FabSwingers.com forum: "Want to chat?" bit of a rant

By *oveSlutForUse OP Couple
over a year ago

Brighton

Need to rant a little.

Seems to be a commonplace email from guys, goes along the lines of "Hi, want to chat?".

HATE IT. Because when you reply, "Sure, what would you like to chat about?" they reply "whatever you want". So somehow, the initial contact pressure is placed purely on us and they have to make NO effort.

Started a new response to that, now:

"If you were in a pub and approached a woman, would you ask them to chat to you, and then stand in dumb silence until they did?"

Sorry, just sick of the laziness inherent in SO many people.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I tend to think people asking me to chat rather than just striking up a conversation, simply don't know how to.

Rightly or wrongly this tends to make me suspect they would be quite dull meets, lacking in social skills.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

It's like getting a message saying "Can I ask you a question?"

I don't know; can you?

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By *oveSlutForUse OP Couple
over a year ago

Brighton

"I tend to think people asking me to chat rather than just striking up a conversation, simply don't know how to.

Rightly or wrongly this tends to make me suspect they would be quite dull meets, lacking in social skills."

Yes! Exactly! You can picture them sitting next to you on the sofa all quiet and staring at the wall!

But there's SO MANY of them, that's what scares me. I know, I know there are a LOT of decent, nice, people on here and out there but there does seem to be a strong contingent of men (mostly) who simply can't relate to real world interaction so are hoping to strike it lucky on here.

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By *litlicker77Man
over a year ago

Dirty old town

Could just be being polite making first move without being pushy in any way x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I tend to think people asking me to chat rather than just striking up a conversation, simply don't know how to.

Rightly or wrongly this tends to make me suspect they would be quite dull meets, lacking in social skills."

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

And I'll give you 2 -1 in donuts that they are expecting it to be the lady of the couple. If you were to reply, 'Yes, sure, I'm thinking of getting a shed and putting it up over the weekend, know anything about what sort of base I should make?' They would do a swift retreat.

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By *oveSlutForUse OP Couple
over a year ago

Brighton

"And I'll give you 2 -1 in donuts that they are expecting it to be the lady of the couple. If you were to reply, 'Yes, sure, I'm thinking of getting a shed and putting it up over the weekend, know anything about what sort of base I should make?' They would do a swift retreat.

Oh we do that ALL the time - they all write as if it's the female despite our profile saying the male reads the emails.

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By *oveSlutForUse OP Couple
over a year ago

Brighton

"Could just be being polite making first move without being pushy in any way x"

I could accept that if their second email was, in any way, interesting. But it never is.

If isn't "not being pushy" it's "being too lazy to make any effort at all"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd probably go for a wooden frame over gravel.

Fancy a chat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We recieved a message sayin 'you have kissable lips' from a single male. Was in a piss taking mood so replied 'they are if you fancy stubble rash'

Then they even had to ask if it was C online

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have to agree.

if get a message "hi want to chat" i tend now to delete as i know if i had a meet it would be hard work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hahah that made me laugh

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By *ustyBrunette35Couple
over a year ago

birmingham

"Need to rant a little.

Seems to be a commonplace email from guys, goes along the lines of "Hi, want to chat?".

Have you thought about not replying with "Sure, what would you like to chat about?" ?

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By *litlicker77Man
over a year ago

Dirty old town

No matter how you approach some profiles your wasting your time as they are just stuck up there own arses and this is what pissed of so many on fab

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No matter how you approach some profiles your wasting your time as they are just stuck up there own arses and this is what pissed of so many on fab"

But why would we waste our time trying to make conversation with someone who isn't giving the same effort back.

It's not just men that do it either.

I wouldnt stand at the bus stop doing the same so it is not just limited to fab

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By *ighland_RoseCouple
over a year ago

Brigadoon

Is it bad that I sometimes pretend I'm Snappo? Just to see if they respect the fact that we're a couple of course

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By *awkeye and HotlipsCouple
over a year ago

Takeley

We get the usual want to chat message, to which we reply, sure. The message trail tends to be stilted...it's no different here to the Vanilla world, social skills are what ( for us ) set the interesting, want to meet folk apart, however perhaps that's just us! Sure there are people her for everyone, it's that diverse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm on this site because of my kinky side,not because I'm some kind of social misfit. Sadly some people on here would find it difficult holding down a conversation,in a kindergarten.

If a profile is a blank canvass then that is often an indication to the type of person(s)they really are.

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By *oveSlutForUse OP Couple
over a year ago

Brighton

"No matter how you approach some profiles your wasting your time as they are just stuck up there own arses and this is what pissed of so many on fab"

Yes, and after the really childish ones have insulted you on email, them find your forums posts and post here as well.

Bit like you have. Grow up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No matter how you approach some profiles your wasting your time as they are just stuck up there own arses and this is what pissed of so many on fab"

This is true , it's any wonder single guys get pissed off . Can't do right for doing wrong !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The problem is how to start a conversation with someone who is fed up with getting messages. I like to ask how people how they are doing which again is apparently no-no but I do that in real life when I meet someone. I can understand being annoyed at people just saying "fancy a fuck" but what suggestions would you make as a way to start a conversation with someone without being too pushy?

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Oh I don't know, single guys get so disheartened on here I wouldn't necessarily put someone down for sending out 'casting bread upon the water' messages that were at least polite. 'Help me empty my balls?' gets deleted on site, but if I am looking for distraction or trouble and I like the look of them I might just say 'Yea, why not, *insert topical comment*' and see what follows.

I would never ask 'What about' as I doubt they had anything particular in mind..........well, beyond the obvious.

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By *litlicker77Man
over a year ago

Dirty old town

"Oh I don't know, single guys get so disheartened on here I wouldn't necessarily put someone down for sending out 'casting bread upon the water' messages that were at least polite. 'Help me empty my balls?' gets deleted on site, but if I am looking for distraction or trouble and I like the look of them I might just say 'Yea, why not, *insert topical comment*' and see what follows.

I would never ask 'What about' as I doubt they had anything particular in mind..........well, beyond the obvious.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No matter how you approach some profiles your wasting your time as they are just stuck up there own arses and this is what pissed of so many on fab

Yes, and after the really childish ones have insulted you on email, them find your forums posts and post here as well.

Bit like you have. Grow up."

Maybe if you once in a while posted more positive threads , instead of moaning / whining at single guy posts , you would get responses like this .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

# wouldn't .

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By *icolerobbieCouple
over a year ago

walsall

Not everyone is as articulate as Stephen Fry. Maybe if people were to give others a chance to come out of their shell a little, perhaps we would all find out that you can't judge books by their cover....

Except if the cover says "I'm free now, wanna fuck?"

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I would never ask 'What about' as I doubt they had anything particular in mind..........well, beyond the obvious.

I meant 'Yea, why not..' in response to 'Want to chat?' not 'Empty my balls?'...!!

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"I tend to think people asking me to chat rather than just striking up a conversation, simply don't know how to.

Rightly or wrongly this tends to make me suspect they would be quite dull meets, lacking in social skills."

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By *enisyWoman
over a year ago

leigh on sea

I'd probably go for a wooden frame over gravel.

Fancy a chat."

Really won't that rot quicker !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not everyone is as articulate as Stephen Fry. Maybe if people were to give others a chance to come out of their shell a little, perhaps we would all find out that you can't judge books by their cover....

Except if the cover says "I'm free now, wanna fuck?" "

THIS

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"The problem is how to start a conversation with someone who is fed up with getting messages. I like to ask how people how they are doing which again is apparently no-no but I do that in real life when I meet someone. I can understand being annoyed at people just saying "fancy a fuck" but what suggestions would you make as a way to start a conversation with someone without being too pushy?"

You know I think the easiest 'bread casting' message to respond to is a NOT over the top compliment, something like 'Hi, love the pink tights!' for instance in my case. I am inclined to say 'Thank you' anyway, and I can respond in kind if I am interested.

'OMG you're the most beautiful woman in the world' does not work any better than 'Wanna fuck' - obvious bullshit is never effective in my book.

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By *icolerobbieCouple
over a year ago

walsall

without being too pushy?

'OMG you're the most beautiful woman in the world' does not work any better than 'Wanna fuck' - obvious bullshit is never effective in my book.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'OMG you're the most beautiful woman in the world' does not work any better than 'Wanna fuck' - obvious bullshit is never effective in my book.

Yes I'm tried like you pic before, which I honestly did, but still deleted. But if a man said to you "I love your pink tights" I might worry somewhat

lol

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Yes I'm tried like you pic before, which I honestly did, but still deleted. But if a man said to you "I love your pink tights" I might worry somewhat

lol"

Well, whatever - I was trying to understate

The point is if you have been pleasant, complimentary and honest and not received a reply then they may not be interested whatever you write.

Yes, I do sometimes receive a longer message that instantly engages me and makes me respond to someone I would not otherwise consider, but that happens rarely. And I cannot define it - I keep meaning to save messages that have that effect but always forget. But there is no 'formula' or pattern, it's just something that catches the imagination, and that is a random chance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Want to chat? Come to Fabs chatrooms! The interaction is much quicker than the inbox system - I can tell within minutes if someone is 'just friends' material or if there is an attraction which might lead to more.

And the noisy chaos of the chatrooms means that lazy chatters make no progress - which is what they deserve.

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By *avantmaleMan
over a year ago

Havant

I reckon concrete, slabs on gravel move and make the floor bouncy. ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

give a closed reply and make them work for your attention.

hi, wanna chat?

yeah sure

let them take it from there.

these kind of messages or conversations pretty much die off quite quickly or get rude, either way, usually a waste of time

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"give a closed reply and make them work for your attention.

hi, wanna chat?

yeah sure

let them take it from there.

these kind of messages or conversations pretty much die off quite quickly or get rude, either way, usually a waste of time"

I did something similar recently. First message was 'want to swap face pics?'. To which I replied, 'Ok go ahead'.

Strangely he never sent another message.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Most people I click with just start conversations naturally. They message about something I've said on the forum or on my profile, usually. It's difficult to quantify but sometimes it just works and flows comfortably. Those are the people I tend to know I could have a really easy, relaxed, great meet with.

I've had good meets with people with whom the conversation didn't flow quite so naturally but the best ones have mostly been with people who were interesting and easy to talk to from the start.

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By *picyspiregirlCouple
over a year ago

chesterfield

"It's like getting a message saying "Can I ask you a question?"

I don't know; can you?"

I have had that message a few times. I tend to reply telling them that they just did ask a question.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I once received a 'wanna chat?' type message from a person and I simply replied 'no' then blocked. Easiest and shortest convo ever

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi, want to rant?

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