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I've been a very naughty boy....

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

... and finished off Ruby's piece of ASDA 'Ultimate Pork Pie' by mistake (honest guv).

In mitigation, she had arranged her knife and fork on the plate so as to give the impression that she had had all she was going to eat of it (like Nanny told us.... ) and I clearly made an 'error of culinary judgement...'.

She feels I am in need of some form of punishment.... What do you suggest as suitable....?????

an anxious ted.

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By *inky BunnyMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Ted, you are right to feel anxious.

"she had arranged her knife and fork on the plate so as to give the impression that she had had all she wanted" BUT had she or had she not pushed the said pork pie to the side of her plate as if discarding it?

If so your punishment is justified.

If she had not then the tables must be turned and SHE must be suitably punished.

Assuming you're guilty, Ted, I think you should be forced to taste something equally tasty, fragrant & wholesome : a nice hot handsome cock!!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Anyone that eats a second rate pork pie needs to be punished

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any ones that eats pork pie is not right full stop lol

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By *nquisitiveMaleMan
over a year ago

Bolton


"Any ones that eats pork pie is not right full stop lol "

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By *bbandflowCouple
over a year ago

South Devon

Made to eat another Asda 'Ultimate Pork Pie'..though in my opinion that would be bordering on torture more than punishment.

Failing that, Pigs like to be outdoors..keep him in for 24 hours, except for an hour in the garden this afternoon, when he should be made to push a football around with his nose.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If said knife and fork were positioned in The 5.25 pm position ...your conscience is clear .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think ruby should tie ur hands together so u can't do it again xx

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Teach her table etiquette! If she had intimated by her cutlery she had finished, the pie was fair game- no punishment needed!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Id of eaten it too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lol I've just googled The pie expecting to see some kind of snarling beast of an affair ...weighing in at 459g its no lightweight , produced in The ' protected area' of Melton Mowbray ..using The finest pepper cured pork and honey golden pastry ...not limited to Asda , Sainsbury sell it 50p cheaper .....has anyone seen my life ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lol I've just googled The pie expecting to see some kind of snarling beast of an affair ...weighing in at 459g its no lightweight , produced in The ' protected area' of Melton Mowbray ..using The finest pepper cured pork and honey golden pastry ...not limited to Asda , Sainsbury sell it 50p cheaper .....has anyone seen my life ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guilty verdict here I'm afraid!!! Unless she said she was finished and asked you if you wanted it, which I'm guessing she didn't? No? Then you stole it!!! Tut, tut

Do what you must Ruby!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Any ones that eats pork pie is not right full stop lol "

Disgusting muck so I agree there and think both of them need to be punished for poor taste

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Guilty verdict here I'm afraid!!! Unless she said she was finished and asked you if you wanted it, which I'm guessing she didn't? No? Then you stole it!!! Tut, tut

Do what you must Ruby!!! "

Objection !...its clear from The opening statement , The pie was left abandoned ...finished , The cutlery all The neccessary proof one needs to see that this item is waste , salvage , of no further use ..Ted has not only satisfied his appetite , but served The community ..by saving precious resources in transport costs and landfil space ...he should be commended for his actions not pilloried and punished ...nothing more to add millud

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Guilty verdict here I'm afraid!!! Unless she said she was finished and asked you if you wanted it, which I'm guessing she didn't? No? Then you stole it!!! Tut, tut

Do what you must Ruby!!! "

Objection !...its clear from The opening statement , The pie was left abandoned ...finished , The cutlery all The neccessary proof one needs to see that this item is waste , salvage , of no further use ..Ted has not only satisfied his appetite , but served The community ..by saving precious resources in transport costs and landfil space ...he should be commended for his actions not pilloried and punished ...nothing more to add millud

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The pies repeating on me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well it was a clearly a case of your hunter gather instinct kicking in, see food eat food yum yum. In this case it was the formentioned pie. I rest the case for the defence

You can simply can not fight nature and the instinct to servive.

As the prosocuter though,who eat all the pies, he did

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush


"If said knife and fork were positioned in The 5.25 pm position ...your conscience is clear . "

5:25 surely it's between 10 and 4 ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

She feels I am in need of some form of punishment.... What do you suggest as suitable....?????

an anxious ted. "

Why the sad smillie?

You wanna be punished. That's why you started the thread.

She's gonna get on top of ya slapping ya face! And I know that's what ya waaaant!!

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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago

Falkirk

Now then young man, I think you ate the pork pie hoping she would punish you

Therefore, your punishment should be anything Ruby wants for the next week!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Guilty verdict here I'm afraid!!! Unless she said she was finished and asked you if you wanted it, which I'm guessing she didn't? No? Then you stole it!!! Tut, tut

Do what you must Ruby!!!

Objection !...its clear from The opening statement , The pie was left abandoned ...finished , The cutlery all The neccessary proof one needs to see that this item is waste , salvage , of no further use ..Ted has not only satisfied his appetite , but served The community ..by saving precious resources in transport costs and landfil space ...he should be commended for his actions not pilloried and punished ...nothing more to add millud "

Objection 2: He hasn't said what position exactly the cutlery was left in!

Could be a different position to her finished position....She could have been saving it for later, and he has deprived her of it!!!

Feel free to chip in here Ruby!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Can I just say something in my defence the pie was put on a very small plate and as Ted is a bit of a clean freak lol the only position for my knife and fork was side by side as too not get crumbs everywhere, I put it down turned to read my book, turned back again to pick it up to finish, it had gone and before I could finish the sentence where's my pie gone, there was Ted with hamster cheeks, so I have decided that his punishment will be made to wait for sex (as we haven't seen each other for a while) while I parade around the flat naked the whole evening ruby

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Miss Sexybum , Ted is an upstanding member of this community , his record exemplory , read his verifications ,...does it say anywhere ' Ted was a great shag , but on entry to The party he made a be-line for The buffet ?...examine The photographic evidence , several public images and not a pie in sight ..! ...Ruby must come forward now and protect his innocence before The ' hangem high ' brigade take matters into their own hands ...posession miss sexybum is 9/10 's of The law ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Miss Sexybum , Ted is an upstanding member of this community , his record exemplory , read his verifications ,...does it say anywhere ' Ted was a great shag , but on entry to The party he made a be-line for The buffet ?...examine The photographic evidence , several public images and not a pie in sight ..! ...Ruby must come forward now and protect his innocence before The ' hangem high ' brigade take matters into their own hands ...posession miss sexybum is 9/10 's of The law ...."

"examine The photographic evidence , several public images and not a pie in sight ..! .."

So he ate all the pies?

Read Ruby's evidence........she only put her cutlery like that because he doesn't like crumbs, so she was being considerate of his feeling........and he ATE HER PIE!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can I just say something in my defence the pie was put on a very small plate and as Ted is a bit of a clean freak lol the only position for my knife and fork was side by side as too not get crumbs everywhere, I put it down turned to read my book, turned back again to pick it up to finish, it had gone and before I could finish the sentence where's my pie gone, there was Ted with hamster cheeks, so I have decided that his punishment will be made to wait for sex (as we haven't seen each other for a while) while I parade around the flat naked the whole evening ruby"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sexybum ...I put it to you , that on occasion every person on this site has been in Teds position !...how many times have you been offered The last slice of blueberry flapjack glistening with honey ?...how many times have you been offered The last tilting oozing slice of Sarah Lee ?...how many times have you opened The box , smelt The aroma only to discover one ...last ...solitary ..after 8 mint !...Ted did nothing more than be human that night ..someone has to have The last slice ...Ted knows ....because ..he was that man !..you want The truth sexybum ....butt you can't handle The truth !

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I think Ruby's own evidence might condemn her. She was reading and not attending to her food; the tidying of the knife and fork was into the finished position; Ted is a clean freak. Taken together it is clear that Ted took the knife and fork indication together with the turning away to read as clear signs she had finished.

However, how hard would it have been for Ted to just ask if she had finished before beginning the clearing away?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think Ruby's own evidence might condemn her. She was reading and not attending to her food; the tidying of the knife and fork was into the finished position; Ted is a clean freak. Taken together it is clear that Ted took the knife and fork indication together with the turning away to read as clear signs she had finished.

However, how hard would it have been for Ted to just ask if she had finished before beginning the clearing away?"

In reverse order (m'lud)... 1. Very. It's not often I get even a sniff of a pork pie, let alone Asda's 'Ultimate' one.... look I KNOW it's not Waitrose or something even better, made to order by ones appointed 'buttcher' - but mock ye not, fellow Kent Social and Shagalodge residents - you will ONLY have said ASDA's for sustenance come the 21st Sept and I'll bet I won't be the only one to venuture 'down the pork aisle' that night....

2. Ruby had indeed left her cutlery at the prescribed 5.25pm position (well, near enough as to be indistinguishable from my angle) and had also turned her attentions away from said pie to her 'reading material'. I shall not insult proper writers by referring to it as literature, seeing as it too had only just been purchased from the same aforementioned branch of Asda...

So, I throw myself at the mercy of the Court.... I ask for a mild flogging with fur-trimmed handcuffs, suspended for 12 months (the sentence, not me!!!!!)

an admonished ted.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I think Ruby's own evidence might condemn her. She was reading and not attending to her food; the tidying of the knife and fork was into the finished position; Ted is a clean freak. Taken together it is clear that Ted took the knife and fork indication together with the turning away to read as clear signs she had finished.

However, how hard would it have been for Ted to just ask if she had finished before beginning the clearing away?

In reverse order (m'lud)... 1. Very. It's not often I get even a sniff of a pork pie, let alone Asda's 'Ultimate' one.... look I KNOW it's not Waitrose or something even better, made to order by ones appointed 'buttcher' - but mock ye not, fellow Kent Social and Shagalodge residents - you will ONLY have said ASDA's for sustenance come the 21st Sept and I'll bet I won't be the only one to venuture 'down the pork aisle' that night....

2. Ruby had indeed left her cutlery at the prescribed 5.25pm position (well, near enough as to be indistinguishable from my angle) and had also turned her attentions away from said pie to her 'reading material'. I shall not insult proper writers by referring to it as literature, seeing as it too had only just been purchased from the same aforementioned branch of Asda...

So, I throw myself at the mercy of the Court.... I ask for a mild flogging with fur-trimmed handcuffs, suspended for 12 months (the sentence, not me!!!!!)

an admonished ted.

"

I'm not buying that it would be "very" hard to ask. No pork pies for a year.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

When asked 'did you eat my pork pie?', Ted should have told a porkie pie and mumbled 'no' (spraying of aforementioned pie notwithstanding)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Poor Ted didn't speak up that night because he couldn't , he'd been soundly rebuked by Ruby that night ...there was annimosity present . we know this .....Ruby calls Ted ' a freak ' ...she then go's on to label Ted an animal ' hamster' ......Ted was speechless unable to defend himself , Ruby was engrossed in her book ...and its that book which is at The root of this ...Ruby was reading ' 50 shades ' her mind twisted with visions of pain and torture ...The more she read The clearer it became ..somehow ...Ted was to be a victim ...The asda pie weighed in at 459 g , there were 2 diners that night Ted and Ruby ....The pie was quartered ..four large slices of pie ...2 each we would believe ?....what if Ruby had eaten 3 ?...would that then make it right and proper for her to assume The final piece hers also ?... ...greed and BDSM.....horrific mix ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sexybum ...I put it to you , that on occasion every person on this site has been in Teds position !...how many times have you been offered The last slice of blueberry flapjack glistening with honey ?...how many times have you been offered The last tilting oozing slice of Sarah Lee ?...how many times have you opened The box , smelt The aroma only to discover one ...last ...solitary ..after 8 mint !...Ted did nothing more than be human that night ..someone has to have The last slice ...Ted knows ....because ..he was that man !..you want The truth sexybum ....butt you can't handle The truth ! "

But he wasn't asked or offered, he took it without firm evidence that it was on offer!! So still guilty

She is without her pie because he assumed and then consumed it....all you men should know by now NEVER assume!!

(Although she hasn't seen him for a while I'm wondering why they were sat eating pies and reading a book anyway, but this doesn't take away his guilt)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

You know .............................. some of you really need to get out/a life/shagged more....... (delete as appropriate)

Convict Ted (no 696969)

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By *atcherofmyballsMan
over a year ago

hereford

Is Ted being tried for GPH or 2nd degree pie slaughter?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You know .............................. some of you really need to get out/a life/shagged more....... (delete as appropriate)

Convict Ted (no 696969)

"

Not helping your case Ted!!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You know .............................. some of you really need to get out/a life/shagged more....... (delete as appropriate)

Convict Ted (no 696969)

Not helping your case Ted!!!! "

I know. I really should leave the shovel in the shed, shouldn't I.....

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis


"... and finished off Ruby's piece of ASDA 'Ultimate Pork Pie' by mistake (honest guv).

In mitigation, she had arranged her knife and fork on the plate so as to give the impression that she had had all she was going to eat of it (like Nanny told us.... ) and I clearly made an 'error of culinary judgement...'.

She feels I am in need of some form of punishment.... What do you suggest as suitable....?????

an anxious ted. "

Oooo la la Pet, you're in trouble and I know exactly what 'punishment' you will get he he he

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You know .............................. some of you really need to get out/a life/shagged more....... (delete as appropriate)

Convict Ted (no 696969)

Not helping your case Ted!!!!

I know. I really should leave the shovel in the shed, shouldn't I..... "

If it was me you would have seen the shovel up close and personal by now, but you are lucky and your Ruby is obviously not as vindictive lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If it was me you would have seen the shovel up close and personal by now, "

Promises, promises.......

ted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Erm........could i borrow your shovel?

Lent mine to Milkman and I think he broke it!!!

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