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Do former school bullies ever regret their actions.

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By *aravancouple OP   Man
over a year ago

A Secret Hideaway In the caravan of love

A lot of people say that bullies often look back when they're adults and feel bad about what they did.

I would guess some do and some don't. Some people are tossers when they are young but grow up to be decent people. Others are tossers till the day they die.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think some grow up and realise the impact of their actions. Others remain the same idiots

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we can't change the past. only the future.

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By *illybare partyMan
over a year ago

hotel in teeside once a month

people are dicks, but they can vary on the dick scale. at school, shock horror, i was bullied badly i was a big kid ( im still a big guy ) and a massive geek. (do i know how to sell myself or what) and since leaving school 10 years ago, two of them have applogised to me, and one of them has become a good mate. time changes alot of things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"people are dicks, but they can vary on the dick scale. at school, shock horror, i was bullied badly i was a big kid ( im still a big guy ) and a massive geek. (do i know how to sell myself or what) and since leaving school 10 years ago, two of them have applogised to me, and one of them has become a good mate. time changes alot of things"

I think its good you can see beyond the pain and understand some people (such as the former bully and now friend) make mistakes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

given that geeks and big glasses now seem to be cool I don wonder how they are treated in school lol

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By *ust_for_laughsCouple
over a year ago

Hinckley


"given that geeks and big glasses now seem to be cool I don wonder how they are treated in school lol"

They bully the big kids who are good at sport

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By *upitersmileCouple
over a year ago

Manchester


"given that geeks and big glasses now seem to be cool I don wonder how they are treated in school lol

They bully the big kids who are good at sport"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was bullied terribly at school - until one day I realised that I was stronger, faster, larger and smarter that the guy who was bullying me (and a lot of other kids as well).

At that point I waited until all the kids were on the buses waiting to go home, I got on his bus, dragged him off it, and deck the little shit right in front of everyone. This resolved many, many problems for me and quite a few other kids.

I'm not an advocate of violence as a solution - but sometimes a 'corrective tap' to 'straighten up and fly right' can do the trick with people that only seem to understand that sort of thing. Besides - I was 14!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was bullied badly at school, it effected me for years afterwards. Funnily enough, some of the people who bullied me at school are also on here, have messaged me asking to meet for fun, and it felt great telling them where to go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A good saying for everyone to think about.

"My school bully, to this day STILL takes my lunch money. On the bright side, he makes a wonderful Subway sandwich when he does" ; )

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By *un_JuiceCouple
over a year ago

Nr Chester

Juice was bullied and never accepted. Those she has met in recent years have been apologetic, the girls envious of how she's blossomed. And yes the guys now want a piece.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A good saying for everyone to think about.

"My school bully, to this day STILL takes my lunch money. On the bright side, he makes a wonderful Subway sandwich when he does" ; ) "

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By *aravancouple OP   Man
over a year ago

A Secret Hideaway In the caravan of love


"I was bullied badly at school, it effected me for years afterwards. Funnily enough, some of the people who bullied me at school are also on here, have messaged me asking to meet for fun, and it felt great telling them where to go. "

Good for you

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By *aravancouple OP   Man
over a year ago

A Secret Hideaway In the caravan of love


"A good saying for everyone to think about.

"My school bully, to this day STILL takes my lunch money. On the bright side, he makes a wonderful Subway sandwich when he does" ; ) "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A good saying for everyone to think about.

"My school bully, to this day STILL takes my lunch money. On the bright side, he makes a wonderful Subway sandwich when he does" ; ) "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A good saying for everyone to think about.

"My school bully, to this day STILL takes my lunch money. On the bright side, he makes a wonderful Subway sandwich when he does" ; ) "

This happened to my ex, she was bullied so badly she contemplated suicide a couple of times.

We went out for a sandwich and the girl behind the counter used to bully her for years, recognised her and said, oh, weren't you that kid at school we used to 'tease', she said "yes, that was me" she laughed and said, "so what do you do now?" my ex replied, "I'm an A&E consultant at the children's hospital, you?"

The girls face dropped and went "oh?" "what kind of sandwich would you like?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A leopard never changes its spots, so no bullies don't regret it at all,they just grow into older bullies.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wasn't bullied at school but shamefully I associated with some that did.

BUT..my conscious is clear because I always used to tell them to lay off it.

I once got into a fight with a "mate" over it and the guy I stood up for I saw in town about 2 years ago and he still remembers.

Also at work I'm the first guy to stand up for someone can't help myself haha!

In adult life I got into a REALLY BAD fight in town once blackeyes style over somw dick in a pub who was fucking awful to someone in the pub who I didn't even know.

I hate bullying. ..fuxxing HATE it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A leopard never changes its spots, so no bullies don't regret it at all,they just grow into older bullies."

that isnt true. Children are naive and sometimes get led down the wrong path. we all learn as we age

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I like what Dave Allen had to say about bullies.

His dad told him before he started school that there would be one boy who would hate him and would hit him. His advice was to show this boy that he wasn't scared of him and to hit him first. However, his father didn't tell him what this boy looked like, so when he went to school, he hit all the other boys first, just in case they were the bully. He was expelled after a week for being the school bully....

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By *aravancouple OP   Man
over a year ago

A Secret Hideaway In the caravan of love


"I like what Dave Allen had to say about bullies.

His dad told him before he started school that there would be one boy who would hate him and would hit him. His advice was to show this boy that he wasn't scared of him and to hit him first. However, his father didn't tell him what this boy looked like, so when he went to school, he hit all the other boys first, just in case they were the bully. He was expelled after a week for being the school bully.... "

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

No idea.

It's interesting that posters have been bullied but no one yet admits to bullying.

Someone has to have been a bully!

Truth is we all are at sometime in our lives.

People are not one thing or the other.

Bullies can show amazing care and compassion for others.

Some recall and regret.

Some recall and are glad they grew up.

Some don't recall.

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By *ouple_m_and_jCouple
over a year ago

Darlington

I agree, at some time we're all bullies, unfortunately most bullies will say years on that they didn't understand what they were doing. I know I've been in a situation when I've realised I was actually being very pushy and bullying people into getting my own way - often when dealing with sales people at PC World lol, but sometimes even with friends and family - though I'm more likely to threaten to put mustard in your cream cake than kick you around the playground :P I always feel ashamed and angry with myself if I do feel that I was being pushy.

The worst 'post-bullying' situation I've seen was a close female friend of mine who was long term traumatised by the bullying she received at school and after. One day she stood up and fought back, like mum and dad told her - and they just hit her harder next time, and brought more people.

20 years on, I was chatting to her (I didn't know her at school, lived somewhere completely different) and a very quiet woman walked up to her, head down, wringing her hands and asked if it was okay if she had a word. Her response was "F* off."

It transpired that the bullied girls daughter was now bullying the daughter of the bully, complete role reversal - however the end result was the two mums ended up brawling outside of Morrisons, in a car park... Or, more honestly, my friend was busy stamping all over this woman, it took 5 of us to keep them separate.

I don't know about the 'bully' (who seemed nice enough to me), but the friend of mine had always been a lovely, kind, gentle and (overly) loving/trusting woman for as long as I'd known her. Watching her turn feral in response to this woman's approach - well, it shocked and surprised me, and to this day I believe she holds this new power, stolen from one of her old abusers in the wrong way, and uses her children to bully their children, and her own twisted revenge is essentially bullying these people out of whatever space she happens to see them in. I've heard her tall tales of hunting these people down on nights out...

It's not only the bullies that change the victims can too, and not always for the best.

Marcus

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Good point ...

there's a lot of bullies using excuses

I was hit so I hit.

I was abused so I abuse.

I was burgled so I burgle.

People have a choice which path to follow.

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

I was bullied at school.

Last year someone who bullied me contacted me on Facebook to apologise.

I beared no grudges. At a school reunion he was there and came over and said he was a little shit at school....I accepted his apology.

Though there are still bullies who have never apologised by I look where I am now, and where they are

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good point ...

there's a lot of bullies using excuses

I was hit so I hit.

I was abused so I abuse.

I was burgled so I burgle.

People have a choice which path to follow."

Difficult to choose a path when you're 7

Or 8. When children grow up in abusive conditions then as a rule they adapt to those conditions. It's not an excuse it's how child development works. Some children who bully are actually astonishingly insecure (children who are very secure tend to not bully) saying they should make a choice ignores one of the fundamental principles of personal development.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good point ...

there's a lot of bullies using excuses

I was hit so I hit.

I was abused so I abuse.

I was burgled so I burgle.

People have a choice which path to follow.

Difficult to choose a path when you're 7

Or 8. When children grow up in abusive conditions then as a rule they adapt to those conditions. It's not an excuse it's how child development works. Some children who bully are actually astonishingly insecure (children who are very secure tend to not bully) saying they should make a choice ignores one of the fundamental principles of personal development."

A lot of the adult people I deal with who exhibit propensity for violence, actually show deep rooted insecurities and low self esteem.

Whilst a section show little remorse, the vast majority don't show indifference and and actually want to be accepted and an integral part of normal everyday life. The problem is, they struggle because they don't feel accepted etc.

I've changed my mind massively over the years and firmly believe in a more liberal approach.

Alienating people makes them want attention in all manner of ways both negatively and positively. A general sense of value and inclusion is very important, especially for young innocent deserving children.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I was badly bullied at school and it took a long time to deal with it. Today, I thank them, they made me who I am... their actions shaped me and I rose to the very top of a fantastic company by being great leader/manager of people. I included everyone with fairness & equality.

I just smile when I see the bullies today.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

and I know some bullies do change, that is good to see but hey, we have all made mistakes at times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Gets me when school bully's try and friend you on Facebook .. Delete you asehole

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By *oddyWoman
over a year ago

between havant and chichester

i was bullied at school a cpl yrs she came to work at same place and she hadent changed started straight away boss thought she was best thing since sliced bread untill i went off sick and i was still being blamed for things that happenned and a trap was set bye bye bully

so no they dont always change

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/08/13 17:19:55]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No idea.

It's interesting that posters have been bullied but no one yet admits to bullying.

Someone has to have been a bully!

Truth is we all are at sometime in our lives.

People are not one thing or the other.

"

Nope.

I can choose one or the other my choice.

there is a difference between "choice" words/honest opinion and bullying.

Whilst I'll admit (as per my post above) that I did associate with semantic bully(s) (mode = some of them, not all), I was NEVER the Bully, in fact the opposite.

I HATE it like nothing else.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Good point ...

there's a lot of bullies using excuses

I was hit so I hit.

I was abused so I abuse.

I was burgled so I burgle.

People have a choice which path to follow.

Difficult to choose a path when you're 7

Or 8. When children grow up in abusive conditions then as a rule they adapt to those conditions. It's not an excuse it's how child development works. Some children who bully are actually astonishingly insecure (children who are very secure tend to not bully) saying they should make a choice ignores one of the fundamental principles of personal development."

I meant adults.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Good point ...

there's a lot of bullies using excuses

I was hit so I hit.

I was abused so I abuse.

I was burgled so I burgle.

People have a choice which path to follow.

Difficult to choose a path when you're 7

Or 8. When children grow up in abusive conditions then as a rule they adapt to those conditions. It's not an excuse it's how child development works. Some children who bully are actually astonishingly insecure (children who are very secure tend to not bully) saying they should make a choice ignores one of the fundamental principles of personal development.

I meant adults.

"

In that case to some extent I do agree, however we must remember very few people make truly rational decisions (especially on here)

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I'd go as far to say some are VERY rational when they choose to dominate and bully. ( adults ! )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd go as far to say some are VERY rational when they choose to dominate and bully. ( adults ! ) "

It may well be a choice but it's not a rational one. They may have rationalised what they're doing. Also a lot of bullying is about perception. It's not what is necessarily delivered but what's received that creates the issue. So I might ask an employee to work longer one week and they feel I've insinuated that their job depends on it. They may feel bullied even though that wasn't the intention. Some bullies lack any awareness of their actions on others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So sad reading some of the stories on here about bullies..My husband hates bullies with a passion and as an ex-boxer has shut a few of them up over the years in our town and made some of them into ex-bullies.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"I'd go as far to say some are VERY rational when they choose to dominate and bully. ( adults ! )

It may well be a choice but it's not a rational one. They may have rationalised what they're doing. Also a lot of bullying is about perception. It's not what is necessarily delivered but what's received that creates the issue. So I might ask an employee to work longer one week and they feel I've insinuated that their job depends on it. They may feel bullied even though that wasn't the intention. Some bullies lack any awareness of their actions on others."

This is where the area greys over. Perception v Intention.

Some say they are bullied when they are not singled out or treated any differently than anyone else and all requests are within accepted guidelines and principles.

It's as well to be aware of professional victims.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/08/13 17:45:08]

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"So sad reading some of the stories on here about bullies..My husband hates bullies with a passion and as an ex-boxer has shut a few of them up over the years in our town and made some of them into ex-bullies."

I love stories like this. How did he achieve that ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A lot of people say that bullies often look back when they're adults and feel bad about what they did.

I would guess some do and some don't. Some people are tossers when they are young but grow up to be decent people. Others are tossers till the day they die."

I loved bullying. Made me feel really big and important.

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By *aravancouple OP   Man
over a year ago

A Secret Hideaway In the caravan of love


"A lot of people say that bullies often look back when they're adults and feel bad about what they did.

I would guess some do and some don't. Some people are tossers when they are young but grow up to be decent people. Others are tossers till the day they die.

I loved bullying. Made me feel really big and important. "

But how do you feel now that you are older.

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

I know three that regret it lol!

I was mercilessly bullied by them at school.

Fast forward 8 years, they hadnt grown.... I had.

They had spent night after night eating take-aways and drinking in pubs.... I had spent a lot of free time working out and learning martial arts.

Picture the scene, me... in a pub, they walk in and decide to take up where they left off in school.... I spend about two minutes trying to tell them it isnt a good idea, and after it kicks off a quick call is required for an ambulance... I bump into two of them the next day looking rather sorry for themselves (the other was at home after a night in for obs), and I let them know that if they wanted to have another go, I had about 10 years of bad memories to exorcise.... surprisingly they gave me a wide berth after that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A lot of people say that bullies often look back when they're adults and feel bad about what they did.

I would guess some do and some don't. Some people are tossers when they are young but grow up to be decent people. Others are tossers till the day they die.

I loved bullying. Made me feel really big and important.

But how do you feel now that you are older."

Sweetheart, my humour's somewhat warped. It's abhorrent. I was bullied at school because of my size. The fact I was bigger than lads much older than me made me a scalp in the playground. Then I discovered weights and rugby, they soon left me alone. Unfortunately others weren't so lucky so I helped stick up for them the best I could.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So sad reading some of the stories on here about bullies..My husband hates bullies with a passion and as an ex-boxer has shut a few of them up over the years in our town and made some of them into ex-bullies.

I love stories like this. How did he achieve that ?"
He used to have alot of parents bringing their bullied kids to the gym and trained them up...he never told them to seek revenge,but just let the bullies know they had a tough fight on their hands if they crossed the victims path again,the bullies knew the score and their reputations soon went downhill over the years.Bullies love to punch first,but when a kid counter punches,the look on a bullies face is joy to watch.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

here here hi was bullied bye this girl at school then 1 day thought fuck this and hi hit her back she never touched me again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's a bit sad how many of the revenge stories have violence as the solution.

I've taught our children to stand their ground and not to accept being pushed around - but I'd be very angry if I learned they'd sought revenge physically.

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