FabSwingers.com forum: serious topic,, advice sought

By *odareyou OP Man
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

This may be a ramble as I m right royally f***ed off,

I try and involve myself in my two girls upbringing as much as I can, I ll say now I wouldn t speak to my ex if it wasn t for the girls, and my ex only rings for one thing money I m never told when parents evenings are or Christmas plays etc, however she s just rung to say my eldest has been getting numerous detentions not doing homework and generally being a disruptive pupil and a pain in the arse, my ex has been called to the school today for a meeting with the Head of year, first I knew of it was the phone call after the meeting from the ex, this is behavior I dont see, when shes at mine shes polite and well behaved, not knowing the full story I m not there enough my ex says I m lucky,, not being involved in your kids lives as much as you want isnt lucky,

So if you can decipher what the fu*k I need advice or anything else wise please do so,

P.S

I ve rung the school but the teacher is busy at the moment,

Pps

I needed to vent somewhere,, I m gutted this brings it Home how much I m misding out on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe go round and see your ex and your kids and have a long chat.

Find out if its just a cry for attention or some other kind of problem.

Best of luck mate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

could you not go to court and ask to see your kids more? She can't stop you!

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Maybe you and your ex need to sit down as adults if you can't without fighting maybe think about mediation and express that you want to be apart of their life in more ways then money and you want to know the bad as well as the good...I don't think you are lucky not being apart of their lives as it sounds like you want to be there in ever aspects...also next time your daughter is there have a chat with her find out what's going on at school which is leading her to act this way....then you can support her with the issues...and be there for her..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know where your child goes to school?

If so it is your responsibility to get communication from the school about things like plays etc and you should make them understand that you are pre-told about any meetings involving your child.

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

If you contact school they should be able to keep you updated with regards parents evenings etc as I know I had to complete a form for any other parent living away from the home and all letters are sent to him also!!

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

The school will only contact the appropriate adult with parental responsibility and if the OP hasn't got that, then they won't contact him.

I'd advise talking to your daughter, OP, if she was a good student before and now has had a dip in attitude/attainment/behaviour, you need to find out the reasons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP I have been in your exes shoes. If she works its even harder being a single main carer. If my ex had expected me to be his PA I would not have been impressed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The school will only contact the appropriate adult with parental responsibility and if the OP hasn't got that, then they won't contact him.

I'd advise talking to your daughter, OP, if she was a good student before and now has had a dip in attitude/attainment/behaviour, you need to find out the reasons. "

The schools in our area provide separate info including school reports and arrange parents evenings separately for both.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"this is behavior I dont see, when shes at mine shes polite and well behaved, "

She respects you more than she does her mum.

I'm guessing..not been in this situation myself.

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By *ichaelangelaCouple
over a year ago

notts

investigate if your child has got in with some "wrong un's" as my mum used to say.

could be peer presure making her misbehave in school

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By *ichaelangelaCouple
over a year ago

notts

"investigate if your child has got in with some "wrong un's" as my mum used to say.

could be peer presure making her misbehave in school"

pressure *

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By *ighland_RoseCouple
over a year ago

Brigadoon

My advice (for what it's worth) would be to sit down with a piece of paper, when you are feeling less emotional about it, and write your ex a letter. Explain to her, in a calm, non confrontational, non accusatory way how you see the situation and what you would like to do to change it for the better. Then ask her for her input so she doesn't feel it's all from your point of view. I think it would be best in a letter as you can keep it calm.

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By *odareyou OP Man
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

Thanks people, I ve not had a chance to read all of your comments as yet, after speaking to the head of year theres more to the story / problem than Ive been made aware Of,

Thanks again, Darryl,

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Sorry to hear this, its not how you would of wanted it but this sounds like the opportunity to be involved with them more now onwards.

Without knowing the history, its sounds highly unfair on you but most of all the children. Hope that changes in time asap

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

Always remember, no matter how you and your ex feel about each other, the priority here is your daughter.

One of the other posters mentioned writing your ex a letter, this might be a good way forward if you cannot stay calm when you are both in a room together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go to the courts for parental responsibility, you will have a much say over your children as she does, school reports, parents evening, anything that involves your children.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How old is your daughter maybe its a phase talk to her and also talk to your ex dont fight in front of your children as they will pick up on this. Good luck teenage years are hell x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How old is your daughter maybe its a phase talk to her and also talk to your ex dont fight in front of your children as they will pick up on this. Good luck teenage years are hell x"

Ps Mothers and daughters do lock horns maybe you could offer to have her more to give her mum a break x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"investigate if your child has got in with some "wrong un's" as my mum used to say.

could be peer presure making her misbehave in school"

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By *odareyou OP Man
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

At the moment I m trying to put together the pieces of the story My ex has told me one version the head of year a differing version my two girls are here this Friday evening so I hope to get another side to the story,

I m guessing theres an element of teenage adolescent behaviour, possibly peer pressure, theres a lack of discipline on my ex's part she just doesnt,

cheers guys I needed to vent my frustration at not being as involved as I wanted and being told there was a problem after the event,

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