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If someone upsets you

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

If someone does something to upset you, do you tell them?

I rarely say anything. My theory being that if I tell them, they will change their behaviour and so behave in a false way to me. I'd prefer them to be themselves... even if that ends up with me being miserable.

What do you do?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

yeah, I do

and I really appreciate people telling me.

although from my experience, most feedback given to people who say they 'welcome' it..... DON'T.

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By *ark Gr8 Teddy BearMan
over a year ago

Wigan

I try to be honest about how I feel about things. If someone changes their behaviour because of me that's their issue. As is my upset at their statement.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I eat chocolate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

honesty is the best policy there. if a behavior or habbitt upsets you that much you need to tell that person. they might not know they're upsetting you and if they do care about you that wouldn't want to upset you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I go into my neighbors yard, cover my self in vaseline and pretend I'm a slug.

Always cheers me up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I normally tell people, and when people tell me I've upset them I just ignore them because they are wrong

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814


"

I'd prefer them to be themselves... even if that ends up with me being miserable.

"

IF them being themselves makes you miserable, why do you bother with them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I go into my neighbors yard, cover my self in vaseline and pretend I'm a slug.

Always cheers me up"
u fucking cracking me up, like the boxers lol

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By *ammyDodgaMan
over a year ago

Nottingham/and everywhere my location says i am ;)

Truth sometimes hurts, but in the long run the air is clear and boundaries are set by honesty..

And if people don't like it, the f-em lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Truth sometimes hurts, but in the long run the air is clear and boundaries are set by honesty..

And if people don't like it, the f-em lol "

+1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"yeah, I do

and I really appreciate people telling me.

although from my experience, most feedback given to people who say they 'welcome' it..... DON'T.

"

this is the absolute truth lol.

people, that arent family, upset me once, they are out of my life.

i find it VERY easy to discommunicate people from my life.

family, however, get a 2nd chance, but not infinite ones (havent spoken to my one brother for 3 years as he did something to my mother. never seen his kid, and i really dont care)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

depends who it is and what they have done

In my job people insult me and upset me all the time but I don't say anything as i'm supposed to just brush it off and carry on, all part of the job lol

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

Depends on what it is, who it is...

Sometimes I will tell them and other times, I just let it go for a an easy life.

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By *estlands4Man
over a year ago

Sidmouth

Intrigued as to your job - what gives people the right to be like that?

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By *obbygggMan
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Depends on what it is, who it is...

Sometimes I will tell them and other times, I just let it go for a an easy life.

"
This.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I go into my neighbors yard, cover my self in vaseline and pretend I'm a slug.

Always cheers me up u fucking cracking me up, like the boxers lol "

Glad someone finds me funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If someone does something to upset you, do you tell them?

I rarely say anything. My theory being that if I tell them, they will change their behaviour and so behave in a false way to me. I'd prefer them to be themselves... even if that ends up with me being miserable.

What do you do?"

Depends on the person and the situation, if it was someone that wasnt really important I would probably say nothing and just walk away but if it was someone important to me then I would say something

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rarely, these days. I simply withdraw from their sphere of existence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the past rather than challenging the behaviour of certain individuals who've have upset me, I have been known to severe all contact with some people who’ve betrayed my trust ….

Looking back now though, I don’t claim those were wise or clever moves on my behalf and I tend to think I’m the loser in the long run..

But we live and learn....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Intrigued as to your job - what gives people the right to be like that?"

I do community nursing, but a lot of people whos houses I go into don't really want me there, not everyone wants help even tho they need it, there's one women I go into and she constantly calls me a fat cunt but despite the fact she can be quite hurtful she need help and its my job to give it her regardless of what she says to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being able to express why you feel hurt helps, though it doesn't have to be to the person who caused it ?

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

I always try to explain why I am upset at someone for something they have said or done. It isn't always a case that they will then behave falsely, they may just decide not to do that to me or in front of me again.

We do not behave in the same way in front of every single person in our lives, we change our behaviour according to the people and the situation. For example you may behave one way on fab yet it would be rare (not impossible) to behave like that at work....yet all these versions of us can be true

I would always expect someone to tell me if I had upset them, how else would I know? Mind reading isn't one of my best skills..

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

I tend not to say anything immediately.

I will make an entry in my Kill Book and harvest their skin at a later date.

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey


"I tend not to say anything immediately.

I will make an entry in my Kill Book and harvest their skin at a later date."

How many lamp shades do you have now?

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden


"I tend not to say anything immediately.

I will make an entry in my Kill Book and harvest their skin at a later date.

How many lamp shades do you have now?

"

I give a way a lot of them as presents.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull


"If someone does something to upset you, do you tell them?

I rarely say anything. My theory being that if I tell them, they will change their behaviour and so behave in a false way to me. I'd prefer them to be themselves... even if that ends up with me being miserable.

What do you do?"

Not so much upset me as I don't get upset easily but if someone treats me badly i.e. a boss I will tell them

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I always try to explain why I am upset at someone for something they have said or done. It isn't always a case that they will then behave falsely, they may just decide not to do that to me or in front of me again.

We do not behave in the same way in front of every single person in our lives, we change our behaviour according to the people and the situation. For example you may behave one way on fab yet it would be rare (not impossible) to behave like that at work....yet all these versions of us can be true

I would always expect someone to tell me if I had upset them, how else would I know? Mind reading isn't one of my best skills.."

I like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it's bad, I'll retort and then explain why

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By *obbygggMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

If it's really bad then I'd bloody kick the shit of them. As for putting up with it at work? No flipping chance. No matter what the circumstances I won't be insulted or abused. Send your boss and see how they like it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

I'd prefer them to be themselves... even if that ends up with me being miserable.

IF them being themselves makes you miserable, why do you bother with them?

"

If it was all the time I wouldn't bother with them. It's just now and then. So I'm never quite sure if it's worth saying anything and possibly making it awkward, or just saying nothing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i dont say anything unless its my son or hubby, if its someone at work you just have to put up with it, if its a family member then i just avoid them, if they arent nice to me, then im not nice to them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes i do.

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By *eminiman61Man
over a year ago

mansfield

Id rather walk away....

I met this 39 yo 3 days ago.... The sex was pretty good/amazing we hit it off great....... But she kept calling me a liar.

For example we met last night and were goin back to mine...... Her friend asked me for a chewing gum..... So I put em on the table,Julie took 2 Steve took one.I keep em in a see through food bag because if I dont they melt and stick to my clothes,keys n coins etc.She said what else is in the bag and implied I had drugs in it and I was on drugs... I said if there were drugs in the bag would I offer it to the table? She wunt listen so we broke up ggggrrrrr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I let their tyres down, pour Nitromors over their car, that sort of thing... mild stuff really....

ted.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!


"Id rather walk away....

I met this 39 yo 3 days ago.... The sex was pretty good/amazing we hit it off great....... But she kept calling me a liar.

For example we met last night and were goin back to mine...... Her friend asked me for a chewing gum..... So I put em on the table,Julie took 2 Steve took one.I keep em in a see through food bag because if I dont they melt and

stick to my clothes,keys n coins etc.She

said what else is in the bag and implied

I had drugs in it and I was on drugs... I

said if there were drugs in the bag

would I offer it to the table? She wunt

listen so we broke up ggggrrrrr :-

o"

No, I didn't!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just bitch slap em then they know I'm upset lol

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By *artinichilled1TV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

If a guy upsets me I just kick them in the roastens

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually bottle it up..... Most of the time it doesn't seem so important a day or two later and I'm glad I didn't say anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I would tell them ........ if I am upset I would need to get it of my chest .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ive recently cut someone out of my life who I really cared about. I kept my mouth shut about things they were doing that upset me for too long. When I did say something they refused to acknowledge what I was saying, or do anything about it. So I've cut them off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just want to add, it hurts like hell having to do it, but I know I would hurt for longer if I didnt.

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By *eminiman61Man
over a year ago

mansfield

It wernt you Steve

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By *eminiman61Man
over a year ago

mansfield

Better to lose a lover,than love a loser AD

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"If someone does something to upset you, do you tell them?

I rarely say anything. My theory being that if I tell them, they will change their behaviour and so behave in a false way to me. I'd prefer them to be themselves... even if that ends up with me being miserable.

What do you do?"
Tell them.

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By *Kgirl80Woman
over a year ago

South Coast

Tell them. I haven't always in the past, but I've got better at it with age!

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By *lackshadow7Man
over a year ago

Toronto

I tell them, pretty clearly. It is the best way for all involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it's a bloke I punch his face in!!

If its a woman..I order wine and talk about our feelings....

Mostly...

If that doesn't work ...it's bad.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I usually bottle it up..... Most of the time it doesn't seem so important a day or two later and I'm glad I didn't say anything."

I do that too. I sometimes misunderstand so best to say nothing until I'm sure.

Then I still probably say nothing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find that those who say " go on, be honest" .......rarely like the answer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell them how it is if its something that actually matters,

let it pass if its unimportant...

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"If someone does something to upset you, do you tell them?

I rarely say anything. My theory being that if I tell them, they will change their behaviour and so behave in a false way to me. I'd prefer them to be themselves... even if that ends up with me being miserable.

What do you do?"

Yes, I tell them.

I don't care if they modify their approach to me, I'm not going to marry them. I'm not a martyr and have no intention of suffering in silence whilst they continue blithely on there merry way: that's not going to happen!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"yeah, I do

and I really appreciate people telling me.

although from my experience, most feedback given to people who say they 'welcome' it..... DON'T.

this is the absolute truth lol.

people, that arent family, upset me once, they are out of my life.

i find it VERY easy to discommunicate people from my life.

family, however, get a 2nd chance, but not infinite ones (havent spoken to my one brother for 3 years as he did something to my mother. never seen his kid, and i really dont care)"

This!

My dad used to call me hard, harsh and unforgiving which isn't entirely true, I can simply cut people off, including family if they find my last nerve!

It's not hatred, I simply don't recognise their existence: total indifference. I haven't seen or spoken to one of my sisters since January 2009, there's just 15 months between us, doubt I'll ever see her again, unless at a family funeral, but they're mainly a waste of space, so doubt I'll attend any of their funerals!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If someone does something to upset you, do you tell them?

I rarely say anything. My theory being that if I tell them, they will change their behaviour and so behave in a false way to me. I'd prefer them to be themselves... even if that ends up with me being miserable.

What do you do?

Yes, I tell them.

I don't care if they modify their approach to me, I'm not going to marry them. I'm not a martyr and have no intention of suffering in silence whilst they continue blithely on there merry way: that's not going to happen!"

I'm more muppet than martyr. Good point though!

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By *--Cinders---Couple
over a year ago

a place near Blackpool

I tend to brood on things for ages then I just have to tell them how they have made me feel...they of course think the problem is mine and they rarely think they have done or said anything wrong in which case I move on and leave them behind..

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"I always try to explain why I am upset at someone for something they have said or done. It isn't always a case that they will then behave falsely, they may just decide not to do that to me or in front of me again.

We do not behave in the same way in front of every single person in our lives, we change our behaviour according to the people and the situation. For example you may behave one way on fab yet it would be rare (not impossible) to behave like that at work....yet all these versions of us can be true

I would always expect someone to tell me if I had upset them, how else would I know? Mind reading isn't one of my best skills.."

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"

I'd prefer them to be themselves... even if that ends up with me being miserable.

IF them being themselves makes you miserable, why do you bother with them?

If it was all the time I wouldn't bother with them. It's just now and then. So I'm never quite sure if it's worth saying anything and possibly making it awkward, or just saying nothing. "

Now you see I couldn't let it slide: someone oblivious to my feelings going merrily along while I'm miserable?!! Oh fuck that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I still say a punch in the face is the best policy..if it's a man of course!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"depends who it is and what they have done

In my job people insult me and upset me all the time but I don't say anything as i'm supposed to just brush it off and carry on, all part of the job lol"

This ive been ranted at 5 times tonight already called a bitch and idiot.

It goes right over my head ive been getting abuse in my job for years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I go into my neighbors yard, cover my self in vaseline and pretend I'm a slug.

Always cheers me up"

Thankyou so much I lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Revenge is best served cold, make sure they know you've been upset. Get over it quick because it's probably nothing that has threatened your health. Then be patience and just turn the screws on them in the future knowing you owe them one and always keep them at arms length.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"depends who it is and what they have done

In my job people insult me and upset me all the time but I don't say anything as i'm supposed to just brush it off and carry on, all part of the job lol

This ive been ranted at 5 times tonight already called a bitch and idiot.

It goes right over my head ive been getting abuse in my job for years."

I think that's why it doesn't bother me either. Well it does on some level, but not enough for me to say anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I make sure he/she knows about it, I don't hold back.

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