FabSwingers.com forum: How would you respond

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Friend of ours (different site) has divulged some information about the partner (with whom we are friends also) which is at best contentious.

Would you believe what the (trusted) friend has just told you and possibly cut loose the partner without having listened to his-her side?

Would you challenge the partner about his-her side of events?

What would you do.... ? Really interested in responses

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

did the friend ask you to keep it to yourself?

do you want to get involved in this?

is it illegal or causing pain to others?

do you want to be invovled with someone who divulges this?

are they just swing mates or true friends?

is it worth having your lives interrupted with these issues?

do you want to get involved....... thats the best question - the answer is down to you xxxx

good luck

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

This is a difficult one and how we acted would depend upon what the partner is alleged to have done - whether it affected us or other innocent parties - it would be a dilema but I would imagine that we'd have a chat with the partner to guage their side of the story and take t from there. Z

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Depends what they have told you and whether it has any affect on whether or whether not you wish to carry on playing with the person. Cant see how you can distance yourself from just one half of the couple with out the one being distanced wanting to know why

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

depends how well you know both parties and what the story was, first thought is not to get involved in somebody elses argument

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By *earl_necklacesWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

I would ask why she/he has told you the information & for what purposes?

I think it's best to hear both sides...but would only ask if you know both people really well....

A tricky one!!

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By *ishful.thinkingWoman
over a year ago

east london

Lots of what ifs, buts and wells with this one.

Make up your own mind, you need to do what best sits with you as a couple and that will depend greatly on the value you place on them as friends.

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By *zMaleMan
over a year ago

penzance

There's not enough information in the opening post to be able to state what I would do.

But, I'll use this as an example. Good friends who are married seperated/divorced and both are giving you their sides of the the story. I personally would keep the confidence of both parties and not get involved.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It is tricky as most of you have said. Confidentiality would not be the issue, the one friend is basically accusing the partner of having betrayed him/her in a fairly big way and on the surface it does look a bit as if the offending partner might be guilty.

However, there is this nagging doubt in both our minds about needing to ask the other side before jumping to conclusions.

Thank you for your contributions they are really helpful...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I make it my business to NEVER get caught in the middle of someone elses business!

If friends wish to share confidences I make non-commital comments: "oh dear, hmmmm, you don't say, I understand". I provide a sympathetic ear, but no one can quote me and embroil me in their madness!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I make it my business to NEVER get caught in the middle of someone elses business!

If friends wish to share confidences I make non-commital comments: "oh dear, hmmmm, you don't say, I understand". I provide a sympathetic ear, but no one can quote me and embroil me in their madness! "

Actually that sounds like a very sensible post... I am still interested in whether you would ask for the "accused" to have the chance to have his or her say?

I mean we are mean to be innocent unless proven guilty and there is that saying about always listening to the other party? So would you?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"I make it my business to NEVER get caught in the middle of someone elses business!

If friends wish to share confidences I make non-commital comments: "oh dear, hmmmm, you don't say, I understand". I provide a sympathetic ear, but no one can quote me and embroil me in their madness!

Actually that sounds like a very sensible post... I am still interested in whether you would ask for the "accused" to have the chance to have his or her say?

I mean we are mean to be innocent unless proven guilty and there is that saying about always listening to the other party? So would you?"

No, not for me, I would steer clear and not take sides.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would tell her 'he said this'

I would tell him ' she said that'

buy jumbo popcorn and sit back and watch a firework display to rival sydney harbour bridge at the stroke of midnight on the 31st Dec.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Keep out of it ...

least said, easiset mended

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I make it my business to NEVER get caught in the middle of someone elses business!

If friends wish to share confidences I make non-commital comments: "oh dear, hmmmm, you don't say, I understand". I provide a sympathetic ear, but no one can quote me and embroil me in their madness!

Actually that sounds like a very sensible post... I am still interested in whether you would ask for the "accused" to have the chance to have his or her say?

I mean we are mean to be innocent unless proven guilty and there is that saying about always listening to the other party? So would you?"

No. I wouldn't let on I knew what was being said as it's easy to take sides and lose both friendships!

It only had to happen to me once to learn that lesson: hence would never put myself through that again!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest never take sides in anything that does not directly involve you or you're partner.

There is no real right or wrong way to aproach the subject with the person without then either getting funny about you knowing or that you might have possible believed the other person.

Best just to keep out of it and remain friends with all.

unless it does effect your own or your parners possition.

But not really knowing the severity of the problem it is real hard to give and input.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

thank you everybody for their contributions , it has been very helpful. We will not voice opinions on this occasion to our friends(s) mentioned above and just limit ourselves to listening to both. In any case the offending party (or rather presumed offending) deserves a chance to be heard without being prejudged?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always best to listen to both sides of the story than take sides without knowing the full story

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"thank you everybody for their contributions , it has been very helpful. We will not voice opinions on this occasion to our friends(s) mentioned above and just limit ourselves to listening to both. In any case the offending party (or rather presumed offending) deserves a chance to be heard without being prejudged? "

Only if people want to. Obviously that won't apply to everyone and if people want to judge then they can.

A lot of people might not like one half of a couple as much as the other so would take sides anyway.....or even think sod it, I didn't like him /her so it won't matter if I don't get to speak to him/her again.

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