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mum and dad are splitting up

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

just watching the program from earlier in the week .......heartwrenching is all I can say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its never good for kids. Did the dad have a secret single profile on here by chance and get caught?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

not like that mate !

its the childrens reactions to their parents splitting up that I find hard to bear .

brings up a lot of guilty feelings about my own marriage break up .

not all sex you know !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"not like that mate !

its the childrens reactions to their parents splitting up that I find hard to bear .

brings up a lot of guilty feelings about my own marriage break up .

not all sex you know !"

Sadly the kids always think its their fault when it rarely is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am sad for my kids coz it's obvious they'd love it if we were together. They were 3 1/2 and 7 months when she took them away from me and I had to fight with a capital F for them to still have their dad in their lives.

51/2 years later the oldest is desperate to move back in with me. Just the way it is today I suppose. We're as happy as can be expected under the circumstances

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

thats actually something that makes me sick.

where a relationship just falls apart, through no fault of either party, they jsut drift apart, its always the kids that are used as cannon fodder.

my brother has, and is still going through, this exact thing.

although he was a little selfish during his relationship with the mother, he certainly did nothing wrong, or against her, they just werent suited (the old cant live with, cant live without, thing, but the shit he has faced since the day they split, the hoops he has had to jump through, and the hold she still has on his life (dictating where he can go and who he can see, so he is allowed access to his kids) just beggars belief.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"thats actually something that makes me sick.

where a relationship just falls apart, through no fault of either party, they jsut drift apart, its always the kids that are used as cannon fodder.

my brother has, and is still going through, this exact thing.

although he was a little selfish during his relationship with the mother, he certainly did nothing wrong, or against her, they just werent suited (the old cant live with, cant live without, thing, but the shit he has faced since the day they split, the hoops he has had to jump through, and the hold she still has on his life (dictating where he can go and who he can see, so he is allowed access to his kids) just beggars belief."

I'm different coz now dear mum has got her pot of gold: first class ticket on the gravy train: nice 3 bedroom for nothing, etc. etc my children spend more time with me than her and I tell her when they're gonna be with me (all the time I'm not working really) and she's always happy about it coz she can then run around after cock.

Problem we have atm is a system which actively encourages your ex SiL's behaviour. Not good for children.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I was better for the split up of my parents...never looked back.

good luck to anyone suffering

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when me and my ex split, my daughter thought it was her fault, she was 6 at the time. it took her a long time to get it in her head that it wasn't. we talked about things, and I would never let anyone bad mouth her dad in front of her, because she loves him and will find things out for herself. I personally had to fight for him to be in her life, as he had wanted to get on with his new life with his new gf....

my daughter is nearly 12 now, and understands that we both love her, and it wasn't her fault, and she now understands what her dad is really like, which breaks my heart, as he's let her down too many times recently, but in the end she knows she will always have me when she needs to cry or shout at.....

I made sure that her feelings came first no matter how hard things were between my ex and me, as she was the most important person in my life, and still is

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By *ust_for_laughsCouple
over a year ago

Hinckley


"thats actually something that makes me sick.

where a relationship just falls apart, through no fault of either party, they jsut drift apart, its always the kids that are used as cannon fodder.

my brother has, and is still going through, this exact thing.

although he was a little selfish during his relationship with the mother, he certainly did nothing wrong, or against her, they just werent suited (the old cant live with, cant live without, thing, but the shit he has faced since the day they split, the hoops he has had to jump through, and the hold she still has on his life (dictating where he can go and who he can see, so he is allowed access to his kids) just beggars belief.

I'm different coz now dear mum has got her pot of gold: first class ticket on the gravy train: nice 3 bedroom for nothing, etc. etc my children spend more time with me than her and I tell her when they're gonna be with me (all the time I'm not working really) and she's always happy about it coz she can then run around after cock.

Problem we have atm is a system which actively encourages your ex SiL's behaviour. Not good for children. "

From my experience, the 'system' didn't encourage it at all. Once I'd taken up a case and my solicitor realised what a nut job my ex-wife was (she was skeptical to begin with as some of the tales I had to tell did sound too ridiculous to be true !), it was all sorted out fairly quickly and her shenanigans were put to a stop (plus, the barrister my solicitor got us was fit as fuck ) !

It did cost a lot though !

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By *awkeye and HotlipsCouple
over a year ago

Takeley

Whatever animosity my ex and I had, one thing, we consistently share and I love her for it, still, is that neither of us have ever bad mouthed or been nasty about each other to our children. We tell them we love them and that they are the most important thing in our lives, which they are. They know this and more importantly we show it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its very sad for the kids, i think people should make more of an effort to stay together, i had to stay married because i had no where else to go, but if i was like my sister and just lived with my parents after i didnt get my own way a few times i could of missed out because our marriage has been good as well as bad. When i was little i had to share a room with my parents and would get scared if they argued, my dad threatened to leave a couple of times.

i dont think couples should stay together if they are that unhappy though because its very frightening for kids to hear their parents shouting at each other all the time and it makes for a bad atmosphere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/09/13 10:53:46]

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"thats actually something that makes me sick.

where a relationship just falls apart, through no fault of either party, they jsut drift apart, its always the kids that are used as cannon fodder.

my brother has, and is still going through, this exact thing.

although he was a little selfish during his relationship with the mother, he certainly did nothing wrong, or against her, they just werent suited (the old cant live with, cant live without, thing, but the shit he has faced since the day they split, the hoops he has had to jump through, and the hold she still has on his life (dictating where he can go and who he can see, so he is allowed access to his kids) just beggars belief."

Not all my dear, not all.

Our son died, the breathed his last in my husbands arms. He hit the bottle, I resented him for not supporting me and being weak. Our girls could see what was happening and said to me "if you stay with that man I hope you don't blame us!"

The girls adored their dad, he loved them but grief pulled us apart. I left, he had a breakdown bounced back sober and finding Jesus!

I moved only four miles away so he could see the kids and they him. There was never any restrictions on his seeing them. We've never missed a parents evening, college visit, university campus tour, graduation etc. When my daughter went to Derby uni we'd travel up together and her face told the picture how happy she was to see us together.

My step sons visit once a month, they see their sisters all the time they go to gigs, dinner etc.

We broke up over our sons death. We had children that needed us and needed to be loved by both parents. Once a week my ex-husband and I go for lunch and my handbag and shoe collection has grown over the last weeks thanks to him!

Between us we have five happy, secure kids. His sons mum died earlier this year my daughters, their husbands and boyfriends visited her in the hospice and went to her funeral.

We loved our kids and our divorce didn't stop us from ensuring their emotional and physical needs were met.

Kids can survive outside divorce in tact if parents got over their anger and bitterness and didn't use kids as pawns in their sick games!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"I was better for the split up of my parents...never looked back.

good luck to anyone suffering "

My kids encouraged it: result they have two happy parents they love equally who they can invite anywhere together without fear of it kicking off!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"thats actually something that makes me sick.

where a relationship just falls apart, through no fault of either party, they jsut drift apart, its always the kids that are used as cannon fodder.

my brother has, and is still going through, this exact thing.

although he was a little selfish during his relationship with the mother, he certainly did nothing wrong, or against her, they just werent suited (the old cant live with, cant live without, thing, but the shit he has faced since the day they split, the hoops he has had to jump through, and the hold she still has on his life (dictating where he can go and who he can see, so he is allowed access to his kids) just beggars belief.

Not all my dear, not all.

Our son died, the breathed his last in my husbands arms. He hit the bottle, I resented him for not supporting me and being weak. Our girls could see what was happening and said to me "if you stay with that man I hope you don't blame us!"

The girls adored their dad, he loved them but grief pulled us apart. I left, he had a breakdown bounced back sober and finding Jesus!

I moved only four miles away so he could see the kids and they him. There was never any restrictions on his seeing them. We've never missed a parents evening, college visit, university campus tour, graduation etc. When my daughter went to Derby uni we'd travel up together and her face told the picture how happy she was to see us together.

My step sons visit once a month, they see their sisters all the time they go to gigs, dinner etc.

We broke up over our sons death. We had children that needed us and needed to be loved by both parents. Once a week my ex-husband and I go for lunch and my handbag and shoe collection has grown over the last weeks thanks to him!

Between us we have five happy, secure kids. His sons mum died earlier this year my daughters, their husbands and boyfriends visited her in the hospice and went to her funeral.

We loved our kids and our divorce didn't stop us from ensuring their emotional and physical needs were met.

Kids can survive outside divorce in tact if parents got over their anger and bitterness and didn't use kids as pawns in their sick games!"

i have to agree. when both parties can be mature and see through to the childrens needs rather than their own selfish resentments then it works, but unfortunately, it is all to rare in cases of break ups.

one has their heart broken, so to break the others heart, using the kids is the easiest way (that and to bad mouth the other party to all mutual friends, which again really annoys me.

every day that goes by i thank whoever that myself and my ex never had kids.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"thats actually something that makes me sick.

where a relationship just falls apart, through no fault of either party, they jsut drift apart, its always the kids that are used as cannon fodder.

my brother has, and is still going through, this exact thing.

although he was a little selfish during his relationship with the mother, he certainly did nothing wrong, or against her, they just werent suited (the old cant live with, cant live without, thing, but the shit he has faced since the day they split, the hoops he has had to jump through, and the hold she still has on his life (dictating where he can go and who he can see, so he is allowed access to his kids) just beggars belief.

Not all my dear, not all.

Our son died, the breathed his last in my husbands arms. He hit the bottle, I resented him for not supporting me and being weak. Our girls could see what was happening and said to me "if you stay with that man I hope you don't blame us!"

The girls adored their dad, he loved them but grief pulled us apart. I left, he had a breakdown bounced back sober and finding Jesus!

I moved only four miles away so he could see the kids and they him. There was never any restrictions on his seeing them. We've never missed a parents evening, college visit, university campus tour, graduation etc. When my daughter went to Derby uni we'd travel up together and her face told the picture how happy she was to see us together.

My step sons visit once a month, they see their sisters all the time they go to gigs, dinner etc.

We broke up over our sons death. We had children that needed us and needed to be loved by both parents. Once a week my ex-husband and I go for lunch and my handbag and shoe collection has grown over the last weeks thanks to him!

Between us we have five happy, secure kids. His sons mum died earlier this year my daughters, their husbands and boyfriends visited her in the hospice and went to her funeral.

We loved our kids and our divorce didn't stop us from ensuring their emotional and physical needs were met.

Kids can survive outside divorce in tact if parents got over their anger and bitterness and didn't use kids as pawns in their sick games!

i have to agree. when both parties can be mature and see through to the childrens needs rather than their own selfish resentments then it works, but unfortunately, it is all to rare in cases of break ups.

one has their heart broken, so to break the others heart, using the kids is the easiest way (that and to bad mouth the other party to all mutual friends, which again really annoys me.

every day that goes by i thank whoever that myself and my ex never had kids."

There's a question I cannot answer: would I have put the needs of my children first if he had cheated and left me for another woman or would I have used the kids to beat him with?!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"thats actually something that makes me sick.

where a relationship just falls apart, through no fault of either party, they jsut drift apart, its always the kids that are used as cannon fodder.

my brother has, and is still going through, this exact thing.

although he was a little selfish during his relationship with the mother, he certainly did nothing wrong, or against her, they just werent suited (the old cant live with, cant live without, thing, but the shit he has faced since the day they split, the hoops he has had to jump through, and the hold she still has on his life (dictating where he can go and who he can see, so he is allowed access to his kids) just beggars belief.

Not all my dear, not all.

Our son died, the breathed his last in my husbands arms. He hit the bottle, I resented him for not supporting me and being weak. Our girls could see what was happening and said to me "if you stay with that man I hope you don't blame us!"

The girls adored their dad, he loved them but grief pulled us apart. I left, he had a breakdown bounced back sober and finding Jesus!

I moved only four miles away so he could see the kids and they him. There was never any restrictions on his seeing them. We've never missed a parents evening, college visit, university campus tour, graduation etc. When my daughter went to Derby uni we'd travel up together and her face told the picture how happy she was to see us together.

My step sons visit once a month, they see their sisters all the time they go to gigs, dinner etc.

We broke up over our sons death. We had children that needed us and needed to be loved by both parents. Once a week my ex-husband and I go for lunch and my handbag and shoe collection has grown over the last weeks thanks to him!

Between us we have five happy, secure kids. His sons mum died earlier this year my daughters, their husbands and boyfriends visited her in the hospice and went to her funeral.

We loved our kids and our divorce didn't stop us from ensuring their emotional and physical needs were met.

Kids can survive outside divorce in tact if parents got over their anger and bitterness and didn't use kids as pawns in their sick games!

i have to agree. when both parties can be mature and see through to the childrens needs rather than their own selfish resentments then it works, but unfortunately, it is all to rare in cases of break ups.

one has their heart broken, so to break the others heart, using the kids is the easiest way (that and to bad mouth the other party to all mutual friends, which again really annoys me.

every day that goes by i thank whoever that myself and my ex never had kids."

Children are much more resilient than we give them credit for.

Just the thankfully small minority of adults who get off on the power trip of 'being in control' of them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And how many people still talk of 'having custody' when since 1987 (I think please correct if not quite right) the correct terminology has been 'resident and none-resident parent'?

Which means the same thing as custody really but maybe sounds a little less possessive.

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By *jones009Man
over a year ago

Telford

Hopefully get to see my two children this weekend, have jumped though ever hope she has put in my way and I'll admit it's nearly broke me a few times. Just looking forward to when there older and they can hear the other side to the story.

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

My Dad is an honourable man, he didn't leave my mam until the youngest of us left school...it's not the best atmosphere to spend your formative years - we all survived relatively unscathed though (said the swinger)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hopefully get to see my two children this weekend, have jumped though ever hope she has put in my way and I'll admit it's nearly broke me a few times. Just looking forward to when there older and they can hear the other side to the story. "

It's the worst thing in the world mate. Things will change one day. Not sure when though. But I do know your children love you very much and you sound like a great dad who's always gonna be there for them regardless.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"thats actually something that makes me sick.

where a relationship just falls apart, through no fault of either party, they jsut drift apart, its always the kids that are used as cannon fodder.

my brother has, and is still going through, this exact thing.

although he was a little selfish during his relationship with the mother, he certainly did nothing wrong, or against her, they just werent suited (the old cant live with, cant live without, thing, but the shit he has faced since the day they split, the hoops he has had to jump through, and the hold she still has on his life (dictating where he can go and who he can see, so he is allowed access to his kids) just beggars belief."

aww that makes me sad, sorry to hear you are going through that, my mum and dad have broken up and have done for over ten years now and still I am in the middle, me and my ex broke a few months ago but lucky for me the kids are young so they don't really understand we have broken up but my ex is still a twat!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My Dad is an honourable man, he didn't leave my mam until the youngest of us left school...it's not the best atmosphere to spend your formative years - we all survived relatively unscathed though (said the swinger) "

My parents fought like cat and dog but they loved each other to the end. Ok people shouldn't stop together if they're not 'happy' and socal history tells us that in the past women were trapped in 'empty shell marrages'. But perhaps people are a little too ready to throw the towel in these days. And I'm really gonna get a kickin for this: there's so much in it for a mum with children when she does

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my parents split when i was 8 and my sister was barely 6, they had a volatile relationship at the best of times, i spent years trying to protect my sis from seeing what was going on and to an extent it worked, but i did blame myself i thought i was unlovable especially when the new stepmother arrived and she hated me and treated me completely differently to my sis, but as the years went by i reached my teens and realised that no it was their fault they loved each other but could'nt be together anymore so my mum leaving was the best thing all round it didnt mean that i didnt love my mum it just meant that i finally understood why she did what she did.

I got married at 20 after being with the guy 4 years, i was beaten, sexually and physically abused, along with all the mental abuse, had 2 children with the guy and finally reached the point where i truly could'nt take any more so i left when i was 28 after an incident where he involved the children, he didnt hurt them but he has scarred them mentally for life, i tried to allow him contact but he met someone else and told the children he could'nt see them anymore and didnt love them they were 4 and 7 by this time, it broke my heart and he showed no interest in them whatsoever for years and is now trying to possibly make amends but i will never forgive him for what he did, if the girls decide they want him in their lives thats up to them.

my ex from a couple of years ago ran off with my best mate and married her ten weeks later, but it didnt stop him being a good dad to all four children and he still is, he is my best mate and we get on brilliantly, i have no doubts that my children have scars but i have always told them that it was never their fault as its not, it has never been their fault and never will be, things happen in relationships but as parents it truly is important that the children know it was nothing to do with them at all, it was just things were'nt how they should be, why should they have to pay for their parents mistakes i think as parents we have a duty to make sure that our children are happy safe and cared for and that they know they are loved by both parents no matter what

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" as parents we have a duty to make sure that our children are happy safe and cared for and that they know they are loved by both parents no matter what"

Enough said really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"when me and my ex split, my daughter thought it was her fault, she was 6 at the time. it took her a long time to get it in her head that it wasn't. we talked about things, and I would never let anyone bad mouth her dad in front of her, because she loves him and will find things out for herself. I personally had to fight for him to be in her life, as he had wanted to get on with his new life with his new gf....

my daughter is nearly 12 now, and understands that we both love her, and it wasn't her fault, and she now understands what her dad is really like, which breaks my heart, as he's let her down too many times recently, but in the end she knows she will always have me when she needs to cry or shout at.....

I made sure that her feelings came first no matter how hard things were between my ex and me, as she was the most important person in my life, and still is"

My mum done the same I found out for my self my dad was a clown

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"when me and my ex split, my daughter thought it was her fault, she was 6 at the time. it took her a long time to get it in her head that it wasn't. we talked about things, and I would never let anyone bad mouth her dad in front of her, because she loves him and will find things out for herself. I personally had to fight for him to be in her life, as he had wanted to get on with his new life with his new gf....

my daughter is nearly 12 now, and understands that we both love her, and it wasn't her fault, and she now understands what her dad is really like, which breaks my heart, as he's let her down too many times recently, but in the end she knows she will always have me when she needs to cry or shout at.....

I made sure that her feelings came first no matter how hard things were between my ex and me, as she was the most important person in my life, and still is

My mum done the same I found out for my self my dad was a clown "

was it the big shoes and the squirty flower that finally told you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My Dad is an honourable man, he didn't leave my mam until the youngest of us left school...it's not the best atmosphere to spend your formative years - we all survived relatively unscathed though (said the swinger)

My parents fought like cat and dog but they loved each other to the end. Ok people shouldn't stop together if they're not 'happy' and socal history tells us that in the past women were trapped in 'empty shell marrages'. But perhaps people are a little too ready to throw the towel in these days. And I'm really gonna get a kickin for this: there's so much in it for a mum with children when she does "

me and my ex stayed together for far too long, I tried leaving him but he found his ways to getting back, but this time its for real and I kicked him out, he still gives me a lot of shit but at least I don't live with him anymore

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My Dad is an honourable man, he didn't leave my mam until the youngest of us left school...it's not the best atmosphere to spend your formative years - we all survived relatively unscathed though (said the swinger)

My parents fought like cat and dog but they loved each other to the end. Ok people shouldn't stop together if they're not 'happy' and socal history tells us that in the past women were trapped in 'empty shell marrages'. But perhaps people are a little too ready to throw the towel in these days. And I'm really gonna get a kickin for this: there's so much in it for a mum with children when she does

me and my ex stayed together for far too long, I tried leaving him but he found his ways to getting back, but this time its for real and I kicked him out, he still gives me a lot of shit but at least I don't live with him anymore "

He really has got a problem if he can't move on, hasn't he. I wish you as little hassle as is possible. And hopefully he'll leave off very soon

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