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Any advise would be appreciated

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Some advise please my sister in-law is getting mentally abused from her partner he has put her down and he is buying clothing she should wear and he has no time for his own daughter and constantly shouting at her she is age 2 saying horrible thing about he does not want to be her father the problem is he will not move from their family house as it’s a joint tenancy she wants him out but has no where to go and the police will not do anything as he has broken no law plus they can’t kick him out this I have been to the house but he got the police on me saying I was making threats towards him so I can’t go near the house, this idiot will not work and has stopped his partner from working as he refuse to look after his own daughter so she now has given up work there is lots I could put about him he makes my blood boil he seems to have the law on his side ? ps sorry if my grammar is bad etc I am fuming over what’s going on I am worried this child will come to harm social services have been informed but nothing has happened yet from them investigating this person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Refuge

Womens Aid

Police

Emotional abuse - its a crime. The police should and will take it seriously but she needs to make the call

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

unfortunatley only your sister can change the situation, mental abuse is classed as domestic abuse, the only thing i can suggest is that she contacts her local domestic officers at her local council they are extremely good and will help her in any way they can including housing, i truly hope she gets sorted out as i have been in this position and it truly is a nightmare, i wish her all the luck in the world xxxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you for your advise the police can't do nothing as he has not hit her but they aid when that happens they will come and arrest him but thanks anyway i just worried about the child x

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By *kywatcherMan
over a year ago

Southwick

She could apply for an injunction through a solicitor...maybe entitled to legal aid.

Worth contacting a solicitor to ascertain her legal position.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

hope it works out for your sister

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

she will be entitle to a 20 min free consultation with her local family law solicitor and may be entitled to legal aid. If she goes down this route then this will also help her to obtain housing from the council. But, as a previous poster has said, she is the only one that can put a stop to the situation.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Gator cheers mate never thought of the injunction that should do it much appreciated and other member who have posted my mind feels better now roll on tuesday.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

There is many things that she can do..She can leave the home but that takes careful planning as this is the most dangerous and vulnerable time for the women/men who are in abusive relationships... If they are in social housing then because of DV his name can be taken off the tenancy it can be done..She maybe able to get a non molestation order, restraining orders and injuctions. She can go to Women's aid who will assist with obtaining that.

She may wish if she is in social housing to speak to her housing officer as most receive training on if person's report DV in the home. She can place a homeless application and go into temp accommodation.. She can also report matters to the police as they do have to act on any DV related issues that are reported. She can contact her local PPU unit and safeguarding team as they have officers that are specially trained in working with victims of DV.

If you need any further advise PM me if you wish.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"There is many things that she can do..She can leave the home but that takes careful planning as this is the most dangerous and vulnerable time for the women/men who are in abusive relationships... If they are in social housing then because of DV his name can be taken off the tenancy it can be done..She maybe able to get a non molestation order, restraining orders and injuctions. She can go to Women's aid who will assist with obtaining that.

She may wish if she is in social housing to speak to her housing officer as most receive training on if person's report DV in the home. She can place a homeless application and go into temp accommodation.. She can also report matters to the police as they do have to act on any DV related issues that are reported. She can contact her local PPU unit and safeguarding team as they have officers that are specially trained in working with victims of DV.

If you need any further advise PM me if you wish."

*the most dangerous time for the victim of DV is when they leave the home..

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By *kywatcherMan
over a year ago

Southwick


"Gator cheers mate never thought of the injunction that should do it much appreciated and other member who have posted my mind feels better now roll on tuesday."

No problem. Once something legal ie injunction etc is in place the police will act to enforce it if it has been broken.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

If she is already in local Authority housing the local autority can take out the injuction on her behalf so she is not named on it..It will be for examples Leeds City councils taking out the injuction on perpertators name....They will then look to getting the tenancy in sole name..

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By *heScotandthegirlCouple
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

If she wants to get help there's some good advice on here, the policy's hands may be tied but Womens Aid or Refuge would be able to help if the housing officer can't x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

her dr can help,in cases of domestic abuse, plus all the other options, if it was my sister I would arrange to pick her and her daughter up at a safe time, and bring them to my house, before considering the other options, so they are both safe, fed and housed.

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By *obbygggMan
over a year ago

Birmingham


"her dr can help,in cases of domestic abuse, plus all the other options, if it was my sister I would arrange to pick her and her daughter up at a safe time, and bring them to my house, before considering the other options, so they are both safe, fed and housed."

Agreed.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

All well and good the advice but if she doesn't do anything proactive to help herself and child...

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Of course she needs to want to do it for herself and be ready to do it..As often they are so controlled in the relationship once they leave they are unable to cope or they are finacially worse off so go back. It took me 3 times to finally get out of the relationship I was in....Good luck to your sister!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

some people thrive on being controlled, and abused, they see it as love, in any situation there are always 2 sides to the story, sometimes from the outside it looks abusive, because it is not how we live, or would want to live, but many people live in a controlling relationship all their lives, its all about choices we make,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you rung Social Services again. And if you ring on a weekend/bank holiday, you may get more help and assistance from the Emergency Social Workers on call.

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By *eaboMan
over a year ago

marden

have just been thru this with my daughter. Took months to get her away and to get her to see what he was doing and how he did it. She needs to take action, injuction is a good idea, if no legal aid it will cost about £70 but she will be required to stand in front of a judge and explain why she wants an injuction. She needd to keep a diary of his actions and speak to the dv unit of the local police, keep them informed of what is happening. If it isn't violent yet it could only be a matter of time. Your sister has to do all this herself, all you can do is be there for her, talk to her, help her make decisions for herself without telling her what to do. Sounds hard but it's worth it in the end, good luck mate.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

[Removed by poster at 26/08/13 14:48:54]

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

As others rightly say, the first awareness needs to come from your sister. She probably would benefit from talking things through with someone who is impartial, who would help her gain insight.

''call XXX XXX XXX, the 24-hour National Domestic Violence Helpline run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge (calls from a landline are free)'' http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/abuse/Pages/domestic-violence-help.aspx

I've had a similar issue with friends in the past, and they managed to safely get distance from the perpetrator. It takes a lot of guts, but knowing that you're there for her will help.

Social services will likely be invaluable too, as they have contacts, know the law and have responsibility for her and her child. But she does need to start to recognise that things aren't right. This is tough, as it becomes the norm for someone, day after day.

I've amended this text, as I'd included the freephone no, but this is probably against fab site rules - the details are on the site though.

Good luck to her!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely get her to talk to her local domestic violence people. They will help her understand that its not her fault and it is abuse. Also the police may have a DV officer that she can speak to.

On the outside, you can only say what you think is going on- she might be ok, you don't know. Or it could be much worse.

Give her your support but try not to take over too much or she might turn against you. It's difficult.

Maybe try reading up some information yourself online as then you might be able to understand it from her point of _iew. Often people slate the woman for not leaving - it's not that easy when they have twisted your mind and you don't know what's real anymore.

Good luck x

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