FabSwingers.com forum: FORUM INSURANCE premium guide

By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Basically, I'll assume we are all familiar with FORUM INSURANCE (and yes, it does deserve capitals, or at least Constantinople and Istanbul), but if not here is what it is:

http://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/224206

However, the scale of premiums were never explained.

Posting a topic of doom that gets 176 posts in 10 minutes, some of which require chapter headings and AT LEAST two people on temp bans for losing their cool, your premium goes up by 5%, regardless of your innocent enquiry about whether Romanian 'birds are fit'.

The following subjects all result in your premium rising by 5%

Any use of the words: slag, sluts, gash, cunt, Yolo, Michael Gove (exception to this is if cunt is used as an adjective for Michael Gove)

Starting a post with the following phrases: Basically, No offence but, It's my/our/his/her preference and, At the end of the day

Ending a post with: I'm entitled to, If you don't like this then don't read it, Now jog on

Starting your second Is my profile... post without having taken on-board any advice from your first.

10% increases in premiums are incurred by:

Starting more than one look, suck, fuck, duck, cuck, luvaduck, post at the same time. This doubles if you do it in more than one room.

Playing Fab Top Trumps with too many who had the biggest, widest, longest, heaviest, dangliest, furthest shooting parts of their anatomy

Any topic involving requests to cam, KIK, snapchat, Skype, phone, exchange racy telegrams - 2% reduction if it involves a piss funny thread about cleaning behind ears and squeezing a duck.

Bareback, Immigration, immigrants doing it bareback, Bi guys pretending to be straight, Immigrants all being bi and barebacking, Michael Gove doing it bareback with an immigrant

Any post stating you are horny and would anyone like to help you sort it out. Unless it is because you are wearing some Viking style horns on a helmet and it is a above par look at me thread.

A really boring look at me thread.

50% increases can be gained by posting anything along the lines of 'How hot am I?' Everyone in the forum is contractually obliged to tell you to put less coal on the fire.

Gender modifiers:

there are certain modifiers based on gender. Genuine single females get a 50% reduction on premium increases, couples 25%, single guys who contribute on the forum get a 10% reduction (apart from Popeye if he has a beard as he gets 15%), total strangers their premiums go up by an additional 10% until they are established. TG - theirs is done on an individual basis determined by their taste in footwear and no correspondence will be entered into.

Some people are uninsurable. Once you get to a surcharge of 100%, then you are in trouble. Anyone daft enough to get into a battle of wits with Jodie automatically voids any cover, including life cover.

Now Jog on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're lucky you didn't get chinned

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Lol, is there anything left

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

What's the premium for starting a thread that isn't about BBWs vs Skinny Minnies but is bound to end up that way?

I need to know before deciding whether to post or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's the premium for starting a thread that isn't about BBWs vs Skinny Minnies but is bound to end up that way?

I need to know before deciding whether to post or not."

Do you have protected no claims ? It may work on this occasion?

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I still like the word cunt though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I still like the word cunt though."
Whoaaaa yellow card !

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I still like the word cunt though.Whoaaaa yellow card !"

What? Just for saying cunt? What's wrong with the word cunt? I do, after all, have one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do believe I owe you several smiles and a few good laughs.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I still like the word cunt though.Whoaaaa yellow card !"

Are you Tina's loss adjuster?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I still like the word cunt though.Whoaaaa yellow card !

Are you Tina's loss adjuster?

I'm an impartial sort who probably needs to adjust lots !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I still like the word cunt though.Whoaaaa yellow card !

What? Just for saying cunt? What's wrong with the word cunt? I do, after all, have one.

This is true....ill review the policy and let you move on if its valid otherwise I'm towing you

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By *ustcutieWoman
over a year ago

edinburgh

Brilliant

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I still like the word cunt though.Whoaaaa yellow card !

What? Just for saying cunt? What's wrong with the word cunt? I do, after all, have one.

This is true....ill review the policy and let you move on if its valid otherwise I'm towing you

Ooh, are you now competing with Tina as a purveyor of forum insurance?

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

BTW, good luck finding a vehicle suitable for towing me.

The environmental groups who deal with stranded whales may be able to help. Try them.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I still like the word cunt though.Whoaaaa yellow card !

Are you Tina's loss adjuster?

Tina can adjust her own. I've got mine to worry about!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I still like the word cunt though.Whoaaaa yellow card !

What? Just for saying cunt? What's wrong with the word cunt? I do, after all, have one.

This is true....ill review the policy and let you move on if its valid otherwise I'm towing you

Ooh, are you now competing with Tina as a purveyor of forum insurance? "

Nah I think I'd lose out.. I'm simply enforcing the law under the Random Thread Act 1988 which states you must produce your insurance if you are stopped for commiting a moving thread offence.

Your insurance is valid. Have a nice day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck I owe you about 2000 grand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I still like the word cunt (Michael Gove) though."
.

Covered

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fuck I owe you about 2000 grand.

Ill under cut her, give me a grand

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How long does it take to build up a good NCB, and can you guarantee it against a momentary lapse of reason caused by a sudden desire to 'virtually strangle' another poster?

Oh - and do you get a free meerkat?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I want the Oleg!

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"How long does it take to build up a good NCB, and can you guarantee it against a momentary lapse of reason caused by a sudden desire to 'virtually strangle' another poster?

Oh - and do you get a free meerkat?

It's Tina Titz insurance. Why would you get a meerkat and not some boobs?

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I want the Oleg!

I want the middle leg.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How long does it take to build up a good NCB, and can you guarantee it against a momentary lapse of reason caused by a sudden desire to 'virtually strangle' another poster?

Oh - and do you get a free meerkat?

It's Tina Titz insurance. Why would you get a meerkat and not some boobs?

Good point!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I am truly and honestly lost with this one not got a clue what's going on

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Well I am truly and honestly lost with this one not got a clue what's going on

Your guide will be along shortly and can direct you to the correct product.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I am truly and honestly lost with this one not got a clue what's going on

"
one in 20 Thread users are uninsured. Do you want to take the risk ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I am truly and honestly lost with this one not got a clue what's going on

one in 20 Thread users are uninsured. Do you want to take the risk ?"

Never forget!!!

Where there's blame - there's a claim!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I am truly and honestly lost with this one not got a clue what's going on

one in 20 Thread users are uninsured. Do you want to take the risk ?

Never forget!!!

Where there's blame - there's a claim!!

where there's blame there's a pack of blood thirsty forumites ! Insurance may just save you.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"How long does it take to build up a good NCB, and can you guarantee it against a momentary lapse of reason caused by a sudden desire to 'virtually strangle' another poster?

Oh - and do you get a free meerkat?

It's Tina Titz insurance. Why would you get a meerkat and not some boobs?

Yes, little Tina Dolls with big squidgy boobs that squeak!!!!???

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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

NCD is built up by pleasant, witty, interesting posting.

You have a choice of cuddly toy. You get one of me like Frisky suggests, or one of a Meerkat that looks vaguely like a more famous insurer, but has been imported via an unregulated Far Eastern manufacturer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can we expect a tv ad campaign in the future Tina? Snappy jingle, fake moustache and all that jazz? If I pay by direct debit do I have to pay more?

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

What's the penalty for mentioning what kind of car you own?

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"What's the penalty for mentioning what kind of car you own?"

Can it be doubled when the car name is also their username?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's the penalty for mentioning what kind of car you own?

Can it be doubled when the car name is also their username?

Ooh - now there's a gap in the market!!!

'Username Insurance' !!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Well I am truly and honestly lost with this one not got a clue what's going on

Does a woman figure in this ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

...insure my socks please

There's so many that want to destroy my socks. Is it protected by fire and theft?

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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Popeye's socks are covered, fully comp.

Anyone who posts about a car AND uses the make in their username is on VERY thin ice, as are those who use too MANY capital letters.

The TV campaign features a TV, but the sort that you wouldn't want to come and visit you in person - moi

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is there a free pen with every enquiry??

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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

"Is there a free pen with every enquiry??"

No, but you do get your choice of free penis from some of the single male enquiries. We also do not send you any spam. Just a single mail.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would like to insure my pride against a possible mauling in the forum. Quote please.

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

" I would like to insure my pride against a possible mauling in the forum. Quote please. "

You have lions?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" I would like to insure my pride against a possible mauling in the forum. Quote please.

You have lions?"

Ha ha I only just got that....you big pussy Onny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is there a free pen with every enquiry??

No, but you do get your choice of free penis from some of the single male enquiries. We also do not send you any spam. Just a single mail.

I'm quite partial to a single mail...

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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

" I would like to insure my pride against a possible mauling in the forum. Quote please. "

I was unaware that you were the owner of Pride Park - I'm afraid we offer no cover for buildings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Result!

Who? Where? When? How? What do i sign?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Result!

Who? Where? When? How? What do i sign?

Tina's boobs at the social!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What if I choose to disregard the FORUM INSURANCE and joyride in the fast lanes of the fora spurting inane babble thus increasing everyone's rates!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Will you be charging extra for the U insured who do not know the difference between 2, two to and too.

with an add on option for you, you're,and there, their they're ????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Result!

Who? Where? When? How? What do i sign?

Tina's boobs at the social!

I may have to bring my specs then to find the dotted line.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Tina, do you have a TIMEWASTER INSURANCE scheme too?

If not I might launch this new product. For every one saying they have had their time wasted they will receive compensation in the form of a single male saying they can't get a meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope age doesn't affect this insurance premium too please.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tina, do you have a TIMEWASTER INSURANCE scheme too?

If not I might launch this new product. For every one saying they have had their time wasted they will receive compensation in the form of a single male saying they can't get a meet.

PMSL

Next thing you know there'll be free on-site grief counselling for anyone who gets a 'pass' instead of a kiss or a fuck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't need no insurance

#yolo #hatersgonnahate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can we opt into a moronic webcam selfie penalty please.

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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

LOL

I'm loving the creativity here from everyone

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Tina, do you have a TIMEWASTER INSURANCE scheme too?

If not I might launch this new product. For every one saying they have had their time wasted they will receive compensation in the form of a single male saying they can't get a meet.

PMSL

Next thing you know there'll be free on-site grief counselling for anyone who gets a 'pass' instead of a kiss or a fuck!

You know I already offer drop in counselling sessions so it could be another product offer.

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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

You know I already offer drop in counselling sessions so it could be another product offer.

I once tried counselling, but they needed even more after seeing me.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"What if I choose to disregard the FORUM INSURANCE and joyride in the fast lanes of the fora spurting inane babble thus increasing everyone's rates! "

I think that has been calculated in already, there's always gonna be one.........

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Tina, do you have a TIMEWASTER INSURANCE scheme too?

If not I might launch this new product. For every one saying they have had their time wasted they will receive compensation in the form of a single male saying they can't get a meet.

Hahaha, excellent idea - collecting us in the 'complimentary car', with a bunch of flowers already in hand......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can we opt into a moronic webcam selfie penalty please. "

*guilty*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is there a policy available to provide compensation to women who turn up to a meet and find their companies 'portion' is smaller than promised? Like some kind of 'price match' guarantee - where an alternative guy is made available by the insurer?

And can the BDSM folk pay more for a 'collision damage waiver'?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do I get insurance????? (well someone had to ask?!!!!!) lol

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I keep imagining a Sheila's Wheels type advert with Tina, Soxy and J0die singing along.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do I get insurance????? (well someone had to ask?!!!!!) lol

Just no!!

*Tina - have you considered 'Minxie Insurance' for the forum itself?

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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

"Do I get insurance????? (well someone had to ask?!!!!!) lol

You, dear lady, are an uninsurable peril in your own right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do I get insurance????? (well someone had to ask?!!!!!) lol

Just no!!

*Tina - have you considered 'Minxie Insurance' for the forum itself?

ohhhhhh ooooops

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do I get insurance????? (well someone had to ask?!!!!!) lol

You, dear lady, are an uninsurable peril in your own right

is that a good or bad thing? lol

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Is there a policy available to provide compensation to women who turn up to a meet and find their companies 'portion' is smaller than promised? Like some kind of 'price match' guarantee - where an alternative guy is made available by the insurer?

And can the BDSM folk pay more for a 'collision damage waiver'?

Would portion relate to size, length of time spent or how much attention is paid to the meet?

What if the portion is greater than advertised? (See 'whale' comments.)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Basically, I'll assume we are all familiar with FORUM INSURANCE (and yes, it does deserve capitals, or at least Constantinople and Istanbul), but if not here is what it is:

http://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/224206

However, the scale of premiums were never explained.

The following subjects all result in your premium rising by 5%

Any use of the words: slag, sluts, gash, cunt, Yolo, Michael Gove (exception to this is if cunt is used as an adjective for Michael Gove)

Starting a post with the following phrases: Basically, No offence but, It's my/our/his/her preference and, At the end of the day

Ending a post with: I'm entitled to, If you don't like this then don't read it, Now jog on

Starting your second Is my profile... post without having taken on-board any advice from your first.

10% increases in premiums are incurred by:

Starting more than one look, suck, fuck, duck, cuck, luvaduck, post at the same time. This doubles if you do it in more than one room.

Playing Fab Top Trumps with too many who had the biggest, widest, longest, heaviest, dangliest, furthest shooting parts of their anatomy

Any topic involving requests to cam, KIK, snapchat, Skype, phone, exchange racy telegrams - 2% reduction if it involves a piss funny thread about cleaning behind ears and squeezing a duck.

Bareback, Immigration, immigrants doing it bareback, Bi guys pretending to be straight, Immigrants all being bi and barebacking, Michael Gove doing it bareback with an immigrant

Any post stating you are horny and would anyone like to help you sort it out. Unless it is because you are wearing some Viking style horns on a helmet and it is a above par look at me thread.

A really boring look at me thread.

50% increases can be gained by posting anything along the lines of 'How hot am I?' Everyone in the forum is contractually obliged to tell you to put less coal on the fire.

Gender modifiers:

Now Jog on

one question...

is this a rant?...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not a big poster on forums but this had me in stitches, can I get insurance for that

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"is that a good or bad thing? lol

Only we can decide what is good or bad

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

OR, single guys could get a 10% reduction in their premium on production of a valid AA inspection certificate?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OR, single guys could get a 10% reduction in their premium on production of a valid AA inspection certificate?

An alcoholic is hardly going to take an accurate measurement now are they!

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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

one question...

is this a rant?..."

Oh no, I'd subcontract a rant to J0die, she reaches heights of eloquence that I can only dream of

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By *ighland_RoseCouple
over a year ago

Brigadoon

Did I read it correctly and I get 2% off my premium?

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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

"Did I read it correctly and I get 2% off my premium?"

Correct

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By *ighland_RoseCouple
over a year ago

Brigadoon

"Did I read it correctly and I get 2% off my premium?

Correct

S bearing that in mind what would be the full cost? Monthly please (I'm very poor)

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Would you quote me please for cover against being unable to find anything suitable to wear for the Xtasia social in February?

I'm already panicking!

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Oh and a quote for cover for forgetting to sort out membership before the social.

I've a brain like swiss cheese at the moment.

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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Regarding an outfit - you comply with the Fallen Madonna clause - you have big boobies so anything you choose to come in will automatically get a thumbs up - no need for insurance with that.

However, the Swiss Cheese section is covered by our Zurich Office, but they are currently practicing trick shots with apples and will get back to you when the Cuckoo chirps

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Regarding an outfit - you comply with the Fallen Madonna clause - you have big boobies so anything you choose to come in will automatically get a thumbs up"

Unconvinced. Very unconvinced!

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By *ighland_RoseCouple
over a year ago

Brigadoon

"Did I read it correctly and I get 2% off my premium?

Correct

S bearing that in mind what would be the full cost? Monthly please (I'm very poor)

I'm still waiting for my quote, what kind of shonky outfit is this?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did I read it correctly and I get 2% off my premium?

Correct

S bearing that in mind what would be the full cost? Monthly please (I'm very poor)

I'm still waiting for my quote, what kind of shonky outfit is this?"

as a backup, have you tried forumsupermarket or comparetheforums?

they both offer good forum insurance, just without the personal service

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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I'm still waiting for my quote, what kind of shonky outfit is this?"

Nevermind dissing me dress! I like this outfit. The leopard print matches the ducks on my wall.

Your premium is 7 gratuitous compliments to people you wouldn't generally compliment

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By *ighland_RoseCouple
over a year ago

Brigadoon

I'm still waiting for my quote, what kind of shonky outfit is this?

Nevermind dissing me dress! I like this outfit. The leopard print matches the ducks on my wall.

Your premium is 7 gratuitous compliments to people you wouldn't generally compliment

Is that 7 gratuitous compliments monthly or annually? How long do I have to pay? Do I have to mean them? Can I cross my fingers when I say them?

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By *ighland_RoseCouple
over a year ago

Brigadoon

"Did I read it correctly and I get 2% off my premium?

Correct

S bearing that in mind what would be the full cost? Monthly please (I'm very poor)

I'm still waiting for my quote, what kind of shonky outfit is this?

as a backup, have you tried forumsupermarket or comparetheforums?

they both offer good forum insurance, just without the personal service"

Are they offering a meerkat toy or a blow up Tinatitz doll?

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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Is that 7 gratuitous compliments monthly or annually? How long do I have to pay? Do I have to mean them? Can I cross my fingers when I say them?"

Monthly, hun - you have to mean them and be totally sincere, but you can cross your fingers and toes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did I read it correctly and I get 2% off my premium?

Correct

S bearing that in mind what would be the full cost? Monthly please (I'm very poor)

I'm still waiting for my quote, what kind of shonky outfit is this?

as a backup, have you tried forumsupermarket or comparetheforums?

they both offer good forum insurance, just without the personal service

Are they offering a meerkat toy or a blow up Tinatitz doll?"

think its a blow up cock or penguin

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By *ighland_RoseCouple
over a year ago

Brigadoon

Is that 7 gratuitous compliments monthly or annually? How long do I have to pay? Do I have to mean them? Can I cross my fingers when I say them?

Monthly, hun - you have to mean them and be totally sincere, but you can cross your fingers and toes

I accept your terms and conditions, where do I sign?

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By *ighland_RoseCouple
over a year ago

Brigadoon

"Did I read it correctly and I get 2% off my premium?

Correct

S bearing that in mind what would be the full cost? Monthly please (I'm very poor)

I'm still waiting for my quote, what kind of shonky outfit is this?

as a backup, have you tried forumsupermarket or comparetheforums?

they both offer good forum insurance, just without the personal service

Are they offering a meerkat toy or a blow up Tinatitz doll?

think its a blow up cock or penguin"

I've decided to go with TinaTitz Triffic Indemnifications, I think that's the name anyway

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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Is that 7 gratuitous compliments monthly or annually? How long do I have to pay? Do I have to mean them? Can I cross my fingers when I say them?

Monthly, hun - you have to mean them and be totally sincere, but you can cross your fingers and toes

I accept your terms and conditions, where do I sign?"

I've already done it for you to save you the trouble. I did it before Christmas when I was writing my cards and had my pen out

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By *ighland_RoseCouple
over a year ago

Brigadoon

Is that 7 gratuitous compliments monthly or annually? How long do I have to pay? Do I have to mean them? Can I cross my fingers when I say them?

Monthly, hun - you have to mean them and be totally sincere, but you can cross your fingers and toes

I accept your terms and conditions, where do I sign?

I've already done it for you to save you the trouble. I did it before Christmas when I was writing my cards and had my pen out

Such foresight must be invaluable in the indemnification biz!

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