FabSwingers.com forum: F4J - Anyone dealt with them

By *igSuki81 OP Man
over a year ago

Retirement Village

Sorry a personal topic so you may wish to walk away now.

Has anyone dealt with Fathers for Justice? I've heard about them and what they do but a lot of people say they go about things the wrong way and their methods can have a negative impact on cases.

Can anyone enlighten me on whether i should contact them for support?

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By *9MarkMan
over a year ago

North Cheam

If you're fighting for your kids your try anything!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would think each case is very personal, so I'm not sure about them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess you could contact them, get their views then compare to what you have heard....the facts will be somewhere in the middle. I have seen their publicity stunts and yes, some do go over the top but also, Im sure they do a lot of good work which isn't snapped on by the newshounds.

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By *uietlykinkymeWoman
over a year ago

kinky land

Did you try contacting gingerbread?

I've found them very helpful previously and not so extreme or controversial maybe.

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

I ve not dealt with them, I ve only seen their publicity stunts,

My suggestion, you may have tried this already, have you tried mediation,?

Good luck with whatever route you choose,

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By *irtydanMan
over a year ago

Blackpool

i would think you have more sense from them than the csa

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suppose it depends if the problem is access or financial

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By *igSuki81 OP Man
over a year ago

Retirement Village

Thanks all for the posts

Have contacted them so i'll wait their reply. Never heard of gingerbread but googled them and they seem good will ask them too.

Without going in to too much detail as it is a personal matter but involves false accusations, lies, controlling abuse & abduction by deceit

Guess it's going to be a ling road but im prepared to go to the ends of the earth to protect my girl

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By *obbygggMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Thanks all for the posts

Have contacted them so i'll wait their reply. Never heard of gingerbread but googled them and they seem good will ask them too.

Without going in to too much detail as it is a personal matter but involves false accusations, lies, controlling abuse & abduction by deceit

Guess it's going to be a ling road but im prepared to go to the ends of the earth to protect my girl

"
Good for you and I bet you are a great dad. What gets my goat is when the children are used as weapon against the other partner.That is just unforgivable.It should(stating the obvious) be the welfare of the children and what's best for them. Sadly I have known of cases where that is the furthest thing on the minds of the parents.The amount of venom and bile spouted by both sides is,quite frankly, a bloody disgrace.Li'l kids being brainwashed against one parent or the other.Oh, and these were so called educated people.Awful. Just awful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They are brilliant. I used to help them for a while. They really know there stuff..

There are a few other agencies that are good to... Google parental alienation help as that comes up with a lot of good advice.

Good luck x

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By *uietlykinkymeWoman
over a year ago

kinky land

I love it when people KNOW ALL the story and the child is 'used as a weapon'.

I wonder if all the JK viewers use that term now, on as little info

Until you've been in each persons shoes, you dont know anything. There is a reason family court is kept private.

Good luck with it though op, Gingerbread was a lifeline to me years ago

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By *obbygggMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I love it when people KNOW ALL the story and the child is 'used as a weapon'.

I wonder if all the JK viewers use that term now, on as little info

Until you've been in each persons shoes, you dont know anything. There is a reason family court is kept private.

Good luck with it though op, Gingerbread was a lifeline to me years ago

"
Erm actually I know the background as well as anyone outside the immediate family could. What's your point and and what has Jeremy Kyle got to do with this? I don't watch that tv show. You obviously do so could you explain what goes on on that show? Thanks.

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By *uietlykinkymeWoman
over a year ago

kinky land

"I love it when people KNOW ALL the story and the child is 'used as a weapon'.

I wonder if all the JK viewers use that term now, on as little info

Until you've been in each persons shoes, you dont know anything. There is a reason family court is kept private.

Good luck with it though op, Gingerbread was a lifeline to me years ago

Erm actually I know the background as well as anyone outside the immediate family could. What's your point and and what has Jeremy Kyle got to do with this? I don't watch that tv show. You obviously do so could you explain what goes on on that show? Thanks. "

I dont watch jk, I have my own life thanks and you answered the question in your own post. 'I know the background as well as anyone could outside the immediate'

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By *obbygggMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I love it when people KNOW ALL the story and the child is 'used as a weapon'.

I wonder if all the JK viewers use that term now, on as little info

Until you've been in each persons shoes, you dont know anything. There is a reason family court is kept private.

Good luck with it though op, Gingerbread was a lifeline to me years ago

I dont watch jk, I have my own life thanks and you answered the question in your own post. 'I know the background as well as anyone could outside the immediate' "
But you mentioned the JK show. How do you know what goes on if you don't watch it? That's ridiculous.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You should do what ever you need to to see your kids but dressing up as batman and getting on a roof is taking it to another level

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would be a bit concerned about organisations that favour one sex parents like this group. I think "some" members come across as very , how can i put this , sexist and in contempt of mothers in general. I would suggest going through courts obtaining a court order might be more helpful. You are then judged by a panel of magistrates who listen to both sides are are guided by CAFCAS and their own lawyers. I went through this on my own unrepresented and came out just fine. Common sense prevails, so if your concerns are correct you'd have nothing to worry about.

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By *igSuki81 OP Man
over a year ago

Retirement Village

All,

As much as i value everyones advice and you are all entitled to your opinion please can i ask to stay on topic and not have a go at each other.

I'm in desperate need for advice and help and quietly and bobby you both have valid points but i would really appreciate it if this thread continued with including jeremy kyle

Thank you again for you comments

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By *uietlykinkymeWoman
over a year ago

kinky land

"I love it when people KNOW ALL the story and the child is 'used as a weapon'.

I wonder if all the JK viewers use that term now, on as little info

Until you've been in each persons shoes, you dont know anything. There is a reason family court is kept private.

Good luck with it though op, Gingerbread was a lifeline to me years ago

I dont watch jk, I have my own life thanks and you answered the question in your own post. 'I know the background as well as anyone could outside the immediate' But you mentioned the JK show. How do you know what goes on if you don't watch it? That's ridiculous."

I read, I interact with humans and it comes up here on this forum often enough. I do believe the charming man, (his past aside) has a number of 'catch phrases' one of the most common ones 'child as a weapon'

As I said, until you have walked in each persons shoes, one shouldn't judge. Only the people in the relationship really knew what happened and even then, points of view and perspective of each differs. When communication breaks down, and arguments take over...

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"All,

As much as i value everyones advice and you are all entitled to your opinion please can i ask to stay on topic "

Good luck with that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh here's another one. Apparently solicitors will give free time eg 30 minutes. So if it's at this stage then go seek the free legal advice. A contact of mine has gone around 4/5 in our local town!! Also citizens advice very helpful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

although i will be the first to back any parent fighting for their child, please remember we only have the OPs opinion on what has happened, so we forumites cant bastardise the other party without knowing the full facts.

however, i do hope this gets sorted with minimum of fuss to your daughter, OP.

i hope neither of you are going to use the girl for points scoring, as that helps no one, and hurts everyone, particularly her.

good luck

oh, and gingerbread are fantastic. heard very good things about them

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By *igSuki81 OP Man
over a year ago

Retirement Village

"although i will be the first to back any parent fighting for their child, please remember we only have the OPs opinion on what has happened, so we forumites cant bastardise the other party without knowing the full facts.

however, i do hope this gets sorted with minimum of fuss to your daughter, OP.

i hope neither of you are going to use the girl for points scoring, as that helps no one, and hurts everyone, particularly her.

good luck

oh, and gingerbread are fantastic. heard very good things about them"

Thank you & you're right there is only one side that is being posted on here. I wasn't looking slander my ex i will have mu day in court when the lies are exposed and what has happened is shown openly.

I would never use my daughter in such a way and always actively encouraged her to build a relationship with her mom but again it is my side of events that are being portrayed.

I was just after advice on what to do and who to speak and gingerbread seem a good option

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry a personal topic so you may wish to walk away now.

Has anyone dealt with Fathers for Justice? I've heard about them and what they do but a lot of people say they go about things the wrong way and their methods can have a negative impact on cases.

Can anyone enlighten me on whether i should contact them for support?

Ain't got time to read this atm. Thanks to Families Need Fathers I'm Busy with my son. I recommend you give them a try. One quick bit of advice don't waste money on family law solicitors

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"They are brilliant. I used to help them for a while. They really know there stuff..

There are a few other agencies that are good to... Google parental alienation help as that comes up with a lot of good advice.

Good luck x"

PA only recognised as a syndrome in the states. Google it and most stuff you get on it will be from there. Keep your feet on the ground. Your daughter needs you and we're rooting for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

however, i do hope this gets sorted with minimum of fuss to your daughter, OP.

i hope neither of you are going to use the girl for points scoring, as that helps no one, and hurts everyone, particularly her.

good luck

oh, and gingerbread are fantastic. heard very good things about them"

If you are unfortunate enough for it to go to court (I believe mediation is more common these days) you need to be seen to be whiter than white and bending over backwards to be cooperated with mum for the good of your daughter. This will get you important brownie points with judges. Try formulating a parenting plan and as difficult as it may be approach mum to do this with you.

Don't let the PC gone mad system weighed heavily in favour of mums get you down. PM me if you want. I've been there, done that and got the tee shirt and five years down the line fortunately my two wonderful children have an excellent relationship with their dad. If you haven't yet you must find your most local Families Need Fathers group.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry a personal topic so you may wish to walk away now.

Has anyone dealt with Fathers for Justice? I've heard about them and what they do but a lot of people say they go about things the wrong way and their methods can have a negative impact on cases.

Can anyone enlighten me on whether i should contact them for support?

Ain't got time to read this atm. Thanks to Families Need Fathers I'm Busy with my son. I recommend you give them a try. One quick bit of advice don't waste money on family law solicitors "

Couldn't agree more. The best person to represent you is YOU. Oh and OP your comment above about not wanting to slander your wife - I like your attitude a lot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"They are brilliant. I used to help them for a while. They really know there stuff..

There are a few other agencies that are good to... Google parental alienation help as that comes up with a lot of good advice.

Good luck x

PA only recognised as a syndrome in the states. Google it and most stuff you get on it will be from there. Keep your feet on the ground. Your daughter needs you and we're rooting for you "

Not true. Cafcas have been using it for sometime now..

Contact centers should always be the first attempt as it shows willing to be reasonable and goes very well to showing attitude.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you do go down the f4j route I have an xl batman costume you can have free of charge?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry a personal topic so you may wish to walk away now.

Has anyone dealt with Fathers for Justice? I've heard about them and what they do but a lot of people say they go about things the wrong way and their methods can have a negative impact on cases.

Can anyone enlighten me on whether i should contact them for support?

Ain't got time to read this atm. Thanks to Families Need Fathers I'm Busy with my son. I recommend you give them a try. One quick bit of advice don't waste money on family law solicitors

Couldn't agree more. The best person to represent you is YOU. Oh and OP your comment above about not wanting to slander your wife - I like your attitude a lot

Your ex may have a solicitor. Maybe c/o the tax payer / legal aid. The scum bag solicitor will be there fighting for her. You will be there fighting for your daughter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/10/13 16:27:12]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"They are brilliant. I used to help them for a while. They really know there stuff..

There are a few other agencies that are good to... Google parental alienation help as that comes up with a lot of good advice.

Good luck x

PA only recognised as a syndrome in the states. Google it and most stuff you get on it will be from there. Keep your feet on the ground. Your daughter needs you and we're rooting for you

Not true. Cafcas have been using it for sometime now..

Contact centers should always be the first attempt as it shows willing to be reasonable and goes very well to showing attitude.

Ok for PA. I'm going back 5 years now. My advice would be to resist contact centres. I was told by a CO just before I went into court the first time my ex and her legal aid solicitor were saying contact centre only and subsequently I would have to settle for that or nothing. A week later my eldest son (then 3 1/2) was with me unsupervised by order of the judge.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Contact centers if you resist can be used against you. Suggesting them goes in your favour.

It's hard when dealing with this as it's very emotional.. but honestly now contact centers are a way to prove your commitment. It's always for a short period. If the mother fails to turn up or agree, ,it can go vastly in your favour.

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By *ex4unowCouple
over a year ago

near you

Just got back from spain porta colom there a guy telling us he was f4j batman and captain america done chat shows in america something to do with lincoln memorial had two previous mariages and came accross as a biggoted racist to us just be carefull who you associate with and good luck also if he is on here i have no problem explaining to him how rude and insulting his behaviour was to everyone there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Contact centers if you resist can be used against you. Suggesting them goes in your favour.

Yes each case is different and most in FNF will give this advice because it shows you are dedicated, etc. I personally believe that if I would have ever been faced with the option of contact centre or no contact with my children I would have resisted going into them. Why? because there was no reason whatsoever why I should have. Except that it's what legal aid solicitors advise mums to do when they're hell bent on 'showing dads who's boss'. This cycle must be broken!

I fully understand the arguments for, to show you're serious etc. But unless you're a sex offender or drug addict, etc you shouldn't have to go into them to see your children

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Contact centers if you resist can be used against you. Suggesting them goes in your favour.

I fully understand the arguments for, to show you're serious etc. But unless you're a sex offender or drug addict, etc you shouldn't have to go into them to see your children "

I agree with a lot of what you are saying, but I think you've fallen into the "it's only dads" that get rough treatment. Thats really not true and these situations happen just the other way around leaving mums like me to battle through. Perhaps this is because more women stop at home and are physically able to be there more for children, but that wasn't the case for me as I have a career so I felt I was treated 50/50.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

^was my concern about this group entirely. It seems to attract some wronguns!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Why use Fathers for justice?

We have a justice system which sorts out custodial rights and access rights.

Generally if one parent is denied access by the courts it's because they are harmful and not fit to be with children.

If you are being denied your rights you need to act legally.

F4J are not a legal body. They are a pressure group.

I don't think they can do anything for any individual.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Contact centers if you resist can be used against you. Suggesting them goes in your favour.

I fully understand the arguments for, to show you're serious etc. But unless you're a sex offender or drug addict, etc you shouldn't have to go into them to see your children

You are very much the exception as I'm sure you're aware. What you are describing is the Status Quo principle which prevails in family law in almost all cases.

What judges really want is for parents to stop acting like children and sort it themselves. Which is why I suggested to our man here that her draft up a parenting plan in his daughter's best interests saying: regardless of their differences He will work with mum to ensure their daughter leads as fulfilling and full life as possible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why use Fathers for justice?

We have a justice system which sorts out custodial rights and access rights.

Generally if one parent is denied access by the courts it's because they are harmful and not fit to be with children.

If you are being denied your rights you need to act legally.

F4J are not a legal body. They are a pressure group.

I don't think they can do anything for any individual."

That's where FNF comes in

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By *obbygggMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Just got back from spain porta colom there a guy telling us he was f4j batman and captain america done chat shows in america something to do with lincoln memorial had two previous mariages and came accross as a biggoted racist to us just be carefull who you associate with and good luck also if he is on here i have no problem explaining to him how rude and insulting his behaviour was to everyone there"
Not sure how someone being a bigoted racist is pertinent to this discussion to be honest. I don't like racists(who let's be fair come in all creeds and colours)but does that make them a bad father? Not sure about that.

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By *igSuki81 OP Man
over a year ago

Retirement Village

"Why use Fathers for justice?

We have a justice system which sorts out custodial rights and access rights.

Generally if one parent is denied access by the courts it's because they are harmful and not fit to be with children.

If you are being denied your rights you need to act legally.

F4J are not a legal body. They are a pressure group.

I don't think they can do anything for any individual."

I never said i would use F4J i asked what they were like as a support group.

We do have a judicial system and which ever way you cut it, it works in favour of the mother.

I haven't been denied access to my child by the courts but by my ex partner who has created a web of lies which are slowly being unravelled.

I asked for peoples advice on the group and what they were like and if i could get support from them would it be a help or hinderance.

Sitonmyfacebook thanks for the advice mate and the willingness to listen i may take you up on your offer of a private chat

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By *heScotandthegirlCouple
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

[Removed by poster at 07/10/13 21:17:56]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks all for the posts

Have contacted them so i'll wait their reply. Never heard of gingerbread but googled them and they seem good will ask them too.

Without going in to too much detail as it is a personal matter but involves false accusations, lies, controlling abuse & abduction by deceit

Guess it's going to be a ling road but im prepared to go to the ends of the earth to protect my girl

You can access legal aid if you are in a n abusive relationship. Which would mean an ex partner or a present partner.

The notes that are held at different agencies such as the police would serve as evidence of abuse towards you when you apply for legal aid.

I am sure that any group such as Gingerbread or F4J will let you be aware of your rights, but you could have a chance at representation.

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By *igSuki81 OP Man
over a year ago

Retirement Village

"... You can access legal aid if you are in a n abusive relationship. Which would mean an ex partner or a present partner.

The notes that are held at different agencies such as the police would serve as evidence of abuse towards you when you apply for legal aid.

I am sure that any group such as Gingerbread or F4J will let you be aware of your rights, but you could have a chance at representation. "

Unfortunately there is no legal aid in such matters. I can't prove abuse until my ex is cross examined and the stories unravelled. So i have to fund this privately.

I have emailed F4J and will contact Gingerbread tomorrow. FNF also seems like a good option. I just need to wait till the court date and present my case with evidence that im collecting that to some extent explains what happened and corroborates the truth behind it all. Thanks for advice though it all helps in getting my head straight

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At the outset of my ex causing trouble and sending solicitors letters I took the time to write a detailed account of all the facts. For me that ran to 8 pages of A4, but it served me well as a record for myself and was the exact same evidence I provided in court some year and a half later.

If you haven't already it might be an idea to chronologically put the facts down as you see them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sitonmyfacebook: i know you mean well, fella, and im certain the OP will message you if he needs advice from someone that has been through it, but you seem very bitter towards the system, that over the 5 years since you have had to deal with it, has seen some changes into a more equal system.

the reason it seems weighted in the favour of the mother is simply because it is usually the mother that stays home, while the father works full time, so isnt actually capable of having full custody of the children.

in situations different, of which i have been a witness to, the father was awarded full custody as, even though both parents worked full time, the father had the better support network.

please dont let your bad experience taint the chances of the OP to give himself the best chance of getting/keeping his daughter.

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"At the outset of my ex causing trouble and sending solicitors letters I took the time to write a detailed account of all the facts. For me that ran to 8 pages of A4, but it served me well as a record for myself and was the exact same evidence I provided in court some year and a half later.

If you haven't already it might be an idea to chronologically put the facts down as you see them. "

That's sound advice in any situation where something out of the ordinary is going on in your life.

At work, in the home, between neighbours, at the kids school etc.

It may never be needed but if it is, you'll be glad you wrote it all down at the time.

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