FabSwingers.com forum: Should I stay or should I go?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Should I stay or should I go? It's obvious if a man wants a meet he should make an effort in his message.

But why is it when a genuine single male reads a profile and IF matches the fem/couples criteria. He sends a personal message, with a face pic or two, directs the message to worthy verifications and only asks kindly for a response either way he gets ignored n message deleted.

I understand clearly that I'm not to everyone's liking, yet it's appearing to be that the profile is fake I.e the stereotypical trailer trash male.

Or it's a rude impolite lady who clearly either has her head up her own arse because she gets endless messages from desperate cocks or has not only lost her knickers but gave up on manners when she lost self respect.

This is a general moan n I will get slammed by the haters but frankly I've had enough.

Single normal n genuine men are a minority, but I wouldn't of thought a respectable genuine female/couple wouldn't be able to muster up a no thanks.

Please just tell me someone's courteous enough to respond.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Not sure what you really mean.You have 17 verifications in 5 months. Many men don't have that after a year or two on here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not sure what you really mean.You have 17 verifications in 5 months. Many men don't have that after a year or two on here. "

I had a profile previously n had to change my profile because of a stalker. So upon the change I got a lot of verifications immediately from previous months.

I just don't no why it's to difficult to reply with a no thank you if your not interested. That's my point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not sure what you really mean.You have 17 verifications in 5 months. Many men don't have that after a year or two on here.

I had a profile previously n had to change my profile because of a stalker. So upon the change I got a lot of verifications immediately from previous months.

I just don't no why it's to difficult to reply with a no thank you if your not interested. That's my point. "

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

a deleted message surely communicates the message that they are not interested .. just curious... why do you feel better about knowing that they aren't interested by having a mail to open that reads .. 'no thanks ' ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe cause he put alot of effort into his message instead of the normal fancy a fuck message

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We fail to see where the rules are that say " you have to reply even with a polite no thanks "

No offence but get some thicker skin, if they dont reply accept it as a no and move on.

For every no there is a yes waiting round the corner

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"a deleted message surely communicates the message that they are not interested .. just curious... why do you feel better about knowing that they aren't interested by having a mail to open that reads .. 'no thanks ' ?"

Very good point. And this has been hashed over so many times - if we reply, we always get more messages trying to change our minds, and it's too much to deal with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes it can be construed as rude, but no one is obliged to answer anybody.

If someone has clearly put some effort into their message but I'm not interested, I'll take the time to thank them and send a thanks but no thanks type.

If not, deleted!

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

you mentioned that you have been here before and this time 5 months, you already know from experience that some people don't reply to messages: it is part of the scene.

it is not going to change.

doesn't make it right for you, (for them, it is the right thing to do ) but that is the way it is.

good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest I'm at a loss, with such a positive attitude I really can't understand why you aren't more successful

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Coz it's common decency, manners cost nothing. Ignore or delete the message is pure ignorance mixed with an ugly dose or arrogance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Should I stay or should I go? It's obvious if a man wants a meet he should make an effort in his message.

I understand clearly that I'm not to everyone's liking, yet it's appearing to be that the profile is fake I.e the stereotypical trailer trash male.

This is a general moan n I will get slammed by the haters but frankly I've had enough.

Single normal n genuine men are a minority, but I wouldn't of thought a respectable genuine female/couple wouldn't be able to muster up a no thanks.

Please just tell me someone's courteous enough to respond. "

Simple if you don't enjoy the sight don't log in. Not rocket science is it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Coz it's common decency, manners cost nothing. Ignore or delete the message is pure ignorance mixed with an ugly dose or arrogance. "

No its called PREFERENCE and its their choice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely by deleting your message they have informed you they do not want to meet. Why is that so difficult to understand?

Do you need additional information just in case by some stroke of incompetence they have deleted you in error. Just accept a delete is as good as a mail saying no thanks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes it can be construed as rude, but no one is obliged to answer anybody.

If someone has clearly put some effort into their message but I'm not interested, I'll take the time to thank them and send a thanks but no thanks type.

If not, deleted!

Think this is how it should work but it never will

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Very good point. And this has been hashed over so many times - if we reply, we always get more messages trying to change our minds, and it's too much to deal with."

I reply with a thanks for the response then block them. As we all know by doing this it saves accidental contact at a later date. On occasion some profile change a pic or even a profile name. By me deleting them it saves accidental messaging again.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes it can be construed as rude, but no one is obliged to answer anybody.

If someone has clearly put some effort into their message but I'm not interested, I'll take the time to thank them and send a thanks but no thanks type.

If not, deleted!

Perfect

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Coz it's common decency, manners cost nothing. Ignore or delete the message is pure ignorance mixed with an ugly dose or arrogance. "

As are the messages I get from guys who want to meet when my profile states I'm not meeting.

I refuse to spend my time answering them when they obviously haven't read profile in first place and even when I am meeting it also says that I will not answer every message.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Coz it's common decency, manners cost nothing. Ignore or delete the message is pure ignorance mixed with an ugly dose or arrogance. "

When I read the OP I had my normal head on, ie, caring, decent, normal run of the mill head on, so obviously would always reply to a message, out of politeness and common courtesy, if someone has taken the time to write a message to me, the reply would depend on effort taken, one common message I get is fancy a shag, or do you wanna suck my knob.

I would reply with a one word answer.

However if thought, originality and time is taken, I would reply in a similar way.

However as I read the following posts, I remembered what site im on,

Some people have very low standards, they are commiting adultery, cheating, and have very high opinions of themselves.

Some are just here for a power trip, or to get some excitement in their life, when I remembered that, I can understand why they don't bother replying or block you.

So far I have never sent a message, only replied to messages.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Or it's a rude impolite lady who clearly either has her head up her own arse because she gets endless messages from desperate cocks or has not only lost her knickers but gave up on manners when she lost self respect.

Why would you want to meet women that you have sich a low opinion of?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Surely by deleting your message they have informed you they do not want to meet. Why is that so difficult to understand?

Do you need additional information just in case by some stroke of incompetence they have deleted you in error. Just accept a delete is as good as a mail saying no thanks."
If you plucked up courage to text someone you had fancied for ages and asked them if they fancied going out for a drink sometime .. You would be a hell of a lot more pissed of if they did not reply to your text then if they replied with. No thankyou .. Just saying

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Should I stay or should I go? It's obvious if a man wants a meet he should make an effort in his message.

I understand clearly that I'm not to everyone's liking, yet it's appearing to be that the profile is fake I.e the stereotypical trailer trash male.

This is a general moan n I will get slammed by the haters but frankly I've had enough.

Single normal n genuine men are a minority, but I wouldn't of thought a respectable genuine female/couple wouldn't be able to muster up a no thanks.

Please just tell me someone's courteous enough to respond. "

Often when you respond with a polite no thainks you get

Buy why?

Ok but why not give me a chance?

But why not?

Your a time waster if you don't!

The reality is responding makes you stand out its a bit like answering the telephone to an unwanted cold caller! THEY KNOW YOU ARE ALIVE AND THERE!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Coz it's common decency, manners cost nothing. Ignore or delete the message is pure ignorance mixed with an ugly dose or arrogance.

I would reply with a one word answer.

However if thought, originality and time is taken, I would reply in a similar way.

However as I read the following posts, I remembered what site im on,

Some people have very low standards, they are commiting adultery, cheating, and have very high opinions of themselves.

Some are just here for a power trip, or to get some excitement in their life, when I remembered that, I can understand why they don't bother replying or block you.

So far I have never sent a message, only replied to messages."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I reply to all mail on all accounts. Never had a problem.

It's not just single guys that don't get responses, we don't on our couple account sometimes either. Just one of those things. If it pisses you off it's not worth it.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"Should I stay or should I go? It's obvious if a man wants a meet he should make an effort in his message.

I understand clearly that I'm not to everyone's liking, yet it's appearing to be that the profile is fake I.e the stereotypical trailer trash male.

This is a general moan n I will get slammed by the haters but frankly I've had enough.

Single normal n genuine men are a minority, but I wouldn't of thought a respectable genuine female/couple wouldn't be able to muster up a no thanks.

Please just tell me someone's courteous enough to respond.

Often when you respond with a polite no thainks you get

Buy why?

Ok but why not give me a chance?

But why not?

Your a time waster if you don't!

The reality is responding makes you stand out its a bit like answering the telephone to an unwanted cold caller! THEY KNOW YOU ARE ALIVE AND THERE!

Quite so. If I get a message, with a decent face pic, and I am not interested they get 'no thank you'. Just that - three simple words. I have found that if you try to justify why not it opens the flood gates. If they then message 'why not?' then I ignore and delete. It is on my profile very clearly that I do not engage in that kind of conversation. If I get an abusive response they are blocked and I think no more of it. I was clearly right to say no if they are that kind of person.

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By *ucy and CarlCouple
over a year ago

Broadstairs

Must admit we reply to all messages. But the OP has asked a simple question should he stay or should he go, which no one yet had answered. My answer is you clearly feel the site is not for you so I say go. But I bet if you got a thousand people say go you would still stay

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just go

There I said it

Signed....hater of Ipswich xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And where does the expectation end?

You send email requsting a meet

they reply no thanks

you respond ok thank you

They reply your welcome

You reply dont mention it

At what point do you cut off and accept they are not being rude as they stop responding?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Must admit we reply to all messages. But the OP has asked a simple question should he stay or should he go, which no one yet had answered. My answer is you clearly feel the site is not for you so I say go. But I bet if you got a thousand people say go you would still stay"
and this is exactly the case

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just go

There I said it

Signed....hater of Ipswich xx

"
If i send you a message will you just put no thanks . Just to appease me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Theirs not much to really go off, u havent shown any veri's? Makes me wonder y, u got no pics up to see what u look like? Ur profile text is well, no point

Think u need to put more effort into selling urself rather than bitchin women delete ur messages

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just go

There I said it

Signed....hater of Ipswich xx

, it does make a change to have a bit of a conversation going on around it rather than just the normal don't let door hit you on way out comments though ( obviously if it had been a fem that wouldn't have happened)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your lucky I've only met two and that was for coffee

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Coz it's common decency, manners cost nothing. Ignore or delete the message is pure ignorance mixed with an ugly dose or arrogance. "

Then why would you want a reply from someone like you describe?

Some people reply, some don't, you can either take it on the chin and not let it spoil your enjoyment of the site or let it annoy you so much that you ask strangers what decision you should make.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not sure what you really mean.You have 17 verifications in 5 months. Many men don't have that after a year or two on here. "

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By *obbobeanMan
over a year ago

dagenham

I just don't no why it's to difficult to reply with a no thank you if your not interested. That's my point. "

I have made that point in here numerous times and also suggested it to admin a few times aswel. A simple icon to click that would send an automatic message on along the lines " Thanks for the interest, but your not for me/us, take care and happy swinging"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just don't no why it's to difficult to reply with a no thank you if your not interested. That's my point.

Yep and then we would get lots of threads say that's so rude after I spent time writing a personal message to them they came back with a auto reply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just don't no why it's to difficult to reply with a no thank you if your not interested. That's my point.

And the needy would find a reason to moan about that

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By *eareenaCouple
over a year ago

Rockford

I just don't no why it's to difficult to reply with a no thank you if your not interested. That's my point.

Yep and then we would get lots of threads say that's so rude after I spent time writing a personal message to them they came back with a auto reply

this

I get that its frustrating for the men but as a single bi fem I do get my inbox filled with a lot of trash. Pic collectors or too far away or monosyllabic messages so sometimes I do a mass delete. Should I feel guilty for doing that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good manners invariably require some sort of effort, bad manners rarely so.

If someone has taken the time to read my profile (in effect my advert) and has made the effort to respond with a personalised message, my core values mean that I would always respond, even if it is with a thanks but no thanks. I don't need external rules to dictate who I chose to be.

That said, if others chose not to show a certain level of courtesy, that is their choice and my core values mean I chose to respect that. In forums like this they will sometimes give you the mitigants of why, but the bottom line is usually that in their _iew it's just not worth the effort. In a way it's good manners to just respect that.

I chose to hold the door open for others who may be walking behind me, others don't, I'm sure they can always justify it to themselves. It doesn't mean that I will stop holding the door the next time I walk through it.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"Good manners invariably require some sort of effort, bad manners rarely so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't worry, there are about 100 men to each woman here. And they have a lot of messages each day, they have the right to do what ever they want.

Don't take it to heart, go to socials and meet ppl in the flesh first. Then chat on site.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest I do pride myself on trying to reply to all messages. I have a couples profile with a friend and I've noticed single ladies often delete without reply from there. And couples actually.

I just figure we weren't for them. It is hard for single guys yet I know a few that seem to do very well.. but they attend lots of socials and parties and are regulars on chat on cam. Face cams.

I figure when your not enjoying things you leave. Or hide your profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You may as well just go. You aren't going to get people to reply to your messages like you want so what is the point in staying. Especially as you seem quite annoyed about not receiving a no thanks which you get the same outcome as a deleted message.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*opens door for the moaner*

some ppl!

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

"Surely by deleting your message they have informed you they do not want to meet. Why is that so difficult to understand?

Do you need additional information just in case by some stroke of incompetence they have deleted you in error. Just accept a delete is as good as a mail saying no thanks. If you plucked up courage to text someone you had fancied for ages and asked them if they fancied going out for a drink sometime .. You would be a hell of a lot more pissed of if they did not reply to your text then if they replied with. No thankyou .. Just saying "

How is that even vaguely the same? If you text someone to ask them out you would already know them and they you. So yes you would expect a reply.

If you randomly text a number you pluck out of thin air asking someone out then no I wouldn't expect a reply from a stranger!

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

"You may as well just go. You aren't going to get people to reply to your messages like you want so what is the point in staying. Especially as you seem quite annoyed about not receiving a no thanks which you get the same outcome as a deleted message.

This!!

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Coz it's common decency, manners cost nothing. Ignore or delete the message is pure ignorance mixed with an ugly dose or arrogance. "

Manners do cost on here though. I used to reply to every message. It opens the door for more messages. The site software deems that you are indeed communicating with each other and doesn't put up a 'stop think' message. I have had abuse along the lines of 'rude, arrogant, up your own arse' variety for saying no.

If we say no and then block to stop further communication then a thread appears asking why the rude, arrogant women block when they have responded. I reply to a few now, if they have put some effort to their message. It's mostly fine but about 20% will be rude or pushy and that isn't worth the hassle.

Your post makes me think simply ignoring is a better option.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you delete a message without reading it means that the person will get a warning next time they try to message you.

I used to respond to everyone but that just opens flood gates. People don't accept the 'no thanks' and start asking 'but why?' or hurl abuse at you for the rejection they feel. Or they go away quietly and message you again a few days down the line.

A lot of guys put a lot of effort into messages they send me but still have not bothered to read my profile. I can see that from the first few words in the pre_iew.

I delete now to save myself grief.

I'm sure there are very nice guys who I do this to but the majority are not and they have informed my decision to use a blanket approach.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Please just tell me someone's courteous enough to respond. "

If you don't get any replay's you are doing something wrong and its often attitude to people. To expect everyone to reply? come on I bet you dont chat to every cold caller. If you don't get a reply its because you didn't get someone attention address that and you will get more its that simple.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Please just tell me someone's courteous enough to respond.

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