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Domestic Violence

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I have never condoned it....but the Government and Agencies always get my back up with this one!!!!

New advertising campaign launched targeting teenage boys urging them not to use violence against their girlfriends.

What about a campaign highlighting the abuse of men by their partners??

Did a dissertation a few years back on children as the forgotten victims of domestic violence. At that time the government's own figures were that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men had suffered domestic abuse at the hands of their partners.

So c'mon.....if you're gonna try and protect one group from domestic violence...protect the others too ffs!!!

Rant over

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my brother is a victim on abuse by his wife, everyone in the family has tried to help but he pushes us all away, so until he grows a set and sort it out himself, he's gunna carry on getting the abuse from his wife

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i was assulted by my ex when i split last yr,the court told him ,dont do it again , now off you go!!!! justice??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

takes a real man to hit a women doesnt it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The system forgets the men and the children in this crime ... I was in a womens refuge back in the 90s and there were 6 refuges in the borough but only one catered for men aswell.....

Says a lot in this day and age

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i was assulted by my ex when i split last yr,the court told him ,dont do it again , now off you go!!!! justice??"

I was last year when I went to his car to get OUR daughter out after he had pushed me in the road .. the police were good but they said if I pressed an assault charge he could say he was protecting his property (his car ) never mind scaring the shit out of our daughter watching this from the car

The poetic justice comes after xx

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By *heekychezzaWoman
over a year ago

warrington

Far too many view domestic violence as a crime against women....reality is many men suffer from domestic violence but get little sympathy/empathy...just told to grow a set of balls...act like a man...etc etc and the damage to children is untold.....often skewing their view of "normality" forever. As Stu said....everyone should be against domestic violence against anyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Far too many view domestic violence as a crime against women....reality is many men suffer from domestic violence but get little sympathy/empathy...just told to grow a set of balls...act like a man...etc etc and the damage to children is untold.....often skewing their view of "normality" forever. As Stu said....everyone should be against domestic violence against anyone. "

I get your point on this one babe but my brother has the shortest temper i've even known anyone to have, problem is, his wife is just as bad, once years ago I was calling at his and I could hear them arguing from 10 doors away cause he was 10 min late coming home from work, I kid you not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it shouldnt be accepted wether its against men or women and i agree ,the kids suffer most xxkxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Far too many view domestic violence as a crime against women....reality is many men suffer from domestic violence but get little sympathy/empathy...just told to grow a set of balls...act like a man...etc etc and the damage to children is untold.....often skewing their view of "normality" forever. As Stu said....everyone should be against domestic violence against anyone.

I get your point on this one babe but my brother has the shortest temper i've even known anyone to have, problem is, his wife is just as bad, once years ago I was calling at his and I could hear them arguing from 10 doors away cause he was 10 min late coming home from work, I kid you not "

I used to have a short temper, still have in some ways but more of a tantrum and a spitting dummy than in any aggressive way now,

and I too found myself in a relationship with a woman that was rather aggressive, though to be honest I did get out of there pretty quick and not hang around to be a victim.

The violence that did happen was quite vicious, she bit and scratched my head leaving teeth marks and a scratch that was as close to being a cut as a scratch, I had recently had a small accident at work and fractured my nose, and so she went about trying to punch me on it, she must have easily hit me 40 to 50 times, no word of a lie, she threw my coat and bag into the kitchen, keys, wallet etc was in my coat and bag, then she stood guard by the door holding on tight to the handle, leaving me with no way of getting my things back.

When she realised she wasn't getting the reaction she wanted, she went upstairs taking my phone with her and went through the messages, then threatened to destroy the phone by dropping it into the loo whilst hanging it there, I gave in and said fine, went downstairs to collect my things.

Eventually I did get out, and with my stuff.

Yes I did have a temper back then, but the reason I didn't respond in a physical way is because she was a much smaller build than me and I could have flattened her to be honest, and because all this time her children where there, I was the one trying to stay calm and show the best example I could to those children, I didn't even raise my voice.

If I had responded in a more aggressive way I would have felt ashamed of reacting like that.

And the reason for this, I had been out of order by taking her a small box of chocolates and it wasn't even Valentines day, she assumed I was cheating on her with a younger girl because I had took her chocolates, I joked (before it all kicked off) that if I offered her a 10p mix up then I could understand her thinking I was seeing someone younger, lol

Long post, I realise, just hoping to make the point of how easy it is to get in these situations.

And let me add, I'm no soft lad, not at all.

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley


"Far too many view domestic violence as a crime against women....reality is many men suffer from domestic violence but get little sympathy/empathy...just told to grow a set of balls...act like a man...etc etc and the damage to children is untold.....often skewing their view of "normality" forever. As Stu said....everyone should be against domestic violence against anyone.

I get your point on this one babe but my brother has the shortest temper i've even known anyone to have, problem is, his wife is just as bad, once years ago I was calling at his and I could hear them arguing from 10 doors away cause he was 10 min late coming home from work, I kid you not

I used to have a short temper, still have in some ways but more of a tantrum and a spitting dummy than in any aggressive way now,

and I too found myself in a relationship with a woman that was rather aggressive, though to be honest I did get out of there pretty quick and not hang around to be a victim.

The violence that did happen was quite vicious, she bit and scratched my head leaving teeth marks and a scratch that was as close to being a cut as a scratch, I had recently had a small accident at work and fractured my nose, and so she went about trying to punch me on it, she must have easily hit me 40 to 50 times, no word of a lie, she threw my coat and bag into the kitchen, keys, wallet etc was in my coat and bag, then she stood guard by the door holding on tight to the handle, leaving me with no way of getting my things back.

When she realised she wasn't getting the reaction she wanted, she went upstairs taking my phone with her and went through the messages, then threatened to destroy the phone by dropping it into the loo whilst hanging it there, I gave in and said fine, went downstairs to collect my things.

Eventually I did get out, and with my stuff.

Yes I did have a temper back then, but the reason I didn't respond in a physical way is because she was a much smaller build than me and I could have flattened her to be honest, and because all this time her children where there, I was the one trying to stay calm and show the best example I could to those children, I didn't even raise my voice.

If I had responded in a more aggressive way I would have felt ashamed of reacting like that.

And the reason for this, I had been out of order by taking her a small box of chocolates and it wasn't even Valentines day, she assumed I was cheating on her with a younger girl because I had took her chocolates, I joked (before it all kicked off) that if I offered her a 10p mix up then I could understand her thinking I was seeing someone younger, lol

Long post, I realise, just hoping to make the point of how easy it is to get in these situations.

And let me add, I'm no soft lad, not at all.

"

But you are more of a man for not retaliating!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to think so.

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By *prite128Woman
over a year ago

maidstone

you can never run enough campaigns to cover all circumstances, certainly not at the same time...but this thread is a really positive example of what happens when any campaign is run...

they make people talk..even if its to say why dont they do one for X, dont they know it happens to X too! This in its self will raise awareness and when discussed in places like this people are likely to share stories, information and support.

There is a woeful lack of equity between services for male victims of DV as opposed to women and children but there are organisation who are fighting this corner and providing support.

if youre interested in that, or if youre a victim or know one needing support go to mankind.org.uk

xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A female friend I met a couple of years ago seemed to be my perfect partner, I could at the time happily see myself spending the rest of my life with her.

It never got started because after 3 months I realised she had too many issues brought about not only by the physical and mental abuse her former husband had subjected her too but also by the physical and mental abuse her 21 year old son had started doing to her.

She would not accept my help to show him the error of his ways and things didn't work out, I fear she will now be in an abusive relationship with her son for the rest of her life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know exactly what thats like, my son and my daughter witnessed a lot of the violence i received from my ex and unfortunately after i split with my ex my son started showing the same traits. Im glad to say that with the support of Pete i had the courage to throw my son out, that was almost a year ago and even though i have no contact with my son i know i did the right thing. I didnt want to go through all that again after it took me so long to escape it from his dad.

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By *-and-KCouple
over a year ago

Back of Beyond

Because of my work in the NHS I have just had to sit through a 5 hour training programme on how to spot and report child abuse. One victim a girl of 5 was groomed by her own father. It came to light when she started school and attempted to unzip the headteachers fly and give him a blowjob. The grooming meant she had to do this to all her fathers friends when they went to the house.

Not nice at all, and all such perpetrators should be, well, death is too good and too quick for them. The whole course was filled with situations like that.

However when they got to teenagers, well teens are teens ( 12 to 16yr olds ) all I can say is in my formative years it was get hold of a can of booze and if a girl was willing to let you grab a handful, you did so! But most teens nowadays, know how to play the abuse card at every occasion and will do so. The advice given was always report what you see, but to be honest knowing what could happen, I would walk away and leave it to someone else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hold on a sec. This thread is about domestic violence, not child abuse. If we stray off topic on this one it's gonna get real messy. The two are totally separate issues.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know I'm going to get "battered" for this no pun intended but have you heard about the new social networking site for battered wives ---

Its called twatter !!

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By *exeteraWoman
over a year ago

Bridgend

Back on track.

Useful site for men who are victims of domestic abuse and lets not forget it's not all about physical abuse. There's emotional and financial abuse too.

http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Victim/forMen.htm

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By *im53Man
over a year ago

Boldon

[Removed by poster at 15/02/10 18:00:56]

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By *im53Man
over a year ago

Boldon


"I know I'm going to get "battered" for this no pun intended but have you heard about the new social networking site for battered wives ---

Its called twatter !! "

thats out of order

and got no place on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I know I'm going to get "battered" for this no pun intended but have you heard about the new social networking site for battered wives ---

Its called twatter !! "

There's a time and a place for everything, I received that in a text and thought it comical, but time and place, there's a joke text thread knocking about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I know I'm going to get "battered" for this no pun intended but have you heard about the new social networking site for battered wives ---

Its called twatter !!

thats out of order

and got no place on here "

It made me smile, but you'll get a kickin fot trying to be funny on this thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The system forgets the men and the children in this crime ... I was in a womens refuge back in the 90s and there were 6 refuges in the borough but only one catered for men aswell.....

Says a lot in this day and age"

Dont have too many "mens refuges" do we

if any ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i feel sorry for anyone in that situation whether it be man or woman!

i suppose im lucky in the way that i would never rely on a man for anythin and anythin i have i have through my own hard work and wouldnt put up with it! one ex tried it he came out the worse!

anyone in that position man or woman, please seek help and get out of it!

it may seem scary at the time goin it alone but better that then ending up either dead or with the mental trauma! xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I know I'm going to get "battered" for this no pun intended but have you heard about the new social networking site for battered wives ---

Its called twatter !! "

Obviously, the pun was intended or you'd have used a different term altogether.

You posting that particular joke in here was a blatant attempt to inflame and insense as it could have been posted on the joke thread but you thought it would be better placed in here instead. Not a particularly funny joke either but it does highlight your ignorance to the things that cause other people distress. I'm all for having a laugh, but at the right time & place next time, eh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the differences are...

if the hubby is abused in anyway he can simply walk out the door and start again.

The women in an abusive relationship, often has the kids and feels she cannot walk and take her kids.

That how its seen by the majority be it right or wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh and ps.

Only one guy ever hit me...

he now has only one gonad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok never bee involved in domestic violence and to be honest I dont know of any of my friends that have as well !!! but hey what goes on nbehind closed doors !!!, however I would like to put this question out there ...

As a guy that has been brought up to respect women I just wonder if I was in a situation where I was being beaten up attacked or which ever way you want to put it Would I hit her back !!! I dont know but I do know that if it was a guy !!! well we all know the answer to that,

Getting beaten up is just that whether by a man or a woman but we react differently to both !!!!

I know this works both ways guys and girls being hurt but was just wondering wht every ones opinion was

bit long winded and I hope you can understand what I am trying to say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think the differences are...

if the hubby is abused in anyway he can simply walk out the door and start again.

The women in an abusive relationship, often has the kids and feels she cannot walk and take her kids.

That how its seen by the majority be it right or wrong.

"

It is a shame things are viewed that way, the woman that assaulted me had children (not mine), but I seriously pity them having a mother that behaves that way, I don't think for one minute I am the first or last to be abused by her.

If they were my children I would have found it far harder to walk out leaving them behind, and would be very unlikely to be able to walk out with them like a mother can.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To answer Jimmy's post:

I'd take one punch, maybe two, from a woman. She'd then get a clear message that one more attempt to strike me will force me to defend myself. If she then tries to hit me again, well, she knew what would happen as I'd just told her, then I'd knock the mad bitch clean out.

(soooo gonna get flamed for that but hey, what the fuck, I ain't no mad cow's punchbag)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yeah ended up with a lad that had witness his mother with two vilonet partners. he accuesed me of everything and told me that I could not do anything without his help. that kind of abuse was mental not physical but was very draining in lots of ways. it did lead to physical abuse but I got out just in timel. Only to find out that he had threatened my father with a knife if he stopped him seeing me.

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By *exeteraWoman
over a year ago

Bridgend

2 women die each week as a result of domestic abuse, and there will be for the majority at least 17 instances before the recipient does anything.

That's no laughing matter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"2 women die each week as a result of domestic abuse, and there will be for the majority at least 17 instances before the recipient does anything.

That's no laughing matter "

This makes very interesting reading:


"8. Gov’t figures show that ‘1 in 4’ women suffer domestic violence

Not true - This is a classic instance of a “factoid”. Factoids are assertions made in the furtherance of propaganda and / or an ideological viewpoint and presented as facts that are, a). wholly untrue b). are partially true in that they omit crucial evidence, c). contain only a grain of truth and, d). are generally designed to mislead the reader.

This factoid assertion falls into the b), c) and d) categories. What the government survey found was that 1 in 4 women will experience domestic abuse (ie including psychological and not just physical assaults) at some point in their lifetime. We are not told this include “feeling afraid” and verbal abuse. We are not told the length of the “lifetime” or average age; nor the form of domestic violence. Statistically it is meaningless. It is as useful as asserting that 1 in 4 gardeners will injure themselves doing the garden at some time in their lifetime.

Domestic violence is now defined as all things, including ‘financial’ domestic violence and ‘glaring looks’, and fear thereof. The measure of domestic violence therefore misleads the reader.

But crucially, what the report also stated - and which is always omitted - is that by the same measure 1 in 6 men will experience domestic violence.

The UK has a female population of 30 million; 23.5million of which are over 18. If ‘1 in 4’ women suffered domestic violence this would result in 5.9 million women have been abused by their male partners. The average women’s refuge (there are about 400) would each have to cater for 15,000 victims. The average women’s refuge presently caters for less than 100 per annum."

More can be found at: http://family-men.com/Modern%20Urban%20Myths.htm and it is alarming to see what else defines 'abuse', and just how many men are victims of it too!

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By *prite128Woman
over a year ago

maidstone


"

But crucially, what the report also stated - and which is always omitted - is that by the same measure 1 in 6 men will experience domestic violence.

The UK has a female population of 30 million; 23.5million of which are over 18. If ‘1 in 4’ women suffered domestic violence this would result in 5.9 million women have been abused by their male partners. The average women’s refuge (there are about 400) would each have to cater for 15,000 victims. The average women’s refuge presently caters for less than 100 per annum.

More can be found at: http://family-men.com/Modern%20Urban%20Myths.htm and it is alarming to see what else defines 'abuse', and just how many men are victims of it too!"

Its wrong to say the male figures are never reported... for example the national centre for DV ( ncdv.org.uk ) runs those two stats contantly on its home page , and mankind.org.uk is specifically targeted to men in abusive situations.

as for the comment about "feeling afraid" and verbal abuse....just because you are not physically abused does not mean you are not in an abusive situation.

I used to long to be physically hit if it mean the verbal and psychological stuff would stop, just for a hour or too. I was terrified just by the words of another person..relentless and remorseless abuse. So yes I'd have ticked the "feeling afraid" box...and like so many other people in my situation it was a long long tme before i got the courage to leave. Numbers in refuges and numbers affected will not correlate for a number of reasons.

i had a look at the link you posted too..Id suggest that there is an agenda there which will put a spin on what is written..especially when it discounts particular catagories of people where DV may occur to fit this agenda. Im referring specifically to young people, those who do not live together and those who are not married.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was also an interesting snippet on that site regarding securing future funding for DV Centres, but you made no mention of that in your reply:


"In 1992 Sandra Horley, the director of the Chiswick Family Refuge, was quoted by Isabel Wolff as saying,

“Refuges for women are struggling to survive, and if we put across this idea that the abuse of men is as great as the abuse of women, then it could seriously affect our funding".

(‘Domestic Violence: the other side’, The Spectator, 28 November 1992, p 24)."

Whic proves that any paraphrasing and/or statistics can be manipulated according to the needs of the person/organisation compiling it.

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By *aughty_kittyWoman
over a year ago

finger licking good


"To answer Jimmy's post:

I'd take one punch, maybe two, from a woman. She'd then get a clear message that one more attempt to strike me will force me to defend myself. If she then tries to hit me again, well, she knew what would happen as I'd just told her, then I'd knock the mad bitch clean out.

(soooo gonna get flamed for that but hey, what the fuck, I ain't no mad cow's punchbag)"

hahahaha sorry but love it...

i dont agree with anyone hitting anyone, but i have always said if your big enough to give it out, your big enough to take it, male or female

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By *exeteraWoman
over a year ago

Bridgend

As part of my job I used to attend our local domestic abuse forum and some of the reports used to be awful. Women who knew a beating was on the cards and would stage the evening to get it over with. Going as far as to arrange for the children to stay out overnight, moving things forward because actually being hit was easier to deal with than constantly walking on eggshells. I can't imagine what it must be like living in a pressure cooker and I recognise that men and women suffer abuse of all kinds from their partners, I also recognise that the children are also vivtims in all this and often go on to be victims or the one who doles the abuse out. It's such a vicious circle and quite often seriously underfunded. Prevention is better than cure but no-one seems to want to educate/prevent which must be cheaper in the long run.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll never ever understand what makes a person remain in an abusive relationship. I just can't fathom it out. What makes a man or woman tell their partner that they love them then beat 7 bells of crap out of them?

My daughter is too young to be dating yet but as soon as she does I'll point it out to her that if any man hurts her with either his fists or his words then he doesn't deserve to even walk in her shadow and she should dump him immediately. I'll also point out to the boy that if he does hurt her I'll break his fucking arms for him in return.

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By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham


"I'll never ever understand what makes a person remain in an abusive relationship"

Insecurity, fear of the unknown, anyone who has been involved in a violent relationship will confirm, it destroys one's self confidence, resulting in low self esteem, added with the constant barrage of threats of what will happen should they seek help / leave, many, many individuals will confirm, it takes numerous years of intimidation by their partner before they can find the courage to seek help, sadly, with some cases, children are involved in the relationship, many parters in a of violent relationship refuse to seek help for fear of having the children removed, common sense doesn't allow the individual to think clearly when under pressure / intimidated, I have some experience in this field, not as a victim I might add.

Thankfully, domestic violence is only now coming to the forefront of agencies priorities, for many years it's was viewed as a “domestic incident” no further action required

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By *exeteraWoman
over a year ago

Bridgend


"I'll never ever understand what makes a person remain in an abusive relationship

Insecurity, fear of the unknown, anyone who has been involved in a violent relationship will confirm, it destroys one's self confidence, resulting in low self esteem, added with the constant barrage of threats of what will happen should they seek help / leave, many, many individuals will confirm, it takes numerous years of intimidation by their partner before they can find the courage to seek help, sadly, with some cases, children are involved in the relationship, many parters in a of violent relationship refuse to seek help for fear of having the children removed, common sense doesn't allow the individual to think clearly when under pressure / intimidated, I have some experience in this field, not as a victim I might add.

Thankfully, domestic violence is only now coming to the forefront of agencies priorities, for many years it's was viewed as a “domestic incident” no further action required "

I totally agree with you, it's sounds so easy to just walk away but like I've stated previously it quite oftens takes about 17 incidents before someone will actually seek help.

"Walk a mile in my shoes."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'll never ever understand what makes a person remain in an abusive relationship

Insecurity, fear of the unknown, anyone who has been involved in a violent relationship will confirm, it destroys one's self confidence, resulting in low self esteem, added with the constant barrage of threats of what will happen should they seek help / leave, many, many individuals will confirm, it takes numerous years of intimidation by their partner before they can find the courage to seek help, sadly, with some cases, children are involved in the relationship, many parters in a of violent relationship refuse to seek help for fear of having the children removed, common sense doesn't allow the individual to think clearly when under pressure / intimidated, I have some experience in this field, not as a victim I might add.

Thankfully, domestic violence is only now coming to the forefront of agencies priorities, for many years it's was viewed as a “domestic incident” no further action required "

I have to totally agree with all of that.

When the abuse is both pysical and mental it takes away all your self confidence, i should know ,i was married to such a man. I did leave 3 times but had to leave my kids behind so went back each time. I eventually found the courage to try and defend myself and ended up with my ex trying to strangle me. The result was my kids calling the police and ex being arrested and charged.

I am lucky to have now met such a nice guy and have found happiness but i do feel guilty that my kids had to witness so much because i was too scared to leave years earlier

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By *ustyWoman
over a year ago

inverclyde

i was the subject of a husband who was a bully and mental cruelty..... took lots of courage to leave him after neary 25yrs of marriage but he changed over the last 6yrs, so in 2007 i left him and brought my daughter with me .... can now say am newly divorced and trying to build a new life again with my daughter and ground for divorce mental cruelty.. if in that situation dont put it off do it and be happy again like i will be in time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is there a specific type of woman that these bullies target? Where are the menfolk of these women who will step in and put a bully in his place.

This could never happen in my family as our females are part of a close knit circle and if one is in pain we all rally round, we do it for the men too, but in this instance we're talking about bullies. One member of my family, my niece, took up with a particularly nasty piece of work and after beating her up one night he was pulled aside quietly by my brother-in-law and told in hushed tones that we're ALL waiting for him to do it again, then he'll disappear. Quietly. No bother, no fuss.

She wouldn't leave him because she loved him but we've made sure he never lays a finger on her again. And so far, he's been as good as gold. He's still a complete wanker, but we're happy to let him do his thing so long as she is ok.

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By *ig badMan
over a year ago

Up North :-)


"Is there a specific type of woman that these bullies target? Where are the menfolk of these women who will step in and put a bully in his place.

This could never happen in my family as our females are part of a close knit circle and if one is in pain we all rally round, we do it for the men too, but in this instance we're talking about bullies. One member of my family, my niece, took up with a particularly nasty piece of work and after beating her up one night he was pulled aside quietly by my brother-in-law and told in hushed tones that we're ALL waiting for him to do it again, then he'll disappear. Quietly. No bother, no fuss.

She wouldn't leave him because she loved him but we've made sure he never lays a finger on her again. And so far, he's been as good as gold. He's still a complete wanker, but we're happy to let him do his thing so long as she is ok."

You would be surprised as its all people from all walks of life. My mother deals with domestic violence and other abuse cases and its broadly across society. Its not the victim its the bully who is at fault and its important we don't forget that fact.

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By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham


"Is there a specific type of woman that these bullies target?"

No, lot's of victims of DV try and hide what's taking place behind closed doors, some even deny it to themselves for fear of having to face the consequences, i.e. having to start afresh / criminal charges etc., etc.,

The majority of DV victims believe “THEY” have done wrong as an explanation why their being abused , after many years of that psychological abuse, it's easy to understand why the have difficulty making the decision to leave.

DV has no status barrier on it, it can be anyone from any walk of life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Problem with domestic violance is nobody really wants to know when it happens, if your suffering from it you go and try and get help, the police do not want to know, i put up with it for many years by my first husband, even when i ended up in hospital the police still didnt want to get involved, i turned up at the police station one night and begged them for help and i was actually told to go home and sort it out, they wont get involved as to many women drop the charged due to fear so its just a waste of the polices time getting involved in the first place, and i was told that, so i walked back home beaten and covered in blood at 4am, to go thro it all again for running out the house on him, and i put up with that for 5 years thro fear and lack of help, oh yeah on paper work the helps there for you, but you try and get any of it? nobody wants to help you and thats why a lot of people have to stay in violant relationships, not because they love their partners, not because they are stupid or any other reason people come up with when asking why women stay with such men, but because they are scared and have nowhere else to go, when i left my ex i lived on the street for several months because being homeless was a easier option that taking the beatings, and people shouldnt have to go to them measures but many do, because even then the council wouldnt re home me as my name was on the morgage of our house so i was told i was volantrey homeless so they refused to help telling me i could go home at any time, so what do you do? as for violance the other way round, ie women hitting men, of course i know it happens but i very much doubt any man put up with what i did, i doubt there are many women strong enough to do half the stuff my ex did it me, most men could stop a woman hitting them if they really wanted to i think most just dont think its the right thing to do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is there a specific type of woman that these bullies target? Where are the menfolk of these women who will step in and put a bully in his place.

This could never happen in my family as our females are part of a close knit circle and if one is in pain we all rally round, we do it for the men too, but in this instance we're talking about bullies. One member of my family, my niece, took up with a particularly nasty piece of work and after beating her up one night he was pulled aside quietly by my brother-in-law and told in hushed tones that we're ALL waiting for him to do it again, then he'll disappear. Quietly. No bother, no fuss.

She wouldn't leave him because she loved him but we've made sure he never lays a finger on her again. And so far, he's been as good as gold. He's still a complete wanker, but we're happy to let him do his thing so long as she is ok."

Thing is, in so many cases, the abuse is kept quiet and so the menfolk wont know anything until it's a little late, also, having a quiet word can also intensify matters rather than stopping it, and what appears to be a much better scenario is actually worse (not all cases, but some).

Some time ago, I had a neighbour that was abused by her partner, on several occasions I stepped in to calm the situation, and also had a quiet word, the problem is, she kept on taking him back every time he cried like a baby to show he was sorry, at the end of it, there's only so much an outsider can do, and until the victim decides it's time for change, then getting involved can make matters worse.

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