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Childless

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By *B9 Queen OP   Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Just spotted this quote from a reporter; 'Any woman who says she's happy to be childless is a liar or a fool'

My daughter is childless - she is 31 - and says she feels no need, presently, to have children. She recognises that she may well change her mind but feels no maternal instinct whatsoever at this point in her life.

I also work with two women in their 40s who are childless and intend staying that way.

Jennifer Aniston has also stated that she is sick of being asked when she will have children.

Today women have far more choice over whether they have a family or not. Advances in birth control have meant that they can determine whether they get pregnant or not.

Yet society seems to put these women under immense pressure to procreate.

Is it a woman's duty to breed?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think they might be jealous because childfree people have more free time and less housework to do.

i read an interesting book called childfree and loving it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For some its natural to want for others it won't be. That statement is also like saying 'anyone that is gay is isn't really gay they're just confused'. Both statements are based on the persons own narrow minded idea of how things in life work.

In the real world however!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm 48 and quite happy to be childless. I may be a fool sometimes but I'm not the lier this reporter tries to say women in my situation are. What an idiotic statement

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No not at all but I agree with you that society does play a part in it.

We have friends who don't want children and are constantly getting asked.

I can remember meeting one of my husband's friends not long after we were married and his first words to me where

" have you not popped one out yet"

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By *B9 Queen OP   Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge


"No not at all but I agree with you that society does play a part in it.

We have friends who don't want children and are constantly getting asked.

I can remember meeting one of my husband's friends not long after we were married and his first words to me where

" have you not popped one out yet"

"

My daughter is sick of it. Every time someone in the family has a baby someone else will say 'You're turn next'.

Do men get this kind of pressure put on them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No not at all but I agree with you that society does play a part in it.

We have friends who don't want children and are constantly getting asked.

I can remember meeting one of my husband's friends not long after we were married and his first words to me where

" have you not popped one out yet"

My daughter is sick of it. Every time someone in the family has a baby someone else will say 'You're turn next'.

Do men get this kind of pressure put on them?"

Someone one asked me if there was something wrong with me and could I not have children

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By *B9 Queen OP   Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge


"No not at all but I agree with you that society does play a part in it.

We have friends who don't want children and are constantly getting asked.

I can remember meeting one of my husband's friends not long after we were married and his first words to me where

" have you not popped one out yet"

My daughter is sick of it. Every time someone in the family has a baby someone else will say 'You're turn next'.

Do men get this kind of pressure put on them?

Someone one asked me if there was something wrong with me and could I not have children "

I only had one child and was asked the same - was there something wrong with me that I couldn't have any more children.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally agree its not just the family commitment, having a child now is a Hugh financial commitment compared to what it was when I was a child.

At 30 I felt I wasn't ready for children, but wouldn't be without them. But financial pressures caused the family to split.

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc


"

Is it a woman's duty to breed?"

I believe in choice. Therefore, I believe that it's a woman's choice to have children rather than a duty.

In this day and age, women are able to have children later on in life than they could before. I don't understand the media's fascination with Jennifer Aniston getting pregnant.

However, I also feel that some women should not be allowed to breed! For example, that poor little boy who was slowly murdered by his so called 'mother' or baby Peter's.

Those who abuse or neglect their children should never be allowed to have children.

Sorry, went off on a bit of a tangent.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No not at all but I agree with you that society does play a part in it.

We have friends who don't want children and are constantly getting asked.

I can remember meeting one of my husband's friends not long after we were married and his first words to me where

" have you not popped one out yet"

My daughter is sick of it. Every time someone in the family has a baby someone else will say 'You're turn next'.

Do men get this kind of pressure put on them?"

Thats a shame, she should just ignore them. my son hasnt got any kids, it doesnt bother me, its his life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am laden with children, over run even! I can't understand why people would only have one child, between them and work and housework and fitting in some swinging, I'm constantly busy but happy and their little faces make my heart sing. I feel sad for women who never have children and are past the age of childbearing, there is no turning the clock back and I always feel they will regret the decision

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

Just another sweeping generalisation and one I've heard many times. I'm child free and very happy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I think your right there Warrington, not everyone thinks about the finances with children, some on the other hand think the more children I have the more benefits I will get.

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By *B9 Queen OP   Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge


"I am laden with children, over run even! I can't understand why people would only have one child, between them and work and housework and fitting in some swinging, I'm constantly busy but happy and their little faces make my heart sing. I feel sad for women who never have children and are past the age of childbearing, there is no turning the clock back and I always feel they will regret the decision "

I chose to only have one child for a number of reasons - the main one being financial. I have never regretted it and my daughter is perfectly happy having no siblings. I have also known a number of women who remained childless and certainly never regretted it. In fact two of my neighbours are childless and perfectly happy with it - one is nearly 60 and the other is in her 70s. So, whilst you may think that way - the reality for many childless (by choice) women is often very different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Is it a woman's duty to breed?

I believe in choice. Therefore, I believe that it's a woman's choice to have children rather than a duty.

In this day and age, women are able to have children later on in life than they could before. I don't understand the media's fascination with Jennifer Aniston getting pregnant.

However, I also feel that some women should not be allowed to breed! For example, that poor little boy who was slowly murdered by his so called 'mother' or baby Peter's.

Those who abuse or neglect their children should never be allowed to have children.

Sorry, went off on a bit of a tangent.

"

Well said. Can't comprehend why a so called mother would do this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think far too many people have children with no rreal thoughts as to why they do, and what they offer the children. If you're happy children don't necessarily compliment your life, and likewise if you're unhappy they'll not necessarily make things perfect.

Life is about choices. Be wise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am laden with children, over run even! I can't understand why people would only have one child, between them and work and housework and fitting in some swinging, I'm constantly busy but happy and their little faces make my heart sing. I feel sad for women who never have children and are past the age of childbearing, there is no turning the clock back and I always feel they will regret the decision "

I can assure you that you really don't need to feel sad for this particular woman past the age of childbearing I do NOT regret my decision and quite happy as I am thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im too late to have them... Never met the right person to have them with....

Not much.i can do about that...

its my only regret in life...

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By *B9 Queen OP   Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge


"Im too late to have them... Never met the right person to have them with....

Not much.i can do about that...

its my only regret in life..."

I am sorry for that. However you did not make a conscious choice to have no children. That's what I'm talking about. Women who choose not to have children deliberately.

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By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

I adore other peoples children, and always play with children that come into my restaurant. I am Godmother to 2 boys, and I adore them. However, I have no maternal instincts myself. I have no intention of ever having children. I am too selfish to change my ways and my lifestyle for a small person.

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc


"I am laden with children, over run even! I can't understand why people would only have one child, between them and work and housework and fitting in some swinging, I'm constantly busy but happy and their little faces make my heart sing. I feel sad for women who never have children and are past the age of childbearing, there is no turning the clock back and I always feel they will regret the decision

I chose to only have one child for a number of reasons - the main one being financial. I have never regretted it and my daughter is perfectly happy having no siblings. I have also known a number of women who remained childless and certainly never regretted it. In fact two of my neighbours are childless and perfectly happy with it - one is nearly 60 and the other is in her 70s. So, whilst you may think that way - the reality for many childless (by choice) women is often very different."

I would love more children, but it would be selfish of me to have more at the moment, due to financial and personal circumstances.

To say women without children regret not having any is wrong IMO as I have known quite a few older ladies who have never been maternal.

My sister in law shudders at the thought of having children. She doesn't want any and I respect her choice, as that is what it is, a choice.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I will be content when I have children until then i just live my life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your life is never the same once you become a parent. I know many people that have had children and can't look after themselves let alone anyone else.

People should be left to decide what is right for them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me it was the most natural thing in the world becoming a mum ..I never questioned myself whether I did or didn't I just did. .and in my younger days I couldn't understand some woman not wanting children ..now I'm older I realise some women are just not as maternal as other women..its hard for a child less woman to put herself into the position of a mother anymore than it is for a mother to imagine herself without children ..

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By *B9 Queen OP   Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge


"For me it was the most natural thing in the world becoming a mum ..I never questioned myself whether I did or didn't I just did. .and in my younger days I couldn't understand some woman not wanting children ..now I'm older I realise some women are just not as maternal as other women..its hard for a child less woman to put herself into the position of a mother anymore than it is for a mother to imagine herself without children .."

Couldn't agree more!

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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago

South London

I do not have a maternal bone in my body. I am 36 and made the conscious decision to not have children. For no other reason than I simply don't want them.

I actually find it quite rude, and sometimes offensive, when people question my choice. I have even been told that I wouldn't feel like a real complete woman unless I had children. I found that offensive.

I really don't understand why people are so fascinated by others' life choices? And why they feel the need to question them? Or criticise them?

I have a friend who is 41 and her husband just recently left her after 15 years of trying for a baby. Multiple rounds of IVF, fertility, the works. We we out somewhere once (before her husband left) and someone asked her why her and her husband didn't have children. She was at a really low point and just burst into tears - I really felt for her. I really wish that people would think before they ask questions like this as they have no idea what lies behind. Not just that, but it is no one's business to even bloody ask!

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By *B9 Queen OP   Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge


"I do not have a maternal bone in my body. I am 36 and made the conscious decision to not have children. For no other reason than I simply don't want them.

I actually find it quite rude, and sometimes offensive, when people question my choice. I have even been told that I wouldn't feel like a real complete woman unless I had children. I found that offensive.

I really don't understand why people are so fascinated by others' life choices? And why they feel the need to question them? Or criticise them?

I have a friend who is 41 and her husband just recently left her after 15 years of trying for a baby. Multiple rounds of IVF, fertility, the works. We we out somewhere once (before her husband left) and someone asked her why her and her husband didn't have children. She was at a really low point and just burst into tears - I really felt for her. I really wish that people would think before they ask questions like this as they have no idea what lies behind. Not just that, but it is no one's business to even bloody ask!"

I only felt maternal once. Never actually planned to have a child but once pregnant did feel maternal. However, never wanted to repeat it. Once was enough.

I think it is disgusting that people ask such personal questions or make such moral judgements.

Aren't we overpopulating the planet anyway?

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By *ig jugsWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

I am always asked at the age of 35 -why dont I have children.I sit back and watch the horror of embarrassment on their face when I reply "because I cant have any". It breaks my heart as id love to be a mum,but Its not the be all and end all of life.Life still goes on

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I've known from the age of 21 I didn't want any!

I am in no way maternal, and never have been, so for someone with a narrow mind set who thinks that all women want kids is just ridiculous

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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago

South London


"I've known from the age of 21 I didn't want any!

I am in no way maternal, and never have been, so for someone with a narrow mind set who thinks that all women want kids is just ridiculous "

It's like they think we're defective as women or something

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By *B9 Queen OP   Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge


"I've known from the age of 21 I didn't want any!

I am in no way maternal, and never have been, so for someone with a narrow mind set who thinks that all women want kids is just ridiculous

It's like they think we're defective as women or something "

Liars and fools, apparently.

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

My daughter is 38 .. she has NO intention of having children to be honest I dont think she has ever held a baby in her life. Its a matter of choice I suppose

sad for us tho

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"I'm 48 and quite happy to be childless. I may be a fool sometimes but I'm not the lier this reporter tries to say women in my situation are. What an idiotic statement "

She's bitter and assuming all woman have a need to reproduce because she's childless.

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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago

South London


"I've known from the age of 21 I didn't want any!

I am in no way maternal, and never have been, so for someone with a narrow mind set who thinks that all women want kids is just ridiculous

It's like they think we're defective as women or something

Liars and fools, apparently. "

Crikey, we are such awful beings us childless-by-choice women.

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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago

South London

And just as I am reading through this thread the news comes on and tells us this country is in the middle of a baby book

So there's plenty of baby makers out there already. They don't need me!

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By *B9 Queen OP   Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge


"I've known from the age of 21 I didn't want any!

I am in no way maternal, and never have been, so for someone with a narrow mind set who thinks that all women want kids is just ridiculous

It's like they think we're defective as women or something

Liars and fools, apparently.

Crikey, we are such awful beings us childless-by-choice women."

Selfish, dried up old harridans. Ridiculous woman - honestly. Cannot believe that a woman can come up with such a statement in this day and age.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

men get the pressure too!- getting the family name carried on!- as the eldest of my siblings, I'm the only one with no kids.

I do want the opportunity,not for anything other than actually feeling I have a deep connection I can care for and love

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I am 33 and i do worry I am not in a relationship and i feel like my clock is ticking away and i am never going to experience being a mother....I know I can have children....It does sadden me at times

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen


"And just as I am reading through this thread the news comes on and tells us this country is in the middle of a baby book

So there's plenty of baby makers out there already. They don't need me! "

They don't need me either! I might have had some cutting remarks from my mother over the years, but she now know's and agrees believe it not, I am not suited for motherhood! I can tolerate other peoples kids, but on a full time basis? Can't think of anything worse!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am 33 and i do worry I am not in a relationship and i feel like my clock is ticking away and i am never going to experience being a mother....I know I can have children....It does sadden me at times "

I decided I couldn't be a single mother... Waited for the right man

still waiting. Missed my slot...

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By *B9 Queen OP   Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge


"men get the pressure too!- getting the family name carried on!- as the eldest of my siblings, I'm the only one with no kids.

I do want the opportunity,not for anything other than actually feeling I have a deep connection I can care for and love"

Why is it only men to carry on the family name? I gave my daughter the family name - not her father's. It's only tradition and traditions can be changed.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"I am 33 and i do worry I am not in a relationship and i feel like my clock is ticking away and i am never going to experience being a mother....I know I can have children....It does sadden me at times

I decided I couldn't be a single mother... Waited for the right man

still waiting. Missed my slot...

"

See if the choice is there then yes I would be a single mother. the need to be a mother outweighs that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So would I... Now...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just spotted this quote from a reporter; 'Any woman who says she's happy to be childless is a liar or a fool'

My daughter is childless - she is 31 - and says she feels no need, presently, to have children. She recognises that she may well change her mind but feels no maternal instinct whatsoever at this point in her life.

I also work with two women in their 40s who are childless and intend staying that way.

Jennifer Aniston has also stated that she is sick of being asked when she will have children.

Today women have far more choice over whether they have a family or not. Advances in birth control have meant that they can determine whether they get pregnant or not.

Yet society seems to put these women under immense pressure to procreate.

Is it a woman's duty to breed?"

I think theres a difference between choosing to not have children and having that choice taken from you

My daughter had a hysterectomy in may aged 18, she's already worrying about if any mans going to want her knowing she cant have children

I know many women who chose not to have kids and was happy with that, I don't know any women who cant have children who are happy with that, I think its the having the choice taken away that's the difference

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

i would hate to yearn for the child i could not have ... being blessed with three i could not imagine being without

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen


"Just spotted this quote from a reporter; 'Any woman who says she's happy to be childless is a liar or a fool'

My daughter is childless - she is 31 - and says she feels no need, presently, to have children. She recognises that she may well change her mind but feels no maternal instinct whatsoever at this point in her life.

I also work with two women in their 40s who are childless and intend staying that way.

Jennifer Aniston has also stated that she is sick of being asked when she will have children.

Today women have far more choice over whether they have a family or not. Advances in birth control have meant that they can determine whether they get pregnant or not.

Yet society seems to put these women under immense pressure to procreate.

Is it a woman's duty to breed?

I think theres a difference between choosing to not have children and having that choice taken from you

My daughter had a hysterectomy in may aged 18, she's already worrying about if any mans going to want her knowing she cant have children

I know many women who chose not to have kids and was happy with that, I don't know any women who cant have children who are happy with that, I think its the having the choice taken away that's the difference "

Totally agree! If I thought the choice wasn't mine, my opinion might be totally different, though it still might not be mine! But I have always said not set in stone, though I do doubt it will ever happen xx

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

I have never felt broody and willI have no interest in babies.

I didn't even make a decision, I just always knew I wasn't maternal. I'm a deeply selfish person and am happy with that. I am also now unlikely to be fertile and have no sense of regret.

So that makes me a liar or a fool... I'd like that reporter to say that to my face

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

there should be no pressure or stigma or shame in not having children .. its a lifestyle choice for some and foisted by nature on others and should be respected

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"there should be no pressure or stigma or shame in not having children .. its a lifestyle choice for some and foisted by nature on others and should be respected "

I'd never ask a woman if she was going to have kids or why she didn't have any. You don't know if it's her choice or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mum couldn't have children. She and my dad adopted me. I also have friends and family who struggled to have the child/children they have now. I was lucky to fall pregnant without problem. Sorry went off thread a bit but in the end is everybody's own choice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My mum couldn't have children. She and my dad adopted me. I also have friends and family who struggled to have the child/children they have now. I was lucky to fall pregnant without problem. Sorry went off thread a bit but in the end is everybody's own choice"
just realised I contradicted myself. some can, some cant sadly, some choose not to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes I think your right there Warrington, not everyone thinks about the finances with children, some on the other hand think the more children I have the more benefits I will get. "

My two children live with me at least half of the time. I've just had to have time off work because the oldest would't go on holiday with my ex.

I work f/t and don't get a penny for my children. Maybe I've been duped into a false sense of conciousness by a powerful social construct which makes individuals think that they have to do their bit to reproduce the means of production (have children)? But my two kids are priceless to me.

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By *ampWithABrainWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Says more about the reporter than about child free women.

Over the years I've met several women who for various reasons have decided not to have children. Only one I believe was wrong because she seems to genuinely love children and her decision was largely to her own childhood which was filled with neglect and abuse and she was worried she'd become a similar parent.

It's not something you should ask someone, if it comes up as you get to know them it should be cos they raise the subject.

I always wanted kids n actually wanted a big family, but 2 miscarriages, one difficult pregnancy during which we were both at risk, later I was advised medically no more were advisable.

There are also couples who struggle to get pregnant/are medically unable to have children who prefer to say they're child free by choice rather than keep repeating their heartbreaking story.

Ultimately it's nobody else's business.

I also believe one of the reasons abortion is on the increase is that giving a child up for adoption is kinda frowned on now, just because there's help n support for being a single mum now doesn't mean it's right for that woman.

Freedom of choice for all women I say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have read this thread with. some interest i have kids myself 1is autistic. i was adopted by my grandparents. My real mother turned out to be who i thought was my eldest sister i found out when i was forty i wil nevee know my father my reason for saying this is if you have children be honest with them if you cant have them be honest with others my world was turned upside down an still is kids breathe life into you they are special so if you dont want children thats fine if you cant have them im sorry we miss out a lot in our lives but make the best of what you have im sorry for waffling but a few drinks an reading this thread brought it out. thanks for reading. tony

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't like children, and have no regrets about not having any.

My life and I shall live it the way I like it.

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By *igSuki81Man
over a year ago

Retirement Village


"No not at all but I agree with you that society does play a part in it.

We have friends who don't want children and are constantly getting asked.

I can remember meeting one of my husband's friends not long after we were married and his first words to me where

" have you not popped one out yet"

My daughter is sick of it. Every time someone in the family has a baby someone else will say 'You're turn next'.

Do men get this kind of pressure put on them?"

yes some men do. in my experience i was asked when i was starting a family within months of being married! Most of my siblings had their children early and i was next on the list.

With me it was expectancies from family more than society. In answer to the OP i'd say yes and no.

Yes women are expected to have children as physically men can't

& no it's up to the couple who are conceiving to decide together whether they wish to have a child

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have read this thread with. some interest i have kids myself 1is autistic. i was adopted by my grandparents. My real mother turned out to be who i thought was my eldest sister i found out when i was forty i wil nevee know my father my reason for saying this is if you have children be honest with them if you cant have them be honest with others my world was turned upside down an still is kids breathe life into you they are special so if you dont want children thats fine if you cant have them im sorry we miss out a lot in our lives but make the best of what you have im sorry for waffling but a few drinks an reading this thread brought it out. thanks for reading. tony"
You waffle all you like. I tend to tell people im adopted when ive had a few drinks or am in a emotional state or feel I can trust them not to judge me or my parents. I have known I was adopted for as long as I can remember and its a shame you weren't told earlier. The 60's was a strange era but it turned out well for me and I hope it did for you. I know my birth mother's name but not my father's, but tbh its irrelevant, as she either didn't want me or as I prefer to think couldn't have me. I had a great childhood and wonderful parents, I was a baby when adopted so never knew any different. I hope this helps and if you want to chat more, please feel free to message me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Society puts so much pressure on people to have children. We both have children from our first marriage. My stepdaughter is 23 and she is just like me in temperament and humour, it's as if she is my own. My son's come and go in my life, usually around Christmas andbirthdays!

Folk still ask us if we are going to have children of our own! You what? Do you think we are freaking mad.... No way.

I have friends who don't have kids and they are just as happy as those that do.. to be honest I do envy their lifestyle.. but hay, we all choose are own path in life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For years I wanted children, waited for the right man and due to his past choices (very sad and complicated) we are unable to have our own children. However once I realised that if I couldn't have his children, I didn't want any one elses. We made the conscious decision to pull together and be very open and honest with each other and I've never been happier.

Instead of pining for what I wanted, we look forward to the other things in life that we have and can do!

But what really gets me, is being treated like a second class citizen for not having kids

I have been told by family that I have less to offer so therefore am more disposable than my siblings

Female friends (not all) get really wierd when they have a baby. One arrived on my door step for our regular coffee, said "happy birthday here's your card and pressie, by the way im pregnant" turned on her heel ran back to her car and left!!! What's that all about?

I suppose what I'm trying to say is sometimes some folks don't have a choice others do. Really no one should pass judgement or make assumptions about others or ask stupid questions when it comes to childlessness.

Mrs xx

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