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Adoption/Step Children

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By *umpleteazer OP   Woman
over a year ago

Flintshire

Do you think it is possible to love a child you have adopted (or a step child) as much as you would love your own biological child? Is there an optimum age at which you would need to enter their life for them to see you and love you as they would their true parent?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well i love my dogs and one of them was two when we got her. i cant imagine loving other peoples kids though.

i dont like kids that much only my own or if it was my nephew or grandchild.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great question.

I doubt id love a step child as much as my own, for me my daughter would come first even before a man.

Id say id create a stronger bong with a child if i were part of their life when they were younger so i could play a part in raising them and influencing education etc. Trying to merge with a child when they already have their own ideas of right wrong etc might be harder.

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By *ust_for_laughsCouple
over a year ago

Hinckley

Our daughter and son-in-law recently adopted a 9 month old baby and I doubt they could love their own biological child any more than they do her! Same goes for us, she's just another one of the grand kids, love her to death

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Our daughter and son-in-law recently adopted a 9 month old baby and I doubt they could love their own biological child any more than they do her! Same goes for us, she's just another one of the grand kids, love her to death "

i was married for 20 years. got married young and we had 5 kids together. he had 5 (somewhat troublesome) kids from his 1st marraige... one by one as we had our kids his kids form first marraige came to stay with us as their mum was a chronic alcoholic.... Although one was only 4 yrs younger than myself we were very close. All of them i treated as my own....yes it is possible to love step kids.. i loved everyone of them....when they grew up and flew the nest i was devastated... unfortunately they had a tough life before comng to stay with us and took the wrong turn in life. ... i dont hear from them now since i divorced their dad and yes will always love them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love my Grandchildren like my own. I'm not their Mother but I'm as close to them as I am to my Daughters.

I think I could love any child to be honest x

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By *ust_for_laughsCouple
over a year ago

Hinckley


"Our daughter and son-in-law recently adopted a 9 month old baby and I doubt they could love their own biological child any more than they do her! Same goes for us, she's just another one of the grand kids, love her to death

i was married for 20 years. got married young and we had 5 kids together. he had 5 (somewhat troublesome) kids from his 1st marraige... one by one as we had our kids his kids form first marraige came to stay with us as their mum was a chronic alcoholic.... Although one was only 4 yrs younger than myself we were very close. All of them i treated as my own....yes it is possible to love step kids.. i loved everyone of them....when they grew up and flew the nest i was devastated... unfortunately they had a tough life before comng to stay with us and took the wrong turn in life. ... i dont hear from them now since i divorced their dad and yes will always love them"

I love both my step-daughter's dearly too, and Mrs JFL feels the same about my daughter.

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By *umpleteazer OP   Woman
over a year ago

Flintshire


"I doubt id love a step child as much as my own, for me my daughter would come first even before a man.

"

Just the way it should be. I find it shocking the amount of women who get a new partner and he takes priority over her own children!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No it isn't possible

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No it isn't possible "
okasy i can say i did love them...but there is no love like a mothers love for her own children...

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By *umpleteazer OP   Woman
over a year ago

Flintshire


"No it isn't possible "

Is it something you have tried and failed, or just a gut feeling based on your love for your own children?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I love my Grandchildren like my own. I'm not their Mother but I'm as close to them as I am to my Daughters.

I think I could love any child to be honest x "

Yes you would love your grandchildren because they are part of your daughters. there is a bond.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i am Adopted.

my Step mum From birth Loved me more than my birth mum. so yes it is Possible.

i dont feel unloved

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By *ust_for_laughsCouple
over a year ago

Hinckley


"No it isn't possible "

Yes it is.

If we're just going to post absolutes with no quantifying statements whatsoever, then two can play at that game

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you think it is possible to love a child you have adopted (or a step child) as much as you would love your own biological child? Is there an optimum age at which you would need to enter their life for them to see you and love you as they would their true parent?"

I don't think there is an optimum age to do anything, life throws the dice and we roll with what we are given.

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By *ust_for_laughsCouple
over a year ago

Hinckley


"I love my Grandchildren like my own. I'm not their Mother but I'm as close to them as I am to my Daughters.

I think I could love any child to be honest x

Yes you would love your grandchildren because they are part of your daughters. there is a bond."

By that argument, I shouldn't love my grandchildren so much as they're my step-daughters' children, ergo, no bond as it's not possible to love step-children like your own (which it is, by the way).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why shouldn't anyone love an adopted (step) child as they would with their own biological child?

A child is a child, innocent and it's no fault of the child why they are in that position of being adopted etc.

A child doesn't choose to be in that position and if they are in that position then love and affection is more than anything else they would need

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We adopted and my son was 19 month when he came to us, I don't think we could love him any more as far as we are concerned he is ours.

Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it is possible, and the age they come into your life doesn't matter, it's the way you treat them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I honestly believe that it is possible for a step parent to love their stepchildren and adoptive parents to love their adopted children.

I believe that it is also possible, sadly, for biological parents not to love their own children.

I think it all comes down to the individual parent(s)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To those who have adopted children, do you have biological children of your own to 'compare' your love too?

I think people who adopt/foster children are amazing by the way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i was adopted when I was 2 from the moment I started living with them they were my MOM and DAD not step parents at all they are my parents and I can honestly say they love all their adopted kids just as much as their biological. I think if you go into adoption not expecting to love it truly as your own child then you should stop as its clearly not for you. I'm glad in adopted and thankful for the love my parents have always shown me.

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By *amie_leighWoman
over a year ago

coventry

My mum met my stepdad when I was 17 and I made his life hell for the first two years but I couldnt have a better dad He would do anything for us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if you couldnt have kids of your own you would be glad to be able to adopt one, but it would be easier if they were babies or very young, under twelve i think. i think you would grow fond of them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Our daughter and son-in-law recently adopted a 9 month old baby and I doubt they could love their own biological child any more than they do her! Same goes for us, she's just another one of the grand kids, love her to death "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why would you even need to compare your love.

Adopted kids probably get more love from the adopted parents as it was a choice between child and adults to become a family and not arranged around them without knowledge.

I was 9 when I was adopted and could not have better parents. They have always been there and never shown signs of not loving me 1000000%.

I know biological families with much less love and support for their children. Giving birth doesn't automatically give you love for that child!

Ok, think I will go take some deep breaths now x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"if you couldnt have kids of your own you would be glad to be able to adopt one, but it would be easier if they were babies or very young, under twelve i think. i think you would grow fond of them."

"Grow fond of them?" I'm.fond of Rita at Morrisons who serves me my weekly wine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"if you couldnt have kids of your own you would be glad to be able to adopt one, but it would be easier if they were babies or very young, under twelve i think. i think you would grow fond of them.

"Grow fond of them?" I'm.fond of Rita at Morrisons who serves me my weekly wine. "

Are you really?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"if you couldnt have kids of your own you would be glad to be able to adopt one, but it would be easier if they were babies or very young, under twelve i think. i think you would grow fond of them.

"Grow fond of them?" I'm.fond of Rita at Morrisons who serves me my weekly wine. :

I am. We have a lovely conversation when I see her.

I would hope to goodness I am more than "fond" of the child I choose to adopt ( or perhaps to phrase better, who chooses me), otherwise I would be wondering if my motivation and reasons were good enough to go through two plus years of waiting in the adoption process!

Are you really?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes you can

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"if you couldnt have kids of your own you would be glad to be able to adopt one, but it would be easier if they were babies or very young, under twelve i think. i think you would grow fond of them."

If you adopt you do for love of children ... not to merely become ' fond ' of them

Children need love - they need to feel love at whatever age they are adopted from.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can tell you from personal experience with couples who are waiting to adopt

They wait .. they already love that child before they even meet them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"if you couldnt have kids of your own you would be glad to be able to adopt one, but it would be easier if they were babies or very young, under twelve i think. i think you would grow fond of them.

If you adopt you do for love of children ... not to merely become ' fond ' of

Children need love - they need to feel love at whatever age they are adopted from. "

Here, here....I could.not agree with you more!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"if you couldnt have kids of your own you would be glad to be able to adopt one, but it would be easier if they were babies or very young, under twelve i think. i think you would grow fond of them.

"Grow fond of them?" I'm.fond of Rita at Morrisons who serves me my weekly wine. :

I am. We have a lovely conversation when I see her.

I would hope to goodness I am more than "fond" of the child I choose to adopt ( or perhaps to phrase better, who chooses me), otherwise I would be wondering if my motivation and reasons were good enough to go through two plus years of waiting in the adoption process!

Are you really?"

Fond, to have love and affection for, urban dictionary.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can tell you from personal experience with couples who are waiting to adopt

They wait .. they already love that child before they even meet them

"

Yes they do.

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By *oungStuff111Man
over a year ago

Hathersage

i plan on adopting first. well fostering first then adopting. If there's already enough kids/babies out there that need the help i dont see why you should go through the trouble of pregnancy- especially the people that struggle and end up paying for all sorts of treatment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"if you couldnt have kids of your own you would be glad to be able to adopt one, but it would be easier if they were babies or very young, under twelve i think. i think you would grow fond of them.

"Grow fond of them?" I'm.fond of Rita at Morrisons who serves me my weekly wine. :

I am. We have a lovely conversation when I see her.

I would hope to goodness I am more than "fond" of the child I choose to adopt ( or perhaps to phrase better, who chooses me), otherwise I would be wondering if my motivation and reasons were good enough to go through two plus years of waiting in the adoption process!

Are you really?

Fond, to have love and affection for, urban dictionary. "

Ok, in the same way you would reguarly hear a mother say "I am quiet fond of my children?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"if you couldnt have kids of your own you would be glad to be able to adopt one, but it would be easier if they were babies or very young, under twelve i think. i think you would grow fond of them.

"Grow fond of them?" I'm.fond of Rita at Morrisons who serves me my weekly wine. :

I am. We have a lovely conversation when I see her.

I would hope to goodness I am more than "fond" of the child I choose to adopt ( or perhaps to phrase better, who chooses me), otherwise I would be wondering if my motivation and reasons were good enough to go through two plus years of waiting in the adoption process!

Are you really?

Fond, to have love and affection for, urban dictionary.

Ok, in the same way you would reguarly hear a mother say "I am quiet fond of my children?""

Ugh, no, like very fond of.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i plan on adopting first. well fostering first then adopting. If there's already enough kids/babies out there that need the help i dont see why you should go through the trouble of pregnancy- especially the people that struggle and end up paying for all sorts of treatment. "

On the most part I agree with this statement but not the bit about going through the" trouble of being pregnant." Some women would.love to experience that kind of "trouble."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No it isn't possible

Is it something you have tried and failed, or just a gut feeling based on your love for your own children?"

Both. If it were ever to be possible there would need to be zero interference from third parties / extending family and the other biological parent not to on the scene at all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No it isn't possible

Is it something you have tried and failed, or just a gut feeling based on your love for your own children?

Both. If it were ever to be possible there would need to be zero interference from third parties / extending family and the other biological parent not to on the scene at all "

It can get complicated.

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By *oungStuff111Man
over a year ago

Hathersage


"i plan on adopting first. well fostering first then adopting. If there's already enough kids/babies out there that need the help i dont see why you should go through the trouble of pregnancy- especially the people that struggle and end up paying for all sorts of treatment.

On the most part I agree with this statement but not the bit about going through the" trouble of being pregnant." Some women would.love to experience that kind of "trouble.""

by trouble i didnt just mean your usually healthy pregnancy with all the morning sickness and swollen parts that come with it.

There can be difficulties, losses, abnormalities and so on. i only say this becasue i've seen it happen to people in my family.

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By *urvywelshCouple
over a year ago

Everywhere and nowhere baby

My ex has 4 kids. Now all grown up. I was with him for 14 years. His kids never accepted me. I tried my best but their mum poisoned them against me.

My Mr has 2 kids, 23 and 21. I love them to bits and they love me. I have no kids of my own to 'compare' with. We have a mother/child relationship and its great. Only been with Mr just under 2 years but feel like I've known the kids all their lives. Wouldn't want it any other way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No it isn't possible

Is it something you have tried and failed, or just a gut feeling based on your love for your own children?

Both. If it were ever to be possible there would need to be zero interference from third parties / extending family and the other biological parent not to on the scene at all

It can get complicated."

Just a bit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My ex has 4 kids. Now all grown up. I was with him for 14 years. His kids never accepted me. I tried my best but their mum poisoned them against me.

My Mr has 2 kids, 23 and 21. I love them to bits and they love me. I have no kids of my own to 'compare' with. We have a mother/child relationship and its great. Only been with Mr just under 2 years but feel like I've known the kids all their lives. Wouldn't want it any other way. "

Second time lucky.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im adopted and couldnt have been more loved by my mum who passed away last xmas and my dad who is still alive, I was made to feel very special all through my childhood and still do in adulthood (Mrs)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here's a slightly different scenario!!

Me and my first husband couldn't have children because his sperm count was so low that it was almost nonexistent even IVF was a no go. So we took the root of having a sperm donor and when our son was born he was loved and treated as if he had been a biological son and that has never changed, unfortunately I lost twins from the same donor so a sibling was never meant to be.

But had he been adopted (which i suppose in a way he was) nothing would have changed, his dad still loves him as much now he is older and it was my sons dad that sat and told him how he came about and the bond is even greater !!

He has 2 half sisters and I have never treated any of them any different from the other....

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By *oungStuff111Man
over a year ago

Hathersage


"Here's a slightly different scenario!!

Me and my first husband couldn't have children because his sperm count was so low that it was almost nonexistent even IVF was a no go. So we took the root of having a sperm donor and when our son was born he was loved and treated as if he had been a biological son and that has never changed, unfortunately I lost twins from the same donor so a sibling was never meant to be.

But had he been adopted (which i suppose in a way he was) nothing would have changed, his dad still loves him as much now he is older and it was my sons dad that sat and told him how he came about and the bond is even greater !!

He has 2 half sisters and I have never treated any of them any different from the other.... "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe my son was waiting for me to to find him so we could adopt him and that is one of the reasons I can't have children myself.

As someone has said previously just because you give birth to them doesn't mean they are automatically loved.

Xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

V has kids, and i can take or leave them.

i give them advice, when its wanted, we have a laugh and i am always here for them, but love.....in the form i feel it for V then no, i dont love them.

but then, i have no feelings towards my nephews or neices, or cousins that are children.

i really have no paternal instinct at all.

o once thought i would make a good dad as i was with a woman whom was pregnant and when the child was born i had feelings for it, but the mother treated me like a cunt and that was the last time i had anything at all to do with any kids.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"V has kids, and i can take or leave them.

i give them advice, when its wanted, we have a laugh and i am always here for them, but love.....in the form i feel it for V then no, i dont love them.

but then, i have no feelings towards my nephews or neices, or cousins that are children.

i really have no paternal instinct at all.

o once thought i would make a good dad as i was with a woman whom was pregnant and when the child was born i had feelings for it, but the mother treated me like a cunt and that was the last time i had anything at all to do with any kids."

At least your honest, though if you had been a woman and said that, you would be for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"V has kids, and i can take or leave them.

i give them advice, when its wanted, we have a laugh and i am always here for them, but love.....in the form i feel it for V then no, i dont love them.

but then, i have no feelings towards my nephews or neices, or cousins that are children.

i really have no paternal instinct at all.

o once thought i would make a good dad as i was with a woman whom was pregnant and when the child was born i had feelings for it, but the mother treated me like a cunt and that was the last time i had anything at all to do with any kids.

At least your honest, though if you had been a woman and said that, you would be for it. "

why?

if you choose not to have kids because you arent maternal, i dont understand the problem (not speaking about your personally).

now, those that have kids without being maternal are a little strange.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"V has kids, and i can take or leave them.

i give them advice, when its wanted, we have a laugh and i am always here for them, but love.....in the form i feel it for V then no, i dont love them.

but then, i have no feelings towards my nephews or neices, or cousins that are children.

i really have no paternal instinct at all.

o once thought i would make a good dad as i was with a woman whom was pregnant and when the child was born i had feelings for it, but the mother treated me like a cunt and that was the last time i had anything at all to do with any kids.

At least your honest, though if you had been a woman and said that, you would be for it.

why?

if you choose not to have kids because you arent maternal, i dont understand the problem (not speaking about your personally).

now, those that have kids without being maternal are a little strange."

Oh because if your a woman your suposed to love kids even the ones that arent your own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I could love any child in the right circumstances nette

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think if I had that child from a baby I could love as much as my others if I was taking over being there mum .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I could love any child in the right circumstances nette"

Me too. I love my nephews and nieces and my friends kids.

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By *umpleteazer OP   Woman
over a year ago

Flintshire

In general, is it easier for women to love a non-biological child than it is for men then? (I know everyone is different, but I mean the majority)

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By *ndy_mandyCouple
over a year ago

Tredegar

Andy is a foster child, the love he has for his mum and dad and vice versa is amazing, he knows his biological mum but has no love for her. They treat him as theirs and when they die they are splitting the house 3 ways, Andy, his foster sister and his foster brother. He is breaking his heart at the moment as his dad is dying so yes you can love just ad much.

Andy and I want to adopt a child and will love him or her as if it came out of me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My children's mother died a few years ago, the children certainly suffered in the last months as her death was alcohol related. My wonderful wife has helped immensely raising the kids, she is marvellous with them although I know it is harder for her as she hasn't seen her own kids in over a year. I don't expect her to love them in the same way as her own biological children but she has done so much for my two I couldn't have wished for any more. I just hope she knows how much all three of us appreciate her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My children's mother died a few years ago, the children certainly suffered in the last months as her death was alcohol related. My wonderful wife has helped immensely raising the kids, she is marvellous with them although I know it is harder for her as she hasn't seen her own kids in over a year. I don't expect her to love them in the same way as her own biological children but she has done so much for my two I couldn't have wished for any more. I just hope she knows how much all three of us appreciate her."

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