FabSwingers.com forum: How do you deal with

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How do you deal with someone that constantly puts you down, they make nasty comments about everything you do, they say your opinions are dumb and mean nothing. They send you abusive texts but then say it's all your fault, that you deserve it and you're worthless.

If you ignore the abuse it just carries on. You can't get them out of your life because you have family ties. What can you do?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Tell them unless they bring positive to your life, you will only deal with family issues with them, no more.

People need to take negativity from their lives.

good luck

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

*out of their lives

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hit them with a bat until they straighten up and fly right?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Confront them face to face!

Tell them that they are hurting your feelings and making you feel uncomfortable! Ask them why they have a problem with you!

Are they part of your family? If so tell another family member!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

family ties or not if they're treating you the way you say! are they really worth bothering with???

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By *ipswichmaleMan
over a year ago

ipswich

Report to police as harassment?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

However, seriously - Exorcise them from your life as much as possible and where possible, have your family understand why and help to minimise your exposure to the individual - after all if they are sending texts then you have evidence to support your stance - and hopefully the family would be behind you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my sister was like that she used to critisize me all the time and every time i said something. when my dad died i tried being friendly and invited her round but she was just the same, never changed no matter what. so i dont see her now ever, luckily she moved away, i just send her birthday and xmas cards.

its not just me she has been like it with though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to reduce the amount of contact you have with them.

Do they need your mobile number or would the house number be sufficient? At least then they can't text you.

But I do think confronting the behaviour is a good idea. You have to tell them that you wont tolerate it and stand your ground.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you have asked this person to stop getting intouch and they have you need legal advice .

Be strong , not family if they are abusive towards you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Treat them with the attention they deserve - none

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"How do you deal with someone that constantly puts you down, they make nasty comments about everything you do, they say your opinions are dumb and mean nothing. They send you abusive texts but then say it's all your fault, that you deserve it and you're worthless.

If you ignore the abuse it just carries on. You can't get them out of your life

because you have family ties. What can

you do?"

It's a form of bullying and lack of self esteem on their part. Their negative karma will do them no good. Don't let it affect you. Come up with some witty and amusing answers and reply with the same ones.

"time flies like an arrow but fruit flies like bananas" (Groucho Marx) is always a good response to anything you don't want to hear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Confront them face to face!

Tell them that they are hurting your feelings and making you feel uncomfortable! Ask them why they have a problem with you!

Are they part of your family? If so tell another family member!

thats no good, i tried saying that to my sister, she just laughed in my face, they enjoy knowing you are upset.

tried telling the rest of my family no good either, maybe my younger brother did understand, but my sister was very manipulative and convincing.

she knew how to say all the right things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you ignore the abuse it just carries on. You can't get them out of your life because you have family ties. What can you do?"

I will hope to get some advise from this because this is pretty much my situation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell them that they are hurting your feelings and making you feel uncomfortable! Ask them why they have a problem with you!

Thing is, that's kinda playing into their hands.

That's in all probability exactly what they want.

I think silence is best.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would ignore all messages, try not to bite its what they want. Only have minimal contact with them, its them that are the problem. Try to rise above it you are the better person.

I had these issues all through growing up and made me feel worthless. It was only when i left home that i could treat them with the contempt they deserved.

I now have little contact with them.

Big hugs and be strong xc

jules xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's my ex. I say as little as I can because everything I say is turned against me. I have to be careful what I say because if he's angry he takes it out on the kids when they go over there.

I try to stay positive but sometimes it just gets exhausting trying to deal with it, like tonight. Tomorrow he'll be sober and act like nothing happened.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Block all communications with said person.

Failing that, send some lads round to "have a word"

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By * Jay69Man
over a year ago

Bridgwater - Somerset

This is nasty bullying.

Is there a way of fighting back?

Failing that I'd be inclined to change phones and not let them have the number.

Have as little to do with them as possible, if others in the family are not supportive - and will not take your side - have little to do with them too?

Not easy, had a bust up with my sister, a manipulative control freak, I am not allowed to have contact with my two nieces - families!

Good Luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's my ex. I say as little as I can because everything I say is turned against me. I have to be careful what I say because if he's angry he takes it out on the kids when they go over there.

I try to stay positive but sometimes it just gets exhausting trying to deal with it, like tonight. Tomorrow he'll be sober and act like nothing happened. "

Makes it harder when kids are involved!

But it is him that has the problem and not you, as hard as it may be try and rise above it and let whatever he says go over your head!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The best way to deal with fuckers like that is ignore them PLUS show them they are not getting you down, even better than that is show them you give zero shits about anything they have to do or say - don't get roped into the tit for tat name calling in retaliation just make sure they know their opinion means less than zero to you

live your life have fun and do not waste one ounce of breath dealing with them. life is to fucking short to deal with people like that

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Tell them that they are hurting your feelings and making you feel uncomfortable! Ask them why they have a problem with you!

Thing is, that's kinda playing into their hands.

That's in all probability exactly what they want.

I think silence is best.

I have no immediate family as an only child, but what The Thumpster said

Good luck in dealing with it

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By * Jay69Man
over a year ago

Bridgwater - Somerset

"It's my ex. I say as little as I can because everything I say is turned against me. I have to be careful what I say because if he's angry he takes it out on the kids when they go over there.

I try to stay positive but sometimes it just gets exhausting trying to deal with it, like tonight. Tomorrow he'll be sober and act like nothing happened. "

Suggest you keep a record of this abuse.

Once enough is logged I'd visit a solicitor, if he is taking it out on the kids perhaps his visiting rights need challenging?

xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with the posts that say cut them out of your life. Put some boundaries in place. You are worth more than that.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It's my ex. I say as little as I can because everything I say is turned against me. I have to be careful what I say because if he's angry he takes it out on the kids when they go over there.

I try to stay positive but sometimes it just gets exhausting trying to deal with it, like tonight. Tomorrow he'll be sober and act like nothing happened. "

A nasty d*unk? You already know he's a bully no point me telling you that so would one of the bullying charities be able to suggest some strategies for dealing with it? Also Al Anon provide support for family members dealing with problem drinking they might have some suggestions too. Hope you can get some advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Karma will bite them in the butt...be strong and tell them their opinion means nothing to you as you know its wrong...be civil apart from the family ties cut all others.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's my ex. I say as little as I can because everything I say is turned against me. I have to be careful what I say because if he's angry he takes it out on the kids when they go over there.

I try to stay positive but sometimes it just gets exhausting trying to deal with it, like tonight. Tomorrow he'll be sober and act like nothing happened.

Thank you, I never thought of those. x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It's my ex. I say as little as I can because everything I say is turned against me. I have to be careful what I say because if he's angry he takes it out on the kids when they go over there.

I try to stay positive but sometimes it just gets exhausting trying to deal with it, like tonight. Tomorrow he'll be sober and act like nothing happened.

Thank you, I never thought of those. x"

A pleasure!

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Everybody has "issues" in their life at some point, so it's lovely to see all the positive advice towards the op on this thread, credit due

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Everybody has "issues" in their life at some point, so it's lovely to see all the positive advice towards the op on this thread, credit due

I appreciate it very very much.

It's helped me and others. x

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

That's good to hear, I am a positive person in general xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be strong tell yourself im better than than this i had years of abuse dont be afraid. tony x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ignoring them is not that easy. Me I just tell them to Go away and grow up, If that does not work then tell them to Foff.

If any f the texts are abusive to a point of breaking the law go to the cops. How long will it be till he or she thinks it okay to hit. they only have to do it the once to knock you over and hit your head and kill you.

I have good manner to a point cross the line and I let rip.

They mostly just making up for their sad life anyway. Bullies are like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You on't do anything, because they are after attention, and by doing something , you give them attention, so they will continue,

Positive re enforcement, reward good behaviour and ignore bad behaviour, usually works in 14 days.

Its your choice to let insults bother you, when they don't, you have won.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Everybody has "issues" in their life at some point, so it's lovely to see all the positive advice towards the op on this thread, credit due

I appreciate it very very much.

It's helped me and others. x"

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

once he lost your companionship all he has left is a desire to belittle you . be a rock and let his comments break and wash away like waves from the sea . you know the person you are and family and friends and fab friends are all around for support x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's my ex. I say as little as I can because everything I say is turned against me. I have to be careful what I say because if he's angry he takes it out on the kids when they go over there.

I try to stay positive but sometimes it just gets exhausting trying to deal with it, like tonight. Tomorrow he'll be sober and act like nothing happened.

Agree with this there is professional help out there...

It's just finding the courage to seek it.. It's hard but there are plenty too help.

Good luck x

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By *ighland_RoseCouple
over a year ago

Brigadoon

It's a difficult situation because you are thinking of your children. If it were me I would just tell myself "this isn't forever, when the children are adults I never have to deal with him or hear from him again"

Plus knowing that he is a fuck up and the children will appreciate you for being the good mother you are and all you put up with for their sakes.

It will get better.

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

He takes it out on the children under the excuse of alcohol induced negative behaviour?

Time to call for help and worry how safe the children are.

Do not engage in any conversation that is anything other than what has to be discussed. Save the abusive texts and NEVER answer them. Say the same thing over and over in response to face to face abuse with a smile on your face. For example; "I can discuss this with you when I have..."

Take back your control. If you need help to do that, there are organisations that can help you.

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

My daughter has a nasty ex and they have one child, the child lives with my daughter, there is no official access, its by mutual agreement. He 'sometimes' has the child for a weekend.

My daughter handles it like this... When he is not abusive there isn't an issue. But he is her EX and she NEVER forgets that fact, no matter how 'nice' he might pretend to be.

When he is abusive she 'pretends' to listen and take it on-board. By doing this he 'thinks' he is making an impression, he 'thinks' he has control. Then when she needs to she comes and tells us about it and we have a bloody good laugh about it. Mean time he 'thinks' he has control, my daughter thinks 'can't wait to have a good laugh about this with dad and step-mum' and so all is well.

IF she was to try and fight him, as some might say 'you must stand up to bullies' well if she tried that he would just up his game

So now you've read this ask the question who has control? Him or my daughter? Who is the fool? Him or my daughter?

It upsets you because you ALLOW it to upset you. Don't let it upset you, HE is the IDIOT NOT YOU, keep that in mind and find yourself a place to let of steam and have a bloody good laugh about this idiot ex of yours.

YOU behave yourself, let HIM be the idiot and TRUST that your child/children will see what it true in time

Best wishes to you... DO NOT let the idiot drag you down, YOU KNOW you are much better than that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What has being blood-related got to do with anything?

Can't stand my sister for many reasons, so I ex-communicated her over 10 years ago after she over-stepped the line for the last time.

She has not been in communication with my mum or brother for many years, so it is not just me that has issues with her.

As for my mum who is the other person who keeps putting me down? I live in a different continent to her, and only see her once every 2 years for a week!

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

If you ignore the abuse it just carries on. You can't get them out of your life because you have family ties. What can you do?"

Seriously?

Kick them in the balls!

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

"What has being blood-related got to do with anything?

Can't stand my sister for many reasons, so I ex-communicated her over 10 years ago after she over-stepped the line for the last time.

She has not been in communication with my mum or brother for many years, so it is not just me that has issues with her.

As for my mum who is the other person who keeps putting me down? I live in a different continent to her, and only see her once every 2 years for a week!

Totally agree, blood relations are just people who happen to be blood relations. That doesn't automatically make them nice people. This world is full of arseholes, they have parents, they may have siblings. Someone, somewhere is related to these arseholes, its just a shame if it happens to be you... or me.. or...

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By *iker ladMan
over a year ago

Hinckley

Take screen shots of all the messages he sends you & any none provoking replies from you & hand then to him in front of his parents saying "if this doesn't stop I'm going to apply to limit your custodial access, thereby limiting your parents (grandparents) access too!

His folks will naturaly want to know what it is your handing over, if he doesn't 'show & tell' then you know you've got him!

Then send copies to his folks through the post

That should shame him enough!

Also keep copies for legal reasons

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