FabSwingers.com forum: families

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If a family member is with someone who it is clear is bad news do you get involved?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"If a family member is with someone who it is clear is bad news do you get involved?"

depends who the family member is, how old they are and how bad the news is. Usually unless there is physical or mental abuse the only thing you can do is support the person when it goes wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I would

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

when I got together with my OH they didn't approve of him but 27 years later we are still together

mind you they still don't approve of him

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If a family member is with someone who it is clear is bad news do you get involved?

depends who the family member is, how old they are and how bad the news is. Usually unless there is physical or mental abuse the only thing you can do is support the person when it goes wrong. "

Sister, 40, just had a baby with a bloke who has 4 other kids with 3 other mothers and who really doesn't want to know. It is horrible.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"If a family member is with someone who it is clear is bad news do you get involved?

depends who the family member is, how old they are and how bad the news is. Usually unless there is physical or mental abuse the only thing you can do is support the person when it goes wrong.

Sister, 40, just had a baby with a bloke who has 4 other kids with 3 other mothers and who really doesn't want to know. It is horrible."

Its tough to stand back and watch. Have you talked to her, how does she feel? In what way would you get involved?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Spoken to them both, they both know they aren't right for each other. She wants a father for the baby and perfect relationship, he doesn't know what he wants. It's her birthday tomorrow, he wants to come and I have told him he shouldn't. Feel I've over stepped the mark but know if he comes it will end in tears.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"If a family member is with someone who it is clear is bad news do you get involved?"

No. If they're adult and picked them not for me to interfere.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If a family member is with someone who it is clear is bad news do you get involved?

No. If they're adult and picked them not for me to interfere. "

That is the approach I have always taken, bit this time I feel with her father not being around she needs some guidance and protection (albeit I know a 40 year old should be able to look after themselves but there are reasons why that isn't the case).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only thing i am prepared to do ANY length of time in jail for is to protect or attempt to protect my family!

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I don't think you can with adults. Often the "interference" isn't appreciated when they are in the relationship, if it continues they feel estranged because they have to choose between the partner and the family and if it ends they feel guilty and don't want to hear "I told you so".

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Advise them, let them make up their own mind and then be there for them when anything happens.

Also pray that there is a comedy element that I can mine

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Both of them have independently come to me to ask for advice which I hate, it is nothing to do with me. I have offered advice, both of them have agreed with it, and then they ignore it and end up causing each other more heartache. My only concern is the health and well being of both of them and most importantly the baby and unfortunately all 3 are now at risk of something stupid happening and I feel responsible. I feel lost which is very unlike me.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Both of them have independently come to me to ask for advice which I hate, it is nothing to do with me. I have offered advice, both of them have agreed with it, and then they ignore it and end up causing each other more heartache. My only concern is the health and well being of both of them and most importantly the baby and unfortunately all 3 are now at risk of something stupid happening and I feel responsible. I feel lost which is very unlike me."

Who is the priority concern? The woman, the man or the baby? What can you do to prevent any harm to the priority?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Mother is a recovering addict, but I'm pretty certain has slipped off the wagon with recent events, baby is sleeping with her, has no routine so I am worried about both of them. Father is emotionally unstable and I worry about what he might do.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Mother is a recovering addict, but I'm pretty certain has slipped off the wagon with recent events, baby is sleeping with her, has no routine so I am worried about both of them. Father is emotionally unstable and I worry about what he might do."

The priority is the baby then. So what can you do to protect the baby? You can't expose the baby to someone who you fear will do something because of his instability. A baby sleeping with an alcohol or substance abuser is in danger.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You are right. I hope the situation isn't as bad as I fear, but I suspect it is. The adults are behaving as kids and the child is potentially at risk.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"You are right. I hope the situation isn't as bad as I fear, but I suspect it is. The adults are behaving as kids and the child is potentially at risk."

It's not easy but if you fear for the child then you have to act.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You are right. I hope the situation isn't as bad as I fear, but I suspect it is. The adults are behaving as kids and the child is potentially at risk.

It's not easy but if you fear for the child then you have to act."

The sad thing is that when she got pregnant i hoped it would be the making of her but feared it would be the breaking of her, and we are very much dealing with the latter$

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Without giving too much detail I am now going through a horrid experience because of my so called family and a crime that was committed against me at a young age. There are children involved (not mine i hasten to add). My family have dismissed this and brushed it under the carpet. This week I reported the crime that happened against me and I wish to god I had done this much sooner.

If you have any sort of fear report, report, report. If there is no problem then people have nothing to fear. Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Without giving too much detail I am now going through a horrid experience because of my so called family and a crime that was committed against me at a young age. There are children involved (not mine i hasten to add). My family have dismissed this and brushed it under the carpet. This week I reported the crime that happened against me and I wish to god I had done this much sooner.

If you have any sort of fear report, report, report. If there is no problem then people have nothing to fear. Good luck. "

Thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You are right. I hope the situation isn't as bad as I fear, but I suspect it is. The adults are behaving as kids and the child is potentially at risk.

It's not easy but if you fear for the child then you have to act.

The sad thing is that when she got pregnant i hoped it would be the making of her but feared it would be the breaking of her, and we are very much dealing with the latter$"

then the safety of the child is paramount. You have to ignore everyone else and think of the innocent. children cannot protect themselves. Adults can.

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