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letting off steam.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Sorry I need to shout and scream and fb isn't the place for it. feel free to ignore.

my 2 year olds other parent has text tonight after four months of not hearing anything asking to see her Monday. I reminded him of a conversation last year about how if he wanted to be her dad he had to see her regularly or just be mommies friend. the response I've had is that it's a 14 hour round trip here from bulford, and I won't contribute to his travel cost, or travel further than Nottingham.

and the only reason he's asking is because he happens to be in Lichfield visiting his family.

so not only should I find money out of either my food allowance or heating ( I'm on benefits I don't have spare money) so he can visit. but he's only asking because he happens to be in the area. but I'm the bad person! I'm so fucked off with him right now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Please do not take this wrong way and without knowing or interested in reason you are both so far apart the child is more important than both parents.

If as you say its a 14 hour round trip it cannot be easy and am in no way condoning him not seeing the child but regardless of how pissed off you are with him he has in my opinion made some effort to see your child and if its rare he sees her then surely you could make effort to let him see her.

I hate folk whether it be mum or dad that use kids as pawns or weapons to score points.

Child has right to see both parents there are quite a lot of parents that make no effort at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did a 7 hour round trip the other week so my daughter could see her dad for one night

I won't go into our details on here but things have happened on the past

She wants to see him ... I take her - simple really.

I understand about the money etc - I've been there but do what is right for your child not you and your ex

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

You know if he'd at least text in the last four months to ask how she is I would say yes.

it was the " I'm in the area " thing that really got me wound up. once again making it seem like she wasn't the priority but he had nothing better to do so might as well visit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I did a 7 hour round trip the other week so my daughter could see her dad for one night

I won't go into our details on here but things have happened on the past

She wants to see him ... I take her - simple really.

I understand about the money etc - I've been there but do what is right for your child not you and your ex

Good luck "

Well done for putting child first based on jeremy kyle show not many do.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/11/13 17:32:12]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You know if he'd at least text in the last four months to ask how she is I would say yes.

it was the " I'm in the area " thing that really got me wound up. once again making it seem like she wasn't the priority but he had nothing better to do so might as well visit."

You can live in peace with the knowledge you did the right thing .. he has to live with his actions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I did a 7 hour round trip the other week so my daughter could see her dad for one night

I won't go into our details on here but things have happened on the past

She wants to see him ... I take her - simple really.

I understand about the money etc - I've been there but do what is right for your child not you and your ex

Good luck

Well done for putting child first based on jeremy kyle show not many do."

Its a no brainer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Well done for putting child first based on jeremy kyle show not many do."

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

maybe my idea of putting her first comes across lie its about me and him. but that's not how I see it.

She is the single most important thing in my life and I won't let anyone hurt her, And I see his lack of interest and him coming in and out of her life in a way that will hurt her and confuse her, and that's what I won't allow

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham


" maybe my idea of putting her first comes across lie its about me and him. but that's not how I see it.

She is the single most important thing in my life and I won't let anyone hurt her, And I see his lack of interest and him coming in and out of her life in a way that will hurt her and confuse her, and that's what I won't allow"

does she ask to see him? as much as you want to protect her you cant protect from hurt all the time, what you can do is support her choices and comfort her if/when she gets hurt. its hard when your daughter is so young as perhaps she doesnt yet understand what is oing on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

no she doesn't ask to see him. She has no idea who he is. I don't think she even remembers him from one visit to the next.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" maybe my idea of putting her first comes across lie its about me and him. but that's not how I see it.

She is the single most important thing in my life and I won't let anyone hurt her, And I see his lack of interest and him coming in and out of her life in a way that will hurt her and confuse her, and that's what I won't allow"

I understand this .. Ive been there I assure you

When she asks when shes older if he ever asked to see her and you say ' yes ' .. then give her a reason why you said no - will she understand ?

I hope so ...

I think he should make more effort - he sounds like a first class wankhead to me but but but - he is still her dad. Good luck I do wish you all the best with whatever you decide to do xx

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple
over a year ago

Fareham

I do get where you're coming from. The long distance excuse, whilst valid to a certain extent, doesn't mean he couldn't have kept communication with his daughter going in some other way. There are texts, emails, phone calls and even good old fashioned letters and pictures via snail mail.

I do despise people who can just cease contact with their kids at the drop of a hat and then expect to pick up contact at their convenience with everyone else having to fall in line (including the child).

I wouldn't presume to advise on your particular situation as I don't know about all the circumstances but although your ex may be entitled to see his child, I feel the greater emphasis should be on the child's rights, not only to see her father, but not to be messed about by him. You really need to have a serious chat with him about expectations and the possible consequences of his patchy efforts at contact. Good luck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" Sorry I need to shout and scream and fb isn't the place for it. feel free to ignore.

my 2 year olds other parent has text tonight after four months of not hearing anything asking to see her Monday. I reminded him of a conversation last year about how if he wanted to be her dad he had to see her regularly or just be mommies friend. the response I've had is that it's a 14 hour round trip here from bulford, and I won't contribute to his travel cost, or travel further than Nottingham.

and the only reason he's asking is because he happens to be in Lichfield visiting his family.

so not only should I find money out of either my food allowance or heating ( I'm on benefits I don't have spare money) so he can visit. but he's only asking because he happens to be in the area. but I'm the bad person! I'm so fucked off with him right now."

I have regular contact with my kids after a divorce, we agreed I would pay what I pay for rhem(totally private) we would share responsibility for them and we would split coats for school uniforms and all travel when we see them

Unless your ex is a dick(and no offence intended) he should pay and share it's that simple

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

through text ( one of the many means of communication that have just been pointed out :D) I have managed to convey to him that the reason I'm saying no is because he doesn't take an active interest in her.

And he has finally come to the understanding that this is my issue with him, and had said he will make more effort to know her ( time will tell) even when he can't visit.

I feel like finally something had gotten into his skull.

now to explain to him this is his last chance to do it right.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/11/13 18:03:27]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" Sorry I need to shout and scream and fb isn't the place for it. feel free to ignore.

my 2 year olds other parent has text tonight after four months of not hearing anything asking to see her Monday. I reminded him of a conversation last year about how if he wanted to be her dad he had to see her regularly or just be mommies friend. the response I've had is that it's a 14 hour round trip here from bulford, and I won't contribute to his travel cost, or travel further than Nottingham.

and the only reason he's asking is because he happens to be in Lichfield visiting his family.

so not only should I find money out of either my food allowance or heating ( I'm on benefits I don't have spare money) so he can visit. but he's only asking because he happens to be in the area. but I'm the bad person! I'm so fucked off with him right now.

I have regular contact with my kids after a divorce, we agreed I would pay what I pay for rhem(totally private) we would share responsibility for them and we would split coats for school uniforms and all travel when we see them

Unless your ex is a dick(and no offence intended) he should pay and share it's that simple"

he pays, but he's in the army they won't give him an option not to pay. but I'm not bothered about the money, I would make do without if he just took a real interest in her. she's such a loving caring little girl and he won't know that coz he makes no effort to know that

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Perhaps he ought to make more of an effort to stay in contact first then after a period of time when he has proved he's willing and able to do so, visits can be arranged.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

that could be another four months.

I've agreed to Monday if I can scrape the train fare together

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just wondering whyy he cant fork out for travel expenses? thought the army paid well

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

well it cost him over 100 in taxi bus and train last time. I just said it was his choice to move to a camp in the middle of no where, not mine.

although as he just bought a car, git back from two weeks in Turkey and paid his mums debts he can't be that broke can he?

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I am just playing devils advocate here:

Perhaps he feels your daughter is so young that she won't be able to manage speaking on the phone or appreciate a text or a letter. Perhaps he doesn't want to speak to you until he absolutely has to. Perhaps he wanted to let you know he would be in the area visiting his parents but then got scared and waited until the last minute.

The pair of you (not just him or just you) have to find a way of communicating with each other. You share the responsibility for a child.

I hope things improve soon.

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