FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

child support

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

After 18 months of dealing with this ....just been told by child support the ex doesnt have to pay a penny to suppirt his own kids .....yet he can afford holidays abroad ...run a car ...smoke and do everything he wants ....so pissed off cus every last penny i have i spend on my kids .......

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Delete, block and move on

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I split with my ex just over 5 years ago and I've never had a penny off him, he's never bought a coat, a pair of shoes or a school uniform, i'm afraid as single mums its what we have to put up with, luck for our kids they have us to provide for them

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

maybe a new partner supports him

not sure of how it all works.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've not had a penny since we split 2 years ago. Csa have been useless

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uietlykinkymeWoman
over a year ago

kinky land

There a waste of time, effort and phone calls. It's taking over 12 weeks to even begin a case and no arrears are accrued as it's their fault the payment schedule hasn't been made .

But hey they apologise

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if your on unemployment benefits they are quite to take off him as what they give you in child support they take off you in benefits but if you work and its extra cash for you they don't give a shite

The CSA wouldn't even work on my behalf cause I work full time and claim no benefits

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I paid my ex half the mortgage and support for my daughter, she never paid the mortgage and had the house reposesd

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

I clearly don't know and can't comment on the OP's situation but it seldom surprises me when one partner drags the other through the courts, often accuses them of all sort of misbehaviour (which may or may not be true), bad mouths them to their friends and family (and so on) yet is still astonished when the other person goes out of their way to avoid being financially supportive.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Many a ex partner as walked away from everything, men and women and they would rather spend their money on other things than their own kids.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I clearly don't know and can't comment on the OP's situation but it seldom surprises me when one partner drags the other through the courts, often accuses them of all sort of misbehaviour (which may or may not be true), bad mouths them to their friends and family (and so on) yet is still astonished when the other person goes out of their way to avoid being financially supportive."

so because your wife is a bitch you turn your back on your kids? hummm good logic

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

many women decide to have a child to "fix" their relationship, ie, if we have a baby, the guy will love me more and stay...WRONG.

The guy walks away, never to be involved again, and yes this is very common, not at all unusual.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I dont stop him from having contact with them ....when we first split hed willing go halves on uniform and pay the support but since hes got with new partner its all stopped ....the kids get £15 each for birthdays and christmas from him

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I dont stop him from having contact with them ....when we first split hed willing go halves on uniform and pay the support but since hes got with new partner its all stopped ....the kids get £15 each for birthdays and christmas from him "

at least that's something.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I dont stop him from having contact with them ....when we first split hed willing go halves on uniform and pay the support but since hes got with new partner its all stopped ....the kids get £15 each for birthdays and christmas from him "

As a FATHER I am still around for my Daughter (27) and if she needed my support in any way she would have it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A new partner is threatened by past relationships, especially if there are children involved.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I dont stop him from having contact with them ....when we first split hed willing go halves on uniform and pay the support but since hes got with new partner its all stopped ....the kids get £15 each for birthdays and christmas from him

at least that's something."

But not enought, thats taking the piss

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I dont stop him from having contact with them ....when we first split hed willing go halves on uniform and pay the support but since hes got with new partner its all stopped ....the kids get £15 each for birthdays and christmas from him "

that was my ex's excuse as well

he lives with his partner and two kids, not his kids she already had them, his excuse is he cant afford to run two families, he works to run his house hold I should work to run mine

As far as I see my kids have two parent's and both should support them, I couldnt ever imagine putting someone else's kids before my own and find it hurtful to my kids that he does, to be honest the money don't bother me that much as I can manage without his money but its the way it makes my kids feel knowing they know he put's her children before his own that hurts me

I would never get with anyone with kids if it ment providing for their's ment mine went without

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I split with my ex just over 5 years ago and I've never had a penny off him, he's never bought a coat, a pair of shoes or a school uniform, i'm afraid as single mums its what we have to put up with, luck for our kids they have us to provide for them"

Same here I was awarded 1p per year even though he was working and not once did he buy my daughter a thing then went on to have two more children with different women and do the same to them. Now all three of his children have seen him for what he is and none of them want him in their lives now. His loss our gain I say

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a man on here the other week complaining how his ex stops him from seeing his kids, and that is Shit, men not wanting to be part of there kids lives and not paying for there upbringing is Shit, the world is full of selfish cunts who just use whatever they can to get the upper hand in arguments, bloody disgusting

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"I clearly don't know and can't comment on the OP's situation but it seldom surprises me when one partner drags the other through the courts, often accuses them of all sort of misbehaviour (which may or may not be true), bad mouths them to their friends and family (and so on) yet is still astonished when the other person goes out of their way to avoid being financially supportive.

so because your wife is a bitch you turn your back on your kids? hummm good logic "

Logic flies out the window where child support and custody matters are concerned.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Again always two sides to every story. I have two children they both receive the exact same amount of support financially, in fact more than stated by the CSA, my eldest lives in America after she fled with him claiming she was having a break not to return. My point though is that even after paying a fortune to go to the States because I wanted to see my son was still asked for more support financially even though she's now married, even to the point where they wanted to go away I was asked to contribute to his flight as that was my duty, there is a lot of mistrust with regards to maintenance and how it is seen to be supporting a child or an individuals lifestyle. Most and I do mean most men will bend over backwards to support their children and do, most issues arise from petty behavior from both parties which inevitably leads to playing games.

Sorry, kind of went into a rant and lost the thread, oops

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge


"I split with my ex just over 5 years ago and I've never had a penny off him, he's never bought a coat, a pair of shoes or a school uniform, i'm afraid as single mums its what we have to put up with, luck for our kids they have us to provide for them"

My ex never paid me a penny from when my daughter was 12. Not a card, birthday or Christmas present since then though he supported his new partner's kids. She's 31 now and not seen him for years but says she doesn't miss him though it really hurt her at the time as she adored her dad.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex actually asked me for money when he has them every Other Sunday

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

The amount of visits that have been cancelled by him due to silly reasons ....last one was he couldnt find anyone to look after the dog

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/10/13 12:39:29]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I split with my ex just over 5 years ago and I've never had a penny off him, he's never bought a coat, a pair of shoes or a school uniform, i'm afraid as single mums its what we have to put up with, luck for our kids they have us to provide for them

My ex never paid me a penny from when my daughter was 12. Not a card, birthday or Christmas present since then though he supported his new partner's kids. She's 31 now and not seen him for years but says she doesn't miss him though it really hurt her at the time as she adored her dad."

my kids were 16, 14 and 6 when we split up, so my two eldest are 21 and 19 now so only have the 12 year old that would qualify of child support and he cant even manage that, my eldest daughter is at uni she wants to be a vet, the fee's are just over £3000 a term, I work extra hours and she has a part time job to cover the fee's, he's never offered a penny to help, she's in her 3rd year now, I know he don't have to but nor do I, surely as a parent you want the best for your kids and would want to help with such things, to give them a good education and better future

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My ex actually asked me for money when he has them every Other Sunday "

waiting for him to try that one !!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I split with my ex just over 5 years ago and I've never had a penny off him, he's never bought a coat, a pair of shoes or a school uniform, i'm afraid as single mums its what we have to put up with, luck for our kids they have us to provide for them

My ex never paid me a penny from when my daughter was 12. Not a card, birthday or Christmas present since then though he supported his new partner's kids. She's 31 now and not seen him for years but says she doesn't miss him though it really hurt her at the time as she adored her dad.

my kids were 16, 14 and 6 when we split up, so my two eldest are 21 and 19 now so only have the 12 year old that would qualify of child support and he cant even manage that, my eldest daughter is at uni she wants to be a vet, the fee's are just over £3000 a term, I work extra hours and she has a part time job to cover the fee's, he's never offered a penny to help, she's in her 3rd year now, I know he don't have to but nor do I, surely as a parent you want the best for your kids and would want to help with such things, to give them a good education and better future "

Yes we do want what's best for our kids and yes he should help but who will loose out in the long run!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My kids are now 22 and 20, not once did I have any moral, financial, emotional support from the dad. Not one ounce of security. I have to say, yes it pissed me off, but no I never bitched and moaned. I just got on and done the only thing I could do and that was to be the best parent I could possibly be.

My efforts weren't gone un-noticed. Every year for the last few years my girls send me fathers day wishes and cards (they say i wasn't just their mom I made a great dad too)

As for their dad, well karma took care of that, cos when he finaly shown up in their life, they shown him the door! Justice served....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A new partner is threatened by past relationships, especially if there are children involved."

That's a generalisation and untrue.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge


""A new partner is threatened by past relationships, especially if there are children involved."

That's a generalisation and untrue.

"

I agree. However it was the case in my situation unfortunately.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Threads like this make me cringe...............I am so thankful I am (young coughs) free and single and my kids are now all grown up!

Single parents who manage on their own are one of the cornerstones of society. Respect!!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"A new partner is threatened by past relationships, especially if there are children involved."

Not all of us!

My husband had two boys before we met. Before we got serious I watched and listened, and I was a "kid" 18. He never bad mouthed his ex and we had the kids most weekends. He never gave her cash as she'd go bingo with it so he did a weekly shop, took the boys shopping etc.

We were never friends but always respectful. When my daughter was born the boys were involved. When my eldest was in hospital she bought the boys to visit.

Sadly, she died from cancer this year, my daughters, son-in-laws all visited her in the hospice and attended her funeral.

Once a month the boys (35 and 37) come for Sunday lunch. I've been in their lives for over 30 years, they've never felt any animosity towards their sisters or I as my ex-husband, their mother and I made sure both families "blended".

When you're not fuelled by hate and bitterness anything is possible.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ust a TeaseMan
over a year ago

Earth

I hate men that dont pay for their own flesh and blood. My eldest (12) has just at a top notch school costing me an arm and a leg each term. I pay for all his schooling because I want him to have a good education like I did. I also give him pocket money each week plus I buy him clothes and other stuff as he needs it. I even take him food shopping.

It doesn't matter to me how much I spend on him. He's my son. Money doesn't matter.

I just hate the fact the ex wants more money so she don't have to work. (Another story another time)

I dont think people should have kids if they are not going to support for their whole life.

Just my 2 cents

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

One thing which seems clear is that a number of people make poor choices about who to have children with.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"One thing which seems clear is that a number of people make poor choices about who to have children with."

Thats a really silly thing to say, when most people have babies it is with someone they love and hope to spend the rest of your life with.

No one can forsee the future.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *all-Eddies QosCouple
over a year ago

wirral


"many women decide to have a child to "fix" their relationship, ie, if we have a baby, the guy will love me more and stay...WRONG.

The guy walks away, never to be involved again, and yes this is very common, not at all unusual."

How is that relevant.....the o.p didn't even hint the child was a "bandaid baby" and regardless of the way the child came into the world.....both parents are supposed to support the child in anyway possible.....

My ex left me with 4 children....non of them conceived as a bandaid baby .....doesn't give them fuck all either....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"One thing which seems clear is that a number of people make poor choices about who to have children with.

Thats a really silly thing to say, when most people have babies it is with someone they love and hope to spend the rest of your life with.

No one can forsee the future."

Thing is Ruggers some aren't in love and in committed relationships yet assume a child will unite.

I think some people do make poor choices, full stop!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My ex actually asked me for money when he has them every Other Sunday "

this sounds like my ex he has got me to give him money before when on the rare occasion he has them ,only for the pack lunch I make sure they have when they go with him they wouldnt even get fed ....the bookies more than likely got the money

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"One thing which seems clear is that a number of people make poor choices about who to have children with.

Thats a really silly thing to say, when most people have babies it is with someone they love and hope to spend the rest of your life with.

No one can forsee the future.

Thing is Ruggers some aren't in love and in committed relationships yet assume a child will unite.

I think some people do make poor choices, full stop!"

Yeah, it is why I said most. But for the most part looking into the future isn't an option.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"many women decide to have a child to "fix" their relationship, ie, if we have a baby, the guy will love me more and stay...WRONG.

The guy walks away, never to be involved again, and yes this is very common, not at all unusual.

How is that relevant.....the o.p didn't even hint the child was a "bandaid baby" and regardless of the way the child came into the world.....both parents are supposed to support the child in anyway possible.....

My ex left me with 4 children....non of them conceived as a bandaid baby .....doesn't give them fuck all either...."

It's a salient point though: some women do have "bandaid" babies!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Both of my children to him were not bandaid .....both were wanted by bith of us ....all the time we was together he support them without any worries ......only changed after he cheated on me ...n lefted to be with her ....im not bitter or full of hate towards him ....im alot happier been on my own but feels that since we both made them we both should support them ...my _iews are if you can smoke and afford to run a car .....you can support yr children

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I split with my ex just over 5 years ago and I've never had a penny off him, he's never bought a coat, a pair of shoes or a school uniform, i'm afraid as single mums its what we have to put up with, luck for our kids they have us to provide for them"

same. I have csa chasing him, he just changes jobs, moves house etc. He has the nerve to ask me to send money with the kids for food when he has them too! He also sent social workers round claiming i didnt feed or clothe them....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Had police waiting for me once ...as i returned from a vanilla date ....saying i had locked kids in house on their own ...only 4 people knew i was out ...my 22yr old son was in house ....the police told me the report was passed over to them from the police force were the ex lives

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all make our own choices in life. Those who make the wrong choices will always suffer the consequences.

Money isn't the be all and end all. It's the most difficult job in the world being a single parent, financially and emotionally but as long as your kids feel loved and secure with you, that's all that matters.

Don't be bitter about his lack of support, find pleasure in knowing you're the rock of support (financially/emotionally) for your children xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We all make our own choices in life. Those who make the wrong choices will always suffer the consequences.

Money isn't the be all and end all. It's the most difficult job in the world being a single parent, financially and emotionally but as long as your kids feel loved and secure with you, that's all that matters.

Don't be bitter about his lack of support, find pleasure in knowing you're the rock of support (financially/emotionally) for your children xx

"

It's not the money that bothers me (although it would help big time!!) It's the snide texts I get when he picks them up, things like the boys trousers being a bit worn, or their shoes are scuffed....no offer of any help. The court thing was a huge joke. He made himself look like a right idiot and due to working patterns now sees them less than he did before!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I get them comments to my face in front of kids ....he ask last time if i was buying school photos and if i was ...could i let him have 3 for him n his parents

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/10/13 14:03:14]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" It's not the money that bothers me (although it would help big time!!) It's the snide texts I get when he picks them up, things like the boys trousers being a bit worn, or their shoes are scuffed....no offer of any help. The court thing was a huge joke. He made himself look like a right idiot and due to working patterns now sees them less than he did before! "

You do realise don't you, that he's likely to only be saying those things to make himself feel better about his own lack of support?!

You're far better using your energy to laugh his selfishness off, than harbour any grievance with him over it! Let him carry on making himself look a fool, you'll be the one who comes out winning at the end of it all. (I know, I've had eight years of the same thing!)

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" It's not the money that bothers me (although it would help big time!!) It's the snide texts I get when he picks them up, things like the boys trousers being a bit worn, or their shoes are scuffed....no offer of any help. The court thing was a huge joke. He made himself look like a right idiot and due to working patterns now sees them less than he did before!

You do realise don't you, that he's likely to only be saying those things to make himself feel better about his own lack of support?!

You're far better using your energy to laugh his selfishness off, than harbour any grievance with him over it! Let him carry on making himself look a fool, you'll be the one who comes out winning at the end of it all. (I know, I've had eight years of the same thing!) "

Yeah I know all that and it is such a small part of my life (the issues only pop up once in a blue moon) Thge whols social worker thing really shook me up. It's horrible having your parenting skills put under a microscope. But I came out of it with a glowing report

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *antonkid1955Man
over a year ago

cardiff

When my first marriage broke up it was me who brought up our son..my ex wife wanted a clean break..and even though she was working,she didnt have to give me a single penny..different rules apply if the parent bringing up the children is a man.and the conning cow screwed 18grand from the social and all she had was community service.!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I clearly don't know and can't comment on the OP's situation but it seldom surprises me when one partner drags the other through the courts, often accuses them of all sort of misbehaviour (which may or may not be true), bad mouths them to their friends and family (and so on) yet is still astonished when the other person goes out of their way to avoid being financially supportive."

Its not a surprise to me people expect to get what they feel they are due no matter how badly they treat others.

ON the CSA well they have all the facts they are provided they have many people who can and do assess someones financial situation and make a judgement based on that not just on what one side thinks they should get. They may get things wrong at times but its very rare and usually is down to information given to them. I do find it odd though that a swinging forum seams like the ideal place to voice discontent I would have thought time spent phoning the CSA and getting clarification of what is going on and why they think he shouldn't pay would have been far more beneficial.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

The csa wont discuss anything to do about him or his circumstances due to data protection....only will tell me he doesnt have to pay anything towards his kids

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"One thing which seems clear is that a number of people make poor choices about who to have children with.

Thats a really silly thing to say, when most people have babies it is with someone they love and hope to spend the rest of your life with.

No one can forsee the future.

Thing is Ruggers some aren't in love and in committed relationships yet assume a child will unite.

I think some people do make poor choices, full stop!

Yeah, it is why I said most. But for the most part looking into the future isn't an option. "

How clairvoyant do you have to be to recognise that some men/ women just aren't spouse material?

Failed previous marriages? Criminal convictions? Friends with criminal convictions? Previous history with CSA re kids in or out of wedlock?

The warning signs go on and on yet, when asked, most women (and it tends to be women who fall for it) insist 'He's changed'. 'He loves ME'.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The CSA are totally useless, been over 2 yrs and still chasing my ex for payment, I dont understand how they can be so ineffective ive worked for the goverment and know how easy it is to look details up on the system, meanwhile innocent children are left with only 1 parent supporting them when it takes 2 people to make a baby so why does one think they dont have to take responsibility for their actions!

End of the day I dont care what gender you are, if you make a baby you both should take responsibility for that child, regardless of any bitterness between each other that is no excuse whatsoever for walking away from your responsibilities, you can come up with every excuse under the sun, if you make a baby you take responsibility!

Men and women who dont step up make me sick and should be damn right ashamed of themselves, the child didnt ask to be born and they are the ones who bear the brunt because of grown adults acting like babies!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im so glad i have never had to deal with this my ex has always provided for his daughter...and has her lots.

I did have to do it on my own with my lads but that wasnt through anyones choice and it is hard but we get on with it,we have to.

My sister has had problems with the csa but as someone else said if you work they are less likely to chase it up.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"One thing which seems clear is that a number of people make poor choices about who to have children with.

Thats a really silly thing to say, when most people have babies it is with someone they love and hope to spend the rest of your life with.

No one can forsee the future.

Thing is Ruggers some aren't in love and in committed relationships yet assume a child will unite.

I think some people do make poor choices, full stop!

Yeah, it is why I said most. But for the most part looking into the future isn't an option.

How clairvoyant do you have to be to recognise that some men/ women just aren't spouse material?

Failed previous marriages? Criminal convictions? Friends with criminal convictions? Previous history with CSA re kids in or out of wedlock?

The warning signs go on and on yet, when asked, most women (and it tends to be women who fall for it) insist 'He's changed'. 'He loves ME'."

Similar _iews to my own.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


"One thing which seems clear is that a number of people make poor choices about who to have children with.

Thats a really silly thing to say, when most people have babies it is with someone they love and hope to spend the rest of your life with.

No one can forsee the future.

Thing is Ruggers some aren't in love and in committed relationships yet assume a child will unite.

I think some people do make poor choices, full stop!

Yeah, it is why I said most. But for the most part looking into the future isn't an option.

How clairvoyant do you have to be to recognise that some men/ women just aren't spouse material?

Failed previous marriages? Criminal convictions? Friends with criminal convictions? Previous history with CSA re kids in or out of wedlock?

The warning signs go on and on yet, when asked, most women (and it tends to be women who fall for it) insist 'He's changed'. 'He loves ME'.

Similar _iews to my own. "

and mine

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eMontresMan
over a year ago

Halesowen

My ex gave a her job, so that I had all the means and she had all the needs. She had £150k settlement and £10k a year support - this was 16 years ago. She married another bloke and moved into his house, pissed all the money away on holidays, cars, brand new £20k caravan (used 6 times and sold for £5k), thinks nothing of spending £100 a month on hairdos, buys all designer clothes etc etc.

So, when I got made redundant, I decided to retire. I figure I'd done my bit and she could pull the wagon for a while.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont understand how you say the CSA have been useless as they have been brilliant at getting money money out of me ! i have always paid for my son but when she tried to get more than 250 a month i refused she called the CSA and they demanded money but i refused to pay as she had stopped me from seeing him and they contacted my employer and took it straight from wages , i then had to take her to court to start seeing my son again which cost thousands...everythings ok again now and all water under bridge but like I said the CSA where on the ball ! your obviously talking to the wrong rep

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get csa from my child's father but but its only 5.00 a fortnight because he refuses to get a job whilst I am getting csa

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One thing which seems clear is that a number of people make poor choices about who to have children with.

Thats a really silly thing to say, when most people have babies it is with someone they love and hope to spend the rest of your life with.

No one can forsee the future.

Thing is Ruggers some aren't in love and in committed relationships yet assume a child will unite.

I think some people do make poor choices, full stop!

Yeah, it is why I said most. But for the most part looking into the future isn't an option.

How clairvoyant do you have to be to recognise that some men/ women just aren't spouse material?

Failed previous marriages? Criminal convictions? Friends with criminal convictions? Previous history with CSA re kids in or out of wedlock?

The warning signs go on and on yet, when asked, most women (and it tends to be women who fall for it) insist 'He's changed'. 'He loves ME'.

Similar _iews to my own.

and mine "

ditto

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I dont understand how you say the CSA have been useless as they have been brilliant at getting money money out of me ! i have always paid for my son but when she tried to get more than 250 a month i refused she called the CSA and they demanded money but i refused to pay as she had stopped me from seeing him and they contacted my employer and took it straight from wages , i then had to take her to court to start seeing my son again which cost thousands...everythings ok again now and all water under bridge but like I said the CSA where on the ball ! your obviously talking to the wrong rep"

Easy, they change jobs, move house, claim hardship as they have a livein gf with a child, claim they have thekids more than they actually do to cause mote paperwork.... I've had all the excuses

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

wonder if anyone has had a meet on here then been stung with csa????

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *othingButCocoChanelWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

No offence, as much as i agree the situation is shit he as a father should want to pay for his kids never mind be told to, but anway i lost my son in april this year and if i could have him back and do everything on my own for him i would give absolutely anything, so just fuck him and count yourself lucky that you have your babies

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I actually know of a guy who asked his ex for money for the wknd that was his wknd to have em . Takes allsorts.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry for your loss x And very true, enjoying being a parent and what's best for the child get's lost in bitterness and anger, its a sad state of affairs really but money always brings out the worst in people.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sure I speak for most single parents when I say we are not out for hundreds of pounds off the other parent, just an occassional contribution towards things like school uniforms, shoes coats... After all tax credits etc covers the everyday stuff

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *tirling DarkCouple
over a year ago

Stirling


"I split with my ex just over 5 years ago and I've never had a penny off him, he's never bought a coat, a pair of shoes or a school uniform, i'm afraid as single mums its what we have to put up with, luck for our kids they have us to provide for them"

So only happens to the poor old single mum, single dads have it so easy then?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *othingButCocoChanelWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Sorry for your loss x And very true, enjoying being a parent and what's best for the child get's lost in bitterness and anger, its a sad state of affairs really but money always brings out the worst in people."

Thank you, can see why people get pissed off but when it comes down to

It having their child with them is priceless if u ask me

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm sure I speak for most single parents when I say we are not out for hundreds of pounds off the other parent, just an occassional contribution towards things like school uniforms, shoes coats... After all tax credits etc covers the everyday stuff"

all i ever asked off him was to go halves on school uniforms and any school trips....and give 15 a week so kids could have some spending money ...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The csa have just got money out of my ex. I rang them every week and carried on though. He hadn't paid anything for two years and that's affected my girls. They think he doesn't care which is probably true. I've spent the last two and a half years trying to keep a relationship going between them but I've admitted defeat now and given up. My eldest hates his nasty gf and won't have anything to do with her. The gf said I should get a second job to support my kids! My youngest said he's always been a rubbish dad which made me cry.

I hope that my love and support will be enough for them. I will always be there for them and will never put a man before them like he's done with his gf.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *Kgirl80Woman
over a year ago

South Coast

I don't know how it gets to this - where parents have so much disrespect and hatred for one another. At some point, us parents have decided to procreate with a partner of our choosing. Irrespective of what then happened with the relationship... When did it become ok to not put the children first? Bad-mouthing, not financially supporting or withholding access is absolutely crazy - whether these are actions by the mother or father.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't know how it gets to this - where parents have so much disrespect and hatred for one another. At some point, us parents have decided to procreate with a partner of our choosing. Irrespective of what then happened with the relationship... When did it become ok to not put the children first? Bad-mouthing, not financially supporting or withholding access is absolutely crazy - whether these are actions by the mother or father. "

Totally agree but my children are 18 and 15 and can make up their own minds. I've never used them to get at him or stopped him seeing them, quite the opposite but he cba!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

The date his attitude towards supporting the kids was the date he got the first divorce papers ....even though he was living with someone else

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"

How clairvoyant do you have to be to recognise that some men/ women just aren't spouse material?

Failed previous marriages? Criminal convictions? Friends with criminal convictions? Previous history with CSA re kids in or out of wedlock?

The warning signs go on and on yet, when asked, most women (and it tends to be women who fall for it) insist 'He's changed'. 'He loves ME'."

You really need to go into business with your knowledge of which relationship is going to fail, you could earn a fortune.

I would love to see how many second marriages would agree with your findings though.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"

How clairvoyant do you have to be to recognise that some men/ women just aren't spouse material?

Failed previous marriages? Criminal convictions? Friends with criminal convictions? Previous history with CSA re kids in or out of wedlock?

The warning signs go on and on yet, when asked, most women (and it tends to be women who fall for it) insist 'He's changed'. 'He loves ME'.

You really need to go into business with your knowledge of which relationship is going to fail, you could earn a fortune.

I would love to see how many second marriages would agree with your findings though."
I just knew who had posted the thread you quoted without looking up. Does that make me clairvoyant lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lt_couple24Couple
over a year ago

canterbury

The CSa are one off the most unfair and biased org's in this country, so many men get ripped off, I pay 35% off my wage and on no benefits can just about afford to live and travel into work . where she gets every benefit under the sun and lives very comfortably 3 holidays a year, nice house etc. and on top off that moved to the other end off the country so I now have to spend a couple hundred on travel , Grrrrrrrr

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have had exactly the same rise above it now my girls are 15 and 11 and I would not even ask for a penny now they are my girls through and through will never ever slag their dads in front of them but but I have raised them and have done a pretty good job of it so let their dads get on with their lives and we will get on with ours x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"

How clairvoyant do you have to be to recognise that some men/ women just aren't spouse material?

Failed previous marriages? Criminal convictions? Friends with criminal convictions? Previous history with CSA re kids in or out of wedlock?

The warning signs go on and on yet, when asked, most women (and it tends to be women who fall for it) insist 'He's changed'. 'He loves ME'.

You really need to go into business with your knowledge of which relationship is going to fail, you could earn a fortune.

.........."

There's not a lot of money to be made telling people they're about to marry the wrong person. Nobody wants to hear that.

It doesn't mean a lot of people don't shake their heads in wonder and ask themselves 'what on earth did she/ he think they were doing?'.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex pays me £120 a month for two children and he has a lucrative business, when i took him to court to have his children every other weekend and 2 weeks in summer hols, 1 week at Christmas when he only wanted them once a month, he put it too the court that he would pay this amount without it ever going up regardless of age, which was excepted and of course it stops the CSA knocking at his door.

But i do feel for the mums and dads that get nothing for their children esp when ex's go off and start families again and they get everything !!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My ex pays me £120 a month for two children and he has a lucrative business, when i took him to court to have his children every other weekend and 2 weeks in summer hols, 1 week at Christmas when he only wanted them once a month, he put it too the court that he would pay this amount without it ever going up regardless of age, which was excepted and of course it stops the CSA knocking at his door.

But i do feel for the mums and dads that get nothing for their children esp when ex's go off and start families again and they get everything !!

"

I see it as their loss as they will not see their children grow up yes its a struggle being a single parent but the children are in a happier environment not seeing parents argue and using children as weapons is bang out of order they are not toys but little humans beings and they have little ears that hear and see everything.

I am a single mum and although mine dont have the luxuries they have everything I give them I go without to make sure they have clean clothes and food many a night. I have gone hungry so they dont have to but that is what mums do we would go to the end of the earth to give our children what they need can we say the same for some fathers x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Ive often gone without food so they can have food and shoes on their feet ....its annoys me ....n really annoys me that he can claim poverty but he smokes and runs 3 cars and has 2 holidays a year abroad...me n the the kids walk everywhere and not had a holiday ever....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top