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how do you say no

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By *uby0000 OP   Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

if you meet for coffee and they are just not for you do you say you wont see them again .. what do you say?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How about the truth....thanks for a lovely meet but your not my type/ what I'm looking for, good luck.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I feel we are not sexually compatible but I wish you the best in your swinging experience....

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By *uby0000 OP   Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire


"How about the truth....thanks for a lovely meet but your not my type/ what I'm looking for, good luck."

so honesty is best? btw ive never said no to anyone even when I should have lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thankfully its only happened a couple of times

You have to be honest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

NO IS NO X and you can be nice saying no x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How about the truth....thanks for a lovely meet but your not my type/ what I'm looking for, good luck."

Agree with the above

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That as lovely as they are the spark was missing so you don't want to take it further,thankyouverymuchgoodbyetakecare

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By *stwoCouple
over a year ago

anywhere

Thanks but no thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its not happened to me yet, dreading it

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By *stwoCouple
over a year ago

anywhere

Thanks but no thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never get asked 4 a coffee meet ( full stop ). So, lol, I don't hav an answer planned.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Give them a consolation knuckle shuffle under the table then part ways amicably before they regain the use of their limbs again ;p

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just say no!

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I really think it is scary that people can't say 'sorry, no thanks' and end up having sex with someone they don't want to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just say you don't feel the connection and wish them luck

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I really think it is scary that people can't say 'sorry, no thanks' and end up having sex with someone they don't want to."

Me too, this and the other thread make me feel sad.

We have said no to people after a social and people have said no to us all politely and amicably. We left a party because we felt uncomfortable again all very amicable.

People, please have the self respect to say no politely and without fear and the self worth to not have sex with someone because you feel guilty.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I really think it is scary that people can't say 'sorry, no thanks' and end up having sex with someone they don't want to."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no don't have to be nasty...... just the truth x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Treat everyone as you would like them to treat you.

Unfortunately some people think because its a sex site you must deliver everytime.

Life isnt like that, so why expect this side of it to be any different.

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I have to say, I'm sorry but it's a no as no attraction for me (but I hate if they ask to my face)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How dus the old saying go?

" cruel 2 b kind "

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By *onConformistLikeUMan
over a year ago

Chorley


"I really think it is scary that people can't say 'sorry, no thanks' and end up having sex with someone they don't want to."

If you can't say 'no' your carer shouldn't let you on here.

I appreciate honesty, it gives me an opportunity to learn from my mistakes. If a girl uses the 'something came up' excuse they're just perpetuating the problem for someone else. If you're on here you should by now have realised that we live in a diverse and complex world. Nobody wants to offend anyone but at the same time nobody should feel obliged do something they don't want to do.

Be honest, agree boundaries and communicate constantly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

some people do find it difficult to say no because they don't want to hurt someone's feelings.

Tell this to the person you're meeting before you meet them. Suggest you give each other feedback once you've slept on it. That way neither of you are influenced by the blood flow to the groin .

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

when you arrange a social make it clear that you will not be making a decision there and then but like to go home and give it some thought, you can then compose a nice message saying thanks but no thanks without having to say it to their face if you find it difficult (and that's understandable).

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Thanks for taking the time to meet but I don't think there is a spark for any further meets..

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"when you arrange a social make it clear that you will not be making a decision there and then but like to go home and give it some thought, you can then compose a nice message saying thanks but no thanks without having to say it to their face if you find it difficult (and that's understandable)."

Yes, I prefer that, apart from anything else you cannot be sure how they are going to react.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you handle a scenario upon meeting a couple in a pub rather than starbucks you know that the pictures you have are old and that is no attraction on the singletons part. You buy a round of drinks talk politely but allude to the fact that the threesum is not going to happened because that chemistry is not there. The male of the couple becomes aggressive accuses the single guy of being a time waster and demand his diesel costs.............FAB in all its glory!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like sammo I just say no...

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By *am123Man
over a year ago

essex chelmsford


"when you arrange a social make it clear that you will not be making a decision there and then but like to go home and give it some thought, you can then compose a nice message saying thanks but no thanks without having to say it to their face if you find it difficult (and that's understandable)."
this

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By *igSuki81Man
over a year ago

Retirement Village

Be polite and if who you're meeting is considerate they will accept it.

If they aren't pretend you to 'powder your nose' & run for the hills

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

I make it clear that I make my decision after the social is over and I will contact them here to let them know. Unless there is an immediate spark, then I let them know right away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just say no!"

Wasn't that a Grange Hill song...think they are talking about letting someone down gently...not chasing the dragon

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"How do you handle a scenario upon meeting a couple in a pub rather than starbucks you know that the pictures you have are old and that is no attraction on the singletons part. You buy a round of drinks talk politely but allude to the fact that the threesum is not going to happened because that chemistry is not there. The male of the couple becomes aggressive accuses the single guy of being a time waster and demand his diesel costs.............FAB in all its glory!!"

Blimey! Goes to show that men need to be just as careful as women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"if you meet for coffee and they are just not for you do you say you wont see them again .. what do you say?"

Don't say anything, just throw hot coffee in their face and run.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"if you meet for coffee and they are just not for you do you say you wont see them again .. what do you say?"

could I have a fiver towards my petrol, you have me here by false pretences, and if you don't I will report you for being a time waster, you did say your strawberry blonde, your not your a ginger!

oh note, this was a specific case.

generally I just say no, because ......enter the reason here.

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Might have been said already but surely thats the whole point of a 1st meet coffee isn't it. I no iv said thanks but no thanks before now an had it said to me. The way ppl an myself included probably come across on here an how they are in the real can be 2 very different thing. Having said that there's always a way of doing it for instance no matter what I thought id never say feck right off ya minger or no way are you the age you say. A little tack gos a long way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How about the truth....thanks for a lovely meet but your not my type/ what I'm looking for, good luck."

I just tell them I will be in touch... and then I normally tell them that but via messages

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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago

sheffield

No big deal. Just say it.

It was very nice meeting you, but I don't think we are compatible...all the best

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Easy...the words "no thanks" roll off the tongue very easily,if your body language hasn't said so beforehand.

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester


"Easy...the words "no thanks" roll off the tongue very easily,if your body language hasn't said so beforehand. "

What if they don't get your msg with stoney stare I imagine youd be so good at

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just tell them politely. You don't owe them a long winded explanation. It isn't going to be the end of the world....and if it was, you have had a lucky escape.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the past when I would meet socially for a drink/meal first, I would just tell the gent, sorry, however, I am not going to take this any further, and wished him luck.

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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago

sheffield

what if you meet, then the person look at you was speechless then text you later to say that you are not in the same league. I still remember that text . It was : sorry I cant see you as I may fall in love. You look too good to me and I am sure you can get plenty of girls any time. That was a harsh honesty.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"what if you meet, then the person look at you was speechless then text you later to say that you are not in the same league. I still remember that text . It was : sorry I cant see you as I may fall in love. You look too good to me and I am sure you can get plenty of girls any time. That was a harsh honesty."

Harsh?

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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago

sheffield


"what if you meet, then the person look at you was speechless then text you later to say that you are not in the same league. I still remember that text . It was : sorry I cant see you as I may fall in love. You look too good to me and I am sure you can get plenty of girls any time. That was a harsh honesty.

Harsh? "
Yes. But at least honest. So no is no. Just say it one way or other

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"what if you meet, then the person look at you was speechless then text you later to say that you are not in the same league. I still remember that text . It was : sorry I cant see you as I may fall in love. You look too good to me and I am sure you can get plenty of girls any time. That was a harsh honesty.

Harsh? Yes. But at least honest. So no is no. Just say it one way or other"

She was complimenting you so how on earth is that harsh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well my advice would be to let them down gently. Last meet I had the woman made eyes with a guy at another table, told me to fuck off then started chatting to him.

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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago

sheffield


"what if you meet, then the person look at you was speechless then text you later to say that you are not in the same league. I still remember that text . It was : sorry I cant see you as I may fall in love. You look too good to me and I am sure you can get plenty of girls any time. That was a harsh honesty.

Harsh? Yes. But at least honest. So no is no. Just say it one way or other

She was complimenting you so how on earth is that harsh?"

Compliment????? She didn't even offer me the chance to have a second meet or a shag

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By *unnysmileWoman
over a year ago

wakefield area ish

I had a really nice time n was a pleasure meeting you, I ll be in touch...

Followed by a polite...I didn t feel a click today, but was good to meet you, hope you find what your looking for

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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago

sheffield


"I had a really nice time n was a pleasure meeting you, I ll be in touch...

Followed by a polite...I didn t feel a click today, but was good to meet you, hope you find what your looking for "

That's what I call gentle drop

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"what if you meet, then the person look at you was speechless then text you later to say that you are not in the same league. I still remember that text . It was : sorry I cant see you as I may fall in love. You look too good to me and I am sure you can get plenty of girls any time. That was a harsh honesty.

Harsh? Yes. But at least honest. So no is no. Just say it one way or other

She was complimenting you so how on earth is that harsh?

Compliment????? She didn't even offer me the chance to have a second meet or a shag "

Read the post above yours. Now that's harsh!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So, are you saying that escaping through the cafe toilet window is wrong, then?

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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago

sheffield


"what if you meet, then the person look at you was speechless then text you later to say that you are not in the same league. I still remember that text . It was : sorry I cant see you as I may fall in love. You look too good to me and I am sure you can get plenty of girls any time. That was a harsh honesty.

Harsh? Yes. But at least honest. So no is no. Just say it one way or other

She was complimenting you so how on earth is that harsh?

Compliment????? She didn't even offer me the chance to have a second meet or a shag

Read the post above yours. Now that's harsh! "

Hahahahahahaah I saw it.....gentle drop

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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago

sheffield


"So, are you saying that escaping through the cafe toilet window is wrong, then? "

The café was on the 12th floor...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"what if you meet, then the person look at you was speechless then text you later to say that you are not in the same league. I still remember that text . It was : sorry I cant see you as I may fall in love. You look too good to me and I am sure you can get plenty of girls any time. That was a harsh honesty."

You're even worse than Ryan - at least he sees the light when someone sits on his face (the Gospel according to Ryan)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I only said what everyone else was thinking

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"I only said what everyone else was thinking"
Hey! Dont speak for me, I can speak up for myself thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Abuse the post, never the poster.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse the post, never the poster."

.

Sadly some do not know how to differentiate the two.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse the post, never the poster.

.

Sadly some do not know how to differentiate the two. "

The poster writes the post...the two are linked indefinitely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse the post, never the poster.

.

Sadly some do not know how to differentiate the two.

The poster writes the post...the two are linked indefinitely."

.

That's your opinion, does not mean anyone else have to agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse the post, never the poster.

.

Sadly some do not know how to differentiate the two.

The poster writes the post...the two are linked indefinitely.

.

That's your opinion, does not mean anyone else have to agree. "

If the poster does not write the post then who does? I don't see how its a matter of opinion. A person presses the keys, the words appear on the screen.

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Spliff any1 ffs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Noel Coward was a charmer......."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""Noel Coward was a charmer......." "

...as a writer he was drama...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""Noel Coward was a charmer......."

...as a writer he was drama... "

Its a sorry sight when a man is the only one who comments on his own post...

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By *lackshadow7Man
over a year ago

Toronto

Wow this escalated quickly

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester


"Wow this escalated quickly "

quick duck theres stray bullets every where

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""Noel Coward was a charmer......."

...as a writer he was drama...

Its a sorry sight when a man is the only one who comments on his own post..."

Judging the way this thread turned, it would be the only way to have a decent conversation.

Ba-dum-tsssh.

Thank you, I'm here all night (I'm not really, I'm going back to bed).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Wow this escalated quickly

quick duck theres stray bullets every where "

I have my tin hat on !!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""Noel Coward was a charmer......."

...as a writer he was drama... "

Velvet jacket & pyjamas

the gay, divorce & other dramas

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester


"Wow this escalated quickly

quick duck theres stray bullets every where

I have my tin hat on !!!! "

im hard me bring it on feckers............fuck me is that my blood......faint

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Wow this escalated quickly

quick duck theres stray bullets every where

I have my tin hat on !!!!

im hard me bring it on feckers............fuck me is that my blood......faint "

hold it up above your head ... that'll give u a chance

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

I cant iv only a little 1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'Aaaaaaaagh', - I'm reminiscing the good old Kenny Everett days.......

Angry of Mayfair

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Politely say "Thanks...but no thanks " before shouting "Watch out!" And pointing jabbedly behind him.

By the time he's picked himself off the floor and dusted down you've darted out the bar with nothing but a swinging door to remind him you were ever there.

No need to thank me, I'm already smug with satisfaction from helping a lady in need.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I cant iv only a little 1 "

park it somewhere higher up then and dangle upside down

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester


"'Aaaaaaaagh', - I'm reminiscing the good old Kenny Everett days.......

Angry of Mayfair "

lmfao you old git you......shit I remember it too

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey


"if you meet for coffee and they are just not for you do you say you wont see them again .. what do you say?"

The truth....

We will usually say something like it was nice to meet you but we don't we want to take things further.

Would much rather others were honest with us if don't want to see us again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How about the truth....thanks for a lovely meet but your not my type/ what I'm looking for, good luck."

^this^

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A coffee meet should be just that...

IMO, better to be clear upfront.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

I have a policy of saying it to theirished face. Since my first meets are in a public place that means the conversation is had somewhere where a scene is unlikely.

I say something like "I've really enjoyed meeting you but I'm not feeling any lust so I don't want to take things further". This way if they want to ask why or discuss it we can have the chat face to face and part on good terms - no online whinging!

And, as long as they are accurate in their profile (no fake pics or lying about age) and they were pleasant to meet I always write a veri too. I may be a bitch but I save it for when it's called for!

People sometimes forget that this is a community, you never know where you might bump into that guy again or who may be his friend. Unless lines have been crossed keep it friendly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have a policy of saying it to theirished face. Since my first meets are in a public place that means the conversation is had somewhere where a scene is unlikely.

I say something like "I've really enjoyed meeting you but I'm not feeling any lust so I don't want to take things further". This way if they want to ask why or discuss it we can have the chat face to face and part on good terms - no online whinging!

And, as long as they are accurate in their profile (no fake pics or lying about age) and they were pleasant to meet I always write a veri too. I may be a bitch but I save it for when it's called for!

People sometimes forget that this is a community, you never know where you might bump into that guy again or who may be his friend. Unless lines have been crossed keep it friendly."

We had an experience like this. We met a couple for drinks, who looked much older in the flesh, and did not look at all like their pics and there was no 'click' at all. We just said we were not feeling and connection, apologised and left. Which they were fine with.

A week later we were at a club and bumped in to them. We were so glad we left on pleasant terms

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Abuse the post, never the poster.

.

Sadly some do not know how to differentiate the two.

The poster writes the post...the two are linked indefinitely."

Not when you get time out/temporary ban for abusing the poster, but you don't for abusing the post.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oooooooo we're back on track. Great stuff

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By *eareenaCouple
over a year ago

Rockford

I don't find it easy or simple either. I have been rejected and no matter what the hardened people say its not nice. I do what Cali does. I make polite excuses and then in a message as gently as I can I say no thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Give them a consolation knuckle shuffle under the table then part ways amicably before they regain the use of their limbs again ;p"

I'm going to spank you with that paddle u brought me

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield


"I don't find it easy or simple either. I have been rejected and no matter what the hardened people say its not nice. I do what Cali does. I make polite excuses and then in a message as gently as I can I say no thank you. "

I found that if I waited till I got home they would already have sent a message telling me how much they were looking forward to playing.

Letting them down then often led to being accused of leading them on. Which is why I do it face to face.

The first time I told someone I was really nervous but the honesty is appreciated as is the opportunity to ask why or discuss it a little without sounding whingy (as messages asking why often do). I do pick my words carefully and try not to give insult and we generally part on good terms with no hard feelings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I make it clear that I make my decision after the social is over and I will contact them here to let them know. Unless there is an immediate spark, then I let them know right away. "

I do this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would give them a Sympathy Shag..then i'm a Bloke and never know when il get it again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just say its been fun but I don't want to take things further and can you pay for the coffee thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its just a shag, do it once then leave lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't know how to say it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I used to go on vanilla dates and for a coffee, if I did'nt fancy them I would just drop in the conversation I was a swinger..watching their faces drop and the their very quick exist saved me from saying "No thanks"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

only happened to us once and it was her not liking us - the chat didnt exactly flow so we expected it - she messaged us to say no thanks later that day - not offended at all -

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually tell them i'll go think about it and then mail them as soon as I get home to say I've decided not to meet them again, I find it really hard to say n o to someone's face

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do I say no you ask.

Well I think what I want to say, form the word in my mind, open my mouth, use my vocal chords and outcomes the word "no"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How do I say no you ask.

Well I think what I want to say, form the word in my mind, open my mouth, use my vocal chords and outcomes the word "no" "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never been brave enough to say it to anyone's face x

tend to send a message after x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its just a shag, do it once then leave lol."

I did that once, when I first started, I met a guy and I didn't like him at all but he had travelled a long way and I felt obligated to play with him, I felt horrible after, I went home and felt like crying, it put me off meeting for a long time but when I started again I swore i'd never out myself down like that again, I still find it hard to say no face to face which is why I do it on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its just a shag, do it once then leave lol.

I did that once, when I first started, I met a guy and I didn't like him at all but he had travelled a long way and I felt obligated to play with him, I felt horrible after, I went home and felt like crying, it put me off meeting for a long time but when I started again I swore i'd never out myself down like that again, I still find it hard to say no face to face which is why I do it on here"

yes thats good as it was along way to travel if it was local it would be abit easier to dump them lol.

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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago

Falkirk


"How about the truth....thanks for a lovely meet but your not my type/ what I'm looking for, good luck."

I like this one the best

If they don't float your boat, just say so. End of story. If they take offence then they're on the wrong site

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How about the truth....thanks for a lovely meet but your not my type/ what I'm looking for, good luck.

I like this one the best

If they don't float your boat, just say so. End of story. If they take offence then they're on the wrong site "

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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago

Falkirk


"I've never been brave enough to say it to anyone's face x

tend to send a message after x

"

This is fine too. It's a very good reason why a social meet first is a good idea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've never been brave enough to say it to anyone's face x

tend to send a message after x

This is fine too. It's a very good reason why a social meet first is a good idea "

I do all my meets on a social only basis

though I am more than happy to play on a first meet, infact I prefer to, I don't tell them that till after we have met and I feel we are getting on

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush


"I've never been brave enough to say it to anyone's face x

tend to send a message after x

This is fine too. It's a very good reason why a social meet first is a good idea

I do all my meets on a social only basis

though I am more than happy to play on a first meet, infact I prefer to, I don't tell them that till after we have met and I feel we are getting on "

Do you mean, until you are climbing on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've never been brave enough to say it to anyone's face x

tend to send a message after x

This is fine too. It's a very good reason why a social meet first is a good idea

I do all my meets on a social only basis

though I am more than happy to play on a first meet, infact I prefer to, I don't tell them that till after we have met and I feel we are getting on

Do you mean, until you are climbing on "

well not quite

I wouldn't make it obvious to a guy I liked him till I got a sigh he felt the same way, if they reach in for a quick kiss while still having a drink and I feel the same then I jump on

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By *amie_leighWoman
over a year ago

coventry


"

I do all my meets on a social only basis

though I am more than happy to play on a first meet, infact I prefer to, I don't tell them that till after we have met and I feel we are getting on "

This but I make it clear beforethat it isa social meet and either of us have the right to say no. I did it once to a guy who haddriven 50 miles but his pics were 10 years old

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I kinda say it was lovely meeting you but I don't think we click... Messages I say similar but guys often argue the toss. That makes me even more determined to not meet them!x

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