FabSwingers.com forum: desperate for advice

By *istress_L-Captain OP Couple
over a year ago

Southport

I'm having major issues with the voices in my head! My friend is suppose to be getting married soon but I'm aware her other half is one here.

The major problem is that me and her have had an argue over the fact I can't really afford to go out for her hen do. If I don't go to the hen do I'm uninvited to the wedding(I'm suppose to be bridesmaid).

So if I tell her about her other half I'm going to be seen as a bigger Bitch than I already am but shouldn't she know what's going on?

According to a friend the way she went on about how evil I was all over fb I should actually reconsider being her friend.

I just have no idea what to do besides cry! Please help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Horrible situation to be in. Have you thought of writing an anonymous letter to your friend telling her about her partners account on here? Give her details of his username etc. I would also consider what sort of friend you have there as well sounds like she is not very understanding. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's time to un friend this bride to be ..and why you'd want to be a bridesmaid to someone that's been sounding off about you on fb is beyond me ..and as for her husband to be being on here that's there problem ...If she's been arguing with you about the fact you can't afford the hen night she's not a true friend xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Their not there ...sorry ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's best you walk away. She doesn't sound like much of a friend.

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By *antoplay1976Couple
over a year ago

Chico

I'm sorry you are hurting. People who are that petty are not worth your time. I hope you can move on from this relationship and take the good with you and leave the bad behind. As for his account on here leave it alone. She sounds like she would attack you about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Forget about her partner being in here. No point in bringing that to her attention.

If she has been saying things on FB, then it's sad, and you need to move away from her.

If she was a true friend, she could have asked you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If i was in your situation i would be thinking that she isnt a true friend at all. Firstly for telling you that if you dont go on her hen do then youre not invited to the wedding. If she was a friend she would be understanding of your financial circumstances. Secondly for slagging you off on fb, totally out of order.

I wouldnt say anything about her partner being on here, it may come across as you trying to be nasty and bitchy. All he has to do is delete his account and then its his word against yours.

She doesnt appear to be the person that deserves your friendship. Dry your eyes, she aint worth your tears.

Hope things work out for you xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If u cant go due to cash then she should understand and know u are having hard time as she ment to be ur friend but if she being bitchy about u to others then sorry u know the answer in ur own head as she cant go about doing that to u making u feel bad and as for the weding well tell her thats her choice who she invites but u will not feel bad if u dont get an invite

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By *istress_L-Captain OP Couple
over a year ago

Southport

I am just trying to work out what I have done wrong in the first place

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By *orkiescotMan
over a year ago

Pontefract

Apologise go to the hen do and bring up the subject of fab swingers, do the old local search and Hey presto fiance pops up right before her very eyes. She sees it you've been on the hen do and he's fucked. Everybody happy.

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By *istress_L-Captain OP Couple
over a year ago

Southport

"Apologise go to the hen do and bring up the subject of fab swingers, do the old local search and Hey presto fiance pops up right before her very eyes. She sees it you've been on the hen do and he's fucked. Everybody happy. "

I can't afford to go on the hen do

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"I am just trying to work out what I have done wrong in the first place"

From what you've told us, all you've done wrong is believing you've done something wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ask what you have done wrong? The fact her partner is in here leave that we'll alone, she'd shoot the messenger! I'd certainly unfriend her afterwards.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can't afford to have someone like her as a friend !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't afford to go on the hen do"

If she was a true friend, she would not say," if you cant come on the hen do, then no wedding invite",as she would be aware of your financial position.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your bein to hard on yourself any decent friend would of said no probs as regards her hen night an let her find out for herself as far as her future hubby is concerned x

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By *istress_L-Captain OP Couple
over a year ago

Southport

I admit to not visiting her as much as I used to. She thinks its because of my other half....(he knows I'm on here) the reason I don't is cause her and her partner are always arguing and I'm stuck in the middle feeling awkward.

I've tried with her and keep in contact but whatever I do doesn't seem good enough.

She seemed to change after having her son nearly three years ago. I've suggested going to the drs numerous times for help as I think she had postnatal depression.

I just feel it can't all be her fault. I must be to blame somewhere Down the line. I'ma worrier and too nice aaren't I!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am just trying to work out what I have done wrong in the first place"

Youve done nothing wrong, the problem is her not you xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's time to un friend this bride to be ..and why you'd want to be a bridesmaid to someone that's been sounding off about you on fb is beyond me ..and as for her husband to be being on here that's there problem ...If she's been arguing with you about the fact you can't afford the hen night she's not a true friend xx"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm having major issues with the voices in my head! My friend is suppose to be getting married soon but I'm aware her other half is one here.

So if I tell her about her other half I'm going to be seen as a bigger Bitch than I already am but shouldn't she know what's going on?

According to a friend the way she went on about how evil I was all over fb I should actually reconsider being her friend.

I just have no idea what to do besides cry! Please help."
why waste ya energy by telling her I say you would feel bad afterwards if you carnt afford to go out you carnt end of if she been awkward bout it I say its her problem be the bigger person here and rise above it sticks and stones and all that dont be the one to tell her she find out soon enough x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Baggage n drama.. She sounds very negative this "friend" of yours. Forget n move on, is she really worth the worry?? As for her other half, she'll find out soon enough, leave that well alone..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been in a similar situation, a good friend if mine was getting married, I couldn't make the hen do as I was working that weekend. Her reaction.....she was disappointed but said she'd see me at the wedding & we'd have fun there instead. That's a normal reaction to this, not threatening to uninvite you & slag you off.

As for the fiancé been on here. Leave it alone, don't tell her as she will blame you not him. It will all come out. My advice block him on here then you can't see him & he can't see you.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

if you can't afford to go ...tell her why ...and don't go ....if she doesn't invite you as a bridesmaid... don't be her bridesmaid...it's sad but you've kept your integrety.as for the oh being on here ,that's her problem x

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

it seems unfair that if she knows your financial situation, she is so upset that a hen do is so important. If you have had plenty notice to save for it and chose not to and then out of the blue said you weren't going, she may be rightly miffed.

as for him being on here, stay out of it.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

Whenever a mate of mine has got married (different mates, not the same one married multiple times

) I think there has always been one of us that's a bit skint and can't afford the stag do so we all chip in a bit so they can go. That's what mates do isn't it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

she sounds as though she's manipulating you to do what she wants. She may simply want you at her hen do and is going the wrong way about it.

Tell her emphatically you cannot go to the hen do and, although you'll be disappointed, if she no longer wants you as a bridesmaid it is her call.

She may then realise her manipulative behaviour has failed and back down, or not.

As for Facebook, ignore. Personally I find using social networks to vent about others, childish.

where her OH is concerned, does he know you're here? If so he could be whispering in her ear, so to speak, to blacken your name, in fear of you telling her.

Personally I'd pity the woman, but you have to look after number one first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's always at least two sides to a story, we are only getting yours on here.

If she's one of your best friends and you're her bridesmaid it's more than likely that you were involved in the very early stages of discussing or planning the hen party. If you went along with it all, had good notice and then (in her eyes) suddenly proclaimed your weren't going due to the expense, I can understand her disappointment in you. If anything close to this scenario has happened and she genuinely feels let down then one can understand why she may choose someone else to be her bridesmaid.

As for her man being on Fab, your friendship is simply not secure enough for her to hear that from you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i would print off his page on here get a nice engagement card pop the print off in there and post it to her!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's been said about how she's being manipulative & I agree & there's nothing to add there. Also you say that she's always arguing with her Partner. Some marriage that will be. The fact is that some people are only happy moaning. People like that in your life will make you miserable. Ditch her as a friend & anyone else that doesn't make you feel positive & better every time you see them. It makes for a much happier & stress free life.

Particularly don't have anything to do with people who drink too much or take drugs (recreational or prescription) on a daily basis. They are not in control of their emotions & their moods ebb & flow without control.

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"I'm having major issues with the voices in my head! My friend is suppose to be getting married soon but I'm aware her other half is one here.

So if I tell her about her other half I'm going to be seen as a bigger Bitch than I already am but shouldn't she know what's going on?

According to a friend the way she went on about how evil I was all over fb I should actually reconsider being her friend.

I just have no idea what to do besides cry! Please help."

Get a knew friend because this one isn't... seriously.

All that stuff about you're only my bridesmaid if you come to the hen do bollox... that's not a friend.

Slagging someone off on facebook... that's not a friend.

Tell her to fuck off!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people are just bitchy by nature and can't help themselves. You've got to ask yourself how good a friend you think she is and if you actually need her in your life.

I hate the way people broadcast their lives on facebook, especially private and personal stuff like personal grievances. It just smacks of Jeremy Kyle in my eyes!

It is a big day for her so she may feel a little betrayed but if you've sat her down and explained that you really can't afford it then what else can you do. If she's not big enough to understand then maybe she's not worth bothering about.

On the other hand could you not find the money from somewhere or even go out and not drink? A sacrifice to see your friend through her hen do.

As for her husband to be. Are you sure she doesn't know about his profile? Has he been meeting recently? Does your friend know that you are on here?

If you were really good friends then I'd would have thought she'd want you to tell her but from the sounds of it you aren't that close and chances are she'll just resent you for telling her.

Another option is to get screen shots of his profile showing verifications if he has any, date he was last on and any pictures before messaging him to tell him to sort his life out and either stop cheating or call off the wedding.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm having major issues with the voices in my head! My friend is suppose to be getting married soon but I'm aware her other half is one here.

So if I tell her about her other half I'm going to be seen as a bigger Bitch than I already am but shouldn't she know what's going on?

According to a friend the way she went on about how evil I was all over fb I should actually reconsider being her friend.

I just have no idea what to do besides cry! Please help."

Wow, your 'friend' really is into the passive-aggressive manipulation isnt she?

Ask yourself, how good must you be to her, if her stance is that if you cannot afford to come to the Hen do then you're uninvited to the wedding. True friends would understand. Best friends would make it happen for you anyway.

As for the OH on here issue - consider letting that sleeping dog lie. It will get you nothing but hassle, most likely she will see it as a ploy to try and either get her man for yourself or a vengeful act of spite against them.

True friends don't leave you to sit there and cry alone, having put you in an untenable situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whenever a mate of mine has got married (different mates, not the same one married multiple times

) I think there has always been one of us that's a bit skint and can't afford the stag do so we all chip in a bit so they can go. That's what mates do isn't it?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Forget about her partner being in here. No point in bringing that to her attention.

If she has been saying things on FB, then it's sad, and you need to move away from her.

If she was a true friend, she could have asked you."

Absolutely agree... Find new friends who value friendship and honesty.

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By *istress_L-Captain OP Couple
over a year ago

Southport

"There's always at least two sides to a story, we are only getting yours on here.

As for her man being on Fab, your friendship is simply not secure enough for her to hear that from you. "

I had nothing to do with the planning I got told last week when the do was and just told where and when. I never said I was going I said I would get back to her.

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By *eareenaCouple
over a year ago

Rockford

Sometimes you just have to let people own their own dramas and make a clean getaway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She sound not like a friend to you .. you say you can't go to her hen party and told her why the costs .. Then are you are friend not telling her about her man here swinging .... she may think she is the only one in his life in love and Why she is marrying him .... I say stay away from hen party you may have a lot of drink and tell her the truth .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes you have to walk away from the people in your life that cause you that much pain

No real friend would say that to a ' friend' they would understand and support you

Karma has a way of working things out - don't say anything you don't have to. Let nature take its course and remove yourself from the problem

Hard I know but no one needs friends like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sometimes you have to walk away from the people in your life that cause you that much pain

No real friend would say that to a ' friend' they would understand and support you

Karma has a way of working things out - don't say anything you don't have to. Let nature take its course and remove yourself from the problem

Hard I know but no one needs friends like that. "

well said and yes I bet Karma will play a role in the end. xx

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By *istress_L-Captain OP Couple
over a year ago

Southport

I want to thank you all and I will try figure something out! I will take all the advice and have a think this weekend. I love you all xxxxxxxx

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