottle of wine once a month that I might buy on a Friday when my maintenance payment goes on, but then the next week I could have to buy him a new pair of trainers and boots that cost more than I get in maintenance in the first place!! It's all swings and roundabouts!

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"A recent thread on here stated that she was gonna buy a vibe with her ex husbands maintenance payments, then claimed she was joking,, that sort of thing is my fear!! That payments aren't going where they should! I have no problems paying them tho like thousands of separated perents"

That sounds dangerously like needing to be in control.

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"IF the CSA say that, it's because they can't.

If the idea is that they should, how would they go about it? Follow every recipient 24x7 in case they buy a bottle of wine or 20 fags?

Exactly, I may well treat myself to a bottle of wine once a month that I might buy on a Friday when my maintenance payment goes on, but then the next week I could have to buy him a new pair of trainers and boots that cost more than I get in maintenance in the first place!! It's all swings and roundabouts! "

I'd argue that an occasional glass of wine for a stressed Mum is a good thing for both.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Onny it's not control it's concern for my children I'm afraid

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a single mother to one toddler and I recieve a maintenance payment every week on a Friday. It's not a huge amount. Do I immediately take that money and go to get things for my son?

No I don't. Because I get him things as and when he needs it with any money I have coming into the house.

I had this argument with my ex for a while. He wanted me (instead of giving me the money each week) to do him a list of what was needed. Bloody ridiculous. He thought that maintenance was just for nappies and clothes. Apparently kids don't need money for food, heating, hair cuts, etc etc etc etc! The list is endless. "

couldnt have said it any better myself!

doesnt matter what it gets spent on,no doubt youll spend more on your kid(s) within that month for what they need. especially food on the table and what not

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"A recent thread on here stated that she was gonna buy a vibe with her ex husbands maintenance payments, then claimed she was joking,, that sort of thing is my fear!! That payments aren't going where they should! I have no problems paying them tho like thousands of separated perents"

Does your child look well looked after? fed? dressed clean? Does the house they live in have warmth? Electric? Does the childs hair look like it is kept tidy?

If the answer is yes then it looks like the money you hand over is used for what it should be.

If the answer is no to them all then phone SS

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"A recent thread on here stated that she was gonna buy a vibe with her ex husbands maintenance payments, then claimed she was joking,, that sort of thing is my fear!! That payments aren't going where they should! I have no problems paying them tho like thousands of separated perents"

Do you think that only the amount of money that you pay each week/month is enough to feed/clothe/entertain etc the kids?? I'm sure that even if they did use the maintenance payment to purchase something not child related (as I have in the past) that the kids probably get it back tenfold at other times. I have to spread my money out over the month. So if I need to use the maintenance money for something for the house that week I'm sure that when my boys suddenly grows out of his shoes and it costs me god knows how much to replace them all in one go then I'll pay for that out of my pocket.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"Onny it's not control it's concern for my children I'm afraid"

Does your child look well looked after? fed? dressed clean? Does the house they live in have warmth? Electric? Does the childs hair look like it is kept tidy?

If the answer is yes then it looks like the money you hand over is used for what it should be.

If the answer is no to them all then phone SS

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When me and my ex broke up I used to buy my daughter whatever she needed, clothes,toys, everything. Then my ex decided to take me to the csa so I stopped buying my daughter clothes and stuff and left it up to her. Wasn't long before my daughter was walking round in threadbare clothes that were too small for her, so I stated buying her clothes again. Result= my ex getting 130 quid from me every month and I still buy my daughter everything, the worst thing is my ex earns almost double what I do

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"A recent thread on here stated that she was gonna buy a vibe with her ex husbands maintenance payments, then claimed she was joking,, that sort of thing is my fear!! That payments aren't going where they should! I have no problems paying them tho like thousands of separated perents

Does your child look well looked after? fed? dressed clean? Does the house they live in have warmth? Electric? Does the childs hair look like it is kept tidy?

If the answer is yes then it looks like the money you hand over is used for what it should be.

If the answer is no to them all then phone SS"

This is exactly it!! I told my ex that if hed rather he could give me nothing each week and I'd ask him for half of any clothes/shoes/haircut etc that I got.

When I told him what I'd just been out to get for him ready for winter/nursery as he's just grown out of last winters stuff he soon changed his mind x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a single mother to one toddler and I recieve a maintenance payment every week on a Friday. It's not a huge amount. Do I immediately take that money and go to get things for my son?

No I don't. Because I get him things as and when he needs it with any money I have coming into the house.

I had this argument with my ex for a while. He wanted me (instead of giving me the money each week) to do him a list of what was needed. Bloody ridiculous. He thought that maintenance was just for nappies and clothes. Apparently kids don't need money for food, heating, hair cuts, etc etc etc etc! The list is endless. "

exactly this. you cldnt have put it any better.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"When me and my ex broke up I used to buy my daughter whatever she needed, clothes,toys, everything. Then my ex decided to take me to the csa so I stopped buying my daughter clothes and stuff and left it up to her. Wasn't long before my daughter was walking round in threadbare clothes that were too small for her, so I stated buying her clothes again. Result= my ex getting 130 quid from me every month and I still buy my daughter everything, the worst thing is my ex earns almost double what I do"

And that is terrible. She should be ashamed. I know people that are similar. I also know of one guy who gave up how job so he wouldn't have to pay anything bar £5 a week out of his JSA. And a woman to even gave up her JSA so she wouldn't have to hand over a fiver to her daughter! Fortunately most people aren't like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

an ex went mad at us cos we have new phones,he told everyone he bought them with his csa payment. we paid for them with our wages. its things like that that gets you wound up!

if a person received £100pm csa,what about shopping on a weekly basis,£40-£80? theres half of it gone straight away. i dont think people who pay csa realise that things cost!

as i said earlier,doesnt matter what it gets spent on,youll probably spend doube the amount on your child within that month!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When me and my ex broke up I used to buy my daughter whatever she needed, clothes,toys, everything. Then my ex decided to take me to the csa so I stopped buying my daughter clothes and stuff and left it up to her. Wasn't long before my daughter was walking round in threadbare clothes that were too small for her, so I stated buying her clothes again. Result= my ex getting 130 quid from me every month and I still buy my daughter everything, the worst thing is my ex earns almost double what I do

And that is terrible. She should be ashamed. I know people that are similar. I also know of one guy who gave up how job so he wouldn't have to pay anything bar £5 a week out of his JSA. And a woman to even gave up her JSA so she wouldn't have to hand over a fiver to her daughter! Fortunately most people aren't like that. "

actually know a person that did that,couldnt justify paying £120pm,so he quit and paid £5pw from his jsa!

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By *imply_SensualMan
over a year ago

warrington

Its not just material things you are paying support for - the kids need a roof over their head, a reasonable diet, warmth in the winter, entertainment etc - as others have said, you should only start to question where it is being spent if the kids are being neglected or they start telling you they are going without.

If you are paying the right amount and not getting ripped off, then you should be content that the kids are happy and that you have maintained a good relationship with them.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"Its not just material things you are paying support for - the kids need a roof over their head, a reasonable diet, warmth in the winter, entertainment etc - as others have said, you should only start to question where it is being spent if the kids are being neglected or they start telling you they are going without.

If you are paying the right amount and not getting ripped off, then you should be content that the kids are happy and that you have maintained a good relationship with them."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

talking about csa. how about the person paying csa gets with another partner,has a child,moves intogether but DOESNT go lajit!. so gets her to put a claim in and say they dont see each other,just to make the first childs payment go way down. 20% to both parties! but doesnt lose anythin to the 2nd party cos theyre together! now that is bang out of order and very low!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its not just material things you are paying support for - the kids need a roof over their head, a reasonable diet, warmth in the winter, entertainment etc - as others have said, you should only start to question where it is being spent if the kids are being neglected or they start telling you they are going without.

If you are paying the right amount and not getting ripped off, then you should be content that the kids are happy and that you have maintained a good relationship with them.

"

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts


"Its not just material things you are paying support for - the kids need a roof over their head, a reasonable diet, warmth in the winter, entertainment etc - as others have said, you should only start to question where it is being spent if the kids are being neglected or they start telling you they are going without.

If you are paying the right amount and not getting ripped off, then you should be content that the kids are happy and that you have maintained a good relationship with them."

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

The trouble is that for many parents (mostly men) money is the last remnant of the control they had during the relationship and a very big stick with which to beat the other party over the head.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does frustrate me a little when you read on here 'oh im now getting CSA so im going to treat myself to..'

i understand CSA money essentially tops up the household income which ultimately supports the children so does allow for treats for the parent when before they were on limited funds

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The trouble is that for many parents (mostly men) money is the last remnant of the control they had during the relationship and a very big stick with which to beat the other party over the head."

pfft,alot of men are tight and wont spend! not even on their kids!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suppose it depends how much you trust your ex. I don't mind paying the large amount I do every month as I know my ex spends a load on my daughter and she hasn't got a well paid job. I also go shopping with my daughter for clothes and pay for other treats because I can afford to. I might be pissed off if I found my ex was using the maintenance payments to pay for nights out with her mates.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Sorry Onny, disagree, it's nothing about control, it's concern that the child gets what he or she needs, and not being neglected as she needs a new vibrator or the separated party refuses to pay

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"The trouble is that for many parents (mostly men) money is the last remnant of the control they had during the relationship and a very big stick with which to beat the other party over the head.

pfft,alot of men are tight and wont spend! not even on their kids! "

I don't buy that. Yes, a lot of men are tight but I don't know many who resent their kids a single penny.

What they resent is not having control any more.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What about people who don't allow their ex partners to have the kids 3 nights a week as they would loose or reduce the payments??????

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Onny what is this obsession with control ???? Why????

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Control has nothing to do with it!!!

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Onny what is this obsession with control ???? Why???? "

Cos that's what it is.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Really Onny!!! I don't think so, my ex can do anything she wants, she has a life,,, see who she wants,,, I have and never will have any control over her,,, control has nothing to do with this subject I'm afraid totally disagree Onny. Your not painting a good picture!!

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

[Removed by poster at 21/01/14 12:46:21]

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Really Onny!!! I don't think so, my ex can do anything she wants, she has a life,,, see who she wants,,, I have and never will have any control over her,,, control has nothing to do with this subject I'm afraid totally disagree Onny. Your not painting a good picture!!"

Your OP rather gives the game away.

The excessive use of commas doesn't help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When me and my ex broke up I used to buy my daughter whatever she needed, clothes,toys, everything. Then my ex decided to take me to the csa so I stopped buying my daughter clothes and stuff and left it up to her. Wasn't long before my daughter was walking round in threadbare clothes that were too small for her, so I stated buying her clothes again. Result= my ex getting 130 quid from me every month and I still buy my daughter everything, the worst thing is my ex earns almost double what I do

And that is terrible. She should be ashamed. I know people that are similar. I also know of one guy who gave up how job so he wouldn't have to pay anything bar £5 a week out of his JSA. And a woman to even gave up her JSA so she wouldn't have to hand over a fiver to her daughter! Fortunately most people aren't like that.

actually know a person that did that,couldnt justify paying £120pm,so he quit and paid £5pw from his jsa!

"

Coz that's all they're worth to them! It's sad really, some people shouldn't have kids if they only think they're worth £5 a week!

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

OP. I don't think you answered a question asked earlier.

Are your children clean, well fed and clothed, warm and happy??

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By *oulou45Woman
over a year ago

Bucks


"IF the CSA say that, it's because they can't.

If the idea is that they should, how would they go about it? Follow every recipient 24x7 in case they buy a bottle of wine or 20 fags?

Exactly, I may well treat myself to a bottle of wine once a month that I might buy on a Friday when my maintenance payment goes on, but then the next week I could have to buy him a new pair of trainers and boots that cost more than I get in maintenance in the first place!! It's all swings and roundabouts! "

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By *andm288Couple
over a year ago

oxford


"What about people who don't allow their ex partners to have the kids 3 nights a week as they would loose or reduce the payments?????? "

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By *oulou45Woman
over a year ago

Bucks

My ex son-in-law wouldn't help pay towards my granddaughter. When the csa ordered him to pay 5 pounds a week he stopped working and gave my daughter a load of abuse. As he didn't work he didnt pay. He would then start working again. I told my daughter not to bother with him and that I would help her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have never recived any payments from my kids dad never would...getting CSA involved is stupid most goes to the goverment!....thats why its there!!...

Its just tit for tat....game plays with mothers..why the hell they cant sort it out....is beyond me. ..

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"Sorry Onny, disagree, it's nothing about control, it's concern that the child gets what he or she needs, and not being neglected as she needs a new vibrator or the separated party refuses to pay"

If you have concerns that your child isn't looked after properly then I can understand your concern. If this is the case then you should be contacting the SS

If you are just pissed off at handing over money for your child because you don't know what she is spending the money on, then ask yourself is the child being fed and looked after, ie a roof over her/his head / clothed/ fed etc....if she/he is, then the money is going to the right place.

A tip for the site, if you click on "quote" it will quote who you want to answer

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"I have never recived any payments from my kids dad never would...getting CSA involved is stupid most goes to the goverment!....thats why its there!!...

Its just tit for tat....game plays with mothers..why the hell they cant sort it out....is beyond me. .."
Its not always possible, to sort things out, in an ideal world...maybe.

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By *ecor atorMan
over a year ago

York

When they first came to power the CSA were hateful bullies. I was already paying my ex an agreed amount. Somehow they got involved and forced me to pay £809 per month (that figure is burnt into my memory)

I couldn't believe how rude and aggressive they were.

Luckily my ex emigrated a couple of years later and I asked if I still needed to pay, they said no and said they would send me a refund. A cheque for over £20000 landed on my mat. I sat on it for ages thinking they had cocked up!

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By *awkeye and HotlipsCouple
over a year ago

Takeley


"Sorry Onny, disagree, it's nothing about control, it's concern that the child gets what he or she needs, and not being neglected as she needs a new vibrator or the separated party refuses to pay

If you have concerns that your child isn't looked after properly then I can understand your concern. If this is the case then you should be contacting the SS

If you are just pissed off at handing over money for your child because you don't know what she is spending the money on, then ask yourself is the child being fed and looked after, ie a roof over her/his head / clothed/ fed etc....if she/he is, then the money is going to the right place.

A tip for the site, if you click on "quote" it will quote who you want to answer "

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts


"I have never recived any payments from my kids dad never would...getting CSA involved is stupid most goes to the goverment!....thats why its there!!...

Its just tit for tat....game plays with mothers..why the hell they cant sort it out....is beyond me. .."

Sometimes people have no choice. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I suppose it depends how much you trust your ex. I don't mind paying the large amount I do every month as I know my ex spends a load on my daughter and she hasn't got a well paid job. I also go shopping with my daughter for clothes and pay for other treats because I can afford to. I might be pissed off if I found my ex was using the maintenance payments to pay for nights out with her mates."

but you wouldnt know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The trouble is that for many parents (mostly men) money is the last remnant of the control they had during the relationship and a very big stick with which to beat the other party over the head.

pfft,alot of men are tight and wont spend! not even on their kids! "

As a father who pays a considerable amount of csa through a private arrangement and also buys clothes, shoes, pays towards holidays, school items and the like I understand the frustration of not knowing where the payments go but you just have a bit of trust. The important factor is that your child understands that you do support them.

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By *z ThongzWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

I am a single parent and i have never had a penny from my ex either through the csa or from him voluntarily , if i had to go to the csa then the amount he would pay would be huge considering the back dated payments. As he decided not to have contact with my child I was upset at this but it is his loss as we have a lovely child whom he has missed out on and the thousands of pounds I have paid in caring for her over the years are neither here nor there coz my child is worth each and every penny and if other absent parents who are paying csa or maintenance thought the same way there wouldnt be petty financial squabbles.

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By *othingButCocoChanelWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

To a mother who has lost a child.....children arent all about how much money you get for them god!!!!!!!!

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By *othingButCocoChanelWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

To a mother who has lost a child.....children arent all about how much money you get for them god!!!!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can see both sides here, Luke pays his ex a lot of money each month for 2 children, we know she doesn't spend the money just on the children, ie clothes, food, heating and whatever they need for their day to day needs,

We know that she has brought herself things out of his payments, and yes it does annoy us, as she doesn't work, and it seems that he is paying for her to have extra things as well as his children, the kids are both at secondary school, so she could work if she wanted too...

But we know that his money also goes towards clothes ect for the kids...

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By *z ThongzWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire


"To a mother who has lost a child.....children arent all about how much money you get for them god!!!!!!!!"

Have lost two children and your right , but money is the only thing left for them to complain about in this argument I am afraid. My condolences.

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By *othingButCocoChanelWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow


"To a mother who has lost a child.....children arent all about how much money you get for them god!!!!!!!!

Have lost two children and your right , but money is the only thing left for them to complain about in this argument I am afraid. My condolences. "

Thanks u too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am a single parent and i have never had a penny from my ex either through the csa or from him voluntarily , if i had to go to the csa then the amount he would pay would be huge considering the back dated payments. As he decided not to have contact with my child I was upset at this but it is his loss as we have a lovely child whom he has missed out on and the thousands of pounds I have paid in caring for her over the years are neither here nor there coz my child is worth each and every penny and if other absent parents who are paying csa or maintenance thought the same way there wouldnt be petty financial squabbles. "

They no longer back date the same. They will only back date from the day they contact the non resident parent

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By *z ThongzWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire


"I am a single parent and i have never had a penny from my ex either through the csa or from him voluntarily , if i had to go to the csa then the amount he would pay would be huge considering the back dated payments. As he decided not to have contact with my child I was upset at this but it is his loss as we have a lovely child whom he has missed out on and the thousands of pounds I have paid in caring for her over the years are neither here nor there coz my child is worth each and every penny and if other absent parents who are paying csa or maintenance thought the same way there wouldnt be petty financial squabbles.

They no longer back date the same. They will only back date from the day they contact the non resident parent "

I have no intention of contacting them anyway I am happy with my child and the love she gives and am happy to plod along without him pulling his weight , but i am sure its good info for those who might wish to use the csa.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

The state of my children is no business of fab, it was never really part of the question and remains between me and my ex,,, Onny how come using commas makes me a control freak??? Are you just looking to wind someone up as it's not worked?? I personally have no problem handing maintenance to my ex for my children in any way shape or form,, the question was to ask for people's genuine opinions regarding CSA and maintenance payments followed by an example

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By *r and mrs sanddancerCouple
over a year ago

BOLDON COLLIERY


"A recent thread on here stated that she was gonna buy a vibe with her ex husbands maintenance payments, then claimed she was joking,, that sort of thing is my fear!! That payments aren't going where they should! I have no problems paying them tho like thousands of separated perents

That sounds dangerously like needing to be in control."

if some one has to be so controlling when separated then she is well rid

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

My ex died shortly after my divorce 15 years ago..my boys are 24 and 28..proud to say I never claimed a penny ..worked full time to pay for their needs/wants...and put my eldest through uni.....was very hard at times...but the only thing they missed out on was the time spent with dad...and money does not buy that....most would rather have time than money from an ex in order to have some time to themselves.....some women just spend it on nights out..drink and fags!!!

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By *z ThongzWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

I agree all parents should contribute to the cost of bringing up their children , they decided how much is appropriate for each person to pay and that surely is in the best interest of the child , as has previously been said , as long as these children are well looked after and have all they need then I for one say well done the csa and those who pay through them.

Take comfort in the fact ur children know you help to look after there welfare by paying this amount , whether you agree with how that payment is distributed once it hits the carer parents account isnt really for us to comment on .

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/01/14 13:48:38]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/01/14 13:49:19]

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By *eterpan6b1Couple
over a year ago

Hedon

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By *othingButCocoChanelWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow


"My ex died shortly after my divorce 15 years ago..my boys are 24 and 28..proud to say I never claimed a penny ..worked full time to pay for their needs/wants...and put my eldest through uni.....was very hard at times...but the only thing they missed out on was the time spent with dad...and money does not buy that....most would rather have time than money from an ex in order to have some time to themselves.....some women just spend it on nights out..drink and fags!!!"

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By *een_VoyeurMan
over a year ago

Lanark / Surrounding

An ex of mine used her CSA payments from her previous boyfriend to buy a new car. Was used for the monthly payments. No way to guarantee where your money is going I'm afraid

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just a question concerning maintenance payments and what peoples thoughts are on the subject, as a father who regularly makes his payments weekly a recent thread on this site confirmed one of my worst fears,, do they really get spent on the children?? And why do CSA say they can't police what it's spent on!

I realise this could be a touchy subject so please play nice!! "

Having just read the forum post that OP is referring to it's fair to say that this has all got out of hand. And all for the sake of some misunderstood smileys.

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By *z ThongzWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

suppose the children were ferried in said car.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get some maintenance for my daughter, I may not spend all of it on her 1 week but then the next week I may spend more than double the on new shoes or clothes. The csa I get is all my daughter gets off her dad. I have to feed, clothe, keep a roof over her head and keep her warm and they are just the basics. If I then put the same amount to what he pays this still wouldn't cover this each week. I don't think it's anyone else's business what I spend the maintenance on because I know full well I spend a lot more than that on my child, just maybe not on that exact day I get the csa payments

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By *z ThongzWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire


"I get some maintenance for my daughter, I may not spend all of it on her 1 week but then the next week I may spend more than double the on new shoes or clothes. The csa I get is all my daughter gets off her dad. I have to feed, clothe, keep a roof over her head and keep her warm and they are just the basics. If I then put the same amount to what he pays this still wouldn't cover this each week. I don't think it's anyone else's business what I spend the maintenance on because I know full well I spend a lot more than that on my child, just maybe not on that exact day I get the csa payments "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Threads like this irritate me...

Recent article reckons stay at home mom/dads provide with £19,600 worth of child care a year.

But remember this is based on a child care worker's salary, so my point is the absent parent is paying a small amount of money to their ex-partner who devotes a whole lot to their child. If that absent parent is unhappy, why don't they then pay a professional to do it...

But are you going to raise objections if that child care professional buys a sex toy with their wages?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

pleas note that the csa makes you pay for the child until they are 20 years old now if they are still in further education. Yet the csa will provide no proof of the further education.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am a single parent and i have never had a penny from my ex either through the csa or from him voluntarily , if i had to go to the csa then the amount he would pay would be huge considering the back dated payments. As he decided not to have contact with my child I was upset at this but it is his loss as we have a lovely child whom he has missed out on and the thousands of pounds I have paid in caring for her over the years are neither here nor there coz my child is worth each and every penny and if other absent parents who are paying csa or maintenance thought the same way there wouldnt be petty financial squabbles.

They no longer back date the same. They will only back date from the day they contact the non resident paren "

6 months it took the ex,that was cos he hid from them,didnt return calls or letters,in the end they had no choice but to go direct to his employer.6 months without a single penny. shows were his morals are. then along comes another child with his new gf,and then came a reduction cos his gf puts a claim in. some fathers arnet worth the ground they walk on!

no offence to the good ones that do pay maintenace AND also treat their kids at the same time of seeing them.

all my boy ever got when he saw his dad was 'ask ya mum,i give her money every month' pfft!

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"An ex of mine used her CSA payments from her previous boyfriend to buy a new car. Was used for the monthly payments. No way to guarantee where your money is going I'm afraid"

And was the car used to take the child to and from nursery/school/doctors appointment/days out???

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By *awkeye and HotlipsCouple
over a year ago

Takeley


"I agree all parents should contribute to the cost of bringing up their children , they decided how much is appropriate for each person to pay and that surely is in the best interest of the child , as has previously been said , as long as these children are well looked after and have all they need then I for one say well done the csa and those who pay through them.

Take comfort in the fact ur children know you help to look after there welfare by paying this amount , whether you agree with how that payment is distributed once it hits the carer parents account isnt really for us to comment on . "
I have always contributed through the CSA and have nothing but praise for them as it formalised everything financially and I have an obligation to my children which a father should fulfil. That said and this may open a whole new debate: as an unmarried father, I have very limited rights, indeed my ex partner changed my daughters surnames to her now husbands, without my permission, where I have raised this point about adoption/deed pole at which point, beyond just a financial transaction, the CSA simply shrug their shoulders. Equality and fairness should be both ways. On the point the op has raised, how the parent with care spends their money is their business, again, contact SS if you have concerns for the childs welfare

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I agree all parents should contribute to the cost of bringing up their children , they decided how much is appropriate for each person to pay and that surely is in the best interest of the child , as has previously been said , as long as these children are well looked after and have all they need then I for one say well done the csa and those who pay through them.

Take comfort in the fact ur children know you help to look after there welfare by paying this amount , whether you agree with how that payment is distributed once it hits the carer parents account isnt really for us to comment on . I have always contributed through the CSA and have nothing but praise for them as it formalised everything financially and I have an obligation to my children which a father should fulfil. That said and this may open a whole new debate: as an unmarried father, I have very limited rights, indeed my ex partner changed my daughters surnames to her now husbands, without my permission, where I have raised this point about adoption/deed pole at which point, beyond just a financial transaction, the CSA simply shrug their shoulders. Equality and fairness should be both ways. On the point the op has raised, how the parent with care spends their money is their business, again, contact SS if you have concerns for the childs welfare"

how did she do that,cos unless your surname was on that birth cert she wouldnt have been allowed cos you have to approve it having equal rights?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think the five pound I receive a month from my ex would buy much ,doesn't even cover my daughters travel expenses to college. Know a few men and women who bow out of paying for their children and make every excuse possible in the book, be it on their conscious.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

It's so fascinating to see the lack of single males commenting on this, would of made a great debate better, get all _iews,,,

The lack is surprising considering how men out way women on this site x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think the five pound I receive a month from my ex would buy much ,doesn't even cover my daughters travel expenses to college. Know a few men and women who bow out of paying for their children and make every excuse possible in the book, be it on their conscious.

"

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By *awkeye and HotlipsCouple
over a year ago

Takeley


"I agree all parents should contribute to the cost of bringing up their children , they decided how much is appropriate for each person to pay and that surely is in the best interest of the child , as has previously been said , as long as these children are well looked after and have all they need then I for one say well done the csa and those who pay through them.

Take comfort in the fact ur children know you help to look after there welfare by paying this amount , whether you agree with how that payment is distributed once it hits the carer parents account isnt really for us to comment on . I have always contributed through the CSA and have nothing but praise for them as it formalised everything financially and I have an obligation to my children which a father should fulfil. That said and this may open a whole new debate: as an unmarried father, I have very limited rights, indeed my ex partner changed my daughters surnames to her now husbands, without my permission, where I have raised this point about adoption/deed pole at which point, beyond just a financial transaction, the CSA simply shrug their shoulders. Equality and fairness should be both ways. On the point the op has raised, how the parent with care spends their money is their business, again, contact SS if you have concerns for the childs welfare

how did she do that,cos unless your surname was on that birth cert she wouldnt have been allowed cos you have to approve it having equal rights?"
On the certificate, however they are now known by her new husbands surname. Not asked, deed poll I can only assume.

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By *ingjayMan
over a year ago

exeter

My ex pays me 300 a month 170 goes towards rent 50 in each of the girls savings, and the rest just gets used for anything, but I know what you mean there are some selfish parents with flat screen tv's, £100 super dry jackets and expensive trainers that is probably paid for by my hard working brother who's wages are clipped for a certain %,

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"An ex of mine used her CSA payments from her previous boyfriend to buy a new car. Was used for the monthly payments. No way to guarantee where your money is going I'm afraid

And was the car used to take the child to and from nursery/school/doctors appointment/days out???

"

I don't think I would care if it was, that isn't what the money is meant to be used for.

However....I don't see how anyone could be sure thats what the money was used for....or if it was maybe the new partner then paid for everything for the child.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Csa tend to be used when parents cannot agree and stick to payments.

Only o p aware of circumstances really. Surely you have record of payments if not you need to sort it.

By the way i have had no direct dealings with them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Tripodius- I always pay her cash in hand tho I have a book I make her sign so if CSA do knock I have a record to say she received maintenance monies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Tripodius- I always pay her cash in hand tho I have a book I make her sign so if CSA do knock I have a record to say she received maintenance monies"

Csa don't back date anyway so if they contacted you then you would just make sure you didn't pay cash then and let them sort it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Tripodius- I always pay her cash in hand tho I have a book I make her sign so if CSA do knock I have a record to say she received maintenance monies

Csa don't back date anyway so if they contacted you then you would just make sure you didn't pay cash then and let them sort it "

Csa do back date to the date they first contacted the parent without care, whether that be by phone or letter

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By *imply_SensualMan
over a year ago

warrington


"Tripodius- I always pay her cash in hand tho I have a book I make her sign so if CSA do knock I have a record to say she received maintenance monies"

Do it by Standing Order, then you wont have to keep a book - making her sign is a bit undignified for both of you surely? If you are both adults, just get on with it, regardless of the nature of your split. Any tension is bound to rub off on the child(ren),

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Do it by Standing Order, then you wont have to keep a book - making her sign is a bit undignified for both of you surely? If you are both adults, just get on with it, regardless of the nature of your split. Any tension is bound to rub off on the child(ren), "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I agree all parents should contribute to the cost of bringing up their children , they decided how much is appropriate for each person to pay and that surely is in the best interest of the child , as has previously been said , as long as these children are well looked after and have all they need then I for one say well done the csa and those who pay through them.

Take comfort in the fact ur children know you help to look after there welfare by paying this amount , whether you agree with how that payment is distributed once it hits the carer parents account isnt really for us to comment on . I have always contributed through the CSA and have nothing but praise for them as it formalised everything financially and I have an obligation to my children which a father should fulfil. That said and this may open a whole new debate: as an unmarried father, I have very limited rights, indeed my ex partner changed my daughters surnames to her now husbands, without my permission, where I have raised this point about adoption/deed pole at which point, beyond just a financial transaction, the CSA simply shrug their shoulders. Equality and fairness should be both ways. On the point the op has raised, how the parent with care spends their money is their business, again, contact SS if you have concerns for the childs welfare

how did she do that,cos unless your surname was on that birth cert she wouldnt have been allowed cos you have to approve it having equal rights? On the certificate, however they are now known by her new husbands surname. Not asked, deed poll I can only assume."

No the name cannot be changed by deed poll if your name is on the birth certificate but the children can be "known as" your ex partner's new name. You can fight this but it will cost you in court. If you are concerned that your ex is pushing you out, speak to your children's teachers to see how they are coping with the name change. Don't push use it to score points though. It may simply be that it is better for them all to have the same family name.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Tripodius- I always pay her cash in hand tho I have a book I make her sign so if CSA do knock I have a record to say she received maintenance monies

Csa don't back date anyway so if they contacted you then you would just make sure you didn't pay cash then and let them sort it

Csa do back date to the date they first contacted the parent without care, whether that be by phone or letter "

They actually have to speak to them on the phone or receive a reply by letter before they back date. I had this problem with my daughters dad as he just ignored letters and phonecalls

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm owed about 6 grand in csa. I wont ever see it tho. I currently get nothing, he buys them nothing that they can bring home with them. I quite often send them to his with food and money as he claims he cant afford to feed them for the 2 nights a fortnight he has them.

he gets away with paying nothing as he doesn't work and has to support his girlf and her child....

None of this bothers me until I get ranty texts off him moaning that their school trousers have a hole in or their shoes are worn. No offer to buy new ones tho.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich


"Sorry Onny, disagree, it's nothing about control, it's concern that the child gets what he or she needs, and not being neglected as she needs a new vibrator or the separated party refuses to pay"

What exactly does a new vibrator have to do with it?

If the parent with care gets no support and then starts getting CSA so freeing up some money it no ones business what they spend it on.

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Tripodius- I always pay her cash in hand tho I have a book I make her sign so if CSA do knock I have a record to say she received maintenance monies"

See what I mean about control?

"I have a book I make her sign"

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

1... nice to read about guys paying without being chased.

2... maybe chat through with your ex your expectations of what the money is used for, this will also ensure your child is getting the best from your contribution as I am sure the mum is trying her best to juggle her monies on household, your child and everyday expenses.

all the best.

ps: I also get a little bewildered on what people declare they spend the little money they say they have on, but what business is it of mine: NONE.

Swinging expenses sometimes seems a priority like electricity and gas and a roof over their head.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get money from my ex but not through the csa. I'd get more if it was through the csa but I prefer it this way as it's civil. The money he gives isn't anywhere near enough to keep them in clothes, heating, half the house payment etc etc. What I pay to make it up is much more.

I don't segregate my money, it all goes into my account. I pay the bills or buy them stuff or buy me stuff from the same account. So in answer to the op, you can't say if 'your money' is spent on this or that. In my case at least, the kids do get the direct benefit of the money that he pays, yes.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"I get money from my ex but not through the csa. I'd get more if it was through the csa but I prefer it this way as it's civil. The money he gives isn't anywhere near enough to keep them in clothes, heating, half the house payment etc etc. What I pay to make it up is much more.

I don't segregate my money, it all goes into my account. I pay the bills or buy them stuff or buy me stuff from the same account. So in answer to the op, you can't say if 'your money' is spent on this or that. In my case at least, the kids do get the direct benefit of the money that he pays, yes."

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By *riskynriskyCouple
over a year ago

Essex.


"I have never recived any payments from my kids dad never would...getting CSA involved is stupid most goes to the goverment!....thats why its there!!...

Its just tit for tat....game plays with mothers..why the hell they cant sort it out....is beyond me. .."

Don't know if that's how it used to be. Now the parent the child lives with gets all of it...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have my 2 young boys 3 nights a week and see them at weekends, taking them to there respective football/rugby clubs.

I give the ex 400 a month and buy them clothes, trainers, sports gear

I pay for school stuff, cubs & beavers and swimming lessons and ferry them to all there after school things......

I've no idea what exactly she spends the money on and tbh it's not my business, nor do I want to know but I do know that I have 2 bright, well presented and happy kids.

And that's all that bothers me.

Infact the only thing that bothers me is that I'm not part of there life 24/7

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By *yphoon1Man
over a year ago

And if the ex is married to Richard Branson, you still have to pay CSA.

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By *yphoon1Man
over a year ago


"I have my 2 young boys 3 nights a week and see them at weekends, taking them to there respective football/rugby clubs.

I give the ex 400 a month and buy them clothes, trainers, sports gear

I pay for school stuff, cubs & beavers and swimming lessons and ferry them to all there after school things......

I've no idea what exactly she spends the money on and tbh it's not my business, nor do I want to know but I do know that I have 2 bright, well presented and happy kids.

And that's all that bothers me.

Infact the only thing that bothers me is that I'm not part of there life 24/7

"

You must be on a decent wage if youre paying 400/month and have them 3 nights AND pay for additional things on top.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi,

I don't pay through the csa, that's the amount I give her personally

I think if she decided to get the csa involved I would actually pay less :-/

But it's not about the money for me, I just don't want my kids to go without.

I know she goes out and pisses it up the wall , but she's a great mother (but a shit girlfreind)

I'm not looking for simpathy, it is what it is

If I was such a great dad/guy, maybe she wouldn't have fucked off with someone else lol

Alex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to kit my daughter out monthly.

When she reached secondary school age I gave her the money in weekly allowances, providing she bought clothes with my approval.

The rest would go on school travel and a little bit of pocket money.

Sadly for her she no longer receives that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like others have said maintenance payments are not just for clothing & food. They are for providing a roof over children's heads, heating, swimming lessons etc etc. In addition , the primary carer be it a single Mother or Father often has to work school hours whilst children are young . Hence their earning capacity is much less.

I like to believe I've always played fair with my ex. I've said to him not to pay some months when I know his money is tight & I had nothing for months when he didn't work. I've never gone to the CSA , just agreed it between ourselves .

As long as the children are loved, cared for & have their needs met. That's the main thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just a question concerning maintenance payments and what peoples thoughts are on the subject, as a father who regularly makes his payments weekly a recent thread on this site confirmed one of my worst fears,, do they really get spent on the children?? And why do CSA say they can't police what it's spent on!

I realise this could be a touchy subject so please play nice!! "

What the money is spent on should be no concern of yours, you have given up any rights to control someone elses life.

You have made a child and should be expected to contribute to the upbringing of that child, the small amount of money you pay each month, will help towards the income of your x

but will never be enough.

It is probably less than you spend on a night out a week or a weekend playing around on the water!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just a question concerning maintenance payments and what peoples thoughts are on the subject, as a father who regularly makes his payments weekly a recent thread on this site confirmed one of my worst fears,, do they really get spent on the children?? And why do CSA say they can't police what it's spent on!

I realise this could be a touchy subject so please play nice!!

What the money is spent on should be no concern of yours, you have given up any rights to control someone elses life.

You have made a child and should be expected to contribute to the upbringing of that child, the small amount of money you pay each month, will help towards the income of your x

but will never be enough.

It is probably less than you spend on a night out a week or a weekend playing around on the water!"

This is just the kind of post i detest and really annoys me !! Sweeping statements not knowing any of the facts behind it and ASSUMING that the OP concentrates more on his social life than the welfare of his child.

Are you a parent ??? Do you pay maintenance ??

The OP has asked a fair question and posts like this just got to show your ignorance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just a question concerning maintenance payments and what peoples thoughts are on the subject, as a father who regularly makes his payments weekly a recent thread on this site confirmed one of my worst fears,, do they really get spent on the children?? And why do CSA say they can't police what it's spent on!

I realise this could be a touchy subject so please play nice!!

What the money is spent on should be no concern of yours, you have given up any rights to control someone elses life.

You have made a child and should be expected to contribute to the upbringing of that child, the small amount of money you pay each month, will help towards the income of your x

but will never be enough.

It is probably less than you spend on a night out a week or a weekend playing around on the water!

This is just the kind of post i detest and really annoys me !! Sweeping statements not knowing any of the facts behind it and ASSUMING that the OP concentrates more on his social life than the welfare of his child.

Are you a parent ??? Do you pay maintenance ??

The OP has asked a fair question and posts like this just got to show your ignorance. "

a post is the tip of the iceberg, you have to look behind the words, maybe read a profile, and things become clear,

keeping a book, that has to be signed, worrying about what money is spent on, all control mechanisms.

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By *ornieandhotCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough


"pleas note that the csa makes you pay for the child until they are 20 years old now if they are still in further education. Yet the csa will provide no proof of the further education. "

I asked about that and was told it's done on the parent still claiming child benefit when they stop claiming the CSA presume the child has left full time education

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just a question concerning maintenance payments and what peoples thoughts are on the subject, as a father who regularly makes his payments weekly a recent thread on this site confirmed one of my worst fears,, do they really get spent on the children?? And why do CSA say they can't police what it's spent on!

I realise this could be a touchy subject so please play nice!!

What the money is spent on should be no concern of yours, you have given up any rights to control someone elses life.

You have made a child and should be expected to contribute to the upbringing of that child, the small amount of money you pay each month, will help towards the income of your x

but will never be enough.

It is probably less than you spend on a night out a week or a weekend playing around on the water!

This is just the kind of post i detest and really annoys me !! Sweeping statements not knowing any of the facts behind it and ASSUMING that the OP concentrates more on his social life than the welfare of his child.

Are you a parent ??? Do you pay maintenance ??

The OP has asked a fair question and posts like this just got to show your ignorance.

a post is the tip of the iceberg, you have to look behind the words, maybe read a profile, and things become clear,

keeping a book, that has to be signed, worrying about what money is spent on, all control mechanisms."

Exactly so dont make judgements on someone ! And as for reading a profile well thats just plain stupid as this is a swinging site and gaining knowledge about someones child welfare payments from a profile it just plain ridiculous.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just a question concerning maintenance payments and what peoples thoughts are on the subject, as a father who regularly makes his payments weekly a recent thread on this site confirmed one of my worst fears,, do they really get spent on the children?? And why do CSA say they can't police what it's spent on!

I realise this could be a touchy subject so please play nice!!

What the money is spent on should be no concern of yours, you have given up any rights to control someone elses life.

You have made a child and should be expected to contribute to the upbringing of that child, the small amount of money you pay each month, will help towards the income of your x

but will never be enough.

It is probably less than you spend on a night out a week or a weekend playing around on the water!

This is just the kind of post i detest and really annoys me !! Sweeping statements not knowing any of the facts behind it and ASSUMING that the OP concentrates more on his social life than the welfare of his child.

Are you a parent ??? Do you pay maintenance ??

The OP has asked a fair question and posts like this just got to show your ignorance.

a post is the tip of the iceberg, you have to look behind the words, maybe read a profile, and things become clear,

keeping a book, that has to be signed, worrying about what money is spent on, all control mechanisms.

Exactly so dont make judgements on someone ! And as for reading a profile well thats just plain stupid as this is a swinging site and gaining knowledge about someones child welfare payments from a profile it just plain ridiculous."

in your opinion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"do they really get spent on the children?? And why do CSA say they can't police what it's spent on!"

When you conceive a child you enter into a lifelong contract, your role in that contract requires time, emotion, and money. You can't buy a childhood with money alone.

Any money you put into the household through the CSA or otherwise you relinquish all rights to. a new vibrator or a bottle of wine may be exactly what the household requires in for the successful care of the child on the time / emotion scale.

Having been a single Dad, I know that whatever the CSA says you owe is only money and it's a fraction of the real cost of a child.

As for the question on why they can't police it, do you have any sensible suggestions on how they could?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just a question concerning maintenance payments and what peoples thoughts are on the subject, as a father who regularly makes his payments weekly a recent thread on this site confirmed one of my worst fears,, do they really get spent on the children?? And why do CSA say they can't police what it's spent on!

I realise this could be a touchy subject so please play nice!!

What the money is spent on should be no concern of yours, you have given up any rights to control someone elses life.

You have made a child and should be expected to contribute to the upbringing of that child, the small amount of money you pay each month, will help towards the income of your x

but will never be enough.

It is probably less than you spend on a night out a week or a weekend playing around on the water!

This is just the kind of post i detest and really annoys me !! Sweeping statements not knowing any of the facts behind it and ASSUMING that the OP concentrates more on his social life than the welfare of his child.

Are you a parent ??? Do you pay maintenance ??

The OP has asked a fair question and posts like this just got to show your ignorance.

a post is the tip of the iceberg, you have to look behind the words, maybe read a profile, and things become clear,

keeping a book, that has to be signed, worrying about what money is spent on, all control mechanisms.

Exactly so dont make judgements on someone ! And as for reading a profile well thats just plain stupid as this is a swinging site and gaining knowledge about someones child welfare payments from a profile it just plain ridiculous.

in your opinion "

And probably 99% of the rest of this site.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

LOL

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's so fascinating to see the lack of single males commenting on this, would of made a great debate better, get all _iews,,,

The lack is surprising considering how men out way women on this site x "

most prob because alot of the men on here perhaps are not really single so this thread does not apply to them

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By *yphoon1Man
over a year ago

Last time I looked I was a man (I think).

What I dont like is the access equates to money that is being used by the ex. This is one of the first things the csa says not to do on its documentation but cash signs in the exes eyes light up and that guidance goes out the window.

The manipulation of the kids to achieve these aims by the ex is the worst thing to my mind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I both receive and pay CSA

(Long story)and at first I was a bit upset with the fact that I knew the money wasn't going on the kids but there's nothing you can do so I just got over it,no point getting upset over something I can't control,maybe that's just me,I do however think it should be means tested,I pay 20% of my salary yet receive 5 pound a week off the ex because she doesn't work,even though her benefits are nearly double my wages? But I chose to have kids with her so it's my responsibility to provide them with financial support,how chooses to spend that money has nothing to do with me.

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By *yphoon1Man
over a year ago

CSA money given to the ex is used to pay their solicitor to find ways to deny access/contact with the kids for the person paying the CSA money

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep just done exactly the same,I had a private agreement until I got a solicitor involved,her solicitor told her to take CSA in order to make to drop the case due to lack of funds,but I went ahead anyway and won,but did annoy me that I was in effect paying her solicitor too,just can't think like that or it would get me down,for I know she could be saving for there uni fund,probs not though lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"do they really get spent on the children?? And why do CSA say they can't police what it's spent on!

When you conceive a child you enter into a lifelong contract, your role in that contract requires time, emotion, and money. You can't buy a childhood with money alone.

Any money you put into the household through the CSA or otherwise you relinquish all rights to. a new vibrator or a bottle of wine may be exactly what the household requires in for the successful care of the child on the time / emotion scale.

Having been a single Dad, I know that whatever the CSA says you owe is only money and it's a fraction of the real cost of a child.

"

What a nice post.

Many people on this thread have tried to state that whatever CSA payments are being made, it doesn't cover the full cost of child rearing.

Unless CSA payments is the only income the ex receives, then and only then can an the CSA payer state that the ex has bought a vibrator or bottle of wine with the CSA money. Which is quite simply bollocks .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"do they really get spent on the children?? And why do CSA say they can't police what it's spent on!

When you conceive a child you enter into a lifelong contract, your role in that contract requires time, emotion, and money. You can't buy a childhood with money alone.

Any money you put into the household through the CSA or otherwise you relinquish all rights to. a new vibrator or a bottle of wine may be exactly what the household requires in for the successful care of the child on the time / emotion scale.

Having been a single Dad, I know that whatever the CSA says you owe is only money and it's a fraction of the real cost of a child.

What a nice post.

Many people on this thread have tried to state that whatever CSA payments are being made, it doesn't cover the full cost of child rearing.

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only from my own experience can I say the man is more concerned that you have extra money to enjoy yourself, csa is a pain, because I have 4 children 2 with each ex husbands and the amounts awarded completely different, men shouldn't worry about where the money goes, as long as the child is fed clothed and loved, and they really should consider the out goings if the child lived with them, child care, food, clothes are not cheap and anything awarded is never enough as children always need extra, not forgetting the school trips abroad, if csa payments were to take this into account the amount would treble

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am a single parent and i have never had a penny from my ex either through the csa or from him voluntarily , if i had to go to the csa then the amount he would pay would be huge considering the back dated payments. As he decided not to have contact with my child I was upset at this but it is his loss as we have a lovely child whom he has missed out on and the thousands of pounds I have paid in caring for her over the years are neither here nor there coz my child is worth each and every penny and if other absent parents who are paying csa or maintenance thought the same way there wouldnt be petty financial squabbles. "

Exactly

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

A bit more thought before making a baby would stop many of these issues before they arise.

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By *ucsparkMan
over a year ago

dudley

I like the saying "if you breed them, you feed them". I say what ever you pay it does not cover the cost of bringing up a child. Talk to your ex if you have concerns

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am a single parent and i have never had a penny from my ex either through the csa or from him voluntarily , if i had to go to the csa then the amount he would pay would be huge considering the back dated payments. As he decided not to have contact with my child I was upset at this but it is his loss as we have a lovely child whom he has missed out on and the thousands of pounds I have paid in caring for her over the years are neither here nor there coz my child is worth each and every penny and if other absent parents who are paying csa or maintenance thought the same way there wouldnt be petty financial squabbles.

Exactly "

It actually wouldn't they only back date from the date you make a claim, not the date you could of claimed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel for the dadawho really love and want to see their kids but hae to fight tooth n nail and pay lots of csa moneys.

Its not fair....

My sons dad got off scott free with our son and one previous.... Hes no dad at all.

Just sorry for other dads x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been paying CSA for the past 3 years and I think its a good thing I also pay for whatever else they need as I have been told the money can be spent on whatever or who ever as long as you do your part as a father then u are doing all u can to help raise your child or children as kids don't care about where the money is going they care about being looked after and loved

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

O and for those who think the mother or father have rights to see there kids its not likethat its the child who has the rights

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have 2 kids and all my money goes into the bank account and gets spent on whatever every one in the house needs/wants. Makes my blood boil when people moan about csa payments. A guy I work with has split up from his wife and she has the kids. He is out on the ale most nights and bitches that he has to pay £300 a month. Well they are your kids and they need looking after even if you dont live with them. Its not their fault parents don't stay together. Just as either parent have moved on all the uniforms, school clubs, days out, birthdays ( I could go on) all these things kids like to do still cost the same after the split. You have a moral and financial responsibily ( whether you like it or not) to look after those children till the day you no longer can. If you can't offer that don't have kids in the first place.

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By *ucsparkMan
over a year ago

dudley


"I have been paying CSA for the past 3 years and I think its a good thing I also pay for whatever else they need as I have been told the money can be spent on whatever or who ever as long as you do your part as a father then u are doing all u can to help raise your child or children as kids don't care about where the money is going they care about being looked after and loved "

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By *ucsparkMan
over a year ago

dudley


"I have 2 kids and all my money goes into the bank account and gets spent on whatever every one in the house needs/wants. Makes my blood boil when people moan about csa payments. A guy I work with has split up from his wife and she has the kids. He is out on the ale most nights and bitches that he has to pay £300 a month. Well they are your kids and they need looking after even if you dont live with them. Its not their fault parents don't stay together. Just as either parent have moved on all the uniforms, school clubs, days out, birthdays ( I could go on) all these things kids like to do still cost the same after the split. You have a moral and financial responsibily ( whether you like it or not) to look after those children till the day you no longer can. If you can't offer that don't have kids in the first place. "

Big difference from fathering a child and being a Dad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Like others have said maintenance payments are not just for clothing & food. They are for providing a roof over children's heads, heating, swimming lessons etc etc. In addition , the primary carer be it a single Mother or Father often has to work school hours whilst children are young . Hence their earning capacity is much less.

I like to believe I've always played fair with my ex. I've said to him not to pay some months when I know his money is tight & I had nothing for months when he didn't work. I've never gone to the CSA , just agreed it between ourselves .

As long as the children are loved, cared for & have their needs met. That's the main thing. "

Me and my ex husband have an agreement between ourselves and it's worked well, he has always gave me money weekly and I've never had to ask him for it, it's not a big amount but if the kids ever needed something then he would buy it them too.

Think we done a good job between us as kids have grown up to be happy, healthy adults.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Like others have said maintenance payments are not just for clothing & food. They are for providing a roof over children's heads, heating, swimming lessons etc etc. In addition , the primary carer be it a single Mother or Father often has to work school hours whilst children are young . Hence their earning capacity is much less.

I like to believe I've always played fair with my ex. I've said to him not to pay some months when I know his money is tight & I had nothing for months when he didn't work. I've never gone to the CSA , just agreed it between ourselves .

As long as the children are loved, cared for & have their needs met. That's the main thing.

Me and my ex husband have an agreement between ourselves and it's worked well, he has always gave me money weekly and I've never had to ask him for it, it's not a big amount but if the kids ever needed something then he would buy it them too.

Think we done a good job between us as kids have grown up to be happy, healthy adults.

"

My first husband and I were like that until he had another child haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Like others have said maintenance payments are not just for clothing & food. They are for providing a roof over children's heads, heating, swimming lessons etc etc. In addition , the primary carer be it a single Mother or Father often has to work school hours whilst children are young . Hence their earning capacity is much less.

I like to believe I've always played fair with my ex. I've said to him not to pay some months when I know his money is tight & I had nothing for months when he didn't work. I've never gone to the CSA , just agreed it between ourselves .

As long as the children are loved, cared for & have their needs met. That's the main thing.

Me and my ex husband have an agreement between ourselves and it's worked well, he has always gave me money weekly and I've never had to ask him for it, it's not a big amount but if the kids ever needed something then he would buy it them too.

Think we done a good job between us as kids have grown up to be happy, healthy adults.

My first husband and I were like that until he had another child haha "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you suggesting she keeps receipts and they must add up to what ever she gets from the dad. What about things not spent directly on the child like higher rent/mortgage due to extra bedrooms and room needed. More petrol in the car for trips out. Food and fuel bills. And the list goes on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My argument with that scumbag organisation is that despite past and present governments rulings , hard working innocent fathers get to pay for scrounging fathers who will not pay

My kids are grown up now so hey ho

But I was paying another "mortgage" in CSA despite the fact I signed the house over to ex

The parasitic CSA scum will crucify you and no care is regarded as to you seeing or spending on your kids

My pity to absent PAYING fathers out there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I agree all parents should contribute to the cost of bringing up their children , they decided how much is appropriate for each person to pay and that surely is in the best interest of the child , as has previously been said , as long as these children are well looked after and have all they need then I for one say well done the csa and those who pay through them.

Take comfort in the fact ur children know you help to look after there welfare by paying this amount , whether you agree with how that payment is distributed once it hits the carer parents account isnt really for us to comment on . I have always contributed through the CSA and have nothing but praise for them as it formalised everything financially and I have an obligation to my children which a father should fulfil. That said and this may open a whole new debate: as an unmarried father, I have very limited rights, indeed my ex partner changed my daughters surnames to her now husbands, without my permission, where I have raised this point about adoption/deed pole at which point, beyond just a financial transaction, the CSA simply shrug their shoulders. Equality and fairness should be both ways. On the point the op has raised, how the parent with care spends their money is their business, again, contact SS if you have concerns for the childs welfare

how did she do that,cos unless your surname was on that birth cert she wouldnt have been allowed cos you have to approve it having equal rights?"

Depends when the child was born...think it was around 2005 that 'Parental Responsibility' came in whereby both parents have to agree to things like name changes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex from years ago told me to give the maintenance money straight to her dad for the next 3 months as she needed to pay him back for her trip to america!!! She was off swanning around here there and everywhere while I struggled to feed my wife and child! She would also send my son over in crappy cloths especially if she knew we were taking him anywhere as she knew I would have to go and get him something. Also he was staying at mine about 3 nights a week. I contacted the csa about it all and they basically said tough shit.she was claiming all sorts of benefits including disability allowance foe my son. Living the life or riley but none of this is taken into consideration in the amount I had to pay! Was just based on what I earnt . She told me she wasnt going to go back to work as she needed to clear 400 a week to make it worth while which was almost double what I was earning at the time. Hows that right. It was just greed. And guess what she was the one cheating on me which is why we split up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My ex from years ago told me to give the maintenance money straight to her dad for the next 3 months as she needed to pay him back for her trip to america!!! She was off swanning around here there and everywhere while I struggled to feed my wife and child! She would also send my son over in crappy cloths especially if she knew we were taking him anywhere as she knew I would have to go and get him something. Also he was staying at mine about 3 nights a week. I contacted the csa about it all and they basically said tough shit.she was claiming all sorts of benefits including disability allowance foe my son. Living the life or riley but none of this is taken into consideration in the amount I had to pay! Was just based on what I earnt . She told me she wasnt going to go back to work as she needed to clear 400 a week to make it worth while which was almost double what I was earning at the time. Hows that right. It was just greed. And guess what she was the one cheating on me which is why we split up."

Did she take your child to usa. Isnt she allowed to go on holiday.

How did she know what your plans were with your child and why didn't you have nice clothes there already for your child. Swanning around and having the life of riley eh. You must have been giving her a fortune. Shame she cheated on you you sound so lovely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Csa tend to side with the women some may agree or not but some friends who have dealings with them have been screwed by them.

personally the parents as hard as it can be should sort it befire involving csa.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My ex from years ago told me to give the maintenance money straight to her dad for the next 3 months as she needed to pay him back for her trip to america!!! She was off swanning around here there and everywhere while I struggled to feed my wife and child! She would also send my son over in crappy cloths especially if she knew we were taking him anywhere as she knew I would have to go and get him something. Also he was staying at mine about 3 nights a week. I contacted the csa about it all and they basically said tough shit.she was claiming all sorts of benefits including disability allowance foe my son. Living the life or riley but none of this is taken into consideration in the amount I had to pay! Was just based on what I earnt . She told me she wasnt going to go back to work as she needed to clear 400 a week to make it worth while which was almost double what I was earning at the time. Hows that right. It was just greed. And guess what she was the one cheating on me which is why we split up.

Did she take your child to usa. Isnt she allowed to go on holiday.

How did she know what your plans were with your child and why didn't you have nice clothes there already for your child. Swanning around and having the life of riley eh. You must have been giving her a fortune. Shame she cheated on you you sound so lovely"

Nope she didnt take him!

Everytime I brought him something nice to wear I couldnt make him take them off before he went home as he loved his new gear. Never saw them again! If she knew we were off out for the day or something we would usually of told him and no doubt she would of asked him what we were going to be doing . She was getting a decent amount off me as well as all the benefits and the extra stuff I bought him. This was on top of me having him stay with me 3 nights a week sometimes more so she could go off clubbing. Yeah I really deserved for her to cheat on me, take my son away so I only saw him half the week and left me with barely enough money to survive. What a twat

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By *yphoon1Man
over a year ago


"My ex from years ago told me to give the maintenance money straight to her dad for the next 3 months as she needed to pay him back for her trip to america!!! She was off swanning around here there and everywhere while I struggled to feed my wife and child! She would also send my son over in crappy cloths especially if she knew we were taking him anywhere as she knew I would have to go and get him something. Also he was staying at mine about 3 nights a week. I contacted the csa about it all and they basically said tough shit.she was claiming all sorts of benefits including disability allowance foe my son. Living the life or riley but none of this is taken into consideration in the amount I had to pay! Was just based on what I earnt . She told me she wasnt going to go back to work as she needed to clear 400 a week to make it worth while which was almost double what I was earning at the time. Hows that right. It was just greed. And guess what she was the one cheating on me which is why we split up.

Did she take your child to usa. Isnt she allowed to go on holiday.

How did she know what your plans were with your child and why didn't you have nice clothes there already for your child. Swanning around and having the life of riley eh. You must have been giving her a fortune. Shame she cheated on you you sound so lovely

Nope she didnt take him!

Everytime I brought him something nice to wear I couldnt make him take them off before he went home as he loved his new gear. Never saw them again! If she knew we were off out for the day or something we would usually of told him and no doubt she would of asked him what we were going to be doing . She was getting a decent amount off me as well as all the benefits and the extra stuff I bought him. This was on top of me having him stay with me 3 nights a week sometimes more so she could go off clubbing. Yeah I really deserved for her to cheat on me, take my son away so I only saw him half the week and left me with barely enough money to survive. What a twat

"

I know what you mean mate. Very similar situation. The maintenance payer is just an nice source of income to some. Kids are used as emotional weapons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have 2 kids and all my money goes into the bank account and gets spent on whatever every one in the house needs/wants. Makes my blood boil when people moan about csa payments. A guy I work with has split up from his wife and she has the kids. He is out on the ale most nights and bitches that he has to pay £300 a month. Well they are your kids and they need looking after even if you dont live with them. Its not their fault parents don't stay together. Just as either parent have moved on all the uniforms, school clubs, days out, birthdays ( I could go on) all these things kids like to do still cost the same after the split. You have a moral and financial responsibily ( whether you like it or not) to look after those children till the day you no longer can. If you can't offer that don't have kids in the first place. "

It's nice to read this^.

Not thru CSA, but through agreement my ex pays £350 a month. I can tell you this is a drop in the ocean compared to what it costs to house, feed, clothe and all of the other things that kids ask / want like £1000k school bus fees, music lessons just off the top of my head. It's not cheap the cost of living these days....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My argument with that scumbag organisation is that despite past and present governments rulings , hard working innocent fathers get to pay for scrounging fathers who will not pay

My kids are grown up now so hey ho

But I was paying another "mortgage" in CSA despite the fact I signed the house over to ex

The parasitic CSA scum will crucify you and no care is regarded as to you seeing or spending on your kids

My pity to absent PAYING fathers out there "

I think this is the problem,, the house signing other is nothing to do with the csa, they award the money that the mother needs to support the child, wether it be both you house or just rent or whatever it's a cost of living that mum had to pay

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its not just material things you are paying support for - the kids need a roof over their head, a reasonable diet, warmth in the winter, entertainment etc - as others have said, you should only start to question where it is being spent if the kids are being neglected or they start telling you they are going without.

If you are paying the right amount and not getting ripped off, then you should be content that the kids are happy and that you have maintained a good relationship with them."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

CSA payments are worked out on a percentage of your income depending on the number of children.

Those parents that do pay ( not always the father) don't support those that don't. Those that don't pay, you'll probably find the ex is on benefits so every tax payer is helping to support the kids.

CSA is to help financially support for day to day needs of the kids, heating, lighting, food, warmth, clothing, gas, electric, water. Etc. and as the ex has already paid for this I can't see the problem

And if like above mentioned you have to travel to see the kids, this can be considered when being assessed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Tripodius- I always pay her cash in hand tho I have a book I make her sign so if CSA do knock I have a record to say she received maintenance monies

Do it by Standing Order, then you wont have to keep a book - making her sign is a bit undignified for both of you surely? If you are both adults, just get on with it, regardless of the nature of your split. Any tension is bound to rub off on the child(ren), "

make sure the standing order is marked child support or child maintenance. That way if any dispute was to happen you can prove the money was for your childs purpose. I have heard of many single fathers paying thousands to ex partners and when questioned by court as to what its for they cannot prove it. Due to the fact the standing order hasn't been marked correctly. The ex just says its money she was due to be re paid for a loan etc.

Truth is as a single father myself there is no equality or common sense in the majority of cases. Just because you pay sadly doesn't intital you to contact with your children either!

The system is needing changed as it's the layers, judges and courts that also keep the parents in a little money making bubble. Why? Coz it keeps them all in a job.

It's the children that are the innocent party. First step is to be financially committed to your kid whether csa or otherwise. NOT paying tbh is a cop out! !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My ex from years ago told me to give the maintenance money straight to her dad for the next 3 months as she needed to pay him back for her trip to america!!! She was off swanning around here there and everywhere while I struggled to feed my wife and child! She would also send my son over in crappy cloths especially if she knew we were taking him anywhere as she knew I would have to go and get him something. Also he was staying at mine about 3 nights a week. I contacted the csa about it all and they basically said tough shit.she was claiming all sorts of benefits including disability allowance foe my son. Living the life or riley but none of this is taken into consideration in the amount I had to pay! Was just based on what I earnt . She told me she wasnt going to go back to work as she needed to clear 400 a week to make it worth while which was almost double what I was earning at the time. Hows that right. It was just greed. And guess what she was the one cheating on me which is why we split up.

Did she take your child to usa. Isnt she allowed to go on holiday.

How did she know what your plans were with your child and why didn't you have nice clothes there already for your child. Swanning around and having the life of riley eh. You must have been giving her a fortune. Shame she cheated on you you sound so lovely

Nope she didnt take him!

Everytime I brought him something nice to wear I couldnt make him take them off before he went home as he loved his new gear. Never saw them again! If she knew we were off out for the day or something we would usually of told him and no doubt she would of asked him what we were going to be doing . She was getting a decent amount off me as well as all the benefits and the extra stuff I bought him. This was on top of me having him stay with me 3 nights a week sometimes more so she could go off clubbing. Yeah I really deserved for her to cheat on me, take my son away so I only saw him half the week and left me with barely enough money to survive. What a twat

"

I don't think anyone deserves to be cheated on. I was interested in what you said as I have worked with the mums. I heard a lot about how they have to account for everything they spend. They can't live their life in peace because their ex who gives them money believes he can judge every thing they do. A man earning 200 pound a week with a new child of his own will have to give his ex with one child 12 pound a week if he has his child 3 days a week. It's not much. Sorry if you think you've been screwed. I don't think you have. But I am biased.

X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My ex from years ago told me to give the maintenance money straight to her dad for the next 3 months as she needed to pay him back for her trip to america!!! She was off swanning around here there and everywhere while I struggled to feed my wife and child! She would also send my son over in crappy cloths especially if she knew we were taking him anywhere as she knew I would have to go and get him something. Also he was staying at mine about 3 nights a week. I contacted the csa about it all and they basically said tough shit.she was claiming all sorts of benefits including disability allowance foe my son. Living the life or riley but none of this is taken into consideration in the amount I had to pay! Was just based on what I earnt . She told me she wasnt going to go back to work as she needed to clear 400 a week to make it worth while which was almost double what I was earning at the time. Hows that right. It was just greed. And guess what she was the one cheating on me which is why we split up.

Did she take your child to usa. Isnt she allowed to go on holiday.

How did she know what your plans were with your child and why didn't you have nice clothes there already for your child. Swanning around and having the life of riley eh. You must have been giving her a fortune. Shame she cheated on you you sound so lovely

Nope she didnt take him!

Everytime I brought him something nice to wear I couldnt make him take them off before he went home as he loved his new gear. Never saw them again! If she knew we were off out for the day or something we would usually of told him and no doubt she would of asked him what we were going to be doing . She was getting a decent amount off me as well as all the benefits and the extra stuff I bought him. This was on top of me having him stay with me 3 nights a week sometimes more so she could go off clubbing. Yeah I really deserved for her to cheat on me, take my son away so I only saw him half the week and left me with barely enough money to survive. What a twat

I don't think anyone deserves to be cheated on. I was interested in what you said as I have worked with the mums. I heard a lot about how they have to account for everything they spend. They can't live their life in peace because their ex who gives them money believes he can judge every thing they do. A man earning 200 pound a week with a new child of his own will have to give his ex with one child 12 pound a week if he has his child 3 days a week. It's not much. Sorry if you think you've been screwed. I don't think you have. But I am biased.

X"

I had to pay £120 a month out of my £900 take home. This was about 15 years ago. If I had him half the week and brought him cloths and stuff why did I have to pay anything?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My ex from years ago told me to give the maintenance money straight to her dad for the next 3 months as she needed to pay him back for her trip to america!!! She was off swanning around here there and everywhere while I struggled to feed my wife and child! She would also send my son over in crappy cloths especially if she knew we were taking him anywhere as she knew I would have to go and get him something. Also he was staying at mine about 3 nights a week. I contacted the csa about it all and they basically said tough shit.she was claiming all sorts of benefits including disability allowance foe my son. Living the life or riley but none of this is taken into consideration in the amount I had to pay! Was just based on what I earnt . She told me she wasnt going to go back to work as she needed to clear 400 a week to make it worth while which was almost double what I was earning at the time. Hows that right. It was just greed. And guess what she was the one cheating on me which is why we split up.

Did she take your child to usa. Isnt she allowed to go on holiday.

How did she know what your plans were with your child and why didn't you have nice clothes there already for your child. Swanning around and having the life of riley eh. You must have been giving her a fortune. Shame she cheated on you you sound so lovely

Nope she didnt take him!

Everytime I brought him something nice to wear I couldnt make him take them off before he went home as he loved his new gear. Never saw them again! If she knew we were off out for the day or something we would usually of told him and no doubt she would of asked him what we were going to be doing . She was getting a decent amount off me as well as all the benefits and the extra stuff I bought him. This was on top of me having him stay with me 3 nights a week sometimes more so she could go off clubbing. Yeah I really deserved for her to cheat on me, take my son away so I only saw him half the week and left me with barely enough money to survive. What a twat

I don't think anyone deserves to be cheated on. I was interested in what you said as I have worked with the mums. I heard a lot about how they have to account for everything they spend. They can't live their life in peace because their ex who gives them money believes he can judge every thing they do. A man earning 200 pound a week with a new child of his own will have to give his ex with one child 12 pound a week if he has his child 3 days a week. It's not much. Sorry if you think you've been screwed. I don't think you have. But I am biased.

X"

I had to pay £120 a month out of my £900 take home. This was about 15 years ago. If I had him half the week and brought him cloths and stuff why did I have to pay anything?

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By *econdhand RoseWoman
over a year ago

Nr Dumfries

I can see this from both sides as my ex used to pay maintenance to another when we were together. I know he felt out of control about how it was spent because they never spoke and contact was minimal with his daughter until the courts were involved. He was right to worry - she was alcoholic and the their daughter came to live with us permanently following social services intervention.

We later also split and he now pays maintentance to me for our two children. Our relationship is civil and he sees the children regularly and we still do the odd thing as a family. When his maintenance is paid it goes into what I call the family budget - it is not necesarily kept directly for the children. What he pays is minimal in terms of what it costs to clothe, feed, keep the kids but it's what he can afford and I know that (I helped him work out his income and expenditure). If he has extra money left he will often buy the kids something they need and if he knows I'm short he will help out. On the other hand, he will also borrow from me if he is short.

I know not everyone can do it, but the fact that we can be civil helps. He knows I'm not blowing my maintenance on shoes and handbags for myself and I know he's paying what he can afford. The kids are fed and clothed and well-looked after by both of us.

Vixen xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had to pay £120 a month out of my £900 take home. This was about 15 years ago. If I had him half the week and brought him cloths and stuff why did I have to pay anything?

Err? Because he is your child. Kids cost more than that to look after.

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