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Christmas jokes.....

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By *yb OP   Man
over a year ago

County Durham

Hi all Fabsters

Please feel free to add more Xmas related jokes to the thread.

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The paddy replied, 'These are Carols.'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two snowmen chatting ......

One says,,,,, "can you smell carrots?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

1. What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas? Twerky.

2. Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer.

3. Mary and Joseph – now they had a stable relationship.

4. What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast? The One Show.

5. What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker.

6. Why don't you ever see Santa in hospital? Because he has private elf care.

7. How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born? They had a weigh in a manger.

8. Why is it getting harder to buy advent calendars? Because their days are numbered.

9. How do you know if Santa's been in your garden shed? You've got three extra hoes.

10. Why was the Brussels sprout sent to prison? Because it was a repeat offender.

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