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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Having 2 daughters..23 and 26..seeing them being unhappy with partners..do you sit back and let them work it out.or encourage them to leave...any body experienced this xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes with both, eventually they grow up, my daughter is now with a lovely lad who works hard unlike the other idiot who was banned from her house by the Police.

Both my kids are now in relationships with a child of their own

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No experience as a mother, but leave well alone. They will sort it out for themselves and won't thank you for interfering. All you can do is be there for them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmmmm if you encourage them to leave and they don't, it will make for awkwardness in the future. Best jut be there to support when needed (unless they are in any danger of course).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got same problem at mo its hard to keep a balance I try not to interfere but its not easy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No experience as a mother, but leave well alone. They will sort it out for themselves and won't thank you for interfering. All you can do is be there for them. "

I should have said as a mother in this position!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From daughters pov I know when parents don't like friend/partner. But appreciate they support my decision. Personally wouldn't want parents encourage me to leave(unless was being hurt) as if I live person n end up marrying them I'd know my parents don't like my partner regardless what they say in future

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By *ike74Man
over a year ago

newport

Leave spent nine years trying to work itl out.......finally I did work it out she never going to be happy with me.

So I left and she still is not happy ....go figure? ?!!!

Talk to the kids they might feel they have to make a go of it!! But life is to short.

Probs don't help hope things work out!

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

Stay out of it! They will come to their own conclusions, I thought my mum would tell me what to do so I didn't say anything and I learnt afterwards she wouldn't, but everyone needs to make their own decisions x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I encouraged my daughter to leave with my grandaughter she is now married to a wonderful guy with 2 more daughters

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yes with both, eventually they grow up, my daughter is now with a lovely lad who works hard unlike the other idiot who was banned from her house by the Police.

Both my kids are now in relationships with a child of their own "
its mad cos i like both lads they like me just dont know how to be loved they saw ther dad my ex horrible to me for 25 yrs cos i didnt have courage to leave..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it depends. If the relationship is harmful then yes you probably should intervene.

But all relationships have bad patches and your good intentions could be seen as interfering. And without meaning to sound critical their are plenty of parents who stick their oar in because their children's chosen partner's will simply never be good enough./

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"No experience as a mother, but leave well alone. They will sort it out for themselves and won't thank you for interfering. All you can do is be there for them. "
never interfered in there lifes..but when they phone you crying and sayong they unhappy its hard

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"From daughters pov I know when parents don't like friend/partner. But appreciate they support my decision. Personally wouldn't want parents encourage me to leave(unless was being hurt) as if I live person n end up marrying them I'd know my parents don't like my partner regardless what they say in future "
but i do like there partners..

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think it depends. If the relationship is harmful then yes you probably should intervene.

But all relationships have bad patches and your good intentions could be seen as interfering. And without meaning to sound critical their are plenty of parents who stick their oar in because their children's chosen partner's will simply never be good enough./"
i actualy like both lads and know my daughters are not perfect...but when they crying what am i sopsed to do

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By *icked weaselCouple
over a year ago

Near Edinburgh..

Just be there For Them.. You got to let them make their own mistakes..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to be so careful in these situations. We had a family member who was telling us they were desperately unhappy in the marriage etc etc

When they finally made the move to leave we all supported the person in question right through the split/divorce etc.

And then found out afterwards it was a pack of lies and they had actually been cheating on the other partner for a long while with an ex (and eventually remarried the ex) And were just looking for a way out of the marriage. None of us did anything wrong but they were so embarrassed about the situation they disappeared and we haven't seen or heard anything in 8 years. Lost a family member because we thought we knew what was happening and actually didn't.

I am not saying the situation is comparable but you never know what goes on behind closed doors and how getting involved will affect the future.

Just tread carefully xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when i was younger i wouldnt like to say anything much but now im more older and experienced i would tell them what i thought.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I got same problem at mo its hard to keep a balance I try not to interfere but its not easy "
no especialy when they phoning and crying..it kills me..there not perfect but still my babies xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think it depends. If the relationship is harmful then yes you probably should intervene.

But all relationships have bad patches and your good intentions could be seen as interfering. And without meaning to sound critical their are plenty of parents who stick their oar in because their children's chosen partner's will simply never be good enough./"
i do like there partners actualy...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think it depends. If the relationship is harmful then yes you probably should intervene.

But all relationships have bad patches and your good intentions could be seen as interfering. And without meaning to sound critical their are plenty of parents who stick their oar in because their children's chosen partner's will simply never be good enough./"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interfere and get on the Jeremy Kyle show in the future .

Seriously, be there but don't interfere. They are adults and have choices to make.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our children are still all under 16 so have no experience of this. I was with a guy from the age of 17 for 10 years. He was an abusive nasty pig and Im sure if my family (who all saw through him) hadn't tried to get me to leave him at the start of the relationship It would of fizzled out. But because they did and I can't blame them I was determined to prove them wrong and make it work. It is a difficult one though. Hope it works out. Xx

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Having 2 daughters..23 and 26..seeing them being unhappy with partners..do you sit back and let them work it out.or encourage them to leave...any body experienced this xx"

If they ask for advice give it, if not don't. I wouldn't actually advise someone to leave their partner unless there was mental or physical abuse that's a decision that should be made by the person themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/08/13 22:43:30]

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I wouldn't encourage them to leave as they have to make the decision of what to do with their life not us.

All we can do be there if it goes pear shaped and listen

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Having 2 daughters..23 and 26..seeing them being unhappy with partners..do you sit back and let them work it out.or encourage them to leave...any body experienced this xx"

Let them get on with it.

My mum and dad always kept out of it.

And me and my ex used to fight a lot.

Not physically, but we used to row a lot.

But the worst thing in the world for me was other people sticking their nose in.

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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago

South London

I'm having this problem but the other way round - it's with my dad! He has got back together with his partner who he split up with a few months back. She sucks the life and soul out of him and makes him so unhappy. It makes me so sad that he would rather be with her like that than be alone.

What's harder? Interfering in the lives of your children or your parents! Mind you I don't want to interfere, but it's making me sad that he's so unhappy.

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

I don't have kids, myself, but I wouldn't intervene. Just offer to be there and make sure they know your door is always open.

I was in an abusive relationship at 17 for two years but because I was the one who had to grow emotionally and stand up for myself, my dad intervening only made me stick my head in the sand.

It was my mum who had the right idea. She made sure I was aware that I was loved and always had a bed at her house.

- Amy. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think you encourage either way. Ultimately the people we love and care about have to make their own decisions. That said I would want those who care about me to have open and frank discussions with me if they had concerns. Not 'He's a dick! What are you doing with him?' But ask me if I am happy, is this what I want... Let me know they have my back whatever the situation.

Think I would be disappointed if anyone had concerns and didn't feel they could talk to me... I expect that. It's all about how you do it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Having 2 daughters..23 and 26..seeing them being unhappy with partners..do you sit back and let them work it out.or encourage them to leave...any body experienced this xx"

Which ever you do there is a possibility of rejection and turmoil for your actions. If things aren't working suggest they seek professional help counselling wise then its someone else's advice that affects the outcome.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Having 2 daughters..23 and 26..seeing them being unhappy with partners..do you sit back and let them work it out.or encourage them to leave...any body experienced this xx

Which ever you do there is a possibility of rejection and turmoil for your actions. If things aren't working suggest they seek professional help counselling wise then its someone else's advice that affects the outcome. "

Good suggestion but only poor counsellors advise. They are there as a tool to assist someone in making their own decisions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes with both, eventually they grow up, my daughter is now with a lovely lad who works hard unlike the other idiot who was banned from her house by the Police.

Both my kids are now in relationships with a child of their own its mad cos i like both lads they like me just dont know how to be loved they saw ther dad my ex horrible to me for 25 yrs cos i didnt have courage to leave.."
defo talk to them they may have witnessed what you went through and think its normal to stay , a quiet word could just be whats needed

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

I am lucky that my mum and dad like my brothers partner. My brother is also liked by her parents.

My brother and his gf, do have arguments and fights but they work through it

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