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The cocksucking frog!

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By *renchbambi x OP   Woman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

A man brings a frog home from work one day. When inside he hands it to his wife.

"What's this?" She asks.

"A cocksucking frog" he replies.

"Well, what the hell will I do with that?" She asks.

The husband replies "Teach it to cook then f**k off!"

Happy Monday morning...anymore frog jokes anyone??

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

The only one I know is the wide mouth frog one and that's more visual.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A man brings a frog home from work one day. When inside he hands it to his wife.

"What's this?" She asks.

"A cocksucking frog" he replies.

"Well, what the hell will I do with that?" She asks.

The husband replies "Teach it to cook then f**k off!"

Happy Monday morning...anymore frog jokes anyone?? "
Frogs scare me but I did laugh at this and no frog joke sorry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bet it could do a ham sandwich

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By *renchbambi x OP   Woman
over a year ago

Need to know basis


"Bet it could do a ham sandwich "

I bet you could!! Cheeky

And where's my joke?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you say to a hitch-hiking frog?

Hop in!

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

What does a perverted frog say?

Rubbit.

What does a gay frog say?

Rimm'it Rimm'it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A man brings a frog home from work one day. When inside he hands it to his wife.

"What's this?" She asks.

"A cocksucking frog" he replies.

"Well, what the hell will I do with that?" She asks.

The husband replies "Teach it to cook then f**k off!"

Happy Monday morning...anymore frog jokes anyone?? "

You weren't lying about the frog love

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife is a bit of a tree-hugger, so she went ape shit when I ran over a frog.

I said, "Well I couldn't avoid him and it's not like they serve any purpose."

She shouted, "He was on a bloody bike and you're supposed to be driving on the right."

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By *renchbambi x OP   Woman
over a year ago

Need to know basis


"What does a perverted frog say?

Rubbit.

What does a gay frog say?

Rimm'it Rimm'it.

"

You know when someone on here says 'i just spat my coffee all over the ..... etc...'?? Well guess what you've just made me do??? And its gone all the way down to my navel grrrr!!

I need a blooming shower now

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By *renchbambi x OP   Woman
over a year ago

Need to know basis


"My wife is a bit of a tree-hugger, so she went ape shit when I ran over a frog.

I said, "Well I couldn't avoid him and it's not like they serve any purpose."

She shouted, "He was on a bloody bike and you're supposed to be driving on the right."

"

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA.....

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By *ust_for_laughsCouple
over a year ago

Hinckley

There was a little boy about twelve years old who was walking along the pavement dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. Eventually, he came upon the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the boy and asked what he wanted. He said, “I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I’m not leaving until I get it.”

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once inside, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, “Do any of the girls have any diseases?”

Of course the Madam replied “No”. He said, “I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT’S the girl I want.”

Since the boy was so adamant that he had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. So, he headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him.

Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam and left. The Madam stopped him and asked, “Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?”

He said, “Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner and leave me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When my parents get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he’ll jump the baby-sitter’s bones and he’ll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter’s place, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE’S the bastard who ran over my FROG!”

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By *estlands4Man
over a year ago

Sidmouth

Coffee gone again lol

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By *renchbambi x OP   Woman
over a year ago

Need to know basis


"There was a little boy about twelve years old who was walking along the pavement dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. Eventually, he came upon the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the boy and asked what he wanted. He said, “I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I’m not leaving until I get it.”

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once inside, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, “Do any of the girls have any diseases?”

Of course the Madam replied “No”. He said, “I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT’S the girl I want.”

Since the boy was so adamant that he had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. So, he headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him.

Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam and left. The Madam stopped him and asked, “Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?”

He said, “Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner and leave me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When my parents get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he’ll jump the baby-sitter’s bones and he’ll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter’s place, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE’S the bastard who ran over my FROG!”"

Brilliant!

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)


"What does a perverted frog say?

Rubbit.

What does a gay frog say?

Rimm'it Rimm'it.

You know when someone on here says 'i just spat my coffee all over the ..... etc...'?? Well guess what you've just made me do??? And its gone all the way down to my navel grrrr!!

I need a blooming shower now "

Pleased they made you chuckle, , please post the pictures Of you showering ,, ta, (from all of the men on fab,), ,

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By *renchbambi x OP   Woman
over a year ago

Need to know basis


"The only one I know is the wide mouth frog one and that's more visual.

"

I look forward to hearing it on Saturday and if there are visuals...all the better xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Frog and the Princess

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.

The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so."

That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying, "I don't think so."

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By *renchbambi x OP   Woman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

Mmmmm Frogs legs...nom nom!! Nice one Mr Fox

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here's a frog visual.

Love Don Martin!

http://www.madmagazine.com/blog/2013/06/14/don-martin-more-fairy-tale-scenes-wed-like-to-see-the-frog-prince

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A guy goes to see the doctor, because he's been a little too well endowed, shall we say. In fact, it's 25 inches long. Can't get any women to have sex with him. No men either, one would think. Anyway, the doctor says there's nothing he can do medically, but sends him to see a witch that he thinks might be able to help.

Witch takes a look at the problem (yikes!) and tells him to go to a particular pond, deep in the forest, and talk to a frog that lives there. "Ask the frog to marry you and each time the frog says no, you'll be 5 inches shorter."

Worth a try, he thinks, and off he dashes into the forest, as anyone in this sort of joke would. Finds the pond and sees the frog on the other side, sitting on a log. "Will you marry me?" he calls to the frog.

Frog looks at him, disinterested at best, and calls back, "No."

Guy looks down, sure enough, he's 5 inches shorter. Hey, this is great, he thinks -- let's try that again. "Will you marry me?" he asks the frog.

Frog rolls his eyes, and shouts back again, "No!"

Twitch -- the guy's down to 15 inches. Well that's still a bit excessive, he thinks. Down another 5 would be perfect. So he calls across again, "Will you marry me?"

Frog yells back, "Look - how many times do I have to tell you? No. No. NO!"

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By *obbygggMan
over a year ago

Birmingham


"A guy goes to see the doctor, because he's been a little too well endowed, shall we say. In fact, it's 25 inches long. Can't get any women to have sex with him. No men either, one would think. Anyway, the doctor says there's nothing he can do medically, but sends him to see a witch that he thinks might be able to help.

Witch takes a look at the problem (yikes!) and tells him to go to a particular pond, deep in the forest, and talk to a frog that lives there. "Ask the frog to marry you and each time the frog says no, you'll be 5 inches shorter."

Worth a try, he thinks, and off he dashes into the forest, as anyone in this sort of joke would. Finds the pond and sees the frog on the other side, sitting on a log. "Will you marry me?" he calls to the frog.

Frog looks at him, disinterested at best, and calls back, "No."

Guy looks down, sure enough, he's 5 inches shorter. Hey, this is great, he thinks -- let's try that again. "Will you marry me?" he asks the frog.

Frog rolls his eyes, and shouts back again, "No!"

Twitch -- the guy's down to 15 inches. Well that's still a bit excessive, he thinks. Down another 5 would be perfect. So he calls across again, "Will you marry me?"

Frog yells back, "Look - how many times do I have to tell you? No. No. NO!""
Love this one.

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: Sex Frogs! Only £20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions).

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one." The man packaged the frog and said, "Just follow the instructions carefully."

The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do:

1. Take a shower.

2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.

3. Slip into a very sexy teddy.

4. Crawl into bed and position the frog in place.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store." So, the girl calls the pet store.

The man says, "I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over." Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The girl welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there."

The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"What does a perverted frog say?

Rubbit.

What does a gay frog say?

Rimm'it Rimm'it.

"

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By *irtyDee33Woman
over a year ago

South Yorkshire


"What does a perverted frog say?

Rubbit.

What does a gay frog say?

Rimm'it Rimm'it.

Hahahaha that tickled me

"

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By *renchbambi x OP   Woman
over a year ago

Need to know basis


"Here's a frog visual.

Love Don Martin!

http://www.madmagazine.com/blog/2013/06/14/don-martin-more-fairy-tale-scenes-wed-like-to-see-the-frog-prince"

Aaaah the Mad magazines!! Good times xx thanks for that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The only one I know is the wide mouth frog one and that's more visual. "

.. and I'll bet you saw it first on Dave Allen....

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By *renchbambi x OP   Woman
over a year ago

Need to know basis


"A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: Sex Frogs! Only £20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions).

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one." The man packaged the frog and said, "Just follow the instructions carefully."

The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do:

1. Take a shower.

2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.

3. Slip into a very sexy teddy.

4. Crawl into bed and position the frog in place.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store." So, the girl calls the pet store.

The man says, "I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over." Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The girl welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there."

The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!""

Hahaha! That deserves a frog shower pic!! Are you ready? Its only going to be up for a few minutes

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"The only one I know is the wide mouth frog one and that's more visual.

.. and I'll bet you saw it first on Dave Allen...."

I did. I'm that age.

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By *renchbambi x OP   Woman
over a year ago

Need to know basis


"What do you say to a hitch-hiking frog?

Hop in! "

Hahahaha!! Love it gorjus!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do you say to a hitch-hiking frog?

Hop in!

Hahahaha!! Love it gorjus! "
ok not a frog joke but I'm eating toad in the hole for my dinner

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By *renchbambi x OP   Woman
over a year ago

Need to know basis


"What do you say to a hitch-hiking frog?

Hop in!

Hahahaha!! Love it gorjus! ok not a frog joke but I'm eating toad in the hole for my dinner "

That's criminal but I forgive you because you are stunning!!

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By *heScotandthegirlCouple
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

I had a great relationship with a frog but it didn't last.

I wanted it all, long term, tadpoles, everything.

But she just wouldn't kermit....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do you say to a hitch-hiking frog?

Hop in!

Hahahaha!! Love it gorjus! ok not a frog joke but I'm eating toad in the hole for my dinner

That's criminal but I forgive you because you are stunning!! "
it's really sausages in Yorkshire pudding but thank you and compliment returned

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By *renchbambi x OP   Woman
over a year ago

Need to know basis


"What do you say to a hitch-hiking frog?

Hop in!

Hahahaha!! Love it gorjus! ok not a frog joke but I'm eating toad in the hole for my dinner

That's criminal but I forgive you because you are stunning!! it's really sausages in Yorkshire pudding but thank you and compliment returned "

I know all about Yorkshire sausages lol! I lives in Brighouse for 5 years and worked in Bradford for 7...good time!!!

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By * Jay69Man
over a year ago

Bridgwater - Somerset

In a Paris bistro I asked the waiter if he had frogs legs, he said "yes" so I said "hop into the kitchen and get me a steak".

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By *renchbambi x OP   Woman
over a year ago

Need to know basis


"In a Paris bistro I asked the waiter if he had frogs legs, he said "yes" so I said "hop into the kitchen and get me a steak"."

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By * Jay69Man
over a year ago

Bridgwater - Somerset

The Geek

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back in to a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girl friend, but a talking frog is cool!

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By *renchbambi x OP   Woman
over a year ago

Need to know basis


"The Geek

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back in to a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girl friend, but a talking frog is cool!"

Haaaaaaahaaaaahaaaa! Now I know why he never kissed me!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A man brings a frog home from work one day. When inside he hands it to his wife.

"What's this?" She asks.

"A cocksucking frog" he replies.

"Well, what the hell will I do with that?" She asks.

The husband replies "Teach it to cook then f**k off!"

Happy Monday morning...anymore frog jokes anyone?? "

ribbit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Woman walking down the street sees a sign in a petshop window:

PUSSY LICKING FROG only £25.

Rather curiously, she thinks that could be interesting, enters the shop and asks if see could see the pussy licking frog.

"Bonjour madame"

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I always worry about kissing good looking men in case they turn into frogs.

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By *uncouple31Couple
over a year ago

Walsall

A women is walking past a pet store when she sees a sign in the window. Pussy licking frog £10. So she goes inside and asks the man behind the counter if she can see the pussy licking frog. The man behind the counter leans forward and says... Bonjour.

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By *renchbambi x OP   Woman
over a year ago

Need to know basis


"A women is walking past a pet store when she sees a sign in the window. Pussy licking frog £10. So she goes inside and asks the man behind the counter if she can see the pussy licking frog. The man behind the counter leans forward and says... Bonjour."

Omg...two of you keeping me on hot coals wanting to know what comes next!!! Naughty naugty...come on spit it out and make it good (says the frog lol)!!

Seriously...is it the same joke or do I get two different endings???

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