FabSwingers.com forum: break ups

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Whats the longest relationship[ you broke up from?

What did it feel like? how did you deal with it?

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

7/8 years ..was very hard as even though I initiated the end of it he did take it very hard and my intention was never to hurt him. I still cared about him very deeply and still do (15 years on) but knew in my heart that it wasn't right

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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago

South London

My longest relationship was 3 years. After breaking it off I quit my job, bought a backpack and went travelling around the world!

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

13 years. It was due.

We're still friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

6 years. Walked in on that g/f fucking someone else. Didn't end well at all that one funnily enough

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

42 years .. not sure yet as we havent totally split..

No doubt if it happens it will be very painful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I forgot to say how I dealt with it. Badly sums that bit up. A fair bit of crying and didn't let go anywhere near soon enough. Live and learn though!

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

[Removed by poster at 02/10/13 19:42:04]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My longest relationship was 3 years. After breaking it off I quit my job, bought a backpack and went travelling around the world!"

this is how im dealing with mine, i just need to save up about £5k then go.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

25 years. Been living apart 10 years, divorced four.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"[Removed by poster at 02/10/13 19:42:04]"

Sorry 5 years he choose the army over him and fair play to him I held no grudges just fantastic memories

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By *Kgirl80Woman
over a year ago

South Coast

6 years. I never realised that break ups could physically hurt

One year on from the break up, we still speak every day - he's my best friend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"6 years. Walked in on that g/f fucking someone else. Didn't end well at all that one funnily enough

She cheated on you, when you have a body like that?! That sucks, dude.

3.5 years for me... I started the process there, as I just fell out of love...it wasn't right, I knew that, he didn't. I still care for him, but we haven't spoken in a good while because his fiancé is paranoid about me.

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

"[Removed by poster at 02/10/13 19:42:04]"

dear oh dear ... I think you should write a book as the dramas in your life are spectacular but your resistance is inspiring !

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By *igellahestonCouple
over a year ago

Darleston

Ten years. I was only 19 when we got together and I had 2 children when it ended. Hardest thing I ever did.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My longest relationship to have broken up was 2 weeks...... Because I was bored.....I kid you not. When I met hubby I got bored very easily and couldn't stand staying with guys.... They all ended up annoying Me in some way. That's how I knew hubby was the one. 20 years on and all is good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"6 years. Walked in on that g/f fucking someone else. Didn't end well at all that one funnily enough

She cheated on you, when you have a body like that?! That sucks, dude.

I wasn't quite as filled out back then and it hit my confidence pretty hard. Hence after that I really got into the keep fit and gym work to give myself a bit of a confidence boost.

What I did find great was after about a year after the initial split (I spent a few months after hoping we could sort it, I don't know what I was thinking there) I received a message saying the guy she had been seeing was a complete cock and that she still loved me and wanted me back

That email gave us all a good laugh at work before I hit the big fat delete button

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

"6 years. Walked in on that g/f fucking someone else. Didn't end well at all that one funnily enough

She cheated on you, when you have a body like that?! That sucks, dude.

I wasn't quite as filled out back then and it hit my confidence pretty hard. Hence after that I really got into the keep fit and gym work to give myself a bit of a confidence boost.

That email gave us all a good laugh at work before I hit the big fat delete button

Haha.. Bet she was gutted! X

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

Mine was 4 years.

It felt great that I'd finally taken control of my life and got that twat out of my house for good!!

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"[Removed by poster at 02/10/13 19:42:04]

dear oh dear ... I think you should write a book as the dramas in your life are spectacular but your resistance is inspiring !"

Many people who are worse off then I am....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ive recently done it. We were together for four years, broken up for two, and I recently started seeing her again, to find out she was leading 2 guys on so just left her, and =i still love her as much as i did 2 years ago, and im so stumped

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

17 years and it was very scary. I remember feeling a loss of stability and dealt with it by not dealing with it for 18 months as I only had time for dealing with ensuring my daughter was as affected as little as possible and finishing my degree!! The day I handed my final portfolio in was the day I finally had a little wobble!!

Since then after falling in love and completely falling apart when it ended I realised I never loved my husband anyway but I loved the lifestyle I had but it was still the best thing he ever did for me

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Ive recently done it. We were together for four years, broken up for two, and I recently started seeing her again, to find out she was leading 2 guys on so just left her, and =i still love her as much as i did 2 years ago, and im so stumped

She don't love you....she sees you as a stop gap....and leading you on...once you see that it's plain sailing from there,,,

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By *igellahestonCouple
over a year ago

Darleston

My husband had an affair with a girl half his age, I found out when the baby was born

stuck it out for a year after for our kids(we'd already moved away before I knew about anything) but he turned violent so I made him leave.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

She don't love you....she sees you as a stop gap....and leading you on...once you see that it's plain sailing from there,,,"

I think I see it, she was lying and i found out through checking her phone, its my own fault too, and she said she loved me and I believe her kind of...

Its just fighting the feeling is hard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

6 years with ex husband, years ago....married for the last two but he spent most of the last year in rehab....then he started drinking again so I ended it. Hurt loads as I still loved him and I was pretty much single for about 10 years after that.....everyone has there own ways of coping, mine was to get pissed a lot for a few months....oh the irony!

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

[Removed by poster at 02/10/13 20:09:35]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whats the longest relationship[ you broke up from?

What did it feel like? how did you deal with it? "

I was with my bf for ten years before we broke up, we met when I was 17 he was 16. it broke my heart and it still does.. I am still dealing with it six months on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She don't love you....she sees you as a stop gap....and leading you on...once you see that it's plain sailing from there,,,

I think I see it, she was lying and i found out through checking her phone, its my own fault too, and she said she loved me and I believe her kind of...

Its just fighting the feeling is hard "

This is what happened to me. Once I realised though it was all oh so clear. It is easy for us to say but you just need to move on and forget. You don't trust her as you had to check her phone so it's game over in my opinion. If you did get back together you'd always be wondering.....

Time is the healer and no one can tell you how long it'll take.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

23 years, of which the last 6 ex slept in the spare bedroom. I knew things were bad, but because his depression and refusal to talk about it, I was never sure whether I was at fault or not. In the end he left and a few weeks later found someone else. He's still depressed.

He made me feel totally unattractive and undesirable. After crawling from a deep hole myself, things have only improved from then on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

12 years with ex husband, we actually get on better now were not married and if we hasn't split up then I wouldn't be with my OH love him to bits and he does me too x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

24 years and yes it was Painful for everyone. The most important thing for me was that I waited till the girls grew up and left home. It was for the best for me and one of the best things I've ever done

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By *irtyDee33Woman
over a year ago

South Yorkshire

Never really had a long serious relationship since I was younger!!!

Find it very hard to trust

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seven or eight months lol I know thats bad right? But I have my reasons, too damn many of them

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Very moving stories. You're all very strong in sharing them. Think well of yourselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Very moving stories. You're all very strong in sharing them. Think well of yourselves.

Oh I do, probably why I don't do relationshits that much lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

6 years. I was quite happily settled down, she got pregnant and I was over the moon, totally made up. Then we lost the baby. And we were both fucked up, and we both tried to cope but I did what I always did when things went wrong and just carried on as normal. With the benefit of hindsight I was a ticking timebomb and at somepoint I was going to explode. And then her dad died relatively young and very unexpected. And I coped admirably, people needed me so I could be their rock and ignore the timebomb that was ticking away. And then it got to the time the baby would have been born, she was in a world of pain and being vile to me and I hated everyone because I felt that no one gave a fuck about my baby... And, well you don't come back from that sort of shit do you?

I coped remarkably well. I had the sense to not drink and concentrate on cycling and keeping fit. I ended up seeing a shrink and ultimately changed massively as a person and very much for the better. 6 months later I started dating a 20 year old, was introduced to BDSM and then swinging and moved to London. Never thought what might have been, it all worked out good in the end.

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By *hris148Man
over a year ago

10 years and ending it was the best things I have done. My life is so good now!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

17 years ...ended when i caught my husband fucking another man !!

that was 4 years ago ..took a long time to get over it ..fabs helped tho lol

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I have had some very painful break ups over the years and it takes time to recover. Three were related to losing babies and of those three two included the men also moving on to their next relationship before ending ours.

Take time to grieve. If you feel "hate" or anger then you can't get over it. One day you will feel indifferent and it's over. Then you can get back to thinking fondly and remembering what was good and also why ending has been good for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Last break up was nearly 4 years ago, completely over it now, but it sure as hell left me damaged. Damage which I've only just started to realise the full extent of,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Last break up was nearly 4 years ago, completely over it now, but it sure as hell left me damaged. Damage which I've only just started to realise the full extent of,"

I only really got over my last breakup this year, and Jaz has really helped with that

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

"I have had some very painful break ups over the years and it takes time to recover. Three were related to losing babies and of those three two included the men also moving on to their next relationship before ending ours.

^ this is so true...

for me 13 yrs and at the time I could barely breath it was a real fiscal pain iv never felt or even thought it posible to feel pain like that. I court her cheating on me whitch in itself was bad engh but the hate that followed because I found her out was relentless. She did every thing posible to try an destroy me fisicly and mentally but in the end it was realising her aim was my destructon in every way she posibly could gave me the strength to pull threw and rebuild myself and my life as well as come to turms with the fact the woman I loved with all my hart hated the bones of me an for what ???. Looking back now I laff at myself for thinking how gorgeous she was an how lucky I was for having her as my wife. Its now 14 yrs later an I honestly couldn't tell you what I seen in her but most of all I thank her for the favour she did me an I honestly wouldn't change a thing. my only regret is iv never felt myself love in the same way as I felt for her back then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"6 years. Walked in on that g/f fucking someone else. Didn't end well at all that one funnily enough

She cheated on you, when you have a body like that?! That sucks, dude.

I wasn't quite as filled out back then and it hit my confidence pretty hard. Hence after that I really got into the keep fit and gym work to give myself a bit of a confidence boost.

That email gave us all a good laugh at work before I hit the big fat delete button

"
That sounds really rough on you. But you did the rright thing for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

9 years and he broke my heart

It wasn't a shock though so I guess that was the blessing - he was also a shit to be married to also

Best thing he ever did was to meet someone else - it saved my life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

3 year relationship, ended when he got a girl pregnant behind my back (he finished it) he took our dog and my engagement ring and left me with thousands of debt, an StI and an eating disorder

I allowed myself to be the other woman for 6 months and continued to be hurt by him.

When the epiphany came I was devastated. I threw myself into going out drinking and having one night stands. I'd been mentally abused by the ex, made to believe I was worthless etc. A new relationship suffered as I couldn't trust, I was paranoid and I used sex as a barrier to emotions.

When I met woody I made it clear he was just a fling, I actually turned him down twice! He made me realise all the wrongs, and that relationship wasn't normally. He also helped build my self worth and confidence. 10 years and two beautiful children later I'm over everything my ex did to me, and Im actually grateful as the experience has made me a stronger person! Xxx

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By *adyA01Woman
over a year ago

Wellington

19 years and 2 chilren we were together, it is now 4 years on, it was my choice to end it! Still not easy though, threw myself into going to partys then joined fab swingers! I can look back now an realise it was just a coping mechanism! I no longer party, and rarely meet now! Met 2 shit men in the meantime who I had relationships with, both were lying arseholes an haven't helped at all with restoring my faith in men!

I would never get back with kids dad, but I do miss my family unit and I will always care for him, you don't spend 19 years with someone and just stop caring.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

35 years .. dont ask ..its complicated .. i think they always are

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"6 years. I was quite happily settled down, she got pregnant and I was over the moon, totally made up. Then we lost the baby. And we were both fucked up, and we both tried to cope but I did what I always did when things went wrong and just carried on as normal. With the benefit of hindsight I was a ticking timebomb and at somepoint I was going to explode. And then her dad died relatively young and very unexpected. And I coped admirably, people needed me so I could be their rock and ignore the timebomb that was ticking away. And then it got to the time the baby would have been born, she was in a world of pain and being vile to me and I hated everyone because I felt that no one gave a fuck about my baby... And, well you don't come back from that sort of shit do you?

Your story pretty much mirrors mine: minus the 20 year old!

Our son died, my husband cracked up, hit the bottle, I resented him for not being strong, he probably resented me for not being supported: horrid environment.

I waited til the girls were in secondary school and left.

Ten years on he still introduces me as his wife much to the chagrin of the local ladies. Everyone thinks we'll get back together apart from me. We've known each other over 35 years, this year would have been our 33rd wedding anniversary: still sad we didn't make it.

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By *rsIdiotWoman
over a year ago

Bedworth

I've been with my hubby for 9 years, married for 5 of them. We've been through hell and back, 8 miscarriages in 8 years.

About a year ago I realised that something had changed, in me and in our relationship. Trying to work through our issues he agreed I could meet other men if I wanted but had to keep it secret from him. Hence I eventually found my way onto fab.

In recent months I've realised what changed, I don't love him the way I did. I still care for him deeply but I don't love him like a life partner should.

Now I've met someone on here and fallen in love with him, he also loves me too.

So, I'm now in the awful situation of still being married and living with my husband but loving someone else. I know that my future lies not with my husband and that what I've done is going to hurt him very deeply. I feel a terrible guilt.

I know that when I make the decision to leave I will hurt many people around us, not just my husband.

I know that time is a great healer and hope that one day he will be able to forgive me for what I've done

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

7 year 5 years ofcelibacy andwhen we split I became a swinger!

Was happy as a pig in shit I tell ya

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By *al2001Man
over a year ago

kildare

14 years it almost killed me because we had 2 children who I adored.even tho I had my kids every 2nd day it still fucked me up bigtime.felt like a failure as a father even tho she left me.all the pain was about the kids not her.we had run our course but I never would have left.more recently out of a 6 yr relationship. That still hurts but I focus on all the bad stuff between us n not think of what was good.we had a miscarriage that I think of more n more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

6 years for me which ended about a month ago. Am gutted but ultimately it was me that pushed her away as I knew I couldn't give her what she wants right now. Awesome girl though. Shame it's illegal to cryofreeze the gooduns til the right time comes lol

More annoyingly I had to delete our couple profile - this swinging gig is far harder alone!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

8 years, 5 of which were really great, 3 not so much. She recieved some bad family news and despite what i could do to help went into a downward spiral of drinking and being abussive both mentally and physically. Eventually couldnt put up with it anymore and had to leave

Felt like crap for ages because of it, feeling that id let her down. Took a long while to realise you can only help those that want it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just wanted to say 'Thank You' to all the posters on this thread for sharing - its been very helpful to read some of the comments at this time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was married for 19 years. He was my best friend. He slept with someone else, I found out.

I cannot even begin to tell you how painful that was, every breath hurt. I kicked him out, and started to heal. I spent a year grieving for what we had.

But, he left me with the two best things that I will ever have in my life - our children!

We are now friends, the 'affair' turned into another marriage for him and two more children. That marriage has now failed 2 years on.

He admits he made the biggest mistake of his life, and tells everyone (including the wife) that I am the love of his life.

Its a shame. But I have moved on. Our kids are good, and life has just begun x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

11 years, 4 married, and by the time we actually split, all the feelings of hurt and hatred towards her, had long since departed.

we were living seperate lives for almost a year, only sharing passing comments and a bad.

so, while to realise our lives together was ending hurt, the actual break up was easy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"7/8 years ..was very hard as even though I initiated the end of it he did take it very hard and my intention was never to hurt him. I still cared about him very deeply and still do (15 years on) but knew in my heart that it wasn't right "

Mine 15yrs married,

like you it just wasn't working so i made the call. Still love her to bits & she's the mother of my 3 great kids. But if its not working get out you only live once!

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