FabSwingers.com forum: Things to say....(go for it guys)

By *emmefatale OP Woman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Lets have some balance here..things to destroy a womans ego...

Have you put weight on?/Are you pregnant?/Your arse looks huge but not just in that!

All good fun.....gentlemen....go!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am not saying a word.

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By *emmefatale OP Woman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"I am not saying a word.

"
That could do it......

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Hove, mainly…

No, let's keep the lights off.

Why have you got a single bed? You haven't?!

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By *eeBee67Man
over a year ago

Masked and Distant

No darling it will be the size label thats wrong.

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By *himanMan
over a year ago

chichester

You can look quite nice when u try

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By *emmefatale OP Woman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"No darling it will be the size label thats wrong.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"No darling it will be the size label thats wrong.

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By *emmefatale OP Woman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Fuck...you looked really good after 14 pints of Stella.....

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By *uud 4-funMan
over a year ago

Dartford

The best one I've ever heard/ read was:

"Ya don't sweat much.. for a fat lass"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once genuinely said this to a woman I know.

I said "you look better with make up on"

My mates pissed themselves and I didn't have a clue, I genuinely said it.

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By *emmefatale OP Woman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"I once genuinely said this to a woman I know.

I said "you look better with make up on"

My mates pissed themselves and I didn't have a clue, I genuinely said it.

"
Most women do though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"lift your belly up, so I can get at yer fanny"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you need to wax that every day

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By *cottishrichMan
over a year ago

Here and there

Can you go on top, I'm burning my arse on the lightbulb.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I once genuinely said this to a woman I know.

I said "you look better with make up on"

My mates pissed themselves and I didn't have a clue, I genuinely said it.

Most women do though.

I know...exactly.

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By *emmefatale OP Woman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

I am not saying your boobs are saggy, but how long have they been tucked into your knickers?

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By *am123Man
over a year ago

essex chelmsford

do i have to roll u in flour to find the damp patch

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By *emmefatale OP Woman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

I was gonna lick your fanny but theres an echo!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can you go on top, I'm burning my arse on the lightbulb.

Steady onnnnnnn!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To my ex-girlfriend before a night out after she was getting ready for hours -

"You look like you've brushed your hair with a toffee apple"

Went down a storm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was gonna lick your fanny but theres an echo!

Oh my gawwwwd!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No, let's keep the lights off.

Why have you got a single bed? You haven't?! "

Love it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When is it due ( the baby )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you washed this week?

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By *emmefatale OP Woman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Keep em coming guys, I am pmsl here!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

please dear ...let me read the map

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By *uud 4-funMan
over a year ago

Dartford

"Close y'legs luv- I'm not a lip reader!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is the first time I am really wiping the tears from my face on this forum. Brilliant!

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

Sweetheart the dress is fine..

no need to change again..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope you stamped your feet ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am not saying a word.

Stick to what you said to me the other day. It made me smile!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No, let's keep the lights off.

Why have you got a single bed? You haven't?!

Pmsl!

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By *haft10Man
over a year ago

Wandsworth

That dress fit you nicely for someone your size

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I told my missus ive put an obituary in the newspaper awww y whos died she replied our fucking sex life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hang on i will just grab my snorkel

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well one more cake isn't really going to make any difference now is it ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You look slim in the dark

I wonder how i am single

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

That bleaching kit was a great buy, your moustache looks much better blonde

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am not saying a word.

Stick to what you said to me the other day. It made me smile!

What did I say can't remember? ..

I say all sorts sorry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But you said i could do that i like

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

why are those cats following you dear ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am not saying a word.

Stick to what you said to me the other day. It made me smile!

What did I say can't remember? ..

I say all sorts sorry

I'm not repeating it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife said how shall i have my hair up or down i said down over your face looks best

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By *haft10Man
over a year ago

Wandsworth

Have a couple of chairs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You stop it wobbling.....then I'll stop laughing

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By *amslam1000Man
over a year ago

willenhall

"I once genuinely said this to a woman I know.

I said "you look better with make up on"

My mates pissed themselves and I didn't have a clue, I genuinely said it.

Most women do though.

I know...exactly.

But that's the point of it lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Come away from that window we will never sell the house

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By *taffsfella1Man
over a year ago

Newcastle-under-Lyme

I saw your friend in town today...whatshername...you know...the one who's better looking and slimmer than you!

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Your arse looks great in those shorts...It's the bit that's hanging out of them that's not so hot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Q: How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat?

A: She fits into your wife's clothes.

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

1st words out of my mouth to my ex wife after not seeing her in yrs an not even recognising her......bloody hell you've put Wight on haven't you. An I really wasn't meaning to be nasty just my 1st reaction when i realised it was her. fuck me did it kick off after that Can't think why

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She lay back on the bed , legs apart and said "what do you think"

Just couldn't help myself. "Comb your hair and put your teeth in" i retorted.

My nuts are still swollen even now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What is the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years your job still sucks.

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By *emmefatale OP Woman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Good thing blonde hair isn't contagious.

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By *am123Man
over a year ago

essex chelmsford

"That bleaching kit was a great buy, your moustache looks much better blonde

"
love this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am not saying a word.

Stick to what you said to me the other day. It made me smile!

What did I say can't remember? ..

I say all sorts sorry

I'm not repeating it

I seriously can't remember

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not the ripest of melons..

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Good thing blonde hair isn't contagious.

Don't bet on that...

It could be being weaponised in a secret underground lab as you type...

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By *punkloverCouple
over a year ago

hatfield

I'm not saying your fat but i did have to roll over twice to fall off you !!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You look a million dollars...all green and crinkly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll never forget the day we first me - although I keep trying to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."

So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair.

I guess we don't watch the same movies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

as hot as ur mother

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By *punkloverCouple
over a year ago

hatfield

Ok Ok i get it now, i misunderstood when you said you wanted me to get to know your sister better !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're so narrow minded that when you walk your ear rings bash together

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your teeth are like stars!

They cum out at night!

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I'm sure it's just water retention or something. Thank goodness for elasticated waists, eh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I met a woman from Birmingam once l said two good things come from Birmingham beautiful women and football what position do you play?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We can save a few bob for the kids party, your the bouncy castle

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

Ohh My OH is really good at this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do these jeans make my arse look big? No its your arse that makes your arse look big!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'Your welcome sir'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're not wearing that are you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This girl i know said to me how come men can sleep around and there a legend and i sleep with two guys within a year iam a slut Well i said if 1 key opens loads of locks its a master key but if loads of keys can open 1 lock ITS A SHIT LOCK

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This girl in the club pinched my arse i turned round she looked like a right pig she said oi oi sexy can i get your number i said have u got a pen she said yes well fuck off back to it before the farmer notices your missing lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll meet ya! But only some place dimly lit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are looking well have you been ill lately

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fart and give us a clue

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By *iceguy 1966Man
over a year ago

in pa postcode

Something to make her happy and sad at the same time.

Your fanny is tighter than your sisters.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"You can look quite nice when u try "

I have had that one said to me.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I once genuinely said this to a woman I know.

I said "you look better with make up on"

My mates pissed themselves and I didn't have a clue, I genuinely said it.

I can believe that after your first sight of me. Do you remember what you said?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i bet you walk away from a tidy shit

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

After an exchange of abuse,

My mate said to a girl, when I saw you coming in,I thought,oh aye,

here comes Alaska on legs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know the ozone layer is melting the ice caps but didn't realise it affected your face to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Said to my wife...

"How do you turn a fox into an elephant" ?

I don't know she replied...

"Marry her" !

Guess i know why i'm divorced !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Another little gem that did'nt go down to well...

"Did you dye your roots black"

That was an expensive comment !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi "enter gfs mums name" oops

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good to see you joining in with Movemember...runs away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am not saying a word.

That could do it......

Haha

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

In the heat of an argument,my mate's girlfriend said,you cum to quick.

He said,it's hard not to,when I'm thinking about your sister.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/11/13 01:47:06]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You scrub up well....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That dress looks a little to tight.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its like gorrilas in the mist when u take a shower!!

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By *haft10Man
over a year ago

Wandsworth

"In the heat of an argument,my mate's girlfriend said,you cum to quick.

He said,it's hard not to,when I'm thinking about your sister.

pmsl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" your fanny smells , sort it out !!! "

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By *eeBee67Man
over a year ago

Masked and Distant

"You scrub up well...."

Usually.

What happened tonight.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So you're not trying to look like a bulldog chewing a wasp?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Is that your feet i can smell ? " No it bloody isnt !!

" Oh must be your fanny then ! "

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By *udistnorthantsMan
over a year ago

Desborough

Ex "Does my bum look big in this?"

Me "It looks big in everything"

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By *udistnorthantsMan
over a year ago

Desborough

The best was one I heard in the early 90s in Cyprus on BFBS Radio when one of the DJs asked why one of the Married Quarters areas in Dhekelia was called "Slim Village" when a sizeable proportion of the wives there were clearly not

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Her: How do I look, do you like my dress?

Me: Yeah love you look fine.

World War 3 breaks out - WTF did I say?

Oh yeah 'Fine'. I was supposed to say amazing, fantastic, sexy, etc but not fine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread has put a big smile on my face this morning. So so funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Stella rating.

1 pint = Stunning

2 pints = Gorgeous

3 pints = A good night ahead

4 pints = Might need to squint a bit

5 pints = Lights off

6 pints = Gonna regret it in the morning

7 pints = Pray she uses paper bags for her shopping

8 pints = RUN !!

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By *urbsMan
over a year ago

Colchester/Ipswich

shut ya legs its making ya breath smell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If all brides are beautiful where do the ugly wives come from.

Actually I've not spoken to my wife for 18 months, I don't like to interrupt her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Urrrrrrrrrrrrrgh! I thought you just had wrinkled tights/stockings on, didn't realise you wernt wearing any

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When i slept with my ex after we bumped into eachother on a night out, next morning she was planning how we were getting back together etc... When i said no she asked why i slept with her and my simple reply was

" it was easier then a wank "

Went down a treat as Im sûre You can imagine

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics

"Fuck...you looked really good after 14 pints of Stella.....

Morning... Anyone seen my beer googles it's obvious I must have been wearing them last night...

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By *S_PennyTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

I've always liked the subtle approach:

Oh you should wear the black dress, you look so much slimmer in that.

It's ok you look great, I love your curves

Do you want me to get you a salad with that?

I've booked you a waxing session dear (I actually did this for my ex once, lol)

The less subtle is always funny to though:

Your legs have better stubble than my face.

Are you growing your body hair to keep warm?

I got you this leaflet on breast enhancements/liposuction (whatever term you want really)

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By *iceguy 1966Man
over a year ago

in pa postcode

Your fanny looks like a gorillas back has been slashed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The best one I've ever heard/ read was:

"Ya don't sweat much.. for a fat lass""

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In the heat of an argument,my mate's girlfriend said,you cum to quick.

He said,it's hard not to,when I'm thinking about your sister.

pmsl"

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

I said to my ex once infront of her family and mine when she was banging on about a boob job, (one of those others in the back of The News Of The Worlds free magazine, just before the Mystic Meg horoscopes).

Why dont you go and get some toilet roll and furiously rub it between your tits?

Puzzled looks

Its seems to have done the trick on your arse.

Thankfully it went down really well and we had a great engagement party

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haha too funny these

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By *S_PennyTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

Slightly off piste here but I just thought of a time when I totally embarrassed my ex in front of her Dad when I met him for the first time when I neatly dropped out "oh she makes a great breakfast" the look on his face.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A girl once said to me you really have a small organ !!

So i replied " Well i didnt realise i was playing in a fucking cathedral "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I fancy role play... Here's a paper bag ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/11/13 10:27:21]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does this dress make me look fat?" Me "No the fat does!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fart an give us a clue

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The golden rule for men is yes yes no

Does this dress look ok?

Yes

Are you sure?

Yes

Your not just saying that?

Works every time in all situations

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

having sex with her was like throwing a woodbine into the albert hall !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you want me to go down on you darling? ok, just let me get my water skis on, I wouldn't want to fall in!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

wow youre fu**ing fat love. I think you'll need to roll around in this flour so I can find the wet patches.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

she was so fat , I slapped her thighs and surfed in on the ripples !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Does my bum look big in this " ??

Eye pet fuckin huge , take it off your scaring the dog .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was stood behind a fat ugly bird in a que at tescos this morning. She had 2 kids with her. I said are they twins?,

Clearly not she said one is 5 and the others 12!. Oh apologies I said, I just can't believe you've been shagged twice

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By *horltzMan
over a year ago

heysham

When are you due ???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is that a dress you're wearing... or a two-man tent?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had better

lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wanna borrow my boomerang to put ya belt on!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're starting to look like your mum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You're starting to look like your mum

"
pmsl. Sound like her even worse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You're starting to look like your mum

pmsl. Sound like her even worse"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*sniff**sniff*

is that your feet or your fanny?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lets have some balance here..things to destroy a womans ego...

Have you put weight on?/Are you pregnant?/Your arse looks huge but not just in that!

All good fun.....gentlemen....go!!!!

You said you have been single for a few months, I can see why .

To a ginger girl with a landing strip , is that a fish finger on your vagina

You lean forward to kiss her and then say oh my god is that a wart on your nose

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

singing

if i said you had a beautiful body, would you know i was joking.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was temping at a restaurant and a big lady was acting smart and said something as i was sweeping up some rice from the floor.

i told her," i think you might break the floor if you fall"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I sleep with your sister

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