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Forgive and forget.

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By *ue care and attention OP   Woman
over a year ago

birmingham

A family member said something very hurtful to me a few months ago. They've never apologised but are trying to smooth things over and get back to normal. I'm struggling to forgive as I've not had the chance to discuss it with them in private yet but know I will never forget.

Does anyone else struggle to forgive AND forget?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yup, I just move on, and give them my best Siberian cold shoulder treatment.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Mostly life is too short for angst.

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By *ndy85!Man
over a year ago

near you

In my opinion being brought up by my dad and seeing it all from a blokes point of _iew,

Women mainly struggle to forgive and forget.

See I have always forgive and forgot cos whats the point especially if its a family member who knows whats going to happen tomorrow.

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By *hyllyphyllyMan
over a year ago

Bradford

One of my mottos in life is....

Smile sweetly, but carry a big hammer.

I'll let you figure out what it means

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Forgive but never forget.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To forgive is marginally easier to do than to forget for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it very difficult to forgive or forget. If someone hurts my feelings really bad I might accept an apology but I hardly ever forgive and can never forget what they did. Wrong maybe but that's the way I am!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Moving on in life is only possible if you can forgive people. Forgetting is another matter, it depends on the wrong, a minor thing can be forgotten as you get on with your life but some things are so traumatic that they will stay with you for ever.

By the way I'm a woman.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes have had family members say hurtful things to me, my sister says hurtful things to me all the time, we dont keep in touch only send birthday cards.

it wouldnt be so bad if they said sorry.

you say she is trying to smooth things over though? maybe she is sorry, or didnt mean it to sound as bad as it was.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you can feel under pressure from other family members to forgive & forget. Your choice though you don't have to do either.

Personally I find it easier to forgive than to forget.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never forgiven and never forgotten. Will always have hatred

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it would depend what was said really.

Sometimes petty squabbles can escalate and sometimes major issues are brushed under the carpet.

I'm currently dealing with the latter which started 6 years ago and has culminated in me reporting someone to the police. I should have faced up to it harder 6 years ago. But hindsight is a wonderful thing.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One of my mottos in life is....

Smile sweetly, but carry a big hammer.

I'll let you figure out what it means "

Didn't roosevelt say something close to that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think you can feel under pressure from other family members to forgive & forget. Your choice though you don't have to do either.

Personally I find it easier to forgive than to forget."

This is exactly what was expected of me. Despite the fact that someone committed a crime against me... My dear sister married the cunt last year.

I'm now in negotiations with Eastenders and Jeremy Kyle to write some episodes... Least that's how it feels.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really can't stand that knotted angry feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you get bitter with the world and people in it.

So become rather hard faced and selfish, that way it's hard to have feelings hurt and as long as my children are healthy and happy the rest of the outside world can screw!! ( that's my selfish side!!!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Never forgiven and never forgotten. Will always have hatred"

Hatred is very exhausting as an emotion.

I have forgiven my violent ex from ten years ago for what happened, therefore I don't waste energy on him.

Yes I forgive, no I don't forget. Forgetting means you don't learn from things.

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By *ue care and attention OP   Woman
over a year ago

birmingham


"yes have had family members say hurtful things to me, my sister says hurtful things to me all the time, we dont keep in touch only send birthday cards.

it wouldnt be so bad if they said sorry.

you say she is trying to smooth things over though? maybe she is sorry, or didnt mean it to sound as bad as it was.

"

I imagine I got double barrels for everything else that was wrong in their life at the time which I really have nothing to do with. Don't think I will be able to move on until I can have my say but we've only met up once since with my kids present so it wasn't the right occasion.

I may forgive in time once we've discussed it but know I'll never forget...or feel the same towards them again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes I forgive, no I don't forget. Forgetting means you don't learn from things. "

Exactly.

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By *uietlykinkymeWoman
over a year ago

kinky land

I think it depends on what they said and why they said it.

Until last year, no-one had ever said anything to me that I thought I would never forget in a derogatory sense, so I would have said simply forgive and forget.

Now it's different, and whether I will forgive it... I dont know, time will tell.

I know I will never forget it though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"yes have had family members say hurtful things to me, my sister says hurtful things to me all the time, we dont keep in touch only send birthday cards.

it wouldnt be so bad if they said sorry.

you say she is trying to smooth things over though? maybe she is sorry, or didnt mean it to sound as bad as it was.

I imagine I got double barrels for everything else that was wrong in their life at the time which I really have nothing to do with. Don't think I will be able to move on until I can have my say but we've only met up once since with my kids present so it wasn't the right occasion.

I may forgive in time once we've discussed it but know I'll never forget...or feel the same towards them again "

Not knowing what was said i cant really say for sure. I might forgive, but wouldnt feel the same towards them again, or i would just not have any contact with them again, its up to you, i ignore people i dont like if i can

as much as possible.

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By *atcoupleCouple
over a year ago

Suffolk - East Anglia


"A family member said something very hurtful to me a few months ago. They've never apologised but are trying to smooth things over and get back to normal. I'm struggling to forgive as I've not had the chance to discuss it with them in private yet but know I will never forget.

Does anyone else struggle to forgive AND forget? "

Life is far too short, think of this quote:

Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

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By *ue care and attention OP   Woman
over a year ago

birmingham


"yes have had family members say hurtful things to me, my sister says hurtful things to me all the time, we dont keep in touch only send birthday cards.

it wouldnt be so bad if they said sorry.

you say she is trying to smooth things over though? maybe she is sorry, or didnt mean it to sound as bad as it was.

To be honest I wouldn't have had contact with them again if they hadn't got in touch. Kids miss them though and I wouldn't spite them.

They had a moan about something I did which I understood and could see their point of _iew. The rant then went vitreous and they threw all their other life frustrations at me as though they were my fault too and connected. Sorry I know it's cryptic but the reason is immaterial.

I agree with comments about the negative energy we waste carrying things like this but some things hurt too much not to be bitter

I imagine I got double barrels for everything else that was wrong in their life at the time which I really have nothing to do with. Don't think I will be able to move on until I can have my say but we've only met up once since with my kids present so it wasn't the right occasion.

I may forgive in time once we've discussed it but know I'll never forget...or feel the same towards them again

Not knowing what was said i cant really say for sure. I might forgive, but wouldnt feel the same towards them again, or i would just not have any contact with them again, its up to you, i ignore people i dont like if i can

as much as possible.

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is easier to forgive than forget and I agree with a previous post that says men tend to find it easier. I have 2 very difficult women in my family who have torn each other apart over the years and constantly bring up issues and arguments from years agon both of them have done and said very hurtful things to me, but I've let it go and never bring them up, just wish they could do the same. Until they can I suspect they won't be able to move on with their lives.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on what is is to be honest. Someone hurt a family member not going into detail it will not be forgotten or forgiven.

Less serious matters generally i forgive to a degree but never forget in case they do same again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It is easier to forgive than forget and I agree with a previous post that says men tend to find it easier. I have 2 very difficult women in my family who have torn each other apart over the years and constantly bring up issues and arguments from years agon both of them have done and said very hurtful things to me, but I've let it go and never bring them up, just wish they could do the same. Until they can I suspect they won't be able to move on with their lives."

Thats women for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every Christian writing tells us to forgive...

Nowhere does it say "forget"...

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By *ighland_RoseCouple
over a year ago

Brigadoon

I have a family member that has abused my caring for her so many times I couldn't even begin to count them. I have forgiven and actually forgotten so many of the things she has done but all it got me was more of the same.

I reached the point of no return when her behaviour harmed my Father. She will no longer be allowed into my life to cause any harm.

Just because someone is related to you that doesn't give them the right to behave in a way you wouldn't accept from anyone else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

havent spoken to my brother for over 6 months because he didnt visit my mother when she was very bad in hospital, has largely ignored his son from a previous relationship and generally been a cunt (mind my french)

he said hello to me last weekend when our paths crossed in a shopping centre and i walked past him without giving him a second look.

and i will take it to my grave.

i generally dont hold grudges as its a wasted emotion and bothers you much more than it does then, but at the start i told him he was a waste as a brother, son and father and he was dead to me, and i stand by it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In my opinion being brought up by my dad and seeing it all from a blokes point of _iew,

Women mainly struggle to forgive and forget.

See I have always forgive and forgot cos whats the point especially if its a family member who knows whats going to happen tomorrow.

"

I agree women have difficulty forgiving and forgetting , women will have grievances for years. Sometimes over the most petty thing, ( not saying yours is petty) some women will even get their friends to take sides.

I keep quoting this , " hell hath no fury like a woman scorned "

Men on the other hand unless they had limited contact with a male role model in their formative years will have a row fight arm wrestle etc etc and next day all pally again.

It's very important for men to have this ability as when they get to a work environment they must learn forgive and forget as conflict does happen in the work place and even socially .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"havent spoken to my brother for over 6 months because he didnt visit my mother when she was very bad in hospital, has largely ignored his son from a previous relationship and generally been a cunt (mind my french)

he said hello to me last weekend when our paths crossed in a shopping centre and i walked past him without giving him a second look.

and i will take it to my grave.

i generally dont hold grudges as its a wasted emotion and bothers you much more than it does then, but at the start i told him he was a waste as a brother, son and father and he was dead to me, and i stand by it."

Thats a shame.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"havent spoken to my brother for over 6 months because he didnt visit my mother when she was very bad in hospital, has largely ignored his son from a previous relationship and generally been a cunt (mind my french)

he said hello to me last weekend when our paths crossed in a shopping centre and i walked past him without giving him a second look.

and i will take it to my grave.

i generally dont hold grudges as its a wasted emotion and bothers you much more than it does then, but at the start i told him he was a waste as a brother, son and father and he was dead to me, and i stand by it.

Thats a shame."

not really.

saves me hassle twice a year remembering to text him happy birthday r merry xmas lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What was the question?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I rarely forgive and i never forget !

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"In my opinion being brought up by my dad and seeing it all from a blokes point of _iew,

Women mainly struggle to forgive and forget.

See I have always forgive and forgot cos whats the point especially if its a family member who knows whats going to happen tomorrow.

I agree women have difficulty forgiving and forgetting , women will have grievances for years. Sometimes over the most petty thing, ( not saying yours is petty) some women will even get their friends to take sides.

I keep quoting this , " hell hath no fury like a woman scorned "

Men on the other hand unless they had limited contact with a male role model in their formative years will have a row fight arm wrestle etc etc and next day all pally again.

It's very important for men to have this ability as when they get to a work environment they must learn forgive and forget as conflict does happen in the work place and even socially .

"

That is a massive generalisation. It is just as important for women to forgive and forget in the workplace and socially, why would it be any different?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In my opinion being brought up by my dad and seeing it all from a blokes point of _iew,

Women mainly struggle to forgive and forget.

See I have always forgive and forgot cos whats the point especially if its a family member who knows whats going to happen tomorrow.

I agree women have difficulty forgiving and forgetting , women will have grievances for years. Sometimes over the most petty thing, ( not saying yours is petty) some women will even get their friends to take sides.

I keep quoting this , " hell hath no fury like a woman scorned "

Men on the other hand unless they had limited contact with a male role model in their formative years will have a row fight arm wrestle etc etc and next day all pally again.

It's very important for men to have this ability as when they get to a work environment they must learn forgive and forget as conflict does happen in the work place and even socially .

That is a massive generalisation. It is just as important for women to forgive and forget in the workplace and socially, why would it be any different?"

I assumed that we'd suddenly transported to the 1950's and the women were to busy in the kitchen to be at work?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Forgive but never forget. "

me to but its more that I can't forget the pain it caused, I only forgive people who deserve it and some people I haven't forgiven as such just don't give a shit about them anymore hehe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One of my mottos in life is....

Smile sweetly, but carry a big hammer.

I'll let you figure out what it means "

Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

It's very important for men to have this ability as when they get to a work environment they must learn forgive and forget as conflict does happen in the work place and even socially .

"

Because men are the only gender to go to work!?!? Seriously what a ridiculously archaic _iew of society

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A family member said something very hurtful to me a few months ago. They've never apologised but are trying to smooth things over and get back to normal. I'm struggling to forgive as I've not had the chance to discuss it with them in private yet but know I will never forget.

Does anyone else struggle to forgive AND forget? "
forgive the sinner but hate the sin

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814


"Forgive but never forget. "

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"In my opinion being brought up by my dad and seeing it all from a blokes point of _iew,

Women mainly struggle to forgive and forget.

See I have always forgive and forgot cos whats the point especially if its a family member who knows whats going to happen tomorrow.

I agree women have difficulty forgiving and forgetting , women will have grievances for years. Sometimes over the most petty thing, ( not saying yours is petty) some women will even get their friends to take sides.

I keep quoting this , " hell hath no fury like a woman scorned "

Men on the other hand unless they had limited contact with a male role model in their formative years will have a row fight arm wrestle etc etc and next day all pally again.

It's very important for men to have this ability as when they get to a work environment they must learn forgive and forget as conflict does happen in the work place and even socially .

That is a massive generalisation. It is just as important for women to forgive and forget in the workplace and socially, why would it be any different?

I assumed that we'd suddenly transported to the 1950's and the women were to busy in the kitchen to be at work?"

I honestly don't understand why people cling in to these gender based asumptions. Its not a scientific survey I know but I have seen as many men as women cling on to past hurt and offence quite unable to forgive small things let alone forget them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no idea how all you women have time to post with dinner time fast approaching.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I have no idea how all you women have time to post with dinner time fast approaching. "

It's Sunday, we got up earlier than teh rest of teh family to prepare a full three course lunch ready for 1pm, we're just having a little break after clearing up and before getting tea for everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it depends how much they mean to you and how much u want them in your life.

x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In my opinion being brought up by my dad and seeing it all from a blokes point of _iew,

Women mainly struggle to forgive and forget.

See I have always forgive and forgot cos whats the point especially if its a family member who knows whats going to happen tomorrow.

I agree women have difficulty forgiving and forgetting , women will have grievances for years. Sometimes over the most petty thing, ( not saying yours is petty) some women will even get their friends to take sides.

I keep quoting this , " hell hath no fury like a woman scorned "

Men on the other hand unless they had limited contact with a male role model in their formative years will have a row fight arm wrestle etc etc and next day all pally again.

It's very important for men to have this ability as when they get to a work environment they must learn forgive and forget as conflict does happen in the work place and even socially .

That is a massive generalisation. It is just as important for women to forgive and forget in the workplace and socially, why would it be any different?

I assumed that we'd suddenly transported to the 1950's and the women were to busy in the kitchen to be at work?

I honestly don't understand why people cling in to these gender based asumptions. Its not a scientific survey I know but I have seen as many men as women cling on to past hurt and offence quite unable to forgive small things let alone forget them. "

Do you mean, men who are like women?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have no idea how all you women have time to post with dinner time fast approaching. "

hehe we multitask, something men can't do :P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have no idea how all you women have time to post with dinner time fast approaching. "

Lol arse ! But on this occasion true. Turkey leftovers anyone?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"In my opinion being brought up by my dad and seeing it all from a blokes point of _iew,

Women mainly struggle to forgive and forget.

See I have always forgive and forgot cos whats the point especially if its a family member who knows whats going to happen tomorrow.

I agree women have difficulty forgiving and forgetting , women will have grievances for years. Sometimes over the most petty thing, ( not saying yours is petty) some women will even get their friends to take sides.

I keep quoting this , " hell hath no fury like a woman scorned "

Men on the other hand unless they had limited contact with a male role model in their formative years will have a row fight arm wrestle etc etc and next day all pally again.

It's very important for men to have this ability as when they get to a work environment they must learn forgive and forget as conflict does happen in the work place and even socially .

That is a massive generalisation. It is just as important for women to forgive and forget in the workplace and socially, why would it be any different?

I assumed that we'd suddenly transported to the 1950's and the women were to busy in the kitchen to be at work?

I honestly don't understand why people cling in to these gender based asumptions. Its not a scientific survey I know but I have seen as many men as women cling on to past hurt and offence quite unable to forgive small things let alone forget them.

Do you mean, men who are like women? "

Nope! I mean people who behave in a certain way regardless of their gender.

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By *ndy85!Man
over a year ago

near you


"In my opinion being brought up by my dad and seeing it all from a blokes point of _iew,

Women mainly struggle to forgive and forget.

See I have always forgive and forgot cos whats the point especially if its a family member who knows whats going to happen tomorrow.

Not at all

I agree women have difficulty forgiving and forgetting , women will have grievances for years. Sometimes over the most petty thing, ( not saying yours is petty) some women will even get their friends to take sides.

I keep quoting this , " hell hath no fury like a woman scorned "

Men on the other hand unless they had limited contact with a male role model in their formative years will have a row fight arm wrestle etc etc and next day all pally again.

It's very important for men to have this ability as when they get to a work environment they must learn forgive and forget as conflict does happen in the work place and even socially .

That is a massive generalisation. It is just as important for women to forgive and forget in the workplace and socially, why would it be any different?

I assumed that we'd suddenly transported to the 1950's and the women were to busy in the kitchen to be at work?"

Not at all, treat women as equal women can do thing just as good if not better then men ( like the washing, cooking and cleaning lol "joke")

I can guarantee that a work place full of men is alot calmer then a work place full of women

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In my opinion being brought up by my dad and seeing it all from a blokes point of _iew,

Women mainly struggle to forgive and forget.

See I have always forgive and forgot cos whats the point especially if its a family member who knows whats going to happen tomorrow.

Not at all

I agree women have difficulty forgiving and forgetting , women will have grievances for years. Sometimes over the most petty thing, ( not saying yours is petty) some women will even get their friends to take sides.

I keep quoting this , " hell hath no fury like a woman scorned "

Men on the other hand unless they had limited contact with a male role model in their formative years will have a row fight arm wrestle etc etc and next day all pally again.

It's very important for men to have this ability as when they get to a work environment they must learn forgive and forget as conflict does happen in the work place and even socially .

That is a massive generalisation. It is just as important for women to forgive and forget in the workplace and socially, why would it be any different?

I assumed that we'd suddenly transported to the 1950's and the women were to busy in the kitchen to be at work?

Not at all, treat women as equal women can do thing just as good if not better then men ( like the washing, cooking and cleaning lol "joke")

I can guarantee that a work place full of men is alot calmer then a work place full of women"

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

If people really have forgiven and forgotten, how do they know they have? Surely they will have forgotten about it

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By *ue care and attention OP   Woman
over a year ago

birmingham


"it depends how much they mean to you and how much u want them in your life.

x"

True Jacq. If it weren't for kids I'd walk away x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"it depends how much they mean to you and how much u want them in your life.

x"

I would agree there. Some people I would forgive almost anything; others aren't important enough to me to care. I will forgive but that doesn't mean there shouldn't be consequences ie not be in my life anymore as they are unnecessary.

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By *ue care and attention OP   Woman
over a year ago

birmingham


"If people really have forgiven and forgotten, how do they know they have? Surely they will have forgotten about it "

I guess that's the tell tale sign. If it doesn't slip from your memory, maybe you haven't really forgiven?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't forgive or forget have accepted that my sperm donor chooses to ignore my child and my sisters kids get a grandad bearing in mind this happens to

Sisters kids when he can be bothered.

It's a shame for my niece and nephew to be used but glad my daughter is not aware. Cant be bothered trying with arseholes like him his loss not mine

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By *uietlykinkymeWoman
over a year ago

kinky land


"it depends how much they mean to you and how much u want them in your life.

x

True Jacq. If it weren't for kids I'd walk away x"

See now if someone comes at me with a problem about me or my actions.... I deal with it.

When they go after my kids (without cause or reason) then they've no hope of me forgetting it

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