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Pro's and Con's of marriage v living together

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By *reelove1969 OP   Couple
over a year ago

bristol

Are there any real benefits to being married these days or are we pretty much on an even playing field if we choose to just live together with a long term partner ?

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

It's pretty much all in a name now,that apart,there's very few differences.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

There is if you dont write a will

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cheese has a longer shelf-life than my marriage lasted.

I suppose you get to the be the centre of attention with your family and friends for a day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There is if you dont write a will"

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow


"There is if you dont write a will"

The law must be different in England diamond.

In Scotland a common law spouse,has the same rights as being married.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

If someone lives with someone doesn't matter how many years and there are children by a former relationship then the children inherit but the common law partner has reasonable grounds to contest

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow


"If someone lives with someone doesn't matter how many years and there are children by a former relationship then the children inherit but the common law partner has reasonable grounds to contest"

I'm thinking it's pretty much the same,if it's a second Marriage.

Not a hundred per cent though.

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By *reelove1969 OP   Couple
over a year ago

bristol

didn't realise that children took preference over a long term partner .. that's an interesting point to raise

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"didn't realise that children took preference over a long term partner .. that's an interesting point to raise "
nor did I till we found out this year

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"didn't realise that children took preference over a long term partner .. that's an interesting point to raise "

And if that child is under 16 their surviving parent, or in other words the deceased's ex becomes next of kin

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By *reelove1969 OP   Couple
over a year ago

bristol

[Removed by poster at 24/08/13 21:41:21]

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By *reelove1969 OP   Couple
over a year ago

bristol


"

And if that child is under 16 their surviving parent, or in other words the deceased's ex becomes next of kin"

dear oh dear .. this is getting scarier by the moment !

I cant understand how a couple can live together for X amount of years and yet a 2 year old for example or even worse their parent who has had nothing to do with the relationship has a bigger claim than the deceased persons partner .. seems like madness to me

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow


"didn't realise that children took preference over a long term partner .. that's an interesting point to raise

And if that child is under 16 their surviving parent, or in other words the deceased's ex becomes next of kin"

Crystal,how does it differ,if it's the spouse in a second marriage.

Do they have more rights than a common law partner,in the same situation.

Genuine interest,not argumentative.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found out a few years ago when I was reading up on it that's there is no such thing as a common law partner. They have no rights. Funnily enough I got married not long after

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Are there any real benefits to being married these days or are we pretty much on an even playing field if we choose to just live together with a long term partner ?"

Probably not for some when alive: a royal pain in the arse when you die. The person left behind usually finds out what a difference that "piece of paper" makes.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"

And if that child is under 16 their surviving parent, or in other words the deceased's ex becomes next of kin

dear oh dear .. this is getting scarier by the moment !

I cant understand how a couple can live together for X amount of years and yet a 2 year old for example or even worse their parent who has had nothing to do with the relationship has a bigger claim than the deceased persons partner .. seems like madness to me "

Easily solved though isn't it: if it's important and you profess to love each other get married!

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By *reelove1969 OP   Couple
over a year ago

bristol


"

Easily solved though isn't it: if it's important and you profess to love each other get married!"

Yes I do hear what you are saying and it does make sense. I, however have always viewed marriage as a religious ceremony, (whilst realising you can marry in registry offices) and as neither of us are religious, have taken the view, maybe naively, that everyone left after one of us passes away would respect what they know to be our wishes, which is obviously that the surviving partner would be next of kin

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

And if that child is under 16 their surviving parent, or in other words the deceased's ex becomes next of kin

dear oh dear .. this is getting scarier by the moment !

I cant understand how a couple can live together for X amount of years and yet a 2 year old for example or even worse their parent who has had nothing to do with the relationship has a bigger claim than the deceased persons partner .. seems like madness to me "

Getting married or completing a will removes the issue though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you have children out of marriage you don't have the same rights as a married couple the man loses out lol he can adopt his own children to get the rights

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By *reelove1969 OP   Couple
over a year ago

bristol


"

Getting married or completing a will removes the issue though. "

we will .. it has been quite illuminating reading that I never anticipated to be honest

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"

Easily solved though isn't it: if it's important and you profess to love each other get married!

Yes I do hear what you are saying and it does make sense. I, however have always viewed marriage as a religious ceremony, (whilst realising you can marry in registry offices) and as neither of us are religious, have taken the view, maybe naively, that everyone left after one of us passes away would respect what they know to be our wishes, which is obviously that the surviving partner would be next of kin "

Sorry, very, very naive. Where money is concerned some people change, sadly seen it too often.

If I remarried I'd also ensure I made a will so my estate went to my kids and not my new husband hoping he'd do the decent thing and look after my kids and not run off to Vegas with my money and waste it in titty bars and prostitutes: seen that too!

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By *reelove1969 OP   Couple
over a year ago

bristol


"

Sorry, very, very naive. Where money is concerned some people change, sadly seen it too often.

If I remarried I'd also ensure I made a will so my estate went to my kids and not my new husband hoping he'd do the decent thing and look after my kids and not run off to Vegas with my money and waste it in titty bars and prostitutes: seen that too! "

yes again you are absolutely right and I think we will probably do the same .. it does seem a shame that you cant trust everyone to respect your wishes however I'm sure there are examples in abundance when greed has took over and the rightful recipient of an estate has been denied it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary tomorrow...had up and downs, very happy tho. We got married cos we wanted to, no other reason

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"didn't realise that children took preference over a long term partner .. that's an interesting point to raise

And if that child is under 16 their surviving parent, or in other words the deceased's ex becomes next of kin

Crystal,how does it differ,if it's the spouse in a second marriage.

Do they have more rights than a common law partner,in the same situation.

Genuine interest,not argumentative."

It get's messy!

Husband/wife or anyone named in a will get's priority.

If unmarried and no will then it's children.

If those children are under 16 then it's their parent or guardian.

If someone has children from 2 or more relationships than those children have equal claim to be next of kin.

If non of the above apply and the deceased has surviving parents they are next of kin.

And then it get's down to common law partner in the event of no will and no kids.

I deal with this at work and it can cause a lot of upset to say the least!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One other practical but boring advantage to marriage (depending on the size of what you have to leave) is that married spouses can receive your entire estate free of inheritance taxes where as a partner or kids named in a Will are subject to tax if large enough.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary tomorrow...had up and downs, very happy tho. We got married cos we wanted to, no other reason "

Congratulations! Yep, I married the first time for love, will do so again...one day!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Getting married or completing a will removes the issue though.

we will .. it has been quite illuminating reading that I never anticipated to be honest "

I work with it every day and have never got round to writing a will.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary tomorrow...had up and downs, very happy tho. We got married cos we wanted to, no other reason "

Well done and congratulations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in a 17 year relationship. .. three children, nice house in surrey but never married. I wasnt on the mortgage as he wanted to buy another in my name! I wasnt allowed to work as I would earn peanuts compared to him and he worked 24/7 (child care issues) Anyway after years of misery and abuse I built up the courage to leave.

In a nutshell I am entitled to a percentage of the house ... but is not automatic as it would be if we were married. Also was told. . Oh yes you have a claim on the property but had nothing sustainable in Court to prove i had contributed. I e no standing Orders no joint bank accounts no utilty bills in my name. Doesn't count that i was bringing up his three young children for 15 years.

Ohh a mess for sure. .. all because i loved and trusted him. Things change. ... marry the bastard lol

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By *reelove1969 OP   Couple
over a year ago

bristol

wow !! 17 years ... that is somewhat scary !

We are both in a similar situation however not splitting up, but people have mentioned this type of scenario happening and I, clearly mistakenly, thought this type of thing was long gone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was told my the solicitor (male) at the CAB my ex was either very lucky of i was extremely stupid! Made me feel much better! !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Are there any real benefits to being married these days or are we pretty much on an even playing field if we choose to just live together with a long term partner ?"

For some its a security thing, others the big party bur equally many others see it as not that important Its a traditional thing though don't you think and many of us still like traditions.

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By *reelove1969 OP   Couple
over a year ago

bristol


"

For some its a security thing, others the big party bur equally many others see it as not that important Its a traditional thing though don't you think and many of us still like traditions."

absolutely .. we are neither religious or insecure however it has crossed my mind how my other half would manage if I was to pass away as nothing is in his name .. not the house.. the gas bill.. the water rates etc .. actually .. on paper it would be tricky to prove that we have lived together for 15 years yet everyone does know that we have

strangely .. if a couple got married tomorrow and one of them died the day after then they would have more rights than we do to each others estate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you dont have the piece of paper and things dont work out, easier to walk away

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

i'm not sure i would inflict myself on any woman on a permanent basis ever again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would never marry again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you have children out of marriage you don't have the same rights as a married couple the man loses out lol he can adopt his own children to get the rights "

This was what spurred us on to get married...... Not sure we would have got round to it if we didn't have kids.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The issue of who inherits in relation to owning property depends on how that couple owned the property ie, as joint tenants or tenants in common.

If they own a property as joint tenants then on the death of one of them, the other half passes in it's entirety to the surviving partner.

If they own it as tenants in common then they each hold a share and when they die their share of the property passes to their next of kin, which could be their children.

As property is a large part of someones estate, depending on how they own it will depend on who inherits when they die so the property part of an estate may not pass to the next of kin, children etc if the couple aren't married

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I'll never live with a vegetarian again. Couldn't cook bacon or she would moan about it, had her own utensils, etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would never marry again not that anyone would ask me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being a gay man, marriage is important from legal view, ie if your partner is in hospital, drs cant tell you anything unless you are married.plus many more advantages, re works pensions, benefits etc

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow


"didn't realise that children took preference over a long term partner .. that's an interesting point to raise

And if that child is under 16 their surviving parent, or in other words the deceased's ex becomes next of kin

Crystal,how does it differ,if it's the spouse in a second marriage.

Do they have more rights than a common law partner,in the same situation.

Genuine interest,not argumentative.

It get's messy!

Husband/wife or anyone named in a will get's priority.

If unmarried and no will then it's children.

If those children are under 16 then it's their parent or guardian.

If someone has children from 2 or more relationships than those children have equal claim to be next of kin.

If non of the above apply and the deceased has surviving parents they are next of kin.

And then it get's down to common law partner in the event of no will and no kids.

I deal with this at work and it can cause a lot of upset to say the least!

"

Thank you.

The people making law,really have lost touch with reality,and common sense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Getting married or completing a will removes the issue though.

we will .. it has been quite illuminating reading that I never anticipated to be honest

I work with it every day and have never got round to writing a will. "

I had a will done when my ex and I split to protect my kids and my estate so that my ex didn't get anything in the event of my death as he was an alcoholic and would have lost everything and made their life hell. Not a problem now as he is long gone and they are in their 20's so hopefully my estate would be split between the two of them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ain't getting married about 2 people inove wanting to spend the rest if their lives together, or are we missing the point and its all about what you will be left if something happens to either, if it's the latter I can't see a marriage lasting long

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was in a 17 year relationship. .. three children, nice house in surrey but never married. I wasnt on the mortgage as he wanted to buy another in my name! I wasnt allowed to work as I would earn peanuts compared to him and he worked 24/7 (child care issues) Anyway after years of misery and abuse I built up the courage to leave.

In a nutshell I am entitled to a percentage of the house ... but is not automatic as it would be if we were married. Also was told. . Oh yes you have a claim on the property but had nothing sustainable in Court to prove i had contributed. I e no standing Orders no joint bank accounts no utilty bills in my name. Doesn't count that i was bringing up his three young children for 15 years.

Ohh a mess for sure. .. all because i loved and trusted him. Things change. ... marry the bastard lol"

your right just living together can cause massive problems for either person if you are to split up, either one has to prove they contributed to to the possessions, just having you name on a utility bill does not always go in your favour, if you can't prove you contributed any funds to the to the purchase of the house and its contents

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"didn't realise that children took preference over a long term partner .. that's an interesting point to raise

And if that child is under 16 their surviving parent, or in other words the deceased's ex becomes next of kin

Crystal,how does it differ,if it's the spouse in a second marriage.

Do they have more rights than a

common law partner,in the same situation.

Genuine interest,not argumentative.

It get's messy!

Husband/wife or anyone named in a will

get's priority.

If unmarried and no will then it's children.

If those children are under 16 then it's their parent or guardian.

If someone has children from 2 or more relationships than those children have equal claim to be next of kin.

If non of the above apply and the deceased has surviving parents they are next of kin.

And then it get's down to common law partner in the event of no will and no kids.

I deal with this at work and it can cause

a lot of upset to say the least!

Thank you.

The people making law,really have lost touch with reality,and common sense.

"

Well not really because there are people like Anna Nicole Smith who thought that marrying her 90+ billionaire husband would guarantee her his estate. Thing was you don't get to be a billionaire by being stupid and he only verbally promised her a share and didn't include her in the Will. Nevertheless she did fight a legal battle with his children and was awarded a share in his estate.

Sadly there are men and women fooled by the golddiggers and do marry and make a will leaving all their estate to their spouse. A will can become void if it's proven that the testator was not of sound mind or was coerced in any way. Or if the testator left all their worldly goods to the cats home leaving spouses who would suffer financial hardship under the terms of the will. Then the people really benefitting from this are the lawyers because contentious probate is very expensive. But Wills can, in some circumstances, become void. Personally I would never go to a will writing company or buy a will writing kit and do it myself, I made my Will with a reputable firm of solicitors.

Of course when you aren't married then the legal ground you stand on is certainly shakier

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By *utty_JiggleCouple
over a year ago

Black Country

[Removed by poster at 25/08/13 10:06:46]

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By *utty_JiggleCouple
over a year ago

Black Country


"Ain't getting married about 2 people inove wanting to spend the rest if their lives together, or are we missing the point and its all about what you will be left if something happens to either, if it's the latter I can't see a marriage lasting long"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just a piece of paper.

Change of surname can be done legally for very cheap.

We are happy living together with no intention of the gimmick of marriage

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 25/08/13 10:10:55]

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By *lubcouple2Couple
over a year ago

newport

we got married for the most simple reason as i'm a few years older than the wife if anything happened to me like passing away my wife would receive a widows pension regardless of her age and bringing up children is no cheap deal these days also theres more security legally than just living together we haven't changed as were married we have a nice shiny ring and a bit of paper and had a good party and a holiday but marriage does have a few more advantages to just living together would you have thought that it makes a big difference on car insurance of all things just being married its cheaper on my car insurance by having my wife on the policy as opposed to when we were just partners

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ain't getting married about 2 people inove wanting to spend the rest if their lives together, or are we missing the point and its all about what you will be left if something happens to either, if it's the latter I can't see a marriage lasting long "

to that....I certainly don't see it as a gimmick as someone has called it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There is if you dont write a will

The law must be different in England diamond.

In Scotland a common law spouse,has the same rights as being married."

Yes the scottish law is different when it comes to this & child support.

I kicked my partner out after living together for 2 years. I had to call the police because he refused to leave. All I had to do was show a bank statement to prove I paid the utility bills & that I owned the house. Job done he was escorted away from my house by the police. He had no rights at all. xx

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