FabSwingers.com forum: Dimensia

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi probably some of you might not think it appropriate to post this thread but here goes anyway.

Can anyone give me advise on how to cope with caring for someone who had dimensia. My mum has it and i think its getting worse and im not coping too well. Yes she can tell me her date of birth but doesnt really remember any other dates . She dont know what day it is. Cant remember if she has had her tablets and forgets peoples names. Everyday i realise i lose a fraction more of the mum i had.

Is it usual that they forget to tell you they want the loo etc?

Im her full time carer but will admit its killing me and finding it hard ti cope with and as a rule im a person who is made of stone.

Any advice is much appreciated

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

there are better services out there that will help you cope, not only personally, but with respite and extra care/finances.

google dementia care and see what it turns up.

just remember you are not alone.

there is brilliant support networks, and maybe even local self help groups that will be only to quick to help you in this troubling time.

hope you find the help you need to aid you both

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Contact her GP and Social Services. Both should be able to give you help. advice or support, even if it is simply having carers in briefly during the day.

In the end with my mum (who had MS not dementia) I had to get Social Services involved and they were very helpful. I was simply not coping and was close to a breakdown.

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By *ebsCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Orpington/london

Ill ask Ria to pm you

Her dad past away in October he had it for five years

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By *rsK69Woman
over a year ago

Neath

Ring your mother's g.p they can refer your mother to a social worker who can best advise you of support available e.f respite care etc. You will often find long term memory will remain very good hence the ability of a lot of even severe dementia sufferers to always remember their date of birth...but will often forget everything that has just happened. Theres plenty of support available so dont struggle on alone it isnt fair on either of you. There are also certain drugs available which may help.slow the progress of the dementia in earlier stages but this wil depend on what type of dementia it is and on local funding etc xxx

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

If she's forgetting to take her meds, it might be worth getting a dosette tray system going via her pharmacist.

It won't remind her to take pills but you can tell at a glance if they've not been taken.

It should be free and often includes delivery.

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

my dad was getting like this before he passed away in October my mum tried getting help from gp to no avail help the aged were helpful though but he never got the help he desperately needed good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If she's forgetting to take her meds, it might be worth getting a dosette tray system going via her pharmacist.

It won't remind her to take pills but you can tell at a glance if they've not been taken.

It should be free and often includes delivery."

I give her her meda as im her full time carer but 5 mins after she has taken them she will say have i got any tablets to take

When you tell her she has taken them she argues you saying she not taken any

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By *regboy49Man
over a year ago

Sandhurst

As most people have said try Social Services. Have had 2 members of my family suffer with it. You could try showing her some family photos I found it helped but you've got to be patient. Good luck

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By *rsK69Woman
over a year ago

Neath

"If she's forgetting to take her meds, it might be worth getting a dosette tray system going via her pharmacist.

It won't remind her to take pills but you can tell at a glance if they've not been taken.

It should be free and often includes delivery.

I give her her meda as im her full time carer but 5 mins after she has taken them she will say have i got any tablets to take

When you tell her she has taken them she argues you saying she not taken any"

This is the horrible thing about dementia. I see people swear blind they have been left all day with no food and drink when ive seen them eat all their meals. Its extremely difficult as they genuinely think that what they believe is fact and trying to convince them otherwise is usually futile. Maybe the dossette box would be better at least you could show her the empty conpartment in an attempt to reassure her?

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By *annGentMan
over a year ago

With a cracking view

"If she's forgetting to take her meds, it might be worth getting a dosette tray system going via her pharmacist.

It won't remind her to take pills but you can tell at a glance if they've not been taken.

It should be free and often includes delivery.

I give her her meda as im her full time carer but 5 mins after she has taken them she will say have i got any tablets to take

When you tell her she has taken them she argues you saying she not taken any"

Make contact with GP, Health Visitor, Social Services and Age Concern.

Are there local community volunteer organisations that will help you ?

You should not have to shoulder all this on your own, no-one should !

((((( HUG )))))

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

thing with Dementia is that its not a case of 'one size fits all' each case is very individual to that person.

Some people will remain continent and be aware of toileting issues, others will forget if they have been or if they need to go. Also its vital to keep fluid uptake high, UTI's can be awful and if she forgets that she's drank she could develop them which would make the confusion even worse. Possibly start some kind of routine (before and after meals) as well as regular asking..

Can be difficult as a sole carer for your mother and it might be advisable to get a multi disciplinary team in place (GP, CPNS, Social Services and HCA's from outside care providers) to help you both. This must be an exceptionally hard time physically and mentally on yourself.

Mental Capacity sounds like its been lost, but are you her named POA?

Its a day by day degenerative syndrome, enjoy the good days and try to remember and reminisce over as much as you can to keep memories alive. Photographs and tresure possessions help with this, music and films too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

oh and just because this is a swingers site, loads of people are always about to offer advise on varying topics.. no harm in asking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"thing with Dementia is that its not a case of 'one size fits all' each case is very individual to that person.

Mental Capacity sounds like its been lost, but are you her named POA?

Listen to this advice (especially about the fluid intake) as it is excellent. I have just gone through this process and I wish I had had someone to point me in the right direction.

Good luck.

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

"Hi probably some of you might not think it appropriate to post this thread but here goes anyway.

Is it usual that they forget to tell you they want the loo etc?

Im her full time carer but will admit its killing me and finding it hard ti cope with and as a rule im a person who is made of stone.

Any advice is much appreciated

When it happened to my Nan we had no choice but to put her in a good home. It was just too much for my mum and her sisters to look after her all the time. We just made sure while she was in the home she got daily visits.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Same as me, my nan was starting to forget the basic things and is it progressed it got worse, ended up for everyone good if she went into a home.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/01/14 00:58:07]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This topic is rather close to my heart.

My nan has dementia, and she is also getting worse by the day. But, one thing I have realised is that, the more you have family around the better it is for her (not sure if this applies in your case).

The more people around her, the more she feels comfortable in her surroundings and it appears the more she remembers..

Sometimes, she would be perfectly normal, as though she doesn't have the illness. And some days she is just screaming and shouting, and always hungry.

We have a quite close knit family. So, we all take turns in looking after her. Somedays she would spend it at my aunts, and the others with my uncles and some at mine.

..i could never agree to sending her to a home or something of that nature. They brought us up as babies when we were at a time of need, and now they need us at their time of need.

My advice would be, if you have family around to take turns in looking after her. So, the full pressure isn't on you at all times - that is rather stressful. And, if you have other siblings, it's not fair on you to do it all on your own.

..if they don't want to take turns in looking after her, at least see if they would be willing to come to your house and just sit with her. Sometimes we look for miracles, but all you really need is something simple - family just close to her. Trust me, it does wonders.

If she has certain things which you know she enjoys and likes to watch etc. Then, put those on whilst you do the cooking or the housework. That may take the stress off you for a few hours and let you go about your day.

All i can say is - be patient with your mum. Take each day as it comes. Don't be saddened by what she may say, do, remember or not remember. She was there for you when you were young, and patient with you. Now, it's your time to do the same.

...not sure if any of this makes sense. And i do apologise if i hurt your feelings in any of my advice there. But, i'm just speaking from experience and how we're currently dealing with it.

Hope this helps x

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Dementia is difficult for all involved. A has been said, get her to the GP and get a referral to be tested and scanned for dementia. You really need to know what you are dealing with as that helps with treatment and care plans.

My mother has two types of dementia going on at the same time. Aricept helps with her memory but increases her aggression so that has to be balanced out too.

You also need to look after yourself. We were at breaking point with my mother as it came quickly after dealing with another family member with MND. Caring is hard work and providing care can test your caring in ways that may not have considered.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"there are better services out there that will help you cope, not only personally, but with respite and extra care/finances.

google dementia care and see what it turns up.

just remember you are not alone.

there is brilliant support networks, and maybe even local self help groups that will be only to quick to help you in this troubling time.

hope you find the help you need to aid you both"

This is great advice!

As a a worker in home health care in the states,the majority of my clients are to provide respite for the family! Especially when the family is with them 24/7 they need a break too. Whether its 2 ours or 8 hours there are people and support groups out there to help you the family cope. No one ever knows how difficult it until you live it. Them being incontinent is very common , reminding to bathe and take their medicines and to eat as well.

What I did for one of my clients was make a book of special events that they were forgetting because certain times of the day are worse and when they are having a hard time I'd take out the book for them and go through it with them. It's not a cure by any means but with early onset dementia this is a way of helping them remember and deal with certain things.

Remember they can and will get agitated and stressed out as well when there is something they just remembered hours before and it totally slips their mind. Best of luck to you!

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