FabSwingers.com forum: Who's on the receiving end?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Another celebration day passed yesterday and I hope everyone who enjoys such days had fun and soaked up the spirit of the tradition. It's sometimes a welcome relief to all the doom and gloom of recession

However, I never wish anyone a happy anything on the internet unless they tell me it's their birthday. After all how can I know that those I interact with celebrate in the same fashion, or indeed have any interest in the Christian calendar? I err on the side of caution, just incase.

None of us can really know anything deeply personal about others who frequent the net and in particular forums, so I just tend to say have a nice bank holiday, when signing off for the long weekend breaks religious celebrations give us. Everyone in our country enjoys the time off (work permitting) regardless of whether or not they celebrate the reason, if its a religious one.

Celebration days can in extreme circumstances leave a lot of our fellow humans with a feeling of isolation if they are not able to share the time with those they love etc etc. I've always been aware of that and so try not to let my joy feel like rubbing salt into their situation. It can't be nice being on your own at times like this.

I received a mail yesterday from a guy who had obviously seen me online and simply wrote "how come you're not out on valentines day being all loved up?"

That on it's own is a very crass email - mainly because it was received early on in the day and he couldn't have known what I had planned nor does anyone know if I am in fact loved up 365 days of the year!! Nicer approach could have been 'are you doing anything special today?' instead of needing to know why I was online instead of out and about with a lover.

I don't celebrate Valentines because my oldest son died that day. I prefer to reflect on that. No, not by being morbid or a career mourner, but thankful that I went on to have other children and was looking forward to them visiting much more than anything else, where we would sit and remember him together.

I could have written back to this guy and saved his blushes with some lame excuse but I delivered it right on his chin in a few words, because after all it's the truth. Another thing people on the website demand. So they can have the bitter too as far as I'm concerned

Yes,in a way, I did want him to wriggle because he didn't think about the person at the other end receiving his clumsy mail.

We don't all celebrate the same religion or traditions, we all have days that remind us of loved ones no longer here, but we all have the power to think about how differently others live their lives from ourselves and try to take this into consideration before assuming we're all involved in celebration days, to the same extent as they are, without feeling like some party pooper.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

big hugs to you and you are right, people dont think before they send messages

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

I'm sure the other person meant no ill and feels very remorseful having got it on the chin.

I hope he has apologised and offered his condolences on your sad loss?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear of your sad loss, but I'm sure the guy meant no harm and was merely trying to be complimentary, or even start up a conversation.

Still, I hope he was sympathetic in his reply to you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm sure the other person meant no ill and feels very remorseful having got it on the chin.

I hope he has apologised and offered his condolences on your sad loss?

Oh I wish him no ill really... but Im sure that because I get his inane mails on a regular basis, asking if Ive hit on lucky if im getting anything from this site, generally being nosy.. and the fact his mails give an air of 'you should not have looked me over' means that he has eroded my politeness and patience. Otherwise I would perhaps have had second thoughts about telling him why I don't celebrate. Im the only person responsible for the response and he's the one on the receving end of that, quite ironically

No, he hasnt responded and the days of condolences are long past. I prefer people to remember happy events and things which people who aren't close to you can never join in with. Time does heal but the ache doesnt ever leave you and it doesnt take the anniversary of his death to make me reflect and count my blessings.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"big hugs to you and you are right, people dont think before they send messages

Especially ones which you KNOW are only sent to make you feel an outcast or whatever

I know that people on the net form brilliant, intimate relationships and become firm friends on this site. I am not one of them I have my friends in real time I open up to. This is my special needs site hahahah!!

The contact on the net is always going to be an impersonal one for me as I just don't know who I might be pouring my most personal details out to and that doesnt sit well on my shoulders. I give snippets of my day to day life, yes, but not about anything people in my offline life don't know about.

Nobody knows about the geese and the bra made out of crunchy nut cornflakes though....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who else has a mental image of Cherche sitting topless and leaning over breakfast table to reach the toast n butter, dipping boobs in crunchy nut by mistake, then blaming "fashion" for the nutty bra????

Just me ???

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Before I post I would say sorry to hear about your loss.

But the poor man didn't know anything about it, and to make him feel bad because he mailed someone on a sex site to chance his luck that you might be on your own on that day and maybe get together for fun is a bit rough to me.

Sorry if this upsets you anymore than you are already, but he hasn't done anything wrong in mailing someone on a sex site.

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By *heekychezzaWoman
over a year ago

warrington

well said Rugby.....the guy wasn't outtoupset the op in anyway...quite the opposite in fact...and whilst I'll add my condolences for the loss she suffered...I think she was too hard on the guy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well Rugby, Cheryl, I would have to disagree (unusual cos usually I agree with most of the things you post), however if this was just a guy writing one message I might agree, but as it was just one of a whole series of "inane" messages (OP's words not mine ) then perhaps the wording of the message was taken as a "dig" at the OP , (why aint you out as you're luvved up ) and I do think sometimes its valid to remind folks there are real people on the other end of any message.

The reason for not celebrating was just a compounding factor, I took the bluntness of the reply as a final attempt to stop the numerous "inane" messages.

I know the block/delete option was there but not everyone wants to block/delete, perhaps because so many then come into the forums and then complain how rude this is.

Each to their own, I feel a blunt message after numerous polite ones is not too unexpected.

Just MHO tho.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I am sure we have all benn on the recieving end of what I call the goading messages at some time or another.

If you have had plenty of them before from the same person and it pissed you off, then surely ANY blunt message would be acceptable and then you could block if you wished.

I don't really want to turn the thread into anything else...but sometimes we are more touchy at times than others, and I think understandably this was one of them......but you still can't blame the man for doing what he has always done as up until now he has not being told blunty not to do it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Before I post I would say sorry to hear about your loss.

Sorry if this upsets you anymore than you are already, but he hasn't done anything wrong in mailing someone on a sex site."

With all due respect I think you have missed the point of this post. When I'm inspired to write there has always been a catalyst for the thread. The bulk of this is one is to illustrate, as you quite rightly say so yourself, others can't know what your situation or viewpoint is, on any given celebration time, whether it be valentines day or whatever. Nobody in their right mind would say Merry Christmas to, for example, a Jew or Muslim. And you don't know the creed of those you are writing to, so I think it's best not used as an opening gambit.

I agree with you its this lack of knowledge that should make us responsible for what we write to others. It is only this reason that made me suggest perhaps everyone should be a little more reticent about how they field their approach and keep it general rather than specific.

I replied to this guy (who, if you look further down to another post, blesses me with his thoughtless gems on a regular basis)with the words "I don't celebrate valentines as my son died that day. As short and as sweet as his own mail. Of course nobody knows about anyones losses and I am not complaining about anyone replying to my ad on here because my son died, or my nan died or my cat died, or I have a headache. The key point is think about what the person on the receiving end sees and just keep it general until you know that they are lets face it even a christian before you wish them merry christmas happy easter etc etc.

This was not written to say oh poor old claire lost her son and is therefore upset, Ive dealt with that issue as best I can. I can be open with it because I don't want to be as I said a career mourner at my loss. It was the issue of over familiarity on this site, with an illustration of what prompted me to write it. This is by no means the only example of over familiarityme or anyone else has received on sites such as this that have nothing to do with why I am here - which is for sex with strangers, not to form deep friendships with people I will probably never meet anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am sure we have all benn on the recieving end of what I call the goading messages at some time or another.

If you have had plenty of them before from the same person and it pissed you off, then surely ANY blunt message would be acceptable and then you could block if you wished.

See, I knew we would agree eventually

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well Rugby, Cheryl, I would have to disagree (unusual cos usually I agree with most of the things you post), however if this was just a guy writing one message I might agree, but as it was just one of a whole series of "inane" messages (OP's words not mine ) then perhaps the wording of the message was taken as a "dig" at the OP , (why aint you out as you're luvved up ) and I do think sometimes its valid to remind folks there are real people on the other end of any message.

The reason for not celebrating was just a compounding factor, I took the bluntness of the reply as a final attempt to stop the numerous "inane" messages.

I know the block/delete option was there but not everyone wants to block/delete, perhaps because so many then come into the forums and then complain how rude this is.

Each to their own, I feel a blunt message after numerous polite ones is not too unexpected.

Just MHO tho."

But with all due respect, the OP does state 'inane' messages, but doesn't state whether or not she replies to these messages, not really a lot to go off here, but, if he was to receive messages back and not one suggesting she doesn't want hi to message again, then he could quite simply believe he was being friendly.

Just another view.

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

I can kind of understand where you're coming from but in reality if everyone second guessed everything they were about to say/write/do what would happen to spontaniety? In life others do drop clangers sometimes - not meant to deliberstely hurt - just being human. Z

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

damned if you do damned if you dont guys!

tragedy will always feature in our lives we are human and no one will ever know this unless they know us personally and no offence to the poster, but people arent to know these things and yes we get messages that are totally inappropriate to what is goin on at that time in our lifes but people dont know.

i do wish my muslim friends a merry christmas and none of them have punched me in the chops yet!

friendships do actually develop even on a sex site if people want them too.x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I am sure we have all benn on the recieving end of what I call the goading messages at some time or another.

If you have had plenty of them before from the same person and it pissed you off, then surely ANY blunt message would be acceptable and then you could block if you wished.

That bluntness was delivered yesterday - at the right time for my tolerance level to have been surpassed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can kind of understand where you're coming from but in reality if everyone second guessed everything they were about to say/write/do what would happen to spontaniety? In life others do drop clangers sometimes - not meant to deliberstely hurt - just being human. Z"

Exactly.

and maybe sounding unPC, but as this is Britain, it's fair for anyone to assume that anyone here may well be doing what would appear the bulk of the country are doing.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Sorry, but it wasn't a christian festival, although it was a special day for you for very different reasons...the person is not to know this.

I was trying to find somewhere to take the Mr this weekend for a break until I realised it was Valentines weekend......We don't make an extra effort on Valentines day as we can be romantic any day.....so I changed my plans but it doesn't offend me if people want to talk about it or bring it up.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You cant second guess, youre right, so therefore keep it light until such a time it evolves into something deeper is all I am saying

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"I am sure we have all benn on the recieving end of what I call the goading messages at some time or another.

If you have had plenty of them before from the same person and it pissed you off, then surely ANY blunt message would be acceptable and then you could block if you wished.

See, I knew we would agree eventually

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The reason for not celebrating was just a compounding factor, I took the bluntness of the reply as a final attempt to stop the numerous "inane" messages.

I know the block/delete option was there but not everyone wants to block/delete, perhaps because so many then come into the forums and then complain how rude this is.

Each to their own, I feel a blunt message after numerous polite ones is not too unexpected.

Just MHO tho."

Nail, head. Thank you

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By *ouvakMan
over a year ago

clacton on sea

i'm sorry to hear of your loss, but as the internet is rather a cold medium at the best of time's.

I don't think this person had any idea of your particular circumstance's, so to deride him in such a way is not really fair on the person.

A simple thank you for your message "But" i have family reason's for why i'm not "out there" as you put it, but i hope you have a nice day yourself.

Would have given the person an indication that something was a miss and been more reasonable than to "give it to him on the chin"

Like i said i'm sorry for your loss and to have it happen on a special day also isn't something nice either, but like i also said, we are using a medium that is open to all who use it and unless we are all aware of each other's circumstance's then the unfortunate will happen from time to time, so a little tolerance is often needed when dealing with other's who may well not be aware of your own personal circumstance's.

i have had loss's within my own life too as will many others in life( it's a sad fact of life it self) and no one on this site will know that unless they know me well, so if someone was to message me on a day on which i might be reflecting on such a loss, i wouldn't be offended by it, but i would politely decline their offer or request with a brief message of explanation.

respect, tolerance,honesty and humility and a little understanding can be wonderful traits.

And just as a by-line bringing things like this into public area's such as site forums isn't the right thing to do, it should be dealt with on a person to person basis, thus saving embarrassment for the person concerned and also to stop it becoming a slagging match once the other person stumbles across the posting.

These are just my views and opinion's and i might be out of order in other people's view's but it has to be said

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Ok I might walk away from this one I think.

Sorry to any single guys out there who are as confused as I am.

But don't let it stop you mailing people, you are not to know what is going on in a persons life that day.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sorry, but it wasn't a christian festival, although it was a special day for you for very different reasons...the person is not to know this.

People celebrating valentines day certainly don't offend me in the least! Its joyful to see any event that instills love and happiness.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i'm sorry to hear of your loss, but as the internet is rather a cold medium at the best of time's.

I don't think this person had any idea of your particular circumstance's, so to deride him in such a way is not really fair on the person.

A simple thank you for your message "But" i have family reason's for why i'm not "out there" as you put it, but i hope you have a nice day yourself.

Would have given the person an indication that something was a miss and been more reasonable than to "give it to him on the chin"

respect, tolerance,honesty and humility and a little understanding can be wonderful traits.

These are just my views and opinion's and i might be out of order in other people's view's but it has to be said "

Mentioning death doesnt make me cringe - its as open a subject as any subject that can sometimes make me wriggle uncomfortably a bit on these forums. Give it on the chin is wrong I meant he had to take the answer on the chin as he'd raised the question. I didnt deliver it in any other fashion than matter of factly, as it is a matter of fact....

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By *ouvakMan
over a year ago

clacton on sea

and as a final by-line on the subject, the terms "good morning""good afternoon""good evening" are all used as standard greetings by many people when greeting or meeting for the first time, are these not very overtly friendly greetings used by one and all and as a opening gambit to a conversation, so on the grounds of the OP's post shouldn't be used on anyone who might have not had a good day or being having a good day for what ever reason's.

situation ,,,,,

sales man calls at door, you open it and his first words are " good morning madam" unaware that this day of days is not a good day for you,,,, is he aware of how your feeling behind your closed front door,,,, no of course he isn't, all he is trying to do is be polite and make a gambit to open a conversation with you. how can he be aware of your feelings on the day, he doesn't know you he's never met you before.

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By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham

"I did want him to wriggle"

That's uncalled for, quite malicious to be honest.

"because he didn't think about the person at the other end receiving his clumsy mail"

How was he expected to know your feelings?

I don't think you've done yourself any favours here to be honest, I'm sure anyone reading this thread will think twice about mailing you based on your OP.

They can stand up for themselves, I'm not the spokes person for single guys, but I will say, most single guys get receive a raw deal on here, some justified maybe, but your reply to what seems like a genuine interest was uncalled for, I find your reply rather sad

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By *aughty_kittyWoman
over a year ago

finger licking good

why would u need to tell anyone u dont celerate valentine day cos u had a death on that day anyway?

if a unknown emailed me and i felt the same i would just say... naaaaa valentine aint for me...

no one will know about the death and so on. sorry to seem harsh but i dont see what the big deal is. he was not to know end off?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I totally see where you're coming from, but can also see where some of the responders are coming from too. It's so easy to get caught up in this cyber stuff and we forget that people don't actually know us and there is a certain lack of common decency in communications! Unfortunately, depending on our moods, some mails can be taken out of context. Clearly, the 14th is an exceptionally sad day for you and so, it follows that you in a manner of speaking, expect that all should feel that pain too or at least know about it in order to sympathise with your loss or understand that you are a REAL person, albeit, and with joking aside, that this site, is ultimately a sex site. As people are telling you to take it for what it is, and not to be too hard on the one who messaged you, I put it out there that on the same note, people shouldn't be too hard on Cherche. Those who have lost a child will understand that there is nothing normal, or funny or humourous about it. On the anniversary of such a day, I suggest it's okay to be a bit wobbly, and certainly a bit touchy!

Chin up hun, and I hope your day was one of fond memories xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sure the other person meant no ill and feels very remorseful having got it on the chin.

I hope he has apologised and offered his condolences on your sad loss?

One of the reasons I block and delete to stop further correspondence as some people are unable to take a hint!

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By *aughty_kittyWoman
over a year ago

finger licking good

"I totally see where you're coming from, but can also see where some of the responders are coming from too. It's so easy to get caught up in this cyber stuff and we forget that people don't actually know us and there is a certain lack of common decency in communications! Unfortunately, depending on our moods, some mails can be taken out of context. Clearly, the 14th is an exceptionally sad day for you and so, it follows that you in a manner of speaking, expect that all should feel that pain too or at least know about it in order to sympathise with your loss or understand that you are a REAL person, albeit, and with joking aside, that this site, is ultimately a sex site. As people are telling you to take it for what it is, and not to be too hard on the one who messaged you, I put it out there that on the same note, people shouldn't be too hard on Cherche. Those who have lost a child will understand that there is nothing normal, or funny or humourous about it. On the anniversary of such a day, I suggest it's okay to be a bit wobbly, and certainly a bit touchy!

Chin up hun, and I hope your day was one of fond memories xx"

still no reason to take it out on others, the dude did nothing wrong in sending that email

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chin up hun, and I hope your day was one of fond memories xx

still no reason to take it out on others, the dude did nothing wrong in sending that email"

That's the thing with being human, Kitty, we have emotions that sometimes run away with us! God forbid

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By *aughty_kittyWoman
over a year ago

finger licking good

Chin up hun, and I hope your day was one of fond memories xx

still no reason to take it out on others, the dude did nothing wrong in sending that email

That's the thing with being human, Kitty, we have emotions that sometimes run away with us! God forbid

emotions? whats that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chin up hun, and I hope your day was one of fond memories xx

still no reason to take it out on others, the dude did nothing wrong in sending that email

That's the thing with being human, Kitty, we have emotions that sometimes run away with us! God forbid

emotions? whats that"

Dunno, coz I'm not human, but I'm learning from those I'm watching

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I seriously can't help but wonder if there is some hidden apology in here, as in, the OP and this guy that messaged have been messaging for some time it would seem, and the OP acted on emotions on the day, yes they do get us all at times.

I wonder if there is the hidden message of.....

'Sorry I was out of order barking at you yesterday, as we have been messaging for some time I can see how you would feel it's aye ok to message me on such a day'

I may be wrong, but if I am then I'm not so sure what this thread is really about, as the OP adds a different tilt on the matter from her first reply to this thread.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Chin up hun, and I hope your day was one of fond memories xx"

Sorry but no, I used the example of how I was spending my day to illustrate the point, not spending it in morbid isolation or I would not have signed onto the site. Which I made clear in the original and subsequent postings. It isn't an exceptionally sad day - I just dont celebrate Valentines because that day is an anniversary of an event in my life that supercedes anything else.

Thank you for taking this into consideration, but I wasn't wobbly and I wasn't touchy. I was on the whole pissed off at someone yet again, as in the case of christmas, new year, easter et al ASSUMING everyone celebrates in the same way as they do. I wasnt posting at christmas or perhaps I would illustrate that my friend goes around supermarkets in tears when she hears carols because her dad died that day.

There doesnt have to be loss involved - I receive many mails mocking Newcastle united football team because I live in newcastle, I tend to agree with these mails because Im a sunderland fan (heh heh) but its the assumption I am firstly a football fan and secondly support newcastle united. The point is unless you know someone isnt it safer to write a neutral email until you do.

It's like the x factor - they boast that 15 million people tuned in to the live final. That means 50 million didnt.

I have continuously said because it is a sex website I know what my excpectations are and its nsa. Not nosy emails.

Ive still lost my child last year, today, tomorrow and next year but nobody knew that when mailling me before or who doesnt read the forums, in future so the loss isn't the post. Your point of lack of common decency is an excellent one, and may I add needs some common sense that we are in fact, not all celebrating on a designated day. For whatever reason.

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By *aughty_kittyWoman
over a year ago

finger licking good

Chin up hun, and I hope your day was one of fond memories xx

It's like the x factor - they boast that 15 million people tuned in to the live final. That means 50 million didnt.

I have continuously said because it is a sex website I know what my excpectations are and its nsa. Not nosy emails.

i see nothing wrong with emailing someone why are u not out on valentines day, more people calbrate it then not. i think there is an over reaction here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chin up hun, and I hope your day was one of fond memories xx

It's like the x factor - they boast that 15 million people tuned in to the live final. That means 50 million didnt.

I have continuously said because it is a sex website I know what my excpectations are and its nsa. Not nosy emails.

And ergo, the point remains, we don't know each other so we shouldn't be upset if some choose to presume anything. My apologies for sensing touchiness, and for sympathising. I appreciate your stance of celebrating rather than mourning and I tried to be sensitive to that in my reply. Clearly that attempt failed and this is why, in general, I avoid threads of such depth because they tend to end up full of um, sorry, but I'm going to stick with the term "touchiness"! x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for all your postings - the expected and the refreshing, the understood and the misunderstood. I love debate and this has spread into the office now!!! But it won't count cos I dont want to have approaches from my colleagues on ANY day of the week either

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for all your postings - the expected and the refreshing, the understood and the misunderstood. I love debate and this has spread into the office now!!! But it won't count cos I dont want to have approaches from my colleagues on ANY day of the week either

lol - are they bi and do they travel millions of miles?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

lol - are they bi and do they travel millions of miles?

I dont think any of them are The Proclaimers...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lol - are they bi and do they travel millions of miles?

I dont think any of them are The Proclaimers... "

How annoying

They can sod off then lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lol - are they bi and do they travel millions of miles?

I dont think any of them are The Proclaimers... "

NOW i'm gonna have that song in my head all day, ~~~~~ thanks a LOT!!!

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

On Christmas Eve just past I was formally told my mum (who I had been caring for many months) had only a few days to live. At the same time, my father who it also terminally ill (but a slower debilitating illness) was having problems with his care … this resulted in me spending all of the Christmas period and New Year flitting between hospitals.

I lost count of the “Did you have a good Christmas” and “Did Santa bring you anything nice” and “What are you doing for New Year” and “Are you up to anything horny this weekend”

I could have replied “nothing this week, I’m watching my mother die”

… but unless I plastered my private life all over my profile, how were they to know?

Only the individual knows when things are too raw to deal with certain types of messages and at the times when it is too raw, it’s probably best to remove yourself from the situation or just delete anything which isn’t from someone who knows your situation.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"On Christmas Eve just past I was formally told my mum (who I had been caring for many months) had only a few days to live. At the same time, my father who it also terminally ill (but a slower debilitating illness) was having problems with his care … this resulted in me spending all of the Christmas period and New Year flitting between hospitals.

I lost count of the “Did you have a good Christmas” and “Did Santa bring you anything nice” and “What are you doing for New Year” and “Are you up to anything horny this weekend”

I could have replied “nothing this week, I’m watching my mother die”

… but unless I plastered my private life all over my profile, how were they to know?

Hello and I think you might be the polo someone mentioned - if not hello anyway

pleased to meet you. Thanks for replying.

I totally agree about a lot of things you say. But lets look at it another way. Supposing I was yearning to be out being wined and dined with someone on Valentines Day, which could have been the situation when he wrote his mail. But there I was, as he wrote, undeniably stuck in the house and on the internet. Wouldn't his mail pointing out the obvious, not have added to my sense of nobody wants or loves me? Would he then be the insensitive pig from hell if I had posted that his mail had made me feel alone? It could have been sent to someone feeling that way had he chosen to write to them instead of me - who knows??

The whole point and the first thing I mentioned before my reason for not celebrating valentines, was because we dont actually know who and how everyone celebrates within their own life, should we therefore hold back on making reference to celebratory days at that point until we DO know more about them if we choose that path? If we go bowling in, we could be heightening their say, sense of isolation, or insulting them by assuming they are also of the same religion, if its christmas etc. Or watch the x factor or newcastle united (ref to another post in this thread)

Anyone by sheer socialising can say something inappropriate at the wrong time, as was the case when you were going through your loss and emotional time. You were in the midst of it and it had to be extremely raw. Yet you had the sensitivity not to have those around you feel awful, by saying your mother was dying, to save their feelings and if you could think as sensibly and as thoughtfully at that time then you are a deeply caring person. If you can do that at a strenous time then those just writing an email on a whim, should have the same forethought to think ooh perhaps the person I am writing to isnt reading off the same hymn sheet as me. My rawness has diminished enough for me to be able to cope and talk openly about my son, but the fact remains I wont celebrate valentines again and also feel no problem saying that to anyone on or offline. So has my reply to him detracted from the thread. It most certainly has.

You're right we can't know others past history, but thats taking the main point sideways. The mail I recieved said those words no matter what my response was. Im not gonna lie or sugar coat to someone who has sent similar mails about what Im up to. Nor am I going to have words put into my mouth that I was moping round all day yesterday and shouldnt have been onsite.

My title of 'who is on the receiving end' isnt relating to a person who may be having a sad time but is saying as you dont know then perhaps its best to keep it light. He didnt keep it light with me he demanded to kow what my plans were and topped it off by saying he thought I was loved up. As I said in my post I was fed up of this bloke and his nosiness and I couldnt be bothered to lie, if he couldnt be bothered to make his mail sound less like he was mocking me for being stuck in on such an important romantic day. It was the catalyst for the post about thinking about who is on the receiving end and taking into consideration the wonderful diversity of the human race.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It will be sad times when we are all scared to wish one another happy this or that in fear that they may not celebrate it.

Live and let live, if someone wishes another happy so and so, they're not bowling in with lack of respect for what the others beliefs, but adding well wishes based on what they believe.

But then, yesterday when my partners family wished me Happy New Year, perhaps I should have told them to piss off as 1) I'm not Chinese, and 2) it was 10 years to the day that I received the last ever card from my mum, this confirming she was about to die and hit home rather hard, she died 6 days later.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lost the will to live halfway down.

I'd post a reply but might offend someone.

Mind you i've always believed that you can choose whether to be offended or not.

So I'll just say ..........

The sodding corrollary of all this IS If people expect posters to consider their feelings and whether they have had a bereavement , have contracted aids. are presently being held captive or just snooped on by the Talabin ( Yes I do mean Tala bin ) or haven't got the money to pay the leccy bill or holiday in Brighton ! then SURELY it follows that YOU the reciever of messages should sodding well give some thought to the sender and EMPATHISE with THEIR needs.... you never know ....they may just have lived a little too ...... ffs.

THIS POST IS NOT DIRECTED AT ANY INDIVIDUAL. it's the lot of ya

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I think single men have it tough enough on here without having to now second guess which type of mail to send to someone just because it happens to a day that is advertised as a romantic one. As has been said, unless they know your personal life they wouldn't know you from Adam, so probably cannot second guess your mood.

Your post boils down to the same thing, most of the time you have put up with his "inane " mails but yesterday you decided he was insensitive and crass in his mails so you decided it wasn't acceptable to you so you decided to make him "wiggle"

To others it would be acceptable.

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By *aughty_kittyWoman
over a year ago

finger licking good

"I lost the will to live halfway down.

I'd post a reply but might offend someone.

Mind you i've always believed that you can choose whether to be offended or not.

So I'll just say ..........

THIS POST IS NOT DIRECTED AT ANY INDIVIDUAL. it's the lot of ya

email me, who got aids? lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

P.S. I didn't read all the posts apols if someone already said the same as me or sommat i missed.

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By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham

"it's the lot of ya

You've made me cry now!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/02/10 15:18:58]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I lost the will to live halfway down.

I'd post a reply but might offend someone.

Mind you i've always believed that you can choose whether to be offended or not.

So I'll just say ..........

THIS POST IS NOT DIRECTED AT ANY INDIVIDUAL. it's the lot of ya

email me, who got aids? lol"

Me Kitty ..... it's a zimmer frame

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I did want him to wriggle

That's uncalled for, quite malicious to be honest.

because he didn't think about the person at the other end receiving his clumsy mail

How was he expected to know your feelings?

I don't think you've done yourself any favours here to be honest, I'm sure anyone reading this thread will think twice about mailing you based on your OP.

How can you know this guys motivations were of genuine interest not knowing the full history? I am the one experiencing his attention so I think I know how it makes me feel. I unlike a lot of women, reply to most mails I receive and get mails back from blokes saying at least you replied!! I have had some humdingers of a mails with all sorts of opening gambits that have nothing to do with a sex website and largely ignore the negative.

This is the first time I got to the end of my tether and decided to tell it how it was. In posting the anecdote I was open and honest about my reaction I didnt have to say I wanted him to wriggle it could have saved me from comments like yours. But I told it how it happened including my negative feelings (not malicious btw) - and in another post said I didnt wish him any ill. All you can go by is what I post here or in my profile, same as anyone else.

I am not looking for favour. The best thing about debate is always to discuss the point and not the person. I make points. I see and take on board points or reject points, as is fitting. I never judge a person from a debate though, as, quite ironically, the title says I don't know who is on the receiving end and they might get upset because I dont know them.

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By *aughty_kittyWoman
over a year ago

finger licking good

"I lost the will to live halfway down.

I'd post a reply but might offend someone.

Mind you i've always believed that you can choose whether to be offended or not.

So I'll just say ..........

THIS POST IS NOT DIRECTED AT ANY INDIVIDUAL. it's the lot of ya

email me, who got aids? lol

Me Kitty ..... it's a zimmer frame

oh lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did hear of a person who had unprotected aural sex, they now have hearing aids,

Sorry, I'll get my coat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just one thing .....

How did you expect the guy to know your life story ?

He sent you a message for heavens sake which he is perfectly within his rights, as a member to do

Sorry if this isn't the answer you were hoping for but I'm sure they guy meant no ill

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"it's the lot of ya

You've made me cry now!!!

awwwww don't - I'll come over n cuddle you better x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I did hear of a person who had unprotected aural sex, they now have hearing aids,

Sorry, I'll get my coat

LOL x x

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By *aughty_kittyWoman
over a year ago

finger licking good

i just think major over reaction, everyone bloody loses someone and not everyone knows about it so them to email u a perfectly innocent email on the day you had your loss is what??? nothing if we are honet he did not know !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lost the will to live an hour ago - presently sharpening a kitchen knife to practice self harm - Just hope there are no self harmers on here -

Honest I didn't know !!!!

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By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham

"it's the lot of ya

You've made me cry now!!!

awwwww don't - I'll come over n cuddle you better x "

Do be careful when you come

don't want you involved in any road rage!!

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

If we follow this line of thought where does it end? Do we not say “good morning” to people in case someone isn’t having one? Should all “Happy Christmas/New Year/Easter/Yom Kippur/Hanukkah/Diwali” or whatever, be banned from the forums just in case?

The guy probably thought he was paying you a compliment, just like when people say “how come someone like you is single”…. it’s actually a stupid question in most cases and could quite easily be answered with something like “because my partner was killed in an accident”. But… the question is usually asked with the best of intentions. As you say “Anyone by sheer socialising can say something inappropriate at the wrong time”…. it is your choice and yours alone as to how you receive the message; whether that be in the spirit it was intended, as a silly thing you make light of or as an excuse to severe someone’s head from their shoulders just because they failed Psychic Master Class.

I forgot to mention… a few days after my mum passed away it was my Birthday. In fact my Birthday fell slap bang in the middle of my mother’s death and her funeral. As you may imagine I wasn’t really in the party-hearty mood. People wished me ‘Happy Birthday’ and sent cards with typical jokie Birthday messages written in them…. should I have replied with “thanks for the card you insensitive bastard!” or receive them in the spirit they were intended?

There are messages which do bug the hell out of me from time to time…. they are rarely sent with good intentions other than it would be good if the sender got a shag, so they are chancing it with everyone who happens to be online… “I’m horny u interested”. Such messages get one of two types of reply:

1 - take the piss

2 - 'delete'

If we all hold back saying something intended to be a nice but carries a 1/5000 (or whatever) chance it may upset someone somewhere who is going through exceptional circumstances… we may all end-up sitting looking at a blank screen

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How's your day been ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If we follow this line of thought where does it end? Do we not say “good morning” to people in case someone isn’t having one? Should all “Happy Christmas/New Year/Easter/Yom Kippur/Hanukkah/Diwali” or whatever, be banned from the forums just in case?

1 - take the piss

2 - 'delete'

When did I ever suggest subjects should be banned from forums? I was talking about one on one emails, not open chat on a forum. Or that anyone had to have this line of thought? I dont disagree with you at all but I really dont like the scenarios everyone is creating for this 'poor man' saying he was perhaps meaning it as a compliment, not meaning anything by it etc etc, to deserve my response. I do know his style and approach though. It was a sarcastic mail, like all of the previous ones. Motivated by the fact I dont want to meet him. You say so yourself that these types of mail bug you too. Im sorry, but he didnt say all of the things you say he might have been intending. Those things did not happen, what happened, happened lol!!! I chose to answer in a way that would perhaps make him stop and think that he was being overly personal.. he wants to glean things so he gleaned that fact.

I posted the thread as a thought provoking one to say we should perhaps hold back a little at first when we mail people. I was never asking anyone to be psychic either.

Like many others Im not always gonna be receptive to such probing emails. Nor do the social thing we all do, that you have given as an example during your birthday celebrations, which salves the thoughtlessness of some, yet leaves us sometimes saying 'its ok' when its not. Im not sure what everyone is reading into my post to be honest because I didnt wade in protesting that someone without psychic ability had asked me a sensitive question!

The post started off as having a thought for those (not necessarily me) who dont want to be jollied along by traditional celebrations. NOT that I was unreceptive because it was the anniversary of my sons death. I had lots of mails/interaction yesterday and valentines wasn't even mentioned. If you note it was hardly mentioned on the forums either.

We can't act on the net as we do in 'real time' as there is no body language there is no past history there is no indication of a persons thoughts and viewpoints to be on safe ground with a first or subsequent post, until you really get to know them well enough. So make it safish ground instead. Not because you risk an ear bashing but because its plain manners not to be as nosy! First email contact gives an impression, any contact that follows adds to this impression. So that is why I can state that I know what spirit his mail was sent in - it was one of ner ner ner ner ner you dont have any valentines plans and you keep turning me down. You cant speak for what the guy really thought and saying it was a compliment thats pure speculation.

You would not go up to a person on the street and ask them personal stuff so why do it here? I set my own boundaries, like everyone else. I never even ask guys anything personal post coitally, I just don't see the need for it.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I think this is going around in circles now, with much the same being said over and over again.

The moral of the story? block anyone that pisses you off before you have to get upset by it.

Thread closed.

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

" When did I ever suggest subjects should be banned from forums? I was talking about one on one emails, not open chat on a forum. "

You didn’t… I asked where does it stop. If we are to give consideration via pm just in case it may offend… when does that consideration stop?

" Or that anyone had to have this line of thought? "

You didn’t – I asked ‘if’.

" I dont disagree with you at all but I really dont like the scenarios everyone is creating for this 'poor man' saying he was perhaps meaning it as a compliment, not meaning anything by it etc etc, to deserve my response. I do know his style and approach though. It was a sarcastic mail, like all of the previous ones. Motivated by the fact I dont want to meet him. "

In all honesty…. If this guy was previously sending sarcastic messages and you don’t want to meet him, why where you entertaining him? Why not just block or ignore? You’re not a stupid woman, you know you have choices. The only reason I would entertain his messages would be for my own entertainment… in which case it would be my own fault if the then managed to get a low punch in.

" I posted the thread as a thought provoking one to say we should perhaps hold back a little at first when we mail people. "

… … …

" The post started off as having a thought for those (not necessarily me) who dont want to be jollied along by traditional celebrations. "

And it provoked the thought… where does it end?

" We can't act on the net as we do in 'real time' as there is no body language there is no past history there is no indication of a persons thoughts and viewpoints to be on safe ground with a first or subsequent post, until you really get to know them well enough. So make it safish ground instead. Not because you risk an ear bashing but because its plain manners not to be as nosy! First email contact gives an impression, any contact that follows adds to this impression. So that is why I can state that I know what spirit his mail was sent in - it was one of ner ner ner ner ner you dont have any valentines plans and you keep turning me down. You cant speak for what the guy really thought and saying it was a compliment thats pure speculation. "

Hence the use of ‘probably’ meaning it is often used as… it is possible not an absolute. But again if this is not the first sarcastic message and yet you still entertain him… some may assume you had been responding in a similar manner, enjoying the joust and then he got a lucky shot in. Again, just expressing a possibility.

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