FabSwingers.com forum: I am now resenting my other half!

By *ig and daft OP Man
over a year ago

Love with life

Since joining fab I have found it as a fella a bit of a slog meeting the ladies. I have found that the ones I have managed to meet have had the same sense of humour as me.

I have met a fantastic lady in the exact same position as me and I have had an absolute blast with her we get on like a house in fire in the blazes of passion.

What it has made me realise is just how cold my other half is. How she won't hold your hand or turns away for a peck and the passion is none existent.

At bed time now I am no longer prepared to put up with the knock backs so no longer instigate anything because I now just think about someone who actually wants to be with me. Grab me kiss me hold me etc. you know the rest.

So how do I kerb this resentment. If I continue I know I will end up losing my kids and I only started on here originally not under this name to fill in the gaps that I was missing at home.

What can I do?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell her that you miss the passion, tell her how you feel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you stay with your wife, how do you picture your future?

If you want to be single, how is your future then?

Whose happiness is most important, yours, your wife's, or your kids?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Delete your account and focus on the people you love.

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

ya might consider a name change, considering.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mum stayed with my dad years after she should have done and it was for my brother and I. However we saw the hurt and resentment.

My mother did leave dad and said to me "never stay with someone just because you have children"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Since joining fab I have found it as a fella a bit of a slog meeting the ladies. I have found that the ones I have managed to meet have had the same sense of humour as me.

I have met a fantastic lady in the exact same position as me and I have had an absolute blast with her we get on like a house in fire in the blazes of passion.

What it has made me realise is just how cold my other half is. How she won't hold your hand or turns away for a peck and the passion is none existent.

So how do I kerb this resentment. If I continue I know I will end up losing my kids and I only started on here originally not under this name to fill in the gaps that I was missing at home.

What can I do?"

Have you considered you may be the reason why she is cold towards you?

Seek out relate, they will help you both, whether that means repairing your relationship, or helping you move on.

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By *ig and daft OP Man
over a year ago

Love with life

Here lies the problem. We have been together many years. I have never fooled around until now.

When I bring the subject up its awkward for a day then she is loving and cuddly for 10 days then back to normal.

I do love her that's why I resent her. I don't want to spilt and not have breakfast and tea with my boys. Visiting rights would kill me.

I could stop on here but now have started flirting when ever I'm out and because I am confident no one has knocked me back yet. Now meeting on a night out leads to all sorts of guilt thrown at me by the other party. So like minded people to meet on here seems best.

But not if it's splitting up my family.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here lies the problem. We have been together many years. I have never fooled around until now.

When I bring the subject up its awkward for a day then she is loving and cuddly for 10 days then back to normal.

I do love her that's why I resent her. I don't want to spilt and not have breakfast and tea with my boys. Visiting rights would kill me.

But not if it's splitting up my family. "

Well your last sentence says it all then. You need to stop and delete your account.

The lady you have met here has made you realise your wife is the opposite, that's bound to cause some upset so you need to remove yourself from this situation and work on what you have at home.

It's not necessarily your wife's fault, you have children - there could be loads of reasons she is cold but having resentment towards her is your issue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My mum stayed with my dad years after she should have done and it was for my brother and I. However we saw the hurt and resentment.

My mother did leave dad and said to me "never stay with someone just because you have children"

I stayed with mine until the kids grew up and left home

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think very very carefully before you jump out of the frying pan into the fire. You may get on like a house on fire with the new lady but it's the baggage she carries that could burn you.

I know from bitter experience how much other peoples kids can hurt you, especially when they get older. As everyone seems to suggest here try to talk to your Mrs and get her to see things aren't so good. Trouble is, as you do so you may alert her to fact you are playing with fire elsewhere and she could get a bit nasty. Does she already know is question and maybe that is why her self esteem is pretty rock bottom.

The usual reason why people get a bit down is lack of self esteem and it is that which is making her seem offish and cold. That is probably what you've got to build up again mate. If it's at all possible to reverse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go to relate maybe it will help you both open up to your feelings and will help if you both love each other. The grass is not always greener on the other side . A lot of the feeling you have with other woman are there because no ties and all exciting all new things change after years .

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By *aisy100Woman
over a year ago

wakefield

This woman you have met, is she just like your wife was when you first met her?

If so then you will be in the same boat in a few years!

My advice is to stop messing around, if your not happy with your wife then either try to fix it or leave her, you think your doing her any favours by staying? Dont be suprised if she lets you go easily.

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By *aisy100Woman
over a year ago

wakefield

"Unlike most if the men you will chose to meet I'm unfortunately a bit of a gentleman and believe that all ladies should be treated with respect."

The above quote is from your profile, does this include your wife?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your profile says you treat all ladies with respect! Is this how your treating your wife???. Best thing to do is sit down tell her how you feel maybe here lies the reason you think she is being cold. Staying together for the children doesn't work my parents did it for 20 years it ends up turning from resentment to hate and will cause more destruction to your children in future. Why not put the effort in with your wife like you say you are with the person you met. The grass isn't always greener.

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By *ig and daft OP Man
over a year ago

Love with life

""Unlike most if the men you will chose to meet I'm unfortunately a bit of a gentleman and believe that all ladies should be treated with respect."

The above quote is from your profile, does this include your wife?"

I treat my wife with the upmost respect. I provide and pay for everything. I'm not demanding and we never bicker or fight. I always open doors for her and if a made a meal for us and one was crummy I will always give her the better looking one if the two. If we had not got a pot to piss In I will always make she she and the kids get fed first.

I always pay for meals and drinks when we go out. The gent should pay that's his job and he should always look after his woman.

So does this include her then yes it does.

Maybe I resent the fact she takes me for granted.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

""Unlike most if the men you will chose to meet I'm unfortunately a bit of a gentleman and believe that all ladies should be treated with respect."

The above quote is from your profile, does this include your wife?

I always pay for meals and drinks when we go out. The gent should pay that's his job and he should always look after his woman.

So does this include her then yes it does.

Maybe I resent the fact she takes me for granted. "

respect is not always about material things or what you pay for its about how you make her feel.....a bloke could buy me dinner or pay for something does not mean he respect me..I really do think you and the wife needs to sit down and have an open and frank talk about where you bot are at in the marriage...and go from there..

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By *ig and daft OP Man
over a year ago

Love with life

"Your profile says you treat all ladies with respect! Is this how your treating your wife???. Best thing to do is sit down tell her how you feel maybe here lies the reason you think she is being cold. Staying together for the children doesn't work my parents did it for 20 years it ends up turning from resentment to hate and will cause more destruction to your children in future. Why not put the effort in with your wife like you say you are with the person you met. The grass isn't always greener. "

When ever she feeds us she gets a thank you that was wonderful. I've tried to organise breaks away which she will come away with me but never show any intimacy

I never throw in negatives until now which is not good

positivity breeds positivity. But after many years of being pushed away what do you do i guess as stated.

Relate is the best option.

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By *ig and daft OP Man
over a year ago

Love with life

[Removed by poster at 12/12/13 15:59:13]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell her you cant afford to have the central heating on so much, then because she will be cold she will want to cuddle you a lot to keep warm.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm surprised you're asking advise seeing as you think we're all fools on here.

Have you thought you're wife may be tired from looking after the kids, maybe she needs a break.

Or maybe she realises she has married a philanderer and has had enough.

Or perhaps she is getting plenty elsewhere and doesn't need you in that way anymore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I bet your wife looks after your house your kids and you .Do she make you tea keep your home lovely make sure your family are looked after ? Maybe you take her for granted too. A Womans work is never done when you run and home and have kids .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am not passing judgement so please don't take this the wrong way!

I am presuming that your on this site and seeing the other woman without your wife's knowledge?

If that's the case then your attitude and behavior would have changed towards your wife to cover your guilt!

Why not hide your profile and give your marriage 100%! Respect isn't paying for everything that your wife needs or giving her the better looking dinner!

Ask yourself, am I still in love with my wife? Do you try and keep the marriage fresh and alive?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""Unlike most if the men you will chose to meet I'm unfortunately a bit of a gentleman and believe that all ladies should be treated with respect."

The above quote is from your profile, does this include your wife?

I always pay for meals and drinks when we go out. The gent should pay that's his job and he should always look after his woman.

So does this include her then yes it does.

Maybe I resent the fact she takes me for granted. "

She is a lucky woman, she should be grateful, maybe you are too nice for your own good?

Does she think you prefer other women do you think?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just because you provide your wife with material things that doesn't mean you respect her and you shouldn't do all of that and expect intimacy in return.

She's obviously cold towards you for a reason, you need to work on why instead of comparing her to this new lady you have met.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I bet your wife looks after your house your kids and you .Do she make you tea keep your home lovely make sure your family are looked after ? Maybe you take her for granted too. A Womans work is never done when you run and home and have kids ."

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Tell her you cant afford to have the central heating on so much, then because she will be cold she will want to cuddle you a lot to keep warm."

id just turn the heating on...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tell her you cant afford to have the central heating on so much, then because she will be cold she will want to cuddle you a lot to keep warm.

id just turn the heating on..."

Not if your hubby said not to you wouldnt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tell her you cant afford to have the central heating on so much, then because she will be cold she will want to cuddle you a lot to keep warm.

id just turn the heating on...

Not if your hubby said not to you wouldnt."

Really?? I thought the days of being bossed about by a bloke were long gone?

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Tell her you cant afford to have the central heating on so much, then because she will be cold she will want to cuddle you a lot to keep warm.

id just turn the heating on...

Not if your hubby said not to you wouldnt."

Er yes i would i certainly would. i dont bow down to no man..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""Unlike most if the men you will chose to meet I'm unfortunately a bit of a gentleman and believe that all ladies should be treated with respect."

The above quote is from your profile, does this include your wife?

I always pay for meals and drinks when we go out. The gent should pay that's his job and he should always look after his woman.

So does this include her then yes it does.

Maybe I resent the fact she takes me for granted. "

How Victorian.

Maybe she wants a modern man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tell her you cant afford to have the central heating on so much, then because she will be cold she will want to cuddle you a lot to keep warm.

id just turn the heating on...

Not if your hubby said not to you wouldnt.

Really?? I thought the days of being bossed about by a bloke were long gone? "

If he is paying the bills, and he says that the gas bill is too expensive which it is, then he is in the right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tell her you cant afford to have the central heating on so much, then because she will be cold she will want to cuddle you a lot to keep warm.

id just turn the heating on...

Not if your hubby said not to you wouldnt."
I would put it back on . Or he is not eating or getting nothing done . Easy .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tell her you cant afford to have the central heating on so much, then because she will be cold she will want to cuddle you a lot to keep warm.

id just turn the heating on...

Not if your hubby said not to you wouldnt.

Really?? I thought the days of being bossed about by a bloke were long gone?

If he is paying the bills, and he says that the gas bill is too expensive which it is, then he is in the right."

Sorry I strongly disagree with you!

No man has any right to tell a woman what to do!! Even if he does pay the bills!

A marriage is a partnership!! Not a one way street!

Catch up with the times!! We aren't in the dark ages anymore

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By *anyoufeelmeMan
over a year ago

near you

been there ,.. got the t shirt

My Kids are my world - In hindsight id would haven't have been so bold.

Don't forget the old saying the grass inset always better on the other side ..

sit your wife down tell your not happy and she needs to help you get passed the negativity .. plan a few night outs get the kids minded and get d*unk together

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"been there ,.. got the t shirt

My Kids are my world - In hindsight id would haven't have been so bold.

Don't forget the old saying the grass inset always better on the other side ..

sit your wife down tell your not happy and she needs to help you get passed the negativity .. plan a few night outs get the kids minded and get d*unk together "
maybe get her on here too . Now she may love the door open to play just like him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When ever she feeds us she gets a thank you that was wonderful. I've tried to organise breaks away which she will come away with me but never show any intimacy

I never throw in negatives until now which is not good

positivity breeds positivity. But after many years of being pushed away what do you do i guess as stated.

Relate is the best option.

thats not what its all about!!!! wanna take a wager on how you make her feel? why dont you ask her.

and perhaps you should stop looking for other women on here and stop taking her for granted.

You put the kids to bed read them a story after you have un her a bath with bubbles and candles. little things mean the most its not about paying the bills or buying the drinks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There go Herc, Ena has a way of making out all man's problems are down to their neglectful/ungrateful wives.

Thank god she's in the minority.

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By *rtemisiaWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

"Go to relate maybe it will help you both open up to your feelings and will help if you both love each other. The grass is not always greener on the other side . A lot of the feeling you have with other woman are there because no ties and all exciting all new things change after years ."

I'd pretty much second this. Connections on here are very easily made and just as easily broken. The most this place will do is improve the confidence which relationship problems may have eroded. But I know from experience that a wave of resentment comes in the wake of that confidence. If you love her and she loves you, and if, outside of sex, you still have a lot in common, then go to Relate the first chance you get. Let that confidence give you an increased willingness to try.

You could live for sixty years with a person and not truly understand what goes on inside of them. Find out now before it's too late.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There go Herc, Ena has a way of making out all man's problems are down to their neglectful/ungrateful wives.

Thank god she's in the minority."

The minority on here maybe.

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By *arlock69Man
over a year ago

Batley... (near Leeds)

you've only been on here a week and you're unverified...try spending less time on here and more time with your wife

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By *arlock69Man
over a year ago

Batley... (near Leeds)

you've only been on here a week and you're unverified...try spending less time on here and more time with your wife

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You have made the mistake of looking outside of your marriage for a solution to the problem within it. Concentrate on your family, concentrate on your relationship and what all of you stand to lose....not just you.

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