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MAN THREAD!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Your not a man until you sharpen a pencil with a knife!

What things make you a manly man? grrrrr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Owning a drill and being able to use one

Mashing the potatoes for dinner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're not a man till you have bought tampax

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh fuck I'm a man I use a knife on ma eyeliner pencils

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Not shaving all week while on site

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only real men can piss and fart at the same time, and shoot down poo stains in a toilet xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the ability to open any bottle for a lady ...... and carry all food stuffs in one trip!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Only real men can piss and fart at the same time, and shoot down poo stains in a toilet xx "
ha ha gross but so true !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh fuck I'm a man I use a knife on ma eyeliner pencils "

Me to and I can use a drill

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get rid of mahussive arachnids

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Only real men say "FUCK YOU" to maps, instructions and other pieces of useful information!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I best change my profile to 'REAL MAN'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You're not a man till you have bought tampax "

a friend of mine once bought nappies, tampax and a pregnancy test in one shop!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You're not a man till you have bought tampax

a friend of mine once bought nappies, tampax and a pregnancy test in one shop!"

oh and condoms aswell!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A real man knows a woman's worth

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think I best change my profile to 'REAL MAN' "

This reminded me of 'I'm'ma real boy'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A real man can cry, show his emotions and be romantic xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A real man can cry, show his emotions and be romantic xx "

WHILE USING POWER TOOLS! GGRRRRR

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A real man can cry, show his emotions and be romantic xx "

Hallelujah!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Changing a fuse in a plug;

Carving the Sunday roast;

Cooking over a camp fire;

Catching your dinner for the camp fire

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A real man knows when to shut up and give in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Carry all the shopping in from the car in a oner like from the yorkie advert.

It's man fuel, awright.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you are not a man until you have killed your own dinner

veggies not included don't want to open that can of worms. for you men more like picking your own mushrooms and wild herb's cooking them on a fire

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A real man knows when to shut up and give in "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A real man can cry, show his emotions and be romantic xx

WHILE USING POWER TOOLS! GGRRRRR "
lmfao, yh xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You're not a man till you have bought tampax "

Woohoo I have made it, Im a MAN

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"you are not a man until you have killed your own dinner

veggies not included don't want to open that can of worms. for you men more like picking your own mushrooms and wild herb's cooking them on a fire"

I've been rabbit hunting then cooked them for dinner, nothings better then a nice rabbit stew

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The main difference between men and women is how they give directions. Ask a man and he'll direct you via landmarks such as pubs, a woman rarely uses landmarks at all. If she does it'll be shoe shops or hair salons/nail bars. True.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You're not a man till you have bought tampax "

And told the girl on the till you get bad nose bleeds

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/09/13 14:14:45]

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

men use insulating tape to fix cuts on their fingers,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You're not a man till you have bought tampax

Woohoo I have made it, Im a MAN "
bought tampax!!!! Ive fucking used em

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You're not a man till you have bought tampax "

As a 19 old boy I had to run around the hotel I worked in asking anyone if they had tampax didn't feel very manly but returned the hero never the less..

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You're not a man till you have bought tampax

As a 19 old boy I had to run around the hotel I worked in asking anyone if they had tampax didn't feel very manly but returned the hero never the less.. "

In WW2, tampax was used to dress soldiers wounds. The more you know!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The main difference between men and women is how they give directions. Ask a man and he'll direct you via landmarks such as pubs, a woman rarely uses landmarks at all. If she does it'll be shoe shops or hair salons/nail bars. True."

Oh I'm getting more manly by the minute, I'm the diy'er, including refurbing my kitchen and adding units, I change all the plugs, fuses etc

If that wasn't bad enough I give directions by pubs

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By *ollie_JCouple
over a year ago

London

You can point and say that's west without doing a Never Eat Shredded Wheat

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)


"A real man can cry, show his emotions and be romantic xx "

I cry,, especially when I m cutting onions,

I m emotional, especially when my favourite team are playing

Romantic,, I can whisper sweet nothings like I wanna shag,,

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A real man can cry, show his emotions and be romantic xx

I cry,, especially when I m cutting onions,

I m emotional, especially when my favourite team are playing

Romantic,, I can whisper sweet nothings like I wanna shag,, "

The best way to cut an onion without crying is to not form an emotional bond with them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You're not a man till you have bought tampax

As a 19 old boy I had to run around the hotel I worked in asking anyone if they had tampax didn't feel very manly but returned the hero never the less..

In WW2, tampax was used to dress soldiers wounds. The more you know!"

And they good for nose bleeds. Panty pads are however best used on places other than the nose

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You're not a man till you have bought tampax

As a 19 old boy I had to run around the hotel I worked in asking anyone if they had tampax didn't feel very manly but returned the hero never the less..

In WW2, tampax was used to dress soldiers wounds. The more you know!

And they good for nose bleeds. Panty pads are however best used on places other than the nose "

Better on bleeding lips?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You're not a man till you have bought tampax

As a 19 old boy I had to run around the hotel I worked in asking anyone if they had tampax didn't feel very manly but returned the hero never the less..

In WW2, tampax was used to dress soldiers wounds. The more you know!

And they good for nose bleeds. Panty pads are however best used on places other than the nose

Better on bleeding lips?"

Not just them so I learnt a couple weeks ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Will kiss and tell his lady he loves her even if his mates are there

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

will say he's sorry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"you are not a man until you have killed your own dinner

veggies not included don't want to open that can of worms. for you men more like picking your own mushrooms and wild herb's cooking them on a fire

I've been rabbit hunting then cooked them for dinner, nothings better then a nice rabbit stew"

This ^^^^ and lighting a barbaque ...I also have a roto zippa...(chuck Norris has one too)...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" men use insulating tape to fix cuts on their fingers, "

lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can open Tins of Peas with my teeth right!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" men use insulating tape to fix cuts on their fingers,

lol "

Bah! Real Men don't have time to bleed!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

You're not a man until you punch a dolphin

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" men use insulating tape to fix cuts on their fingers,

lol

Bah! Real Men don't have time to bleed!

"

Do you have time to duck?

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By *obbygggMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Real men claim stinking farts.

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By *etanreadyCouple
over a year ago

dover


"Only real men say "FUCK YOU" to maps, instructions and other pieces of useful information!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've seen every episode of the A-team and I wear short shorts.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"You're not a man till you have bought tampax "

did that when I was about 11..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having a shed converted into a BBQ smokehouse in the yard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You're not a man till you have bought tampax

did that when I was about 11..

"

Ok..so wear did you get your tits from then?...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

***Ya that should be where

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"You're not a man till you have bought tampax

did that when I was about 11..

Ok..so wear did you get your tits from then?... "

don't have any..

brought the appropriate product for my Mum who was in bed with the flu..

no biggie..

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By *un_JuiceCouple
over a year ago

Nr Chester

I cam wait on for juice and a lady friend. Serve drinks, prep toys, adjust the fan, set the music and lighting and be at their beckon call. Even capturing those moments on the trusty Polaroid camera.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You're not a man till you have bought tampax

did that when I was about 11..

Ok..so wear did you get your tits from then?...

don't have any..

brought the appropriate product for my Mum who was in bed with the flu..

no biggie.."

I was kiddin bro!..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a real man can grow a beard overnight...or at least have enough stubble to pass his cheeks off for 50 grit sandpaper. A real man can kill any bug with his bare hand. A real man can stink up a toilet in seconds flat while reading a sports or hunting periodical and never even flinch at the cramps or eye watering smell.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" men use insulating tape to fix cuts on their fingers,

lol

Bah! Real Men don't have time to bleed!

"

that's why we use insuating tape

I once cut my thumb it bled for days but who want to go to A&E for a mere flesh wound lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1

huh huh it was the man threads.

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By * Jay69Man
over a year ago

Bridgwater - Somerset

Real men are hard to embarrass.

They are in touch with their feminine side, and happy to have one.

They act rationally in a crisis to minimise it's effects and only cry when the crisis is passed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

please refer to michael macintyres joke about the 'man drawer' for all things needed to be a certified male

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

proper Man stuff!!

ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:

If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,

one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!

A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.

· The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.

· My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching..

· My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

· I had no control over the drooling.

· Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.

· I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pump some iron!

Of lift a big rock over your head

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Pump some iron!

Of lift a big rock over your head "

Seriously though, has anyone ever encountered one of those discarded bags of cement, the kind that was never opened but got wet and effectively turned into a boulder? Try lifting one of those big bastards sometime.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Peachy, that was the best thing I've read in ages thank you LOOOOL

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

aww thanks was off facebook but so apt !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"aww thanks was off facebook but so apt !! "

Im so glad he didnt try to use it as a vibrator against his nob hahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"aww thanks was off facebook but so apt !!

Im so glad he didnt try to use it as a vibrator against his nob hahaha"

Moral of that story if ya wanna buy the mrs a battery toy .. a dildos safer ha ha ha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah read that too.

Another good one is the Veet review.

I was crying with laughter, actually crying with tears and everything.

But I'm pretty sure that must have been posted on here before?..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

**you can find it on Amazon by the way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey peachy that story certainly made me almost piss mysel uncontrollably with laughter. ..... Cheers I

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"aww thanks was off facebook but so apt !!

Im so glad he didnt try to use it as a vibrator against his nob hahaha

Moral of that story if ya wanna buy the mrs a battery toy .. a dildos safer ha ha ha "

Aaaahahahahahaa

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

peachybums2 that real did have me giggling like a pixie ough

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because you're sick, had a woman tell you, you've only got man flu

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" Because you're sick, had a woman tell you, you've only got man flu "

I don't think women understand how much of a killer man flu is!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" Because you're sick, had a woman tell you, you've only got man flu "

Or even worse, tell me it doesn't exist!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can open Tins of Peas with my teeth right! "

Wuss...!!! Just squeeze the sides till the top pops off...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can open Tins of Peas with my teeth right!

Wuss...!!! Just squeeze the sides till the top pops off... "

Ooooh you are a one, i do regularly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

thinking when the next big footie match is on, lots of wives/gfs will be at home...waiting for me

shhh trade secret

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By *obbygggMan
over a year ago

Birmingham


"thinking when the next big footie match is on, lots of wives/gfs will be at home...waiting for me

shhh trade secret"
Real men wouldn't miss the football for anything.Sorry mmate that's a FAIL.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can open Tins of Peas with my teeth right!

Wuss...!!! Just squeeze the sides till the top pops off...

Ooooh you are a one, i do regularly "

Me too... But not with tins...

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"thinking when the next big footie match is on, lots of wives/gfs will be at home...waiting for me

shhh trade secretReal men wouldn't miss the football for anything.Sorry mmate that's a FAIL."

Yeah but he goes like a barn door in the wind. Manly enough for me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can open Tins of Peas with my teeth right!

Wuss...!!! Just squeeze the sides till the top pops off... "

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By *obbygggMan
over a year ago

Birmingham


"thinking when the next big footie match is on, lots of wives/gfs will be at home...waiting for me

shhh trade secretReal men wouldn't miss the football for anything.Sorry mmate that's a FAIL.

Yeah but he goes like a barn door in the wind. Manly enough for me! "
That's great(the lucky sod) but he can't join the real man club.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"thinking when the next big footie match is on, lots of wives/gfs will be at home...waiting for me

shhh trade secretReal men wouldn't miss the football for anything.Sorry mmate that's a FAIL."

lol go join them in the showers if ya like em so much lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"thinking when the next big footie match is on, lots of wives/gfs will be at home...waiting for me

shhh trade secretReal men wouldn't miss the football for anything.Sorry mmate that's a FAIL.

Yeah but he goes like a barn door in the wind. Manly enough for me! "

superpoweredmethanethrusting, fartshagpaddypower

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Real men leave the toilet seat up.

Refuse to do the dishes even when its "our turn"

Refuse any help to carry something even when we no its fucking heavy and to big for one person to move really.

Refuse to ask for directions.

Stand at the door of clothes/shoe shops while oh is inside.

Go to the shops get what we want and go home resisting the womans urge to look in every shop.

And drink pints of draught lager/beer/bitter/cider in a proper pint glass, none of these flower vases or oversized wine glasses.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

According to the song "he ain't nothing without a woman..."

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By *obbygggMan
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Real men leave the toilet seat up.

Refuse to do the dishes even when its "our turn"

Refuse any help to carry something even when we no its fucking heavy and to big for one person to move really.

Refuse to ask for directions.

Stand at the door of clothes/shoe shops while oh is inside.

Go to the shops get what we want and go home resisting the womans urge to look in every shop.

And drink pints of draught lager/beer/bitter/cider in a proper pint glass, none of these flower vases or oversized wine glasses."
A true man. Except for the fact.. toilet seats can actually go down? First for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/09/13 21:25:35]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like going shopping with women, fuck all interest in what they wanna buy(unless its kinky gear theyre gonna wear), but best thing?..I can perv away at all the other ladies

trade secret shh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I like going shopping with women, fuck all interest in what they wanna buy(unless its kinky gear theyre gonna wear), but best thing?..I can perv away at all the other ladies

trade secret shh"

When you have taken it up the pineapple fritter!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not being able to muli-task.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I like going shopping with women, fuck all interest in what they wanna buy(unless its kinky gear theyre gonna wear), but best thing?..I can perv away at all the other ladies

trade secret shh

When you have taken it up the pineapple fritter!"

I might let u cos ur tits look great

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Doesn't have to boast about it !!!!!

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By *anatee175Couple
over a year ago

Sunderland


"proper Man stuff!!

ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:

If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,

one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!

A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.

· The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.

· My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching..

· My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

· I had no control over the drooling.

· Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.

· I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!"

Sorry for your pain but that's right up their with veet for men. Never laughed that hard in age's.

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By *ark Gr8 Teddy BearMan
over a year ago

Wigan

Watch 'P.S I love you' and not tear up or get a lump in your throat.

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By *iker ladMan
over a year ago

Hinckley


"thinking when the next big footie match is on, lots of wives/gfs will be at home...waiting for me

shhh trade secret"

World Cup comes on & the roads are clear for a good thrash on the bike, take in a few wags too if poss, shove football, it's a load of fairies & actors anyway!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Changed a nappy (not your own)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"you are not a man until you have killed your own dinner

veggies not included don't want to open that can of worms. for you men more like picking your own mushrooms and wild herb's cooking them on a fire ;-

Hunting? You make it sound like a ferocious beast

I've been rabbit hunting then cooked them for dinner, nothings better then a nice rabbit stew"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"According to the song "he ain't nothing without a woman...""

Bloke who sang it was a bit of an arse, towards women anyway, wasn't he?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not being able to muli-task..... "

Watch football and drink a tin of beer.

Watch porn and have a wank

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/09/13 09:37:01]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're not a man until you can ignore the constant nagging

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

You're not a man until you have sent 100 "fancy a fuck" messages

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are not a man until you have take a strap on

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You are not a man until you have take a strap on "

Then I'll be a boy forever

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You are not a man until you have take a strap on

Then I'll be a boy forever "

same here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Your not a man until you sharpen a pencil with a knife!

What things make you a manly man? grrrrr "

"The Real Man Charter"

Article 1 of 40 of The Real Man Charter;

A Real Man will seem to possess a quality of indestructibility and an imperviousness to physical harm that is little short of miraculous. This is because all Real Men are the most manly of men, the most supreme of our species, they are products of nature not nurture. Once a man has been declared a real man he cannot be demoted to a lesser Manly state. Therefore, A Real Man is A Real Man for life.

Atricle 2 of The Real Man Charter;

A Real Man will instinctively believe he can deflect nuclear explosions, regardless of the limitations of his own bodily existance. Therefore, A Real Man does not care much for "reality" as his perception of his own abilities is the greatest factor in his view of the world and his place whitin it.

Hahahahahaha! If you care for more pick a number between 3 and 40

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Your not a man until you sharpen a pencil with a knife!

What things make you a manly man? grrrrr

"The Real Man Charter"

Article 1 of 40 of The Real Man Charter;

A Real Man will seem to possess a quality of indestructibility and an imperviousness to physical harm that is little short of miraculous. This is because all Real Men are the most manly of men, the most supreme of our species, they are products of nature not nurture. Once a man has been declared a real man he cannot be demoted to a lesser Manly state. Therefore, A Real Man is A Real Man for life.

Atricle 2 of The Real Man Charter;

A Real Man will instinctively believe he can deflect nuclear explosions, regardless of the limitations of his own bodily existance. Therefore, A Real Man does not care much for "reality" as his perception of his own abilities is the greatest factor in his view of the world and his place whitin it.

Hahahahahaha! If you care for more pick a number between 3 and 40 "

I want them all LIKE A REAL MAN!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Real men can breath through their ears

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I want them all  LIKE A REAL MAN!

Oh you legend! I'll drip them in shortly.. Lol

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By *irtydanMan
over a year ago

Blackpool


"You are not a man until you have take a strap on

Then I'll be a boy forever

same here"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/09/13 10:19:23]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your a real man when you got no strings

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I want them all  LIKE A REAL MAN!

Oh you legend! I'll drip them in shortly.. Lol "

Still waiting!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I want them all  LIKE A REAL MAN!

Oh you legend! I'll drip them in shortly.. Lol

Still waiting! "

Article 3 of The Real Man Charter;

A Real Man will take a shit, shower and a shave, in that order, every day. Regardless of his surroundings or the company he happens to be in on any one day. Therefore, A Real Man will not give a shit untill he has atleast taken one!

Article 4; A Real Man can trek for 100 miles or more carrying 60 pounds or

more by night or by day, in all weather conditions while on any continent. Therefore, A Real Man is equally robust in any climate.

Article 5; Real Men wash their hair with a bar of soap... and shave with a

knife, so the wash and shave kit of A Real Man consists of a single bar of soap and a knife. Real Men do not use towels. Therefore, all Real Men are the most rugged of Men.

Article 6; Real Men lift weights and work out. Therefore, the diet of a Real Man consists mostly of

protein.

Article 7; A Real Man only eat steak served on a 50 kilogram Olympic plate served be his loving lady. Therefore, his partner had better be strong or get strong quickly.

Article 8; A Real Man can catch, kill and cook his dinner with his bare hands. Without much effort at all... Obviously.

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