FabSwingers.com forum: JUDGEMENT

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We met a guy off site last night who, it transpires, had never had a threesome before. He froze, made his excuses and after a long chat afterwards he left. The guy was a perfect gent, but when we spoke to him this morning (text), he implied that what we are doing is very wrong and he is looking for sex in a loving relationship. Surely, having a threesum within a loving relationship is perfectly normal? who are we hurting when it simply adds to what we already have within our relationship?

What are the thoughts on this folks?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We met a guy off site last night who, it transpires, had never had a threesome before. He froze, made his excuses and after a long chat afterwards he left. The guy was a perfect gent, but when we spoke to him this morning (text), he implied that what we are doing is very wrong and he is looking for sex in a loving relationship. Surely, having a threesum within a loving relationship is perfectly normal? who are we hurting when it simply adds to what we already have within our relationship?

What are the thoughts on this folks?"

Different strokes for different folks.

We all have our own idea on what 'loving' is, it would seem to me, he found he can't separate the sexy fun side from the sweet loving side.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people panic and say allsorts to cover up blushes. Maybe he was one of them?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

he did panic, that's for sure, and indeed everyone is different (which is a good thing). But, do not judge others based upon your own views. His attitude upset my gf, who is in no way cheap.she is simply a liberal minded person enjoying life. live and let live.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it takes all sorts hun tell your girlfriend not to be upset, there are quite a few on here that think its a dating site. If a couple are open and honest with each other do what you both enjoy xxxxx have fun take care

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I (Sue) am a little confused by his actions ! What did he think the meet was all about ? If he is just looking for a loving relationship then he is on the wrong site ! I feel you are right ! This for us is all about adding fun to our already great relationship ! Nothing more ! I suppose everyone is looking for different things but for me that is what the profiles are all about, so you can try and find people who are looking for the same as you !

You are not doing anything wrong ! You are not hurting anyone !

Sound to me as though he THOUGHT it was what he wanted but then simply got scared !

You just keep doing what makes you happy !

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

Why is he on the site if he has such high moral standards which he thinks he can impose on you?

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By *riendlyfunfemWoman
over a year ago

A world of my own

I think some people, guys especially have a fantasy about threesomes/two couples etc but when it comes to the reality its different to what they imagine and they can't go through with it. It seem like this is what happened to this chap.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why is he on the site if he has such high moral standards which he thinks he can impose on you?

I guess he thought, oh a shag, then got there and his bottle went.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

thanks everyone for such positive feedback. we didn't just jump into the decision to allow a third person into our sex life at a drop of a hat, and to be made to feel like this is somewhat disheartening. BUT, I must stress that this was just one person. We have been very fortunate that the other guys we have met have been wonderful. So,thanks to those guys and as for last night, i guess you live and learn. it won't put us off as we both believe this works for us and we thoroughly enjoy the lifetyle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ive actually met a couple of single guys who just decided when it came to it that they could do what we had intended and fair play for admitting that ...What was wrong with this guy was that he was judging you afterwards ....so not fair ...this world is all about consent and mutual decisions ...dont let him put you off...HAve Fun in the ways you decide..take care .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"thanks everyone for such positive feedback. we didn't just jump into the decision to allow a third person into our sex life at a drop of a hat, and to be made to feel like this is somewhat disheartening. BUT, I must stress that this was just one person. We have been very fortunate that the other guys we have met have been wonderful. So,thanks to those guys and as for last night, i guess you live and learn. it won't put us off as we both believe this works for us and we thoroughly enjoy the lifetyle."

This is all about HIS personal issues, not yours, so don't let it bother you.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I agree the idea of a threesome was probably a one hot for him,but the reality was a little too much,it does happen and as you say he was a perfect gent hes probably feeling a little confused and more than likely very embarrassed about freezing when it came down to it

His judgement comments were probably said to make himself feel better about the situation and not intended to make you feel bad,after all he knew you were a couple when he met you,you did'nt spring the threesome on him as a surprise

Don't take it to heart and carry on having fun xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

yes, the lifestyle that we have adopted works for us. He found it very difficult comprehend that we could detach the emotional side from the physical aspect. Swinging by no means dominantes our lives. It simply runs parallel to the normal day to day activities we have. It is fun and if you are both happy to introduce a third person then that can only be a positive thing. By going into this together we have found that out trust and respect for each other has grown and grown. We don't have affairs which do involve emotional attachment and hurt the other person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My partners sister says we are weird for what we do, but she's the one cheating her partner, they been married just over 12 month now, she blagged my partner to go out with her one night, even paid, and sat texting an ex from a few year ago all night, trying to get him to meet. yet we are weird eh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes you are in a loving relationship and nothing wrong with spicing it up with a 3 sum so not hurting anyone. sounds to me like this guy isnt into swinging and should be on a dating site

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

shagaloony, i liked your comment. It is something we have discussed amongst ourselves. Indeed, I wonder how many people within relationships do have affairs and consider that perfectly acceptable, yet frown upon the swinging lifestyle????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"shagaloony, i liked your comment. It is something we have discussed amongst ourselves. Indeed, I wonder how many people within relationships do have affairs and consider that perfectly acceptable, yet frown upon the swinging lifestyle????"

oh exactly, I could tell you plenty of tales about her sis, lol, and others to be fair.

So long as you two have discussed your boundaries, and are both happy with those boundaries, then you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Either, he made excuses for his bottle going, or he can't define where a line is placed, and so felt strange. It's not for him maybe, but if it is for you, then go ahead and have fun.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

oh exactly, I could tell you plenty of tales about her sis, lol, and others to be fair.

So long as you two have discussed your boundaries, and are both happy with those boundaries, then you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Either, he made excuses for his bottle going, or he can't define where a line is placed, and so felt strange. It's not for him maybe, but if it is for you, then go ahead and have fun.

Here Here! x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

oh exactly, I could tell you plenty of tales about her sis, lol, and others to be fair.

So long as you two have discussed your boundaries, and are both happy with those boundaries, then you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Either, he made excuses for his bottle going, or he can't define where a line is placed, and so felt strange. It's not for him maybe, but if it is for you, then go ahead and have fun.

Here Here! x"

You got your next meet lined up then?. lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

after reading all the feedback to this thread, it has helped a great deal and reinforced our belief that there is nothing wrong with what we are doing. as for next meet, we are going to thorughly vet the guy next time before we meet. there is alot to be said for choosing somebody who is verified genuine (guy last nite wasn't verified),lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"after reading all the feedback to this thread, it has helped a great deal and reinforced our belief that there is nothing wrong with what we are doing. as for next meet, we are going to thorughly vet the guy next time before we meet. there is alot to be said for choosing somebody who is verified genuine (guy last nite wasn't verified),lol"

Know what, I think it's a good thing that you questioned what you choose to do, I think we all need to question ourselves sometimes, not just with swinging, but in our lives generally, better than running along with no thoughts on the outcome to it all eh.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

i agree. lets all just remember the reasons why we are on here - FUN!!! not to judge or upset others.

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By *wned EmCouple
over a year ago

nuneaton

Very interesting thread and thanks for sharing your experience with us all. I would be very reluctant to play with someone who has not had prior experience and verification to avoid coming into contact with someone like this. Hope you have better luck next time.

xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Very interesting thread and thanks for sharing your experience with us all. I would be very reluctant to play with someone who has not had prior experience and verification to avoid coming into contact with someone like this. Hope you have better luck next time.

xxx"

thanks for such a lovely message. That is what we intend to do from now on. Even though the chap was not verified after chatting (through the site)with him he did seem so genuine. But, the net is a wonderful thing, particularly if you want to pretend to be something you are not. Guess we wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. But, only experienced and verified for us from now on xx

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By *iceguydaveMan
over a year ago

Monmouth

I sympathise with what happened to you, GlamGirl, but as has already been said, you shouldn't take it to heart - it sounds like the fella involved has his own issues with the situation, and decided to try to shift the 'blame' for his discomfort onto you.

Clearly it's his problem, not yours, and you shouldn't take it to heart. You sound like a sensible couple who understand exactly what they're doing - don't let his attitude put you off.

And by the way, if you're looking for local, verified single blokes..?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm baffled if this guy has such strong opinions on the idea of a threesome...what exactly was he expecting to get when he was meeting a couple?

lol

Hope after everyone elses replies that you haven't let it upset you any longer, as you say just a live and learn thing, nothing to let yourself get upset about, the problem is his not yours!

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By *ortheastcoupleukCouple
over a year ago

easington were the sun dont shine

sounds like he is looking for a partner then along came a good break he couldnt perform and his attitude towards you is because he now is feeling bad and trying to make himself feel better wrong yes , i just hope he has a good think about it and has the balls to say sorry nerves got to me ,be a man and say this aint for me join a dating site and look for what suits him and leave the site this scene totally dont agree with him if he thinks cpls looking for men is wrong , its things like this puts ppl off the scene ,he knew what was on offer ,just hope he reads these post and thinks about what he said to you 2 and realizes how wrong he is ,anyway good luck for the futre.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have met several single guys who've admitted they use sites like these as they don't want a full on relationship but find the "freeness" overwhelming. I think some confuse swinging with dating.

You did absolutely nothing wrong and should try and put this behind you and not let someone elses hang ups spoil your fun.

Please don't take this the wrong way but you have to develop a thicker skin too as swingers you'll come across worse than that! You're lucky there's two of you: dealing with the aftermath of some meets on your own is not fun!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We once met a guy of a diff site and he couldn't get a hard on and looked like he suffered with epilepsy with the amount of shaking that he did.... he later blamed me and said that I was "to horny"... lol

chances are he got off on the idea but when it came down to it did not have the bottle why should you live your life by someone else's standards your only here once make the most of it

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By *ortheastcoupleukCouple
over a year ago

easington were the sun dont shine

i can imagine its a bit scary for some men ,we had a fella come to ours first time he came the mrs was wanking him and he did cum but was only semi hard ,but when we thought about is he was only a small fella coming into our house me skinheed and towering over him anyway next few times he met us he had no probs and defo got the rock on

the first time he was saying he was sorry for not getting fully hard but i said no probs and the more times we met the more comfy he got.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

we have chatted about this quite a lot today. We both came to the same conclusion - he just wanted to be with Louise (who he spent time with alone, initially). When I cam along it all went pair shaped. I felt like an outsider. Surely, when a third party comes into this type of situation they should be fully offay with what is expected of all concerned. As somebody mentioned earlier in this thread, it is not a dating site. Does emotional aspects someone come to the surface when you bring someone else into the equation?

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By *ortheastcoupleukCouple
over a year ago

easington were the sun dont shine

that s why we meet socially first and if the fella shows no interest ie when chatting its just chatting to her and ignores me she will say no , i mean in a meet if you state this is what we would like to happen and the person says yes then when it comes down to it he dont seem to like it well no point in going on thats what you into and looking for. the peron knows this and emails you simple.

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By *luffybbbWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

was he verrified ? has he ever had a mfm threesome before ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

no, he wasn't verified. but, we believed, perhaps rather naively, that he was genuine after chatting with him. o well.....

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By *zMaleMan
over a year ago

penzance

What are the thoughts on this folks?"

Look on the bright side you got a meet.......there's plenty on here that don't

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