FabSwingers.com forum: advice from other parents please

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have one 8 year old child who loves having his friends round to play. However, I'm starting to get very pissed off that I seem to be running the free local creche and my son never seems to be invited to play at their house. One of his friends is always round here. Whilst I don't want to say no when my son asks one particular friend to come round, I do feel like his parents are taking the piss! My son will go and call for this boy and invariably his younger brother is in tow and i have both of them! Giw would you deal with this? I just find it really unfair!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It happens used to happen to me having the both boys with friends in tow....as long as they wernt being pests id just deal with it and on certain days when i was tired from work or busy id put my foot down and tell them no friends in that day...play out or there if not do ya room

Some parents do take the piss but i always felt bad and had them there as there were 2 of mine normally one of thiers

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It happens used to happen to me having the both boys with friends in tow....as long as they wernt being pests id just deal with it and on certain days when i was tired from work or busy id put my foot down and tell them no friends in that day...play out or there if not do ya room

Some parents do take the piss but i always felt bad and had them there as there were 2 of mine normally one of thiers "

But that's the thing I'ma single mom, work everyday, I have one child, live in a very small 2 bed house, I have both of theirs and there are 2 parents, she works 2 days per week, live in a 5 bed house. Like I said, I dont want to have to start saying no but surely they must think we really ought to invite my son to their house? Would you say anything??x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would personally but some dont care so long as they arnt at home

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

maybe start by saying you have to go somewhere for an hour and would it be possible for them to have your son.

Make it on a night or weekend when you know they are there and if they say no then its time for a rethink

mind you childhoods short so the other option if plan a fails is to accept it(unless there children are a nightmare to have at your place)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes think that I have adopted an extra son but 90% I don't mind - I do make sure that they know about the 10% though and both of mine stay at his.

Something I've learned from having an older teenage son is that it passes all too quickly so enjoy it whilst you can and revel in the fact that your children's friends like being around you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

These children obviously feel comfortable to spend time at your house. That is a child sized compliment.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"These children obviously feel comfortable to spend time at your house. That is a child sized compliment."

I do understand what you are saying but I think it should be give and take. I can count on one hand the amount of times my son has been invited to play at their house

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By *r Mahogany70Man
over a year ago

Leicester

I agree with the other posters in that the time when your children are young is to be cherished, I certainly pine for the times when my own were cute toddlers.

However, I understand where you are coming from Joanne. If you're also having to feed these two other boys on a regular basis on a limited budget, never mind providing a free babysitting service for their parents, then they are taking the piss. I'd do my utmost to have my child play round the other boys' house and by doing so determine whether it is a deliberate ploy by their parents to dump their kids on me.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"These children obviously feel comfortable to spend time at your house. That is a child sized compliment.

I do understand what you are saying but I think it should be give and take. I can count on one hand the amount of times my son has been invited to play at their house "

Is it a snob thing with them being in a 5 bed house etc and think they are better ? or just laziness ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I agree with the other posters in that the time when your children are young is to be cherished, I certainly pine for the times when my own were cute toddlers.

i really dont think its a deliberate attempt at freeloading their kids but i just know that i would feel embarrassed if it was me. Surely they must realise that their kids are always here but they never return the invite?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

When my son started nursery he became joined at the hip with another only child. They spent the next 12 years alternating between houses his friend came on holiday with us every year. I always actively encouraged this with him being an only child. Either put your foot down and see if the other parents invite him or welcome the fact he has playmates

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"These children obviously feel comfortable to spend time at your house. That is a child sized compliment.

I do understand what you are saying but I think it should be give and take. I can count on one hand the amount of times my son has been invited to play at their house

Is it a snob thing with them being in a 5 bed house etc and think they are better ? or just laziness ?"

No absolutely not!!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It can seem unfair but this time soon passes and you will have enormous teenagers laying on the floor eating your pizza and all too soon they'll be gone.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When my son started nursery he became joined at the hip with another only child. They spent the next 12 years alternating between houses his friend came on holiday with us every year. I always actively encouraged this with him being an only child. Either put your foot down and see if the other parents invite him or welcome the fact he has playmates"

I do welcome the fact that my child has playmates and as I said, I dont ever say no but I think its wrong that he never gets asked to play at their home!!

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By *ub bbwWoman
over a year ago

oldbury

The other way to look at it is that if they are in your house you know they are safe they aren't playing in the street and you can keep an eye on them all

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It can seem unfair but this time soon passes and you will have enormous teenagers laying on the floor eating your pizza and all too soon they'll be gone.

Yes I understand that but why is it always my bloody house???

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

You didn't invite her children over did you ?

She didn't ask you to have them over did she ?

You are the enabler here.... you let them into your house.

I'm assuming no one broke in.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"The other way to look at it is that if they are in your house you know they are safe they aren't playing in the street and you can keep an eye on them all "

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I agree with the other posters in that the time when your children are young is to be cherished, I certainly pine for the times when my own were cute toddlers.

No idea! They obviously have a reason but we're in no position to say what it is, it coudl be that they don't like having other kids in their house, it could be that they want to get rid of their kid or it could be that their son prefers your house to his own when it comes to playing. If you feel strongly about it limit the amount of times he comes or have a word with his parents, if not be glad that your son has a friend

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By *tarbeckCouple
over a year ago

york

We got to the point where we had to put our foot down . We had one off our sons friends thet was at ours every night and in the summer holidays he didnt go home for six weeks ,think even my son got fed up he started to call him a mummy snatcher

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"We got to the point where we had to put our foot down . We had one off our sons friends thet was at ours every night and in the summer holidays he didnt go home for six weeks ,think even my son got fed up he started to call him a mummy snatcher "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It can seem unfair but this time soon passes and you will have enormous teenagers laying on the floor eating your pizza and all too soon they'll be gone.

Yes I understand that but why is it always my bloody house???"

think the best bit of advice has already been given.

every now and then just tell your child you arent in the mood/able to have their friends around so if they want to go play, outside or at their friends house, then thats what its going to have to be.

just because you are a parent doesnt mean all your time has to be about the kids.

you need an hour or so every now and then for you

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By *ral geniusMan
over a year ago

north notts

I have the same with my 8 year old and her 3 friends on our road. I just say no, go out and play when I've had enough of them

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It can seem unfair but this time soon passes and you will have enormous teenagers laying on the floor eating your pizza and all too soon they'll be gone.

Yes I understand that but why is it always my bloody house???"

because you aren't saying "no, not today"?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Rather than casting the other mother as an evil witch .... why not make friends with her and do both of you a favour?

Set up a timetable where your son is at hers for two hours twice a week.

Hers are at yours for the same.

That way both of you get regular time.

YOu can pool dosh to buy cheap lunches n snacks. Like beans on toast n kit kats.

Job done.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Rather than casting the other mother as an evil witch .... why not make friends with her and do both of you a favour?

Set up a timetable where your son is at hers for two hours twice a week.

Hers are at yours for the same.

That way both of you get regular time.

YOu can pool dosh to buy cheap lunches n snacks. Like beans on toast n kit kats.

Job done."

Where in my comments have I suggested she is an evil witch????????

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

put your foot down and limit the number of times your sons friend can come round maybe his parents will get the hint and your son could go there .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Communication is the simple answer. If you don't know why your son is hardly ever invited to his friends home,then you need to find out. Asking people on a public forum won't get your answer,you need to ask the people concerned. That could be potentially tricky but it's the only way forward for you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"put your foot down and limit the number of times your sons friend can come round maybe his parents will get the hint and your son could go there . "

Thank you. I think this is the only way I can do it. It might upset my son for a short while but I think its probably the best way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does you child ask if they can come. They should check. The first thing I would do establish times when they can visit. Eg yes that's fine but just until 4pm. Check the other children know the times. This gives you the chance to be generous but on your terms. Plus children tend to go with the flow and what works. So they will come around and stay until they have to do something else. Whatever they say children do best given structure.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Rather than casting the other mother as an evil witch .... why not make friends with her and do both of you a favour?

Set up a timetable where your son is at hers for two hours twice a week.

Hers are at yours for the same.

That way both of you get regular time.

YOu can pool dosh to buy cheap lunches n snacks. Like beans on toast n kit kats.

Job done."

Oh and thank you for the snack tips! Who knew?!!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Communication is the simple answer. If you don't know why your son is hardly ever invited to his friends home,then you need to find out. Asking people on a public forum won't get your answer,you need to ask the people concerned. That could be potentially tricky but it's the only way forward for you."

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Rather than casting the other mother as an evil witch .... why not make friends with her and do both of you a favour?

Set up a timetable where your son is at hers for two hours twice a week.

Hers are at yours for the same.

That way both of you get regular time.

YOu can pool dosh to buy cheap lunches n snacks. Like beans on toast n kit kats.

Job done.

Where in my comments have I suggested she is an evil witch????????"

I said 'casting' her as the evil witch.

You didn't use those words but everything you say makes out that she is , 'taking the piss' , 'unfair' , 'should return the invite' , 'should have your son over' .... etc etc ....

It sounds like you believe she says... Go and play in so and so's house.

She probably doesn't even know you object. How could she?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Does you child ask if they can come. They should check. The first thing I would do establish times when they can visit. Eg yes that's fine but just until 4pm. Check the other children know the times. This gives you the chance to be generous but on your terms. Plus children tend to go with the flow and what works. So they will come around and stay until they have to do something else. Whatever they say children do best given structure. "

I do all that. My point is that my son never receives a return invite x

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Rather than casting the other mother as an evil witch .... why not make friends with her and do both of you a favour?

Set up a timetable where your son is at hers for two hours twice a week.

Hers are at yours for the same.

That way both of you get regular time.

YOu can pool dosh to buy cheap lunches n snacks. Like beans on toast n kit kats.

Job done.

Oh and thank you for the snack tips! Who knew?!!"

Glad to help. Have you ever thought of spaghetti hoops and malted milks ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I was asking people on a public forum as there may have been some parents who had experienced the same and I was interested to know how they had dealt with it.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I was asking people on a public forum as there may have been some parents who had experienced the same and I was interested to know how they had dealt with it."

I spoke to the adults concerned and took some baked beans over.

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By *tarbeckCouple
over a year ago

york

put your bloody foot down

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By *ral geniusMan
over a year ago

north notts

"put your bloody foot down "

Simples!!!!!

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By *d_deeTV/TS
over a year ago

cheshire

enjoy the kids when they are young, it soon goes by and then they are teenagers

then you will be having problems

Mines just gone off to Uni, there is no mess no sick no slanging matches, but god I miss her.(ok I admit I am loving the peace

)

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By *tarbeckCouple
over a year ago

york

we took our sons frind on holiday one year for three weeks in corfu paid his flight and room ,his mum said she would pay for his food he came with an envople with twenty pound in

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By *d_deeTV/TS
over a year ago

cheshire

"we took our sons frind on holiday one year for three weeks in corfu paid his flight and room ,his mum said she would pay for his food he came with an envople with twenty pound in "

haha shocking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did ...my eldest son his mates were always in mine never in theirs ....so i got time with just me and my children ...i limited the time from when they got home from school til i was dishing up dinner for their friends to be around ...then it was they had leave and after tea was homework and family time ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They are probably taking the piss but you have to weight up what is good for your son and having friends around is great for him so probably just grin and bear it for now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im sure my hobbits friends only come round to see what i have in my snack box.

She is a funny one she will play in the garden with her friends or on the front but she doesnt like going to her mates or them staying in our home so long she is happier to do stuff with me and see her friends at school.

So dont have it with her.

Kids are not daft they will pick the house they think they have it more cushy at....i know its nice to get the invite for him but some dont feel comfy with others kids

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By *tarbeckCouple
over a year ago

york

hard to grin and bear it when you have extra mess extra wasthing and more ironing

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I did ...my eldest son his mates were always in mine never in theirs ....so i got time with just me and my children ...i limited the time from when they got home from school til i was dishing up dinner for their friends to be around ...then it was they had leave and after tea was homework and family time ...."

Adults calling the shots xxx FAB xxx How it should be

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